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Robron Week - Day 7

What if...the lodge didn’t happen, and Robert and Chrissie were still together when the helicopter crashed?

Take a chance, make a change

“You don’t have to rush off.” Robert’s leaning back against the headboard, eyes on his phone, hair all over the place thanks to Aaron’s fingers. “We’ve got plenty of time.”

“Debbie’s wedding remember?” He gulps back the last of his coffee and looks up as he catches Robert’s gaze. “So, where does she think you are this time?”

“Harrogate. Are you free tonight?”

“Never been to a Dingle party have you? Not tonight.”

“Tomorrow then?” He sighed.

“How long is this going on for?”

“Why? You bored already?” He puts his phone down at last, stares right at him, and he almost wishes he wouldn’t because those eyes are addicting and make it very hard to say no to him.

It’s been nine months give or take, nine months of wanting Robert to leave his wife, nine months of secret meetings, looks across the bar. He can’t say he didn’t know what he was getting into but a part of him had hoped Robert would leave Chrissie, despite his assurances he wouldn’t. Maybe that made Aaron an idiot but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t keep away from him.

“You know I’m not, but we both know it can’t go on forever. Maybe you need to finally make up your mind.” He grabs his jeans from the floor, tugging them on.

“Aaron, you know it’s not that simple.”

“It is though. You say you love me, but you won’t leave her. So either you’re lying to me, or there’s somethin’ else going on.” Robert starts to protest but he’s heard it all before. “I don’t have time to hear more excuses Robert. You know what I think.”

“Are you ending it?”

“If I did?” Robert doesn’t answer and Aaron’s knows what would happen. His face says it all. “That’s what I thought.”

He leaves then, because if he stays he knows what will happen, Robert will talk, make it all sound perfect and he’ll fall for it like he had before. It wasn’t that he wanted to end it. It wasn’t like he wanted to settle down particularly, but he’d never liked having to hide. It was too much effort, exhausting some days.

When he gets home his Mum is flitting round the back room, already dressed in her outfit. He doesn’t want to get stopped by her and questioned about where he’d been. She was still convinced he was seeing Robert and there were only so many lies he could tell and keep his conscience happy. She didn’t get it, she didn’t get him. Either of them.

His phone lights up as he’s tying his tie. Robert. He makes himself ignore it. It won’t hurt him to have to wait. Maybe he’ll think on what he said.

There had been days when he’d imagined going up to Home Farm and telling Chrissie everything, in excruciating detail, and ending it that way. Part of him wanted to, every time he thought about all the harsh words Robert had said to him. But there was the other side to Robert, the one that he didn’t let many people see.

He probably thinks Aaron doesn’t notice, but when they risk going out, far from home, he sees the look on his face when no one bats an eyelid at the two of them, and he realises he’s scared.

Aaron knows how that feels, knows what it’s like to have your secret talked about before you’re ready, and as much as he wants Robert for himself, he’s not going to be the one to do make it public.

He’s not really in the mood for a wedding. After all the last one he went to had been Robert’s. He supposed at least he could get drunk. That sounded really good right now, to forget everything for a little while.

His phone lights up again, this time it’s Adam. His mate is going through his own stuff and he feels guilty that maybe he’s not been there as much as he should have been the past few weeks. He texts back telling him to meet him outside the church. If the wedding’s a blow out they can always go into Hotten.

His luck is out and his Mum catches him on his way down the stairs.

“Where were you last night?”

“At a mates like I told you.” He pushes her hand away as she goes to straighten his tie like he’s five years old.

“You’ve acquired a lot of mates just recently haven’t you.”

“I can be a social outcast if you prefer?”

“Hmm, well, as long as it’s just mates that you’re seeing. Victoria told me that Robert’s gone away. On business apparently.” It’s like she can see into his head and he has to fight not to let it show on his face.

“Wow, that’s really front page news. You should call the Courier.”

“Don’t get smart with me! I don’t want you going back there.”

“For the last time I’m not!” She stares at him and he wants to squirm under the scrutiny. She looks away first, looking at her watch.

“We’re going to be late. You go on, I’ve got to check the kitchen.”

He leaves the pub with a sigh, feels guilty for lying but she just doesn’t understand. She doesn’t see the same Robert as he does. The one when they’re alone, when he lets the walls drop. He knows that chances are she never will but he’s spent too long doing things for other people. For as long as it lasts, he’ll make the most of it.

“Oi faceache! What’s the matter with you?” Adam’s slumped on the bench by the church looking miserable. “Is it Vic? Has she changed her mind about everything?”

“No. She’s great.”

“But…”

“It’s not fair is it? Me saddling her with a kid.”

“I’d say she’s made her choice and you know as well as I do that Vic doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want.”

“Look at you with all the advice! What’s got into you?” He shrugs. He hates keeping secrets from Adam, but his mate has a big mouth and it’s too risky.

He’s itching to text Robert back, always has by now, but a part of him wants to make him wait, make him know what it’s like, always waiting for a call or text.

“I hope you’re pleased with yourself!” He looks up to see Rhona glaring at Adam, something about Vanessa leaving.

Sometimes he thinks about leaving, him and Robert, taking off to where no one knows them, start again. It’s a ridiculous dream though.

“I’ve had enough of this. I’ll see you later.” Adam sighs when Rhona’s gone.

“I’ll come with you.”

“Nah mate. I’d rather be on me own.” He slopes off and Aaron checks his phone again before he stuffed in his pocket.

*****

Robert stays in the hotel when Aaron’s gone. He’d told Chrissie he’d be out all day so he can’t go home without awkward questions. He’d wanted to spend the day with Aaron but the blasted wedding had got in the way. He hadn’t been invited, not that he’d expected to be. Debbie was hardly his biggest fan and Pete, well he was alright but he seemed a bit of a bore.

His Dad would’ve liked him, he thinks idly, texting Aaron again. He was frustrated that he’d not answered. He knew he was annoyed, he’d had that look, the same one he always got whenever Chrissie was mentioned. He knew what Aaron wanted, he wanted him all to hisself. Not that Robert didn’t want that, at least a part of him did. He often imagined it. It wasn’t that simple though.

Aaron wouldn’t be the one losing everything, all that he’d worked for the past few years. Maybe it was wrong that he craved success, the money, but he’d spent long enough without either to ever want to go back there.

There was no good way for it to happen. Chrissie would go spare, her chucking him out would be the least of his worries. He’d have nothing, and likely his family would turn their back on him too, like they always did.

He did love her, it wasn’t just about the money like everyone thought. He wasn’t just the trophy husband, that everyone thought he was.. The problem was he’d begun to feel trapped, stifled almost. Living with Lawrence had never been on the agenda and had made everything feel so much worse. He knew he was just waiting for his chance to send Robert packing with a flea in his ear.

All of that he could cope with if he had to, no the real reason why he and Aaron couldn’t be anything more. Every time he imagined it, it all came rushing back. The words, the throbbing bruises that had ached for days, each one a reminder. The look in his Dad’s eyes was the worst though. Disappointment was nothing new, but the look of disgust, that he could never banish from his mind.

He could tell himself he didn’t care all he liked, could pretend he hated his Dad, didn’t care what he thought, when all he’d wanted was him to understand, to listen, to support him, to not make him feel like he’d failed.

All he wanted was to be loved, unconditionally.

He knew he could tell Aaron all of it, he’d understand, he knew that. Aaron hadn’t had it easy either. If he did though, then he’d be making it all real. Once he said it out loud then he had to face it and he wasn’t ready to do that. He didn’t know if he ever would be.

All the others before had never got him like this, but Aaron, he’d got under his skin, pretty much from the moment they’d met, before he even knew there could be a chance.

Everything was such a mess. That at least was something he was good at, he thought bitterly. He couldn’t lose Aaron, he knew that much. They’d been through too much for him to just walk away. He just couldn’t give up Chrissie either.

He texts him one more tie before getting up. He’d go to the scrapyard, maybe there he could get some peace until he could safely go home without getting the third degree.

*****

The office is stifling, but it’s quiet and he manages to clear the paperwork that Aaron and Adam were so fond of leaving to the last minute. He’s almost dozing off in the heat when he hears a crash from outside. Looking out of the window he sees Adam.

“Why aren’t you at the wedding?”

“Not my thing. Vic said you were on business somewhere didn’t she?”

“Got back early. Are you working?”

“May as well shift some of this. Are you gonna help?”

“Nah. Can’t be getting these clothes dirty can I?” He ducks back into the office leaving him to it. They get on well enough but he’s not sure they’ll ever be friends. As long as Vic was happy then he’d leave them be. He’s just about to lock up an hour or so later when he hears a bang and flames shoot up outside the window.

He freezes. All of a sudden he’s fourteen and standing outside the barn listening to his Mum scream. He can almost taste the smoke like he did that night, and his chest feels tight.

“Robert!” The faint shout reaches his ears and it knocks him back to the present. It’s Adam. He manages to make himself move, rushing down the steps, trying not to look at the flames that are far too close for comfort.

“Adam?”

“Here! I’m stuck.” He scrambles over to him, sees him trapped under a heap of metal sheets. “I slipped and this lot came down on me. I was draining the tank of that car and…I don’t know what happened. Somethin’ must’ve sparked.”

When he gets closer he sees that it’s not heavy, it’s just at such an angle that Adam can’t free himself easily. As he finally gets it to budge a little he realises just how close the flames are to reaching the gas tanks stored behind the portacabin.

Adam’s eyes follow his and he starts panicking. “Adam! Look at me. If you panic then I can’t do this. One more try, yeah?”

“You should go.”

“Yeah? You think Aaron would ever forgive me for leaving ya?”

“Not like you’re mates is it?”

“Well this might make him like me a bit more. Now come on. When I shift this, you free your leg. Right, go!”

Someone is clearly looking down on him because this time the metal gives enough for Adam to move and the two of them stumble away. He’s dragging his phone from his pocket when they’re blown backwards by the explosion.

It’s almost in slow motion. There’s more loud bangs and he sees one of the tanks fly into the air. Then he notices the helicopter.

He throws his phone at Adam shouts for him to call 999 and then he runs. He’s far enough away from the village that he sees it, sees the helicopter heading straight for them, the stupid fairground that’s suddenly appeared, the village hall where everyone is partying away.

There’s nothing he can do, there’s no time and he’s no phone to call anyone with. All he can do is watch in horror as the helicopter spins out of control before crashing into the hall.

His heart is beating out of his chest as he runs again. He has to get to them, to Victoria, to Diane.

To Aaron.

He can’t lose him, not now. He just can’t.

As he gets closer he can hear the shouts, the screams and he swallows back his fear, thinking about what he might find. Images of Vic or Aaron’s broken body flash before him and he pushes them away, keeps running.

There’s people and smoke everywhere and the sense of relief when he sees Vic knelt on the ground by the slide, tending to someone he can’t recognise, is so strong it almost stops him in his tracks. He hears her cry out his name and then he’s got her in his arms, never wants to let go, memories stronger than ever again.

“I don’t know what happened. Pete and Debbie were arguing and then…”

“There was an accident, at the yard. Adam’s there.” She grips his arms tightly. “He’s fine, I promise. I left him calling for help. Where’s Diane?”

“I don’t know. Andy’s with the kids at Laurel’s but I haven’t seen Diane.” He feels a flash of guilt that he’d forgotten Andy but he can’t let it linger. He has to know about Aaron.

“Vic. Where’s Aaron?”

“I don’t…he was next to Finn, I think. They were right under…” She trails off and he holds her tight again. He has to be alright, he has to.

“Stay here, alright? Call for help or something., but don’t follow me.”

“Rob, no! You can’t!” She tries clinging to his arm but he shakes her off.

“I have to. You don’t understand. I have to Vic.” He doesn’t give her chance to say anything else, just runs inside.

He can’t see, there’s dust and debris everywhere and sparks shooting from the helicopter lodged in the roof. He can hear someone calling for Pete, James most likely, but all he cares about is getting to Aaron.

A few minutes of fruitless searching later he sees Chas, hair and suit covered in dust and he makes his way over to her.

“Chas! Where’s Aaron?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Is now really the time? Have you seen him? Vic said he was in here.”

“He was with Finn.” She keeps searching, calling his name. “Robert! Here!”

“Aaron!” He’s kneeling by his side before he knows it. He’s face down and he can see his arm is bleeding but not much else. He’s breathing though, that’s the important thing. “We have to get him out.”

“You shouldn’t move him.”

“I’m no expert, but that,” He points up at the wreckage. “Isn’t going to stay there forever and I don’t fancy our chances if it comes down on top of us.”

“Leave then.” He grits his teeth, trying to keep his temper.

“Chas, whatever you think of me, can we put it to one side and focus on Aaron? You can call me whatever you want later.” She grumbles a little but between them they manage to get him outside. Robert can hear the sirens approaching. “Chas, go and get them, tell them he needs help now!”

Thankfully she listens and goes. Robert just looks down at him, brushing the dust off his face, hands finding his hair. “You’re going to be ok. You have to be, you hear?”

He doesn’t let him go until the paramedics are there and he doesn’t go far, stands next to Chas, offering her his coat when he sees she’s shaking.

“You’re back with him, aren’t you?” She hisses as they work on Aaron. He doesn’t answer, there’s no point. “Why can’t you leave him alone?”

“Why do you think? I don’t run into buildings to save just anyone.”

“You expect me to believe you have actual feelings for him?”

“This isn’t the time. I’m coming too.” He says as the paramedics announce they’re leaving.

“Oh no you’re not!”

“Chas, please!”

“Aren’t you worried your secret will be out?” She hisses again, one foot on the step to the ambulance.

“Right now I couldn’t care less. All I care about is knowing that he’s ok.” She must sense he’s sincere because she just gets on and sits down. He follows her, mind too full of worry to actually consider what he’s done.

*****

They have nothing to do but wait at the hospital and he’s never been the most patient man. Chas is the other side of the room throwing glares in his direction in between pacing anxiously.

People come and go and he idly hopes that Diane is ok, but he can’t call because Adam still has his phone. What feels like hours is probably just minutes but when a doctor finally finds them he feels like he’s been sat there for days.

“How is he?” He’s by Chas’s side in seconds as the doctor runs off a list of injuries, most of them minor, but when he says Aaron is still unconscious his head starts spinning.

“But he will wake up?”

“As I said he probably suffered a blow to the head from falling debris and we’ll have to wait and see. The next few hours will tell us more. I’ll send someone to fetch you soon so you can sit with him.”

“You can go now.” Chas spits when they’re alone.

“No. I want to know he’s alright.”

“You heard the doctor.”

“He’s not awake. Look, Chas I know you hate me but I care about Aaron. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“Still stringing him along though aren’t you? Him and Chrissie. My son deserves better than you!”

“Why can you never trust him to make his own decisions? He’s not a child anymore.”

“I do trust him. Just not around you.” She stops when she sees a nurse at the door.

“You can see Aaron now, if you’d like.”

“Chas…” He has to see him. There’s no point staying here with her like this, but he has to see him first. “Let me see him. Please, just for a minute. Then I’ll go.”

He can tell how reluctant she is but eventually she nods and he lets the nurse lead them to Aaron’s room. He’s no hope of her letting him in alone but it’s better than nothing. Aaron’s just still and so un-Aaron like that it scares him. He sits by the bed, happier now that he can see him, touch him. He holds on tight to his hand, trying to ignore Chas standing by the door ready to turf him out any second.

“Can’t keep out of trouble, can you? Hmm? If you didn’t want to meet up later, this was a bit extreme.” He laughs a little. “I’m going to go so your Mum can sit with you, but I’ll come back later. I think she might injure me if not.” He gets to his feet, hesitates but leans down to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Finished?”

“For now. I’ll be back when he’s awake. Chas…I know you hate me, but…when he wakes up, will you call me?” He gets nothing more than a nod and then she’s letting him pass.

He doesn’t know what to do when he leaves the hospital. He feels different, like everything is finally in focus. The prospect of losing Aaron, even if he now knew he’d be fine has made things clear. He can’t keep doing this, things have to change. He’s been kidding himself for too long that he could walk away from Aaron, go back to Chrissie and forget him.

He can’t, not any more.

#robron week 2019 #rw2019 #this is far from perfect #But my house is upside down #maybe a part 2 if it’s wanted #we’ll See #robron fic