𝕣𝕖𝕔𝕣𝕦𝕚𝕥𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥....𝕖𝕩𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕤? | 𝟘𝟙 (𝕞)
pairing; kaisoo and other pairings
summary; how to recruit 101 with professor byun or: the epsilon chi omicron boys over at SMU are looking for ways to recruit new members to add to their tomfoolery
a/n: I’ll try to aim for weekly updates. key word try. I started this on a whim a month ago and I’m only posting it now. If you like crack? College AUs? ot12? Soobooty? Byunbooty? Well, you’re in the right place. This can be found also on archive of our own: ep chi. enjoy :)
"I say we use this to get new recruits,"
Baekhyun, in his full glory, pulls out a godforsaken Zumba box set, headband on his head and work out clothes ready and on his body. Junmyeon looks at him blinks once, twice, looking over to Yifan as if silently asking for his assistance. There was no way in hell they were doing this. No way in hell. They were already weird enough. Not as weird as those Beta Tau Sigma guys over at BHU, but they were pretty out there as well.
"It's either this or Blogilates. You choose oh wise and humble Presidente." the brunette proves that he is not giving this up. Last year, when they recruited Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo, it had been Luhan who'd brought up their recruitment techniques that they'd be using. A wild party that almost got their chapter banned from campus. Their glorious organization that had stood the trials of time for six whole years at this university. SMU was not the university to be throwing stupid, wild parties at. Their sister sorority, Rho Lambda, had been nearly banned for their odd hazing rituals that involved kidnapping foreigner males and holding them hostage, singing and chanting around them and attempting to use them as a blood sacrifice, but then Sigma Lambda, who'd been there for thirteen years, were able to get away with it thought. Seniority and all. But really, the poor recruits had barely made it through the doors of the house alive, but they were some pretty fucking solid recruits. Junmyeon was proud of them. Yifan, being the lousy vice president he is, simply glares at Baekhyun rather than educating him that nobody was going to fucking join this frat if they pulled out the Zumba and the yoga mats. This is a fraternity. Not a sorority.
"You idiot, this is a frat not a sorority. If you want to trot your ass around in spandex shorts-"
" Hyung, that's very closed minded of you," Baekhyun cuts him off, wagging a finger in his face. Yifan just sighs, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. Junmyeon knows this expression and knows that the other male is most likely seething. If he could count the amount of times Yifan threatens to leave on in a day he'd be out of fingers because he threatens to leave a lot.
"We need effective ways to recruit. Not that our numbers are particularly low, but we can definitely afford to add at least five members to the composite," Junmyeon nods over to the framed portrait hung up from last year, with the seniors who'd graduated and moved on, plus the ones still currently there. It was only nine of them left, though Yixing is abroad for a semester. So they're really down to eight guys in this huge ass frat house. They need to go ham and cheese recruiting this year. And Zumba? Not going to work. Jongdae, the resident brodude, raises his hand.
"How about we get the girls from Gamma Gamma to come over and help us out? You know, wet tee shirt contest," he waggles his eyebrows, Chanyeol howling and brofisting him. Actually, that doesn't sound like too bad of an idea. Really.
"No fucking way we're doing that," Kyungsoo bolts, slapping his hands on the table. Obviously opposed. Yifan gives him a look.
"What's wrong with that? Dudes love tits. Wet tits," He says as if that was the most obvious answer. The general consensus of their circle makes noises of agreement. What's the best way to get recruits? Hot sorority girls in wet shirts.
"There's other sexualities out there other than the heteros," Kyungsoo defends, though he does have a point. Minseok, on his phone, agrees with that. He looks up, grinning at them.
"How about we do the same thing? Get out there, go shirtless, and wash some cars too?" Kyungsoo points at him.
" See, that's it!- Wait, shirtless?" he squawks, eyes widening to saucers. Everyone seems to think this over, seriously for a moment. Recruitment is pretty fucking important, and they have to show their asses because they couldn't have people overstepping them. There's a lot of competition for recruitment at SMU, what with all the frats running around. There's only three sororities, but only two are really active. So all the frats really fight over recruits, almost to the death, gladiator style.
"Sounds doable. I mean, I've been working on my summer body all last year and now I've got it and it's not going anywhere. Gotta flaunt this hot bod," Jongdae says, smacking his abdomen through his flimsy tank top.
"Alright! So, is everyone good with this plan of action? Organize a car wash with us doing the washing along with members of the sororities?" Junmyeon even had his own gavel too- how cute. This was their weekly meeting, and as the president, he felt the need for them to make things official, sometimes. The previous president had entrusted Junmyeon with this role and he took it seriously. There was nothing more important than presiding over an entire frat. That would look good on those grad school resumes. When everyone nodded, he banged the gavel. Now to plan.
So this wasn't going too bad. Well, not as bad as he'd thought originally. What he'd expected was chaos; really who even gave them these jobs? When they'd gotten the Gamma Gamma girls in on this, they'd been all gung ho for it, but as soon as it happened Taeyeon was the one with the clipboard, her girls in those tight tan tops and short shorts, visors on and greeting the guys that they were trying desperately to recruit. Junmyeon pouted from his perch at the front door, watching the beagle trio run after each other, looking like fucking idiots. Baekhyun slaps Jongdae so hard with that wet sponge that Junmyeon gets second hand whiplash from the force of it. Yifan just walks around, chatting with guys that showed up, either ogling the girls or ogling the three idiots with expressions that read "what the fuck" clear as sunshiny day. If the Beagle Bros. kept them from getting their new recruits, Junmyeon would not be happy.
"Junmyeon! Head's up!" he hears, thinking fast at the last minute and earning a wet sponge to the face. Of course the culprits were Minseok and Luhan, always acting like freshman when they'd be graduating next year. Junmyeon huffs, slowly rising from his lawn chair and ready to march over and give them his can I speak to the manager mom voice, but what he gets instead is three males walking to him, being led by Yifan who has this large, eerily gummy smile on his face.
"These three want to join our brotherhood," he says, voice low. The one with the bronze complexion stiffens at this. Oh boy. Yifan does this thing when he's meeting new potential recruits where he drops his voice and gets all creepy on them. Uses this scary, deep voice to "weed out the weenies" as Luhan says. All it does is makes him look like a bigger weeb than he already is. Junmyeon smiles though, being pleasant because the three look bored, terrified, and as if they want to be anywhere but here. In that order from left to right.
"Really? Well it's nice to meet you three! I'm sure you've all talked to Yifan, but I'm the president of Epsilon Chi Omicron, Kim Junmyeon," he says, hoping he doesn't sound too eager. He waits for one to answer, this time it being the blonde with the bored expression.
"Oh Sehun. Freshman. Engineering major," he says leading the other to clumsily follow behind.
"Huang Zitao. Freshman. Music major and international student,"
"Kim Jongin. Freshman. Dance major,"
They all sound like lovely kids. They look the part too. Though Junmyeon doesn't mention how he has to look up at the three freshman, he the tiny junior. Woe is he.
"Are you three enjoying the event so far?" he asks, being polite and playing his part. Eager to get them because it must be fate that they needed three members and three kids, the ones in front of him, wanted in on their frat. The one named Zitao nods, looking around.
"It's nice. The girls are nice too," there's a flush to his cheeks as he locks eyes with one of the girls, who throws him a wink. Junmyeon wonders how he'd react to the parties. He'd be the first one to get drunk off his ass, he's willing to bet.
"Well, how about I pitch Ep Chi to you guys. Sounds fair?" he asks. The three nod, and Junmyeon puts on his best president voice, clapping his hands together. "Alright, so you're freshmen right? That's good. We need some fresh, young faces around here," he starts, leading them along to tour the house. The three follow, and Junmyeon keeps talking.
"So, we were established on campus in 2012. The original founding class had twelve members, who've all graduated by now. I think the only ones who really remember the members of the first class are me, Luhan, Minseok, and Yixing. I'm sure you guys already met Luhan and Minseok," he pointed to the stairs standing in the front entrance. "Let's start with a tour,"
"Noona! Taeyeon noona!" Baekhyun calls, wiggling his fingers at the president of Gamma Gamma, who just looks at him and grimaces a little, hurrying off to further instruct her girls and make sure they're not out of supplies. Chanyeol claps him on the back, knowing that poor Baekhyun has been pinning for her since forever. Probably even before they got here.
"It's okay man, you'll get her eventually," he's Baekhyun's best friend and hype bro- Jongdae included. Speaking of Jongdae-
"Yo! that's my cousin Jongin!" he hollers, pointing to the brunette who follows Junmyeon and two other guys into the frat house. "I didn't know he was going Ep Chi man I'm psyched. Just imagine us, cousins first, then bros," he says, stroking his chin. Baekhyun nods, agreeing.
"You two can be like me and Baekbeom. Remember he was in the first class here," he reminds them, reaching for his beer and taking a swing. It's Jongdae's beer.
"My sister wasn't in a sorority in college, which sucks. She could've introduced me to sorority girls," Chanyeol whines, ignoring the death glare Jongdae gives Baekhyun for snatching his beer.
"Well I got in here without Baekbeom, and I'm sure Jongin will get in without your help. But like I mean if you need to help him out, totally do it dude," he says, watching the three return, Junmyeon leading them like ducklings. He seems to be guiding them along, like they were babies. Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "They're not going to want to join if he keeps being all mom with them. We've got to intervene," he declares, grabbing both males and heading towards where the president has the three possible recruits, leading them along like a mother duck.
“Here is where our first party as a frat was held. Right in this lawn space. Our founding members busted their asses to get the chapter going and well, their hard work paid off. I’m sure you three will love it here,” Junmyeon says, turning to the three with a proud smile. But, the three are in various moods. Sehun’s on his phone, typing away, Jongin looks like he’s about to fall asleep, and Zitao’s peeking over Sehun’s shoulder as he types and scrolls. Junmyeon sighs. His anxiety skyrockets as he sees Beagle Line waltzing over- more like Baekhyun dragging the other two. When they’re closer, Jongdae claps Jongin on the back, startling him.
“Bro! Didn’t know you were into the whole frat life!” he yelps, a little louder than needed. Jongin blinks, looking at the other two he’d arrived with, but nods bashfully.
“Yeah. Mom said it’d look good on a resume, and plus all my friends are doing it so why not?”
“You chose the right place. Look, ignore what Suho’s saying, and listen,” Jongdae says, pulling him away. Baekhyun latches to Zitao, batting pretty lashes at him while Chanyeol snatches Sehun, throwing his arms around his shoulders. Junmyeon watches in horror as the three drag the boys over to where Kyungsoo is sitting, near the cooler with all their beer.
“They can’t drink alcohol! They’re underage!” he urges, hurrying after them as Jongdae reaches down, grabbing three cool bottles and hands each boy one. He squints at Junmyeon.
“Look, you’re telling them all the boring stuff. It’s nice and all that we have cool history but really, guys don’t care about that. What they care about are the three b’s: boobs, bitches, and beer,” Baekhyun speaks up.
“Boobs and bitches are the same thing, Baekhyun.”
“You mean the three p’s? Pussy, Parties, and Pregaming?” Chanyeol offers. Baekhyun scratches his chin.
“Yes? But not just pregaming because we get hella lit during the parties too,”
“But we need three letters for each,” Chanyeol insists. Zitao snaps his fingers.
“Alcohol, Ass, and A Lit Party.” The three beagles look at him, amazed. Junmyeon groans, burying his face in his hands.
“You’re perfect. ” Baekhyun coos.
“You’re sure you’re not drunk? We’re not going to be responsible for you vomiting all over Taeyeon’s girls,” Kyungsoo asks, eyes narrowing over his prescription sunglasses as he washes the tenth car, seeing that Yifan is grinding up against another girl from Rho Lambda. But his attention is currently on Junmyeon, who’s guzzling at his fifth beer. It wasn’t like it was all bad- really, the three potential recruits were fitting in pretty well. Maybe a little too well for Junmyeon, considering they’re positively tipsy and the Beagle Line aren’t making it any better. They just keep throwing girls and beer at them. And of course the three are eating it up. He’d swore he’d seen Zitao’s hands up Yuri’s skirt at some point. The girl did nothing to push him away. Kyungsoo shudders at the thought. Heteros had no control of their hormones. Junmyeon shakes his head vigorously.
“Drunk? I’m the president. I never get drunk!” he’s obviously drunk. Kyungsoo’s standing two feet away and can smell the musty beer on his breath. He sighs, wringing the sponge out and continues on the back window.
“You know, maybe blogilates wasn’t that bad of an idea. I mean, I wasn’t about to prance my ass around in yoga pants and stretch but I mean Baekhyun could’ve lured guys in like that. This is cool and all but look- I don’t see them participating. And yes, you’re drunk,” he says, giving Junmyeon a look. He positively misses it, huffing. Jongin, bless is heart, comes over, giving Kyungsoo a harsh smack on the ass. Said male makes a noise of surprise and slight arousal and stiffens. He sighs, through his nose, and looks over at the younger male.
“May I help you?” he says cordially, tempted to throw the sponge in his face. But Jongin’s cheeks are pink from the beer- how one gets drunk off beer is beyond him- but it’s a little cute, Kyungsoo can’t lie about that. The aloof look on Jongin’s face morphs, and he gives the older male a playful grin.
“Your ass is fatter than any girl’s I’ve ever seen. You’re in this frat?”
Kyungsoo looks at him, eyes widening to saucers and blinks owlishly twice, before squinting at him through the sunglasses, turning his head back around as he continues at the window. “Yeah, I’m obviously wearing the letters on my shirt,”
“My bad. I was too busy looking at how nice your ass looks bent over this car,”
He chokes. He actually fucking chokes. What is this kid on. Kyungsoo laughs, but there’s little amusement there. “You’re a bold kid, you know that?” he says, side eyeing the other male as he reaches a little further, on his tip toes to get to the top of the car’s back window. Jongin sees this and slides behind him.
“Here, let me help you out,” he leans over, across Kyungsoo from behind, and presses into him, hand taking the sponge and moving to reach where Kyungsoo can’t. Kyungsoo’s brain is short circuiting. Freaking the fuck out. He looks around. Minseok and Luhan are chatting with some more of the Rho Lambda girls. Zitao’s got Yuri in his lap, Soonyoung leaning over his back and playing in his hair. Sehun’s sipping from a red solo cup of god knows what, talking to Chanyeol who’s obnoxiously laughing at something. Baekhyun’s following Taeyeon around like the lost puppy he was, and poor Junmyeon was having a conversation with his beer bottle. Yifan was still grinding on Wendy. Jongdae’s off brofisting some guy from what Kyungsoo thinks is a chapter at another school but the thought still stands. Nobody’s witnessing this kid basically trying to get his dick between his cheeks.
“I got it, thanks,” Kyungsoo slides from between Jongin and the car, side stepping and getting the fuck away to keep from headbutting or slapping him with the stupid sponge. Jongin hovers, still, making a face at the rejection. Kyungsoo doesn’t think that letting him in is a good idea, unsure if he’s acting all dumb because he’s drunk or if he’s really into Kyungsoo’s ass or something. An ass guy? Of course, he and Baekhyun have the best asses in all of the Epsilon Chi Omega- asses that don’t quit. They’d gotten Kyungsoo drunk enough to squeeze him into those godforsaken velvet shorts last month to make a twerk video with Baekhyun that had circulated the entirety of South Korea at this point and possibly the surrounding countries, so everyone knows he’s got a nice ass. This kid had entier seen it or this was his first time laying eyes on the Soobooty but cute or not, he wasn’t having it.
“You better get your boy before I cut his dick off,” He hisses at Jongdae as he strides over, throwing his arm around Jongin’s shoulder. Kyungsoo had sat back down, but Jongin was still hovering, still asking to let him see how that ass bounces. Literally, his exact fucking words. Jongdae looks at him quizzically, seeing Kyungsoo has his legs crossed and his eyes glued to his fucking phone. Jongin has the nerve to look guilty but he’s really not.
“He’s got a fat ass. I’ve never seen one quite like it. It puts Sehun’s to shame even,” he boldly tells his cousin, triggering an obnoxious laugh from the resident tyrannosaurus rex. Kyungsoo glares at them both.
“Alas, my precious Nini, he does. Have you seen Baekhyun’s?”
“Yes. His ass isn’t as fat,” he says flatly, blank expression on his face. Jongdae makes a strangled yet amused noise. He looks over at Kyungsoo, grinning.
“You’ve gained a new admirer I see,”
“Both of you have .5 seconds before I kick you both back into your father’s nutsac-”
“I’m so sorry! He’s out of pocket, I know,” The trio turn their heads to see Yifan pulling Junmyeon away, who’s hunched over. Hyoyeon’s covered in vomit- it’s all over her shirt. Kyungsoo sighs loudly as the scene unfolds, Taeyeon tearing away from a frantic Baekhyun to tend to her girl.
“Very out of pocket,” the woman grumbles, fretting over the shirt. Hyoyeon is freaking out, groaning and looking green.
“I can’t believe the fucker puked on me! Get it off it stinks!”
“We’re leaving. Come on, let’s get back so we can get you cleaned up,” Taeyeon says, ignoring Yifan. Her girls herd over to her, Zitao making a strangled noise as Yuri leaves his lap. It’s like the Rho Lambda girls decide it’s time to go too, after Gamma Gamma makes their leave, Hyoyeon glaring as Taeyeon leads her to their house a few houses down. Yifan watches the girls leave as Zitao glares.
“Well, all the ass left. Thanks a lot.” he huffs. Jongin yells over to them.
“Don’t worry! Kyungsoo hyung has plenty to go around!” he calls, causing Kyungsoo to kick him in the shin and Jongdae to choke on laughter. Kyungsoo hates them all.
“So the dean isn’t too happy with our little recruitment get together,” Yifan says two days later when they’re sober, showered, and sitting in the living room. He runs a hand through his hair. “Taeyeon complained and all the girls backed her up. We’re not even allowed to hand out bids anymore,”
“Bro, please tell me you’re joking,” Chanyeol says, looking pale as a sheet. Yifan rubs a hand over his face.
“I wish I was. But thanks to El Presidente, we’ve got out foot almost out the door. As in the chapter is this close to being suspended.” Everybody glares at Junmyeon who whines.
“Come on! It’s not entirely my fault,”
“Oh no, it is. Everything was fine before you started chugging your bodyweight in beer. Really, what got into you?” Yifan’s fussing. Yifan rarely fusses. Junmyeon feels scolded and groans.
“We need those three! They fit in so well with us!” Luhan whines, making an anguished sound. Kyungsoo shakes his head.
“Zitao and the blonde one are fine. Jongin is a no go,” Jongdae splutters with laughter.
“He’s just mad that Jongin tried to clap them cheeks at the car wash,” he points out. Kyungsoo throws a shoe at them.
“It’s only three members, can’t they let us slide with just three?” Junmyeon ignores the hoodrattery going on, looking at Yifan with that expression that makes him look constipated. Yifan hates that expression. He nibbles on his lip.
“I can talk to the Greek Life representative. And then meet with the dean again. Sending you would be a bad idea so for once I’m exercising my VP privileges and I’ll try. We need more chinese members anyways,” he insists and everybody sighs in relief.
“I’m serious. If he touches me again his dick will be thrown in the Han River. Jongdae I’m serious don’t fucking laugh at me!”
