No One Better Than Phil
@radical-flaar-queen you wanted me to tag you so here you go :)
Word count: a little over 800
Warnings: angst, crying, teen!phan, nothing else that I can think of but feel free to let me know if there is anything :)
Summary: Dan and Phil have dated before, twice. Both times because of a late night text. Will a third late night message do the same thing? After all, third time’s a charm.
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Dan held his phone in his hands, chewing on his lip as his thumb hovered over ‘send’. He knew that if he sent it there was a chance he would mess up their friendship, but there was also a chance that Phil liked him back. Being 14 was confusing, especially since he’d dated Phil twice before and didn’t know why those feelings were still there.
The first time they’d dated, Dan hadn’t expected it. It was late on an August night when the text had come through and merely two minutes later, his best friend was also his boyfriend. Almost a month after that they broke up, Phil telling Dan that he was confused about his sexuality and needed to sort it out. Dan had held onto his feelings, waiting for Phil to be ready.
The second time they went out was almost a month after they broke up, yet another late night message, this time from Dan. He had almost forgotten how to breathe when Phil had said yes, Dan crossing his fingers and hoping Phil had everything sorted out. Two weeks after that, they were broken up again for the same reason.
Dan didn’t know what he should do. He didn’t know if this was merely a strong attraction or infatuation or if this feeling was actually love. He’d never been in love before, but he’d never felt this strongly towards anyone either. He pressed ‘send’ before he could overthink it too much and chicken out. Once it was sent, there was no way for him to.
As soon as he saw that Phil had seen it he text Chris, needing the moral support. He was terrified of what he’d just done, terrified that Phil would say no or hate him, that Phil would say yes and Dan would mess something up, that Phil would completely ignore his message like he had in the past.
Almost 10 minutes had passed before he got a response from Phil. Reading it with his heart in his mouth, Dan didn’t know what to say or think. Phil liked him, which he was glad about, but didn’t feel like he was ready for a relationship just yet. Dan could feel the tears pricking at his eyes, but he respected Phil. He wouldn’t pressure Phil to do anything. He would wait until Phil was ready for a relationship, and then try again.
After letting Phil know that he understood and could wait, he sent Chris screenshots of what had happened. He felt a tear slip down his cheek and furiously wiped it away. He didn’t need to cry. Phil liked him. Surely that should have made Dan happy. It did make Dan happy. What made Dan upset was the waiting part. He was moving to the other side of the country at the end of the year, and he was certain that Phil wouldn’t want a long distance relationship.
Dan knew this because Phil had a long distance relationship in the past, when he moved from London to Manchester, and he’d been cheated on. He knew that Phil wouldn’t want to risk that again, even if Dan would never cheat. That was what was breaking Dan.
He didn’t know how long he was supposed to wait for Phil, he didn’t know how long he could wait for Phil. He didn’t want to move down to Wokingham with feelings for a boy on the other side of the country, and that was what he was scared of. If they weren’t able to go out before the end of the year, they never would.
Dan heard a text arrive on his phone, looking at who it was from and seeing it was from Phil. He didn’t want to talk to Phil at the moment, not when the boy didn’t know how easily he’d broken Dan. He sobbed into his pillow, not able to hold it back anymore. He was pretty sure he loved Phil, he definitely wanted to be with Phil as more than just friends, but he clearly couldn’t. If Phil wasn’t ready, Dan wouldn’t pressure him to be.
Only three days into the year, and Dan had cried on every single one. Nothing was working for him, it seemed as though he was cursed. His brain apparently enjoyed tormenting him, as he couldn’t get the message out of his mind.
‘At this time I think you deserve better than what I can provide for you’
There is no one better than Phil.
‘I am currently not in the right mindset for a serious relationship’
What if they were just friends that hugged and kissed and said that they loved each other?
‘I would find it difficult to have a serious relationship’
Relationships are difficult, but the problems need to be worked through together.
Dan fell asleep with his face shoved in his pillow and dried tears staining his cheeks.
