I was rewatching S01E17: Ruler for the @macgyverrewatch2020, and I couldn't help but explore a bit of Mac's feelings about having Bozer on an op that went so badly. I wrote a little something - hope you enjoy!
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The Phoenix jet was quiet, and the lights were almost all dimmed. They were finally on their way home. When he was sure everyone else was sleeping, Mac slipped out of his seat and silently stepped into the bathroom. It was the only place on the jet that he could be sure to have privacy.
He never would have guessed that Bozer’s first field op would go the way this one had. Disavowed and left stranded in a foreign country. While he always knew that being disavowed was a risk he took every time he went out into the field, he didn’t think it would actually happen.
That wasn’t the worst part though. He never, ever, <i>ever</i> wanted Bozer near a bomb. Standing in the van while Jack swerved around cars and pedestrians, his brain had stuttered as he fought to push aside his fear for Bozer’s life. It had nearly taken too long to do the calculations necessary to find a safe place for the detonation.
After they were all knocked off their feet by the explosion, Mac had looked at Bozer first, making sure his best friend didn’t have a scratch on him. Relief flooded him when he saw that Boze was unscathed, and he’d felt shaky for a long moment as they sat watching the flames. Then, Riley, and the nearby sirens, brought him back to reality.
Mac felt the responsibility of getting Bozer – and Riley and Jack – home safely. He knew that Jack would rather shoulder that burden, and most days, Mac was okay with sharing it, but not today. Today, his best friend – his brother for all intents and purposes – had nearly been killed, and Mac had brought him into this life. Just like he’d brought Riley in by releasing her handcuffs that day in supermax. While he hadn’t brought Jack into the life, and the opposite was actually true, Mac knew Jack would never leave as long as Mac was a field agent. They were all there because of him.
His hands were shaking, and Mac clenched them into fists. He slid down the wall to sit with his knees pulled up this chest and his arms wrapped around his knees. He just needed a minute to let the fear and uncertainty and worry release so that he could take a full breath and go back out there like nothing was wrong. Like this mission had been as normal as any other mission instead of one of the worst ones he’d ever taken part in. </p>