i decided a long time ago that bernie wound up marrying an asexual woman from the trading flotilla. considering bernie is "ayla's" (in the same way hari is mara's and lind is nic's) i then thought about what bernie's wife's relationship with ayla specifically might be. so here's raisa!
---
Raisa was sitting in the courtyard, letting the water from the roof drip onto her legs before it reached the thirsty plants below. It was interesting, how every bit of the village seemed to have multiple purposes. Some of the roofs collected rainwater, some of the roofs charged heat-stones, some of the roofs were little gardens themselves. It didn't have a unified aesthetic, except for how it had all been built by the same hands.
Raisa loved this village. She had since the first time she was allowed to come, instead of hanging back with the nanny ship. It was so eclectic and alive and lived-in. This village had never been taken over by a gang of rich people and turned to their interests, or sucked dry by an entitled noble, or run ahead of its own resource production until it dried up and began to decay. It was a mish-mash of aesthetics and purposes, unified by the desire to help everyone.
She wasn't sure how much the villagers would want her around, after the fight she'd just had with Bernie. Bernie was one of the headwoman's kids, which meant she was also one of the Destroyer's kids. They were beloved by the entire village, but the anger of the two most important people in the village--one of whom was a literal god!--was the real danger. She didn't think they'd tell the fleet to fuck off, but they might ask the captains to not have Raisa come.
She was near tears again before she realized it.
She loved this village, of course, but she was really upset about Bernie. She'd tried so hard not to mess things up this time. She'd tried so hard.
"Hey, Raisa," someone called. Raisa looked up to see it was Bernie's mother, the village headwoman. Raisa couldn't help cringing a little.
The village headwoman, who, like the rest of her village, didn't seem to have a family name and therefore everyone simply called Ayla, didn't seem to notice. She beckoned Raisa and said, "Come take a walk with me."
She was in for it now, Raisa thought, but it wasn't like she didn't get it. She'd be pissed at someone for fighting with Bernie too, if she wasn't the one doing it. She glumly got to her feet and followed Ayla down the street to the fields.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. The moist ground smelled greener than the dankest parts of a ship. Some of the other members of the fleet didn't like it, but Raisa always had. Sure, it meant she wasn't on the sea, but it meant she was on good land, at least.
As they reached the far end of the fields, where they'd be able to see anyone approaching them from pretty far away, well before they could be overheard, Ayla said, "So Bernie told me you had a fight."
Raisa sighed. "Yes, ma'am," she said.
Ayla frowned at her. "I'm not going to yell at you," she said. "Or I don't intend to, at least. You've been to enough family dinners now, I think you know I'm not always prepared to get so...worked up."
"Yes, ma'am," Raisa said. "Thank you."
"Do you like having sex with Bernie?" Ayla asked.
Raisa hesitated, because Ayla would hardly be asking if Bernie hadn't told her about the fight. "I don't hate it," she said.
Ayla sighed. "Kiddo," she murmured. Which was a little condescending, Raisa was twenty-eight, but Ayla had been running this village since she was nineteen, and she was old enough to be Raisa's mother.
When Raisa started dating Bernie, people asked her if she was intimidated to be dating one of Mara's children, and did she worry about being smited if she fucked something up. Which was silly, because for all that Mara was the god of destruction, he was a harmless funny uncle as far as Raisa was concerned. She just couldn't square the idea of Mara the Destroyer with the man who used to toss rocks up into the air and disintegrate them with magic to entertain children. But it was also that Bernie wasn't Mara's kid. Like, she literally was, he was her father, there was no denying that, but Bernie was first and foremost her mother's daughter. Hari was the one stuck to Mara like glue, and Lind was very much Nic's. Bernie was Ayla's.
Anyway, Ayla did all the negotiating with the captains, and even though she never introduced herself as such, all the other villagers looked to her for decisions because she was the village headwoman. Raisa had the impression they made their decisions more collectively, much like a ship did, then had Ayla act as their captain to speak to outsiders and do business. And Ayla was a temperamental and stubborn leader. Raisa never wanted to get on her bad side.
"Kiddo," Ayla murmured. "Did it never occur to you that you don't have to have sex with your girlfriend?"
"Of course I do," Raisa said. "That's what being someone's girlfriend is."
"Oh, yikes," Ayla said. "Are you saying you're only dating my daughter to get in her pants?"
Raisa flushed. "No, of course not," she said.
"Then you think she's only dating you to get in your pants," Ayla said.
"No," Raisa said. "That's not what I meant at all."
"So sex isn't all there is to dating, then."
"No, but it's one of the things people expect," Raisa said.
"And you can tell people to stop expecting it," Ayla said. "It's actually pretty easy."
"Easy for you to say," Raisa muttered, aware she sounded sullen but unable to help it.
Ayla laughed. "Gods," she said. "Bernie really ought to have learned from Hari and Fatima's example," she said, shaking her head. "Raisa, do you know why Bernie asked me to talk to you? Instead of Nic or Mara, hell, even Hari or Lind?"
"She's your favorite," Raisa said. "Or...vice-versa, at least."
"Fair, but not why she came to me," Ayla said. If Raisa had said that about any of the parents in the fleet, they would have denied it, even when it was obvious. That was just one of the things she liked about the village, that they didn't deny obvious things just because they were distasteful. Usually, that made them less distasteful. Ayla went on, "When she calmed down, she realized what you were saying sounded a lot like things I used to say."
Raisa frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"It sounded to her like you don't like having sex with her," Ayla said, "shh, I'm not done--because it sounds like you don't really like having sex with anyone."
"It's fine," Raisa said.
"Kiddo, I don't even have a sex drive and I don't think sex is supposed to just be 'fine'," Ayla said.
Raisa looked over at her, frowning. "What do you mean," she asked, "you don't have a sex drive?"
"I mean I have never in my life looked at someone and thought, ooh, I need some of that," Ayla said. "No, not even Mara or Nic. I didn't have sex at all until I was older than you are now, which was a good twelve years into our marriage. Or, twelve years into Nic and Mara's marriage, which none of us realized functionally included me too."
"What?" Raisa asked. "But you--I mean, I've heard you have sex with them."
Ayla chuckled. "Never say that around Nic," she said. "Ze'd die. Yes, I do have sex with them now. Not as often as they have sex with each other, because I still don't want it the way they do. I don't think about it all the time, which I'm pretty sure Nic would if ze wasn't always tinkering with something. I do it because it makes them happy, and it's fun, but it's also on my terms, which I'm pretty sure lots of people would think didn't even count as sex."
"What?" Raisa asked again.
Ayla was quiet for a few moments. Raisa waited for her to collect her thoughts. "For a long time," Ayla said eventually, "I thought the fact that I didn't want to have sex meant I could never be in a relationship. I figured it wouldn't be worth it to someone else. I thought they'd think I was childish, or selfish, or that I didn't actually like them."
Raisa found tears swarming her eyes again. "You did?" she asked.
"Gods, did I ever," Ayla said. She shook her head. "My first village, growing up--even though we were heretics because of the farming, it was very strict in other ways. I can't imagine anyone there ever accepting Nic wasn't a woman, or Lind not being a man. They'd only be alright with Hari and Fatima if they pretended Fatima was a man." For a second, Raisa couldn't even understand why they'd choose to think Fatima was a man instead of Hari; it had been so long since Fatima swapped. Ayla went on, "They told me for years that I was being childish and selfish, for not being interested in any of the village boys, and wishing my friends would stop pairing off."
"Oh," Raisa said. "I had no idea."
"Of course not," Ayla said. "If someone tried to say that in our village, we'd have Mara toss them into the ocean. Same as we'd do with anyone who tried to insinuate Nic is 'really' a woman, or that Chiamaka should settle down with a man and have kids of her own. But that's the sort of thing that made me think there was no point in even talking to Nic and Mara about how it made me feel when they started dating. Even if you discounted the fact that I was supposed to have feelings for one of them, not both of them--what was even the point, when they already had each other, and I couldn't offer the whole girlfriend experience anyway? Why would they even bother?"
"I really don't mind having sex," Raisa said. "I do like making Bernie feel good. It's just so exhausting."
"Then you should tell her that," Ayla said. "Because right now, she thinks you hate her."
"I could never!" Raisa said. "I love her, I want to be with her, I--" She just managed to stop herself from telling Bernie's mother that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Bernie before she told Bernie directly. "It's just, sometimes it feels like that's all she wants from me, especially when we've been apart. And I know that's not true, it just...feels that way sometimes. And. You're right, I don't think other people feel this way about their girlfriends. I know most of the people in the Fleet are just as excited for that reunion sex when they get back to port as Bernie is. But she doesn't have another person to have sex with when I'm not there, and I don't know how I'd feel about that anyway."
"No, but you don't even know if that's something she would want or ask for," Ayla said. "Because you haven't actually talked to her about this."
"But--but what if it means she doesn't want me anymore?" Raisa asked.
Ayla set her hand on Raisa's shoulder. Quietly, she said, "If you had to lie to her to keep her interested, it wasn't a very good fit, then, was it?"
Raisa started crying. "I don't want to break up," she said. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't want to lose it."
"There's a whole slew of things in between 'saying what you think she wants to hear' and 'breaking up forever'," Ayla said. "I don't know what she's willing to give up to keep you, but neither do you, huh? You should talk to her about it before you jump right to 'breaking up'."
Raisa sniffled. "Like what?" she asked. "I can't ask her to never have sex."
"Sure you can," Ayla said. "I went fourteen years sleeping with Nic and Mara without having sex with them. They still agreed I was the mother of their children and their wife."
"But like you said, they have each other," Raisa said.
"Sure, but you can still ask," Ayla said. "If that's something Bernie can't do, you look for the next compromise that might work for both of you. Say she can have casual sex with other people but not date them, or try and figure out a way to make sex less of a chore for you, or see if having sex less often helps you focus on the parts you like without the rest getting annoying. I'm sure there's other things I'm not thinking of that the two of you can come up with." She squeezed Raisa's shoulder. "At least then, you will have tried. Honestly, without trying to be something you're not."
Raisa wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. "I thought you'd be mad at me," she said.
"For what, trying to be what you thought a good girlfriend was?" Ayla asked.
"At least for lying," Raisa said.
Ayla sighed again. "Kiddo," she said. "There were times I wished I hadn't told everyone in the village I wasn't going to fuck them, so I could have tried to put up with it, for Nic or Mara's sake. Nic never told zeir parents ze wasn't a girl. Danny spent years trying to make himself be interested in women. It's not great for your relationship that you felt like you had to lie, but feeling like that, like you had to, makes it a lot harder to be mad about."
After a while, Raisa asked, "How do you do it? How do you...make yourself believe they don't mind?"
"It helps that they didn't for fourteen years," Ayla said. "But we've talked about it, when we first agreed we were all married, and since then. They gave me time and space to figure out what I might actually be okay with, and they didn't try to prod me into things for their sake. And they trust me when I say I like having sex with them even though I don't find them sexy and don't want them touching me, so the least I can do is trust them when they say they love me whether or not we have sex."
"That sounds terrifying," Raisa said.
Ayla laughed again. "Well, there is a reason it took fourteen years," she said. "I didn't even know where to start. Nic and Mara both tried, at least once, to let me know there was a place for me with them if I wanted it, but I couldn't believe they meant it, or knew what it sounded like. And they didn't want to push, since the first thing I said about it was that I wasn't interested and they shouldn't bother hitting on me." She nudged Raisa's arm. "You have the advantage that we tried really hard to make this a village where it was safe to be weird when it doesn't hurt anyone."
"But it could hurt her," Raisa said.
"Unfortunately, you already hurt her," Ayla said. "But also: you not wanting to fuck someone doesn't hurt them. It just doesn't. If they hear you don't want to fuck them and get upset about it, that's their problem, not yours. You hurt Bernie by not telling her the truth, and letting her think you weren't attracted to her anymore. Not by being less into sex than she is."
"Can I--" She cut herself off. She didn't have any right to ask that, not of Ayla. But then, who else could she ask? Any of the other villagers would ask Ayla her opinion anyway. Raisa took a deep, shaky breath, and then another that was less shaky. She asked, "If--if it doesn't work with Bernie, can I still come here? Can I still visit?"
Ayla stopped walking and pulled Raisa into a hug. "Oh, you little idiot," she murmured. "Of course you can."
Raisa's eyes filled with tears again. "Really?" she asked.
"You'd have to do a lot worse than just breaking up with my daughter to get kicked out of this village," Ayla said. She squeezed Raisa. "What matters is that you let people do their own thing and try to get along. And I know you can do that."
Raisa nodded into Ayla's shoulder, not quite trusting herself to speak.
Ayla took a step back, keeping her hands on Raisa's arms. "Now you go tell Bernie what you told me and figure out what you're going to try that's in between lying and keeping secrets and breaking up forever, okay? I know it's scary. But you deserve a relationship where you can be yourself."
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
I slightly de-anachronized (chronized?) this story by going through and adding the thou/you distinction in (and editing the dialogue to work better with that) (and also changing some contractions to the older forms, like "'tis" instead of "it's" because I can)
Did anyone ask for this? No. BUT when I said I had to restrain myself from doing this at the last minute before the original S2B2 issue dropped, someone in the Discord was like, "Why not? Do it!" so. Here we are.
(m/f arranged marriage story with a trans character)
this bit is longer and smutty, directly featuring Lennart's speedrun from virgin to BDSM enjoyer.
---
It had been nearly two years earlier that Madam Louisa informed Bastiaan over breakfast that someone had already paid for his entire night. Bastiaan was not in especially high demand at the brothel, though he wasn't in low demand, either, as one of the only men working in any of the brothels in town. There was steady but not quite frequent demand for his specialty services. He usually spent a decent amount of his time watching the common room and glaring at customers who got out of line.
So he was a little surprised that someone would have bought out his entire night. "Are you sure?" Bastiaan asked.
Madam Louisa pulled a sizable purse out of her cleavage and shook it. The coins within sounded like silver, and were obviously numerous. "He paid up front," Madam Louisa said. "So yes. Didn't know your name, but gave a clear enough description, even though he could have stopped at 'male'."
Bastiaan frowned. He didn't remember doing anything out of the ordinary in the past few days, or going anywhere special. But he supposed if someone described him and threw around that kind of coin, they were pretty sure what they wanted.
When they opened for the night, Bastiaan's customer was the first to arrive. He was a tall man, with long black hair tied back with a white ribbon, broad shoulders, and a narrow waist. He looked deathly serious, which was not really a typical look for a customer coming into the brothel. He wasn't particularly handsome, with a long face and a beaky nose, but Bastiaan couldn't deny he found the intense look of the man attractive.
Bastiaan had set up his room ahead of opening, since he knew he wasn't wasting his time or candles, so he led the intense man right back.
When he first started working at the brothel, Bastiaan tried to imitate his colleagues' manner, being friendly and seductive. It had felt awkward and unnatural, and eventually Madam Louisa told him to knock it off.
"You barely have any competition," she told him. "You can afford to be yourself. If customers don't like it, well." She shrugged. "They don't have that many options anyway." That seemed kind of rude to Bastiaan, but once he stopped trying to imitate the other workers, he actually had more customers, and those customers seemed happier. So Bastiaan accepted that part of his appeal was his matter of fact and not at all seductive affect. It was certainly more comfortable than forcing himself to be friendly.
When the tall, intense customer was in his room, Bastiaan asked him, "What did you have in mind for this evening?"
That seemed to startle the man. "I don't know," he said. His voice was deep, and somewhat flat, in contrast to his evident startlement. "What do you usually do?"
Bastiaan frowned. "Did you really book my entire night without having an idea what you wanted?"
"I want you," the man said immediately.
Bastiaan rolled his eyes. "Good, at least you got that much," he said. "Do you have any preferences?" he asked. "Something you've been wanting to try? Any particular reason I caught your eye?"
The man shook his head. "You," he said. He frowned, hopefully having heard himself and realized what an inadequate answer that was. He said, "I saw you in the market, arguing with someone. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I asked who you were, and found out you work here."
Bastiaan frowned again. "You do know this is a brothel, right?"
"It would be difficult not to," the man said, which Bastiaan supposed was fair. Bastiaan's outfit was more-or-less appropriate to wear on the street, but most of the other workers' weren't, and they had passed plenty of Bastiaan's scantily-clad colleagues on the way to his room.
"Just making sure," Bastiaan said. "Since you didn't mention anything about sex."
"I have no sexual experience and do not think I've ever found someone attractive before you," the man said.
"Oh," Bastiaan said. He was a virgin. A loaded, impulsive virgin, perhaps, but Bastiaan had a few different strategies for virgins. It was rare for an older man--that was, a man who didn't look like he'd just started needing to shave the week before--to admit to having no experience at all; usually they at least implied they'd been with a woman. But if this man didn't often find people attractive, that made sense enough. "Then why don't we sit down and talk a little, first," Bastiaan said, gesturing to the bed.
The man sat down on the edge of Bastiaan's bed, stiff in rather a different way than Bastiaan's customers usually were. Bastiaan sat down next to him, close enough for the outside of their thighs to press together. He asked the man, "What's your name?"
"Lennart," the man said, not looking over at him. That was fine; Bastiaan preferred not to look at people's faces when they could look back at him anyway.
"Lennart," Bastiaan said softly. "Why'd you book the whole night?"
"I had the money," Lennart said. "I seemed less likely to regret spending the money than not having enough time with you."
That was sweet, actually, even if Lennart seemed to mean it in a purely logical way. Bastiaan put his hand on Lennart's knee. Lennart was so tense Bastiaan might have worried for his health, if he hadn't already told Bastiaan he was a virgin with no experience even finding people attractive. Still speaking softly, Bastiaan asked, "When did you realize you were attracted to me?"
"I...suppose it must have been between finding out you worked at a brothel and realizing I could afford to pay for an entire night," Lennart said. "I wasn't really conscious of it until I was handing over the money."
Bastiaan smiled. "Really?" he asked.
"I told you I have no experience in these matters," Lennart said stiffly.
"I'm not making fun of you," Bastiaan said, gently squeezing Lennart's knee. Bastiaan wasn't always good at reading people, even after working in a brothel for several years, but he found Lennart's defensiveness obvious enough. "It's just a lot of money to spend without knowing why."
Lennart relaxed minutely. Bastiaan doubted he would have noticed if he wasn't touching Lennart in multiple places. Lennart said, "Yes."
"You'd already paid when I woke up today," Bastiaan said. "Surely you thought about what you might want from me in the hours between then and now."
"Vaguely," Lennart said. "I'm certain you have a better idea of what's possible than I."
Bastiaan laughed. "Yes," he said, "but without knowing what you're interested in, I have to start with the most general possible suggestions."
Lennart shrugged. "We have all night," he said.
"We do," Bastiaan agreed, smiling. "Is it fair to assume you'd like to see me naked?" he asked.
Lennart's hands twitched where they lay in his lap. "Yes," he said. "Please."
"Do you want to undress me?" Bastiaan asked.
After a pause, Lennart said, "I'm unsure I could figure that out at the moment."
Bastiaan laughed. "Fair enough," he said, and stood up. He wasn't very good at strip teases, either, but most of his customers insisted the way he didn't try to force it worked better for them. Lennart seemed to enjoy it, if how wide his eyes got and how tightly he clenched his hands together in his lap were any indication.
While Bastiaan set aside his clothing, he noticed Lennart's hand make an aborted movement toward him. "You can touch me," Bastiaan said. "You paid enough for it."
"I don't want to interrupt," Lennart said, although he did reach over and run his fingers delicately over Bastiaan's ass.
Something Bastiaan had learned in the years he had been working at a brothel was that certain kinds of customers were more interested in attempting to get Bastiaan off than they were in getting themselves off. Something Bastiaan had learned about himself in those years was that when those customers were earnest, and not trying to show off how good they were at sex, it was hotter to him than basically anything else. He could already tell Lennart was going to make a strong attempt at showing Bastiaan a good time, even though he admitted he had no idea what he was doing, and Bastiaan suspected he was going to enjoy it very much no matter how little skill Lennart displayed.
Bastiaan tossed his last article of clothing vaguely in the direction of his wardrobe and trunk, not watching to see if it landed where he aimed, before he climbed onto Lennart's lap, straddling him. Lennart was a bit taller than Bastiaan, but his place in Lennart's lap still put Bastiaan's head above Lennart's. Lennart tentatively brought his hands up to Bastiaan's chest. First, he only rested his hands on Bastiaan's pecs, then he got up the courage to squeeze.
"Would you like to kiss me?" Bastiaan asked, not having to fake the breathy quality of his voice.
"I believe I would," Lennart said. He moved his hands up to Bastiaan's shoulders and pulled him down into kissing range.
Unsurprisingly, Lennart was not a great kisser. He took direction well, though. When Bastiaan told him to use less teeth, or not press so hard, he listened and adjusted his approach. His kissing improved rapidly. He was an excellently enjoyable blend of very attracted to Bastiaan and eager to please Bastiaan.
After long enough making out that they were both hard, Bastiaan pulled back and said, "I think we ought to take your clothes off as well."
"Ah," Lennart said. "Yes." He brought his hands up to his high collar and started undoing the fastenings.
Bastiaan had never noticed in himself a marked preference for men or women. He tended to find himself inclined more toward the gender of whoever he was with at the moment. As Lennart pulled off his tunic, Bastiaan found himself experiencing one of those shifts again, thinking how attractive men were to him, and what a wonderful example of manhood Lennart was. Unlike Bastiaan, Lennart was tall and lean. He had only a smattering of hair on his chest. His shoulders were broad, though, and his torso tapered down to a narrower waist and hips than Bastiaan's.
Lennart stood to push down his trousers without any apparent hesitation or shyness, which would have been understandable from a virgin. His cock was already quite hard. Like the rest of him, his cock was longer and thinner than Bastiaan's. Bastiaan wondered if Lennart had given any thought to anal sex. Most of Bastiaan's customers wanted him to top, but he had been fucked in the ass enough to know what he liked, and he thought Lennart's cock would be quite pleasant inside him.
Not that he wouldn't enjoy topping for Lennart, if that was what Lennart wanted. Bastiaan always enjoyed customers who were actually attracted to him, not only settling for him because he was the nearest to what they wanted. He got a lot of his business from people who just didn't have many options for male whores, but it wasn't as fun for him.
Bastiaan kicked Lennart's clothes out of the way and stepped in close to him. He put his hands on Lennart's hips. He stopped short of standing close enough for Lennart's cock to brush against him, but only just. "That's better," he said.
Lennart bent down and kissed him again.
Bastiaan pushed him onto the bed and climbed back into his lap. In this position, with both of them naked, it would have required effort to keep their dicks from coming into contact with each other, and Bastiaan didn't bother. Lennart groaned into his mouth, then brought his hands up to clutch at Bastiaan's hips, pulling him more snugly against his body.
Lennart, Bastiaan could tell, would easily be able to come like this. Bastiaan would probably be able to as well. He ran his hands along Lennart's toned arms and considered what his stamina was probably like. Lennart was a virgin, which meant he'd probably finish quickly but be able to get back to it quickly as well. He was athletic, which usually meant good bodily control, and almost certainly meant he wouldn't be easily worn out by a single round. And he was fixated enough on Bastiaan to immediately pay for an entire night up front, so he would presumably want to keep going.
Bastiaan wrapped his legs around Lennart, locking his ankles together behind him so he had the leverage to grind their dicks together. Lennart moaned into his mouth again. Bastiaan rolled his hips, deliberate and slow. Lennart twitched beneath him. Bastiaan did it again, and again, barely picking up speed. Lennart dug his fingers into Bastiaan's hips, but he didn't have the leverage to fight Bastiaan's pace. He could have, if he'd thought to shift his hands to Bastiaan's ass, but he didn't. Bastiaan kissed him and ground their cocks together until Lennart's was leaking and his breathing was hard and fast. Bastiaan pulled back from the kiss just enough to murmur against Lennart's lips, "Are you going to come for me?" Lennart groaned, and only a moment later he did.
He came hard enough to get semen on their chests, even though there was little room between their bodies. And he kept coming, longer than Bastiaan anticipated, as though he'd never done so before. It was hot and slick and, to be frank, probably would have been kind of disgusting if Bastiaan hadn't spent years fucking people for money. Bastiaan leaned back, grabbed one of Lennart's hands, and pulled it into the sticky mess between them. He only had to wrap Lennart's fingers around his cock before Lennart realized what he was doing.
Lennart made a desperate noise and lurched forward to kiss Bastiaan again, even as he tightened his grip on Bastiaan's cock. Considering it was covered in his come, Lennart's firm grip slid up Bastiaan's cock in an extremely pleasant way. Bastiaan twitched, which seemed to please Lennart. Yes, he was definitely the kind of customer who enjoyed getting Bastiaan off.
It didn't take long, with such enthusiasm, for Bastiaan to come and add his own more modest contribution to the mess between their bodies.
After a moment, Lennart pulled away from Bastiaan's mouth to catch his breath. After a few more moments, he said, "I hope that doesn't mean my time is up."
"You paid for the whole night," Bastiaan said. "If you don't want to be done, you don't have to be done." He traced a finger down Lennart's neck. "I assumed you'd want to try a few more things, at least."
"Yes," Lennart agreed, somewhat hoarsely. His cock was already showing signs of life again, twitching against Bastiaan's balls.
"Do you have any ideas now?" Bastiaan asked. He traced his fingers along the sweaty hair at the nape of Lennart's neck. "Or could I offer a selfish suggestion?"
"Be as selfish as you want," Lennart said.
Again, sweet, but ignorant enough Bastiaan would ignore it. Still, it meant Bastiaan skipped over a few suggestions he'd usually offer a virgin first, and said, "I'd really like it if you fucked me in the ass."
Lennart's eyes widened. "Oh," he said.
"You don't have to," Bastiaan said. "But if I didn't at least ask, I'd be kicking myself for weeks."
"Really?" Lennart asked.
Bastiaan smiled at him. "One of the things about having sex for money is, you learn what you like," he said. "And your dick looks like a size and shape I would very much like inside me."
"Oh," Lennart said again. It came out hoarse and broken again. He cleared his throat before going on, "Show me what to do."
Again, Lennart proved a capable student, good at taking direction and desperate to please Bastiaan. He fingered Bastiaan slick and open like it was the greatest gift he'd ever been given, the most important task he'd ever undertake, and barely seemed aware his own cock was once again fully erect and steadily leaking.
If Bastiaan was being truly selfish, he would have asked Lennart to take him from behind, which he tended to enjoy more. But as much as Lennart liked pleasing Bastiaan, they didn't know each other, and Lennart had to take Bastiaan's word for it about what he enjoyed. Riding Lennart, so he could watch Bastiaan enjoy himself and see the only person he'd ever been attracted to bounce on his dick, would undoubtedly be a better experience. If he came back, Bastiaan told himself, he'd ask Lennart to take him from behind.
"Oh, god," Lennart groaned as Bastiaan eased down onto his cock.
It might have been good, actually, that so few of Bastiaan's customers wanted to do this, because Bastiaan really enjoyed it too much to be much use. Luckily, he was by now quite certain Lennart would enjoy the way Bastiaan lost his head. The initial intrusion was always the worst part, in that it pushed every other thought right out of Bastiaan's head, to be replaced with the extremely base thoughts of so good and too much and a little more chasing each other around on a loop. It took real effort not to immediately push himself back up and start riding Lennart as hard as he could. Instead, Bastiaan forced himself to focus on Lennart's face. It took a moment for his eyes to align properly.
Lennart was completely dumbstruck. Bastiaan had seen priests in the middle of visions look less enraptured. Lennart's grip on Bastiaan's hips was tight, his thumbs digging in beneath Bastiaan's hip bones. Still, Lennart gathered the wherewithal to speak before Bastiaan did, and asked, "How is it?"
Bastiaan moaned, "So good, god, you have no idea." Bastiaan typically had trouble obliging people who wanted their whores to be slutty and empty-headed. Like this, however, it was all too easy to start babbling about how good it felt. "Oh, fuck, oh god," he went on when he started moving. "Oh, that's good, that's so good, god!"
"Good," Lennart said breathlessly. He groaned. "This is very nice."
Bastiaan tried to laugh, but he didn't have enough breath to do so. Lennart had started thrusting up into Bastiaan to meet him, driving his cock deeper inside him, and it was just this side of too much. Bastiaan leaned back to brace himself on Lennart's thighs, so Lennart's cock would do more than simply brush his prostate, and felt his cock dribble a bit of pre-come when he got the angle right.
"You are so beautiful," Lennart breathed, which was not a compliment Bastiaan often received. It felt more embarrassing because he could hardly doubt Lennart meant it.
"I'm glad you think so," Bastiaan managed.
That was the end of conversation for the moment; Bastiaan was far too preoccupied to speak. At some point thereafter, one of Lennart's hands left Bastiaan's hip to wrap around his cock, and Bastiaan was quickly trapped between the urge to drive Lennart's cock as deep into him as possible and the urge to fuck into Lennart's hand as hard as possible. After an eternity that wasn't nearly long enough, Bastiaan came. His hands spasmed as he did so, digging his nails into Lennart's thighs. Lennart whimpered, then started coming inside Bastiaan while Bastiaan's body still convulsed around him.
It took a while for Bastiaan to be able to move and think again. Thankfully, Lennart didn't seem to mind the mess, or Bastiaan's dazed collapse onto the bed beside him.
Perhaps as long as half an hour later, Bastiaan roused himself enough to get out a cloth to wipe off all the sweat, semen, and lube. He'd need to change his sheet, but that was why he put away his actual blankets before the brothel opened. He looked at Lennart, who was watching him with the same intense attention as he had been all evening. He silently offered Lennart the soiled cloth.
While Lennart wiped his hands and dick clean, Bastiaan asked him, "So what do you do that you can afford to buy out my whole night but I've never seen you in town before?"
"I'm a mercenary," Lennart said. He unfolded and refolded the cloth so it was relatively clean on the outside, then handed it back to Bastiaan.
"Oh, are you?" Bastiaan asked. He tossed the cloth into the basket he kept next to the bed for that purpose. "I didn't know there were any troupes in town at the moment."
"I work alone," Lennart said.
Bastiaan had traveled with a mercenary troupe, briefly, immediately after the murder of his parents, and was still in contact with the captain of that troupe. Mercenaries might take a job here and there singly, but usually traveled in at least pairs. Bastiaan raised his eyebrows and said, "You must be either very good or very bad, then."
Lennart smiled at that. He said, "Yes," and left it there. He asked, "Have you worked here long?"
"Since I was old enough to," Bastiaan said. He started out running errands during daylight hours, not taking customers until years later.
"Do you like it?" Lennart asked.
Ordinarily when people asked Bastiaan or one of his colleagues if they liked working in the brothel, it was because they had an answer they wanted to hear. Some people wanted to hear their whores say they hated it and wouldn't do it if they had any choice, while some people wanted to hear about how freeing and enjoyable it was. Lennart asked the question like Bastiaan was any other new acquaintance he was getting to know. That was nice enough that Bastiaan told him honestly, "Well enough. Some parts more than others."
Lennart nodded. "That is true for most people, I believe." Bastiaan made an affirmative noise. "What do you usually do?" Lennart asked.
"Well, I'm obviously one of the only options available around here to people who want to hire a man," Bastiaan said. "Other than that, I do a lot of S&M."
"What's that?" Lennart asked, in the exact same politely curious manner.
God, he really didn't know anything, did he? Bastiaan was fairly certain that was the term adults who didn't spend their time in brothels would be likeliest to know. Bastiaan said, "Mostly hurting people who want to be hurt. Only about half of them are in it for sexual gratification, but it's an awkward thing to ask anyone else to do."
Lennart frowned, and asked, "Why would people want to be hurt?"
Bastiaan smiled. "Lots of reasons," he said. "Mostly because it turns them on, but a lot because it can feel nice when you're doing it on purpose. Haven't you ever poked a bruise or wiggled a loose tooth?"
"Oh," Lennart said, and thought for a minute or two. "What kind of...hurting people...do you do most often?"
"Well, a lot of people want some hair-pulling or slapping," Bastiaan said. "Spankings and beatings are pretty common, too. I'm kind of a specialist, though; since I have an affinity for healing magic, we can offer a lot of things other brothels can't."
"Such as?" Lennart asked. It was not lost on Bastiaan that his breathing had sped up again. He supposed it wasn't too surprising that a mercenary would have a strong reaction to violence.
"Things that would be too risky to do without a healer on hand," Bastiaan said. "Choking's a big one, reputable brothels don't allow choking without a healer in the room. Actual bleeding and wound play. I've stabbed and cut open a lot of people, fingered a lot of wounds. I mean, there's still some things I can't heal, but if someone's got an amputation kink they'll probably be a lot happier figuring something out with me than with someone who can't heal them."
"Is that a thing?" Lennart asked. He didn't seem alarmed, which was more than most people when Bastiaan got to talking about it.
"It's an extreme example," Bastiaan said. "But yes. Some people enjoy the pain, and some people enjoy the loss of control. Some people like the fact that their only job is to endure." Bastiaan smiled at Lennart again, because he suspected this last category might be of particular interest to Lennart. "And some people feel like they need to do something to earn the bit they really enjoy, which is when I tell them what a good job they did."
"Mm. This is common enough you do it regularly?" Lennart asked.
"Most brothels offer the safer stuff," Bastiaan said. "I'd have to ask around, but I think about half our customers want it at least sometimes. There aren't as many people who want something dangerous enough to need me--except choking, so many people want choking--but even apart from my regulars, I get some every week."
"Hmm," Lennart said.
"Why?" Bastiaan asked. "Have you thought about it?"
"Not until this conversation," Lennart said. Enough color had risen in his cheeks that Bastiaan knew he didn't find it wholly uninteresting. "I have sometimes been accused of enjoying my work overmuch," he admitted. "Which seems like it was probably hypocritical in at least some cases."
"That makes sense," Bastiaan said. "For how often people ask for it, they're usually fairly ashamed of it." He traced a hand down the center of Lennart's chest, and asked, "Is that something you'd be interested in? Do you want to let me have my way with you, and be my good boy?"
Lennart went very still. Bastiaan didn't know him well enough to tell if that was a good sign or a bad sign, so he waited. Lennart's breathing was a little fast, and his cheeks were still pink, but Bastiaan knew as well as anyone could that arousal and distress sometimes looked disconcertingly similar. Even with his regulars, Bastiaan wasn't always sure. Finally, Lennart said, "I would like to try, at least."
Part of Bastiaan itched to suggest Lennart hurt him, which was not something he had ever actively desired before. He'd done it, of course, and he'd often enjoyed it, but letting a customer take control without supervision was not something they offered without a hell of a down payment, or a long-lasting enough relationship to actually trust said customer. Lord Avis, for instance, was allowed to restrain and beat any of them who did that sort of work, but Brunhild had been essentially his mistress for nearly fifteen years, and Madam Louisa trusted him. It would be unwise in the extreme to let Lennart, a first-time customer who had been a virgin until earlier that night and had never done any sort of S&M, take the lead. Even if Bastiaan found the idea surprisingly appealing.
Bastiaan slid his fingers further down Lennart's body, until Bastiaan reached the edges of his pubic hair and Lennart's breath hitched. Bastiaan asked, "Did you have something in mind?"
"What do you like?" Lennart asked. Bastiaan let his fingers drift further down to stroke the very base of Lennart's cock. Lennart said, "I, ah, liked the idea of you having your way with me."
"Oh?" Bastiaan asked. Of course he did; Lennart really wanted Bastiaan to enjoy himself. "Then how would you feel about taking a beating for me?"
"Good," Lennart said, his voice cracking.
"Oh, really good, hmm?" Bastiaan asked. "I think I'd like to beat you until your entire back is red and tender, how does that sound?" He hardly needed to ask, given how rapidly Lennart's cock was hardening beneath his fingers.
"Also good," Lennart said, face reddening further.
"Good," Bastiaan said. He gave Lennart's cock a teasingly light stroke. "Then when your back is on fire and another strike would break the skin, I'd stop beating you and start fucking you."
Lennart whined, which was delightful. "Please," he said, voice quiet and shaky.
Bastiaan kissed him, immediately nibbling at Lennart's lower lip. Lennart all but melted under him. God, he was sexy. Bastiaan half wished more of his customers were this attractive, and half was glad they weren't. He doubted he could be as good at his job as he was if more of his customers drove him crazy like this.
Bastiaan crawled over Lennart to get out of the bed. Lennart watched him in silence, until Bastiaan pulled open the curtain concealing his dungeon equipment against the wall. Lennart exclaimed, "Oh!"
Bastiaan secured the curtains, then went back to set up the diagonal cross. Most of Bastiaan's dungeon equipment folded flat and had to be pulled out to use, but some of it could stay against the wall during use. The heavier-duty furniture lived in the dedicated dungeon, but enough of Bastiaan's customers came specifically for his ability to break them harder than others could that Madam Louisa had arranged for him to have his own set.
He checked to make sure the cross was secure and would take Lennart's weight, then went over to the wardrobe to get his out his tool chest. It was somewhat annoying to have to do this much prep work, but not scaring off the vanilla customers while still having the flexibility to torture someone was nice. And he knew it was a point in his favor, even for those of his customers who didn't want the more extreme torments, that Bastiaan could plausibly be fucking them in nice, vanilla ways. He had one regular he knew wasn't particularly attracted to men and would have been happier with Mistress Renate, but was too nervous about the idea of someone knowing he liked being whipped to stomach seeing someone who offered nothing at all in the way of vanilla services.
"Come here," Bastiaan said. Lennart leapt to obey. His cock was fully hard again, just from watching Bastiaan set up. Oh, he was cute. "Face the wall. Wrists up here," Bastiaan pointed, "ankles down here. Do you think you can hold this position, or should I tie you up?"
"Tie me up," Lennart said, almost before Bastiaan finished asking.
Bastiaan smiled. Lennart was already leaning against the cross, or Bastiaan would have kissed him again.
The ends of the cross were padded, to make holding on less painful, but there were also metal rings set into the sides to attach things to. Bastiaan strapped Lennart's wrists to the top posts, then bent down to fasten his ankles to the bottoms. "Not too tight?" he asked.
"No," Lennart said.
"Tell me if you start feeling numb or tingly," Bastiaan said.
"Ah, yes," Lennart said.
Bastiaan patted Lennart's shoulder and said, "Good boy." Lennart's next breath was noisy.
Bastiaan wouldn't lie, he did enjoy seeing the expanse of someone's unmarked flesh laid out in front of him. It was satisfying, even when he didn't find someone especially attractive, to know they trusted Bastiaan enough to let themselves be entirely at his mercy. Bastiaan ran his hands along the pale skin of Lennart's back, petting it. "Oh," Bastiaan said, "before we start."
"Mm?"
Perhaps Bastiaan should have mentioned this sooner; Lennart already sounded a little out of it. Some people did find simply being restrained enough to put them under. "This is still supposed to be something you enjoy," Bastiaan said. "I'll stop if you tell me to. But some people like to be able to say 'stop' or 'no' without me actually stopping."
After a moment, Lennart asked, "How does that work?"
"We have a code word," Bastiaan said. He brushed Lennart's tail of hair over his shoulder, so it wouldn't get tangled in the falls of his tools. "Something people are unlikely to say by accident, even when we're pretending they don't want this."
"Ah," Lennart said. "I don't know that that's a concern for me."
No, Lennart didn't seem like the type to want that kind of game. Certainly not the first time, when Bastiaan wouldn't even offer it without being asked. "Still," Bastiaan said. "How about if you say stop or no, I check in with you, but if you say Gustav, I stop immediately. That way if something goes wrong, we'll both know it."
"That seems reasonable," Lennart said.
"Good," Bastiaan said. "So what's the word if you need to stop immediately?"
Lennart huffed, probably impatient. He said, "Gustav."
"That's right," Bastiaan said. He leaned in to press a kiss to the back of Lennart's neck, then murmured, "Good boy."
Bastiaan was not surprised to feel Lennart shiver.
He picked up his lightest flogger. He could start even lighter than that, of course, with the feathers or even his hands, but he suspected Lennart had certain expectations of something Bastiaan had called a beating. He still started slowly, trailing the leather falls across Lennart's upper back. He saw Lennart shiver again. He was interested to see if he could actually beat Lennart right up to the point of bleeding; it wasn't something everyone could actually endure, even if they liked the sound of it.
Lennart made a soft noise after the first real strike. Bastiaan waited to see if he would say something, but he didn't, so Bastiaan hit him again. He let out another grunt, which was similar to the noises he'd made when Bastiaan rode him, but different enough to give Bastiaan pause. Bastiaan asked, "Good?"
"This may sound strange," Lennart said, which made Bastiaan smile, "but do you have anything heavier? This is...sharp."
"Oh," Bastiaan said. "Sure." He stepped in close enough to kiss the back of Lennart's neck once more and said, "Good boy."
Lennart growled.
Bastiaan swapped out his lightest flogger for one of the medium ones. He struck Lennart again, not swinging as hard as he could have, counting on the heavier, thicker falls to make themselves known. Lennart gasped. Bastiaan asked, "Better?"
"Yes," Lennart said. "Thank you."
"Of course," Bastiaan said. "Thank you for letting me know." Lennart took a breath to respond, and Bastiaan hit him again. Lennart gasped.
Lennart was a lot less quiet while being flogged than he had been while Bastiaan rode him. He gasped and groaned like Bastiaan was already fucking him. Every time Bastiaan told him what a good job he was doing, how well he was taking it, how lovely he looked with Bastiaan's marks on him, he thanked Bastiaan in a choked voice.
Eventually, Lennart's skin was so red and tender that Bastiaan had to ease off on the force. The lightest strike was enough to make Lennart shout. He hadn't been that loud even when he was digging his fingers into Bastiaan's hips and coming inside him. Even Bastiaan running his fingers over Lennart's back made him shudder. Heat radiated off of Lennart's abused skin.
"Sadly," Bastiaan said, barely letting his nails make contact with Lennart's back, "I'm not sure how much more of this you could take."
Lennart made a noise Bastiaan interpreted as sad. After a moment, Lennart asked with a rough voice, "Does that mean you're going to fuck me now?"
"If you're still interested," Bastiaan said.
Even before Bastiaan finished speaking, Lennart was saying, "Yes, yes, please."
"You beg so pretty for me," Bastiaan murmured. He kissed the side of Lennart's neck. "How do you feel about staying on the cross while I fuck you?"
Lennart groaned. "Good," he said. "Please."
It was never unpleasant for Bastiaan to do this for someone, but tonight he was almost painfully hard. He dragged over the little platform he kept under the bed and slid it between the legs of the cross, so he would have enough height to reach. Then he got a good handful of lube and slicked himself up. He had to pause and take a deep breath to keep himself under control. That was not a problem he often had anymore, but Lennart had gotten under his skin from the start.
"You have been so very good for me," Bastiaan said, getting into position behind Lennart. "Such a good boy. So I'll offer you a choice." He pressed his slick fingers between Lennart's buttocks, to rub against his asshole. Lennart trembled, clutching the cross with his hands. He hadn't come while Bastiaan was beating him, but Bastiaan would bet it had been a near thing. If Lennart came back, Bastiaan would have to try and make him. Moving his fingers slowly around the puckered skin surrounding Lennart's hole, Bastiaan told him, "I could be gentle and slow, since it's your first time...or I could fuck you hard, and it will probably hurt."
Lennart whimpered. "Hard," he said, with a hoarse voice. "Please. As hard as you want."
Here he was, still saying dangerous things. Well, he had certainly proven he wasn't entirely foolish to do so; he was a genuine masochist who'd endured quite a first beating. And Bastiaan could always heal him right after, if it turned out he didn't enjoy it as much as he predicted.
Bastiaan lined up his cock, and pushed in.
Lennart's body offered shockingly little resistance. Lennart groaned as Bastiaan pushed inexorably in. "God," he croaked.
Bastiaan fucked him hard, never giving all the way in to the temptation to try and destroy Lennart, but certainly harder than he would usually fuck a virginal ass. Again, Lennart was much more vocal on the receiving end than he had been while penetrating Bastiaan. It was maddening.
Halfway through, Lennart started moaning, "Please, please," over and over again.
Bastiaan paused, to ask if he needed to stop, and Lennart cried, "No, don't stop, don't stop!" Which answered that question.
Lennart was practically sobbing by the time Bastiaan came. Bastiaan rested his face on Lennart's shoulder and reached around for his cock. He barely touched it before Lennart convulsed, shooting ropes of come onto the wall. Bastiaan kissed his shoulder, then the back of his neck. "Look at you," he murmured, "waiting to come until I let you. What a good boy."
Lennart gasped, and his cock twitched, but there was only a little dribble of fluid from it.
When Bastiaan had his body back under solid control, he pulled out of Lennart's ass. There was no blood, but Lennart did hiss a breath in through his teeth. Bastiaan said, "I'm going to untie you from the cross now. You think about how much you want me to heal you, okay? It doesn't look like I broke the skin anywhere, but you'll be pretty sore tomorrow if I don't."
"Mm," Lennart said. Bastiaan assumed he would have to repeat that later; Lennart didn't seem like he was completely back in the world yet.
Bastiaan released his ankles first. With only a little prompting, Lennart wiggled them and confirmed they felt fine. Bastiaan stood up to reach for his wrists as well. It took Lennart a little effort to unclench his hands from around the ends of the cross, and he stretched them and rotated his wrists without any prompting.
Bastiaan gently pressed himself flush to Lennart's back and kissed the back of his neck again. "Good boy," he murmured. He slipped his hands around Lennart's waist and eased him back from the cross. Lennart put his arms down, still flexing his hands and wrists, and leaned back against Bastiaan a little too heavily. Bastiaan staggered a bit, because it was unexpected, but he righted them, then led Lennart back to the bed.
"Did you think about how much healing you want?" Bastiaan asked. He'd had to lay down too, so Lennart could cling to him. That was something most of his vanilla customers didn't get, but many of the S&M crowd needed it afterwards. One reason Bastiaan didn't like doing it with vanilla customers was how intimate it felt, and he didn't really think fucking someone was necessarily that intimate, but flogging someone or fucking them until they were crying certainly was.
He attempted to ignore the voice in the back of his head saying he would have let Lennart cuddle him regardless.
After a moment, Lennart said muzzily, "Would it be possible to only heal me at the end of the night? I want to feel you a little longer."
Bastiaan smiled, and kissed Lennart's hair. "Sure," he said.
Unsurprisingly, Lennart fell asleep not long after. Bastiaan carefully slipped out of the bed to put away his dungeon things, then opened up the trunk where he kept his blankets. He rolled them out and pulled them up over Lennart, then went around to snuff the candles out. Then, when it was dark, he slipped back into the bed. Lennart stirred only enough to reattach himself to Bastiaan's side.
AUs of my own S2B2 stories? It's more likely than you'd think!
In which Lennart gets to speedrun the virgin-to-dedicated-kinkster pipeline.
---
Bastiaan woke to someone knocking insistently on his door. He squinted at the clock next to his bed. He hadn't even been asleep six hours. "What?" he shouted, annoyed.
"I need to speak to you," came Lennart's voice.
How had Lennart gotten into the brothel when it was the middle of the day and everyone was asleep, Bastiaan wondered, but then realized his favorite customer, as a mercenary, probably knew how to pick locks. Well, as long as he'd locked the door behind him, it was fine; he'd been a regular for long enough now no one would worry too much about him wandering around unsupervised. They'd all know he was there to see Bastiaan anyway, since he never hired anyone else.
"Just come in," Bastiaan called. It wasn't as though he locked his own door once they closed.
Lennart came into the room, shutting the door behind him. "I apologize for waking you," he said as he crossed the room. "I don't have much time."
"If someone's going to get me up before noon, I suppose I'd rather it be you," Bastiaan said, stretching.
Lennart approached the bed while Bastiaan stretched, then sat down on the edge of the mattress facing him. He barely even looked at Bastiaan's naked body peeking out from beneath the sheets, which Bastiaan supposed was another piece of evidence in favor of this being urgent. Without any more preamble, Lennart said, "I've been offered a job."
Bastiaan blinked. Lennart didn't usually tell him much about his work. Bastiaan didn't tell him that much about his, either, except when he thought it might be something Lennart would enjoy hearing. He was too groggy to have a conversation, even with Lennart. "And?"
"It's not a mercenary contract," Lennart said. "It's a...long-term, stationary job. As a combat instructor at the academy out past Halkilde."
"Oh," Bastiaan said. That was far away. Halkilde was nearly the other side of the country. "I take it you'd be travelling less," he said.
"Yes," Lennart said. "I don't know how often I would be able to come through Polnas."
"Oh," Bastiaan said again. He sat up. He felt as if he was weighted down, his body slow to respond to his commands. He recognized the feeling, as it was similar to how he felt after his family was killed. "So we'll be seeing less of each other."
"Yes," Lennart said, and Bastiaan doubted anyone in the world apart from him knew Lennart well enough to tell how sad he sounded. "Unless you come with me."
"What?" Bastiaan asked.
"I asked the Headmistress if I could bring a romantic partner," Lennart said. "She said yes."
"You--Lennart," Bastiaan said. He was painfully aware he was blushing. He'd been a whore his entire adult life and he was blushing because his favorite customer called him a romantic partner. Not even that, really; suggested he might be. But Bastiaan liked Lennart enough that the suggestion of a possibility flustered him more than any sexual advance had in years.
"I understand we have not spoken about anything like this before," Lennart said. No, Lennart had been much more considerate of the reality of their relationship than most customers who were so obviously smitten. He went on, "And it is a significant change. But I...would be foolish to turn down this position, which is well-suited to my skills, as well as considerably safer and more steady than mercenary work." He reached for one of Bastiaan's hands, and wrapped his own around it. Quietly, he said, "But I don't want to not see you."
"Lennart," Bastiaan said. He took Lennart's other hand in his free one. "I don't want to see you less, either," he admitted. They already saw less of each other than Bastiaan would have liked. He wasn't entirely sure how Lennart afforded so much time with him anyway, on a traveling mercenary's pay. Bastiaan hadn't quite dared to suggest to Madam Louisa that they offer Lennart a discount, even though that wasn't so unusual for regular customers. Lennart traveled so much that his high-priced visits were less frequent than any other customer to whom they extended a discount.
And, quite honestly, Bastiaan had been worried she would tease him. He'd spent his entire career voicing his confusion that some of his colleagues found it difficult to keep from getting attached to customers, and now Lennart was the highlight of his days.
Bastiaan glanced again at the clock. "How much time do you have?" he asked.
"The carriage east leaves at two," Lennart said. That was well before the brothel opened. Bastiaan wouldn't even always be awake by then, depending on how late he'd stayed up the night before. He supposed Lennart had little choice but to wake him, if they were to have a chance to talk at all.
"Then why don't you buy me a meal at Ada's and tell me the details?" Bastiaan suggested. Ada's wasn't far from where the carriage-house was, and her cooking was excellent.
"Yes," Lennart said.
Bastiaan got dressed, and managed to restrain himself from pulling Lennart into bed or pushing him against a wall. It was an effort, since it had been so long since Lennart's last visit, and since he had just suggested Bastiaan move across the country to be his kept man.
Until he met Lennart, Bastiaan hadn't really understood the people who left the brothel to be someone's mistress. Yes, you got more free time in exchange for less work, and often perks like clothing and lodging, but it left you so vulnerable to the whims of a single person. At least the people who married their patrons got some legal protection out of it. Yet Bastiaan found the idea less puzzling these days. In fact, Bastiaan had considered several times how pleasant being Lennart's kept man might be.
Probably because Bastiaan was in love with him.
Bastiaan wouldn't even mind not fucking anyone else, which was usually one of the stipulations of these arrangements, if he got to see Lennart every day. Not that Lennart had ever seemed to care at all that Bastiaan had sex with other people. For all that they had spent a fair bit of time together over the last not-quite-two years, what little Lennart said about himself was not especially illuminating. Even when it was informative, it tended to be confusing, simply because Lennart was so unconcerned with what society expected of people. He worked alone, which Bastiaan was pretty sure the mercenaries he knew would have considered somewhere between foolhardy and suicidal; Bastiaan didn't know why he worked alone, apart from the obvious. From what Lennart knew of noble politics and manners, he had to have spent time in a noble house. Both of his parents were dead, like Bastiaan's, but if Bastiaan had read between the lines correctly, Lennart had killed his own father after his mother died. Usually when they had enough time to talk, Lennart asked Bastiaan about himself.
Lennart was strange. Other people tended to find him off-putting. Bastiaan, on the other hand, felt like he'd before never gotten along so well so quickly with anyone. When Lennart didn't understand Bastiaan, he said so, then listened to the explanation, instead of coming up with some kind of reasoning on his own and acting as if that was the truth without bothering to check with Bastiaan.
Ada already had stew and fresh bread ready to serve, so Lennart and Bastiaan took their food to a corner table immediately. As Bastiaan ate, Lennart told him about the school. It had enclosed grounds, indoor plumbing, and meals served three times a day. He was unsure if there were any unfilled positions in the school itself, but there was a village not far outside the grounds. There was even a brothel in the village, though Lennart hadn't asked if they needed any additional help.
"However, you needn't work if you do not wish to," Lennart said. "With room and board for two included in my position, I can support us both. But I will be busy much of the time. I wouldn't want you to get bored."
Plenty of people weren't so considerate of their mistresses' desires when setting up these arrangements, Bastiaan knew. The fact that Lennart thought ahead to not only whether or not Bastiaan might be bored, but what potential occupations he could find at or around the school, was quite endearing. "Are you sure it would be all right?" Bastiaan asked. "I doubt the headmistress thought your proposed romantic partner was a whore."
"I don't see why it would matter," Lennart said. When they first met, Bastiaan would have taken such a statement for naivety, but now he understood it was best to take Lennart at face value whenever possible. Lennart didn't understand why Bastiaan's profession would affect anyone's feelings for him, or opinion of their relationship, because it was not something Lennart found at all relevant. Bastiaan loved that. He loved that Lennart was such a straight-forward man, and he loved that Lennart treated whores like he treated anyone else. "If it does," Lennart went on, "I believe I would still be able to afford to rent you a room in the village. It would be less convenient, but certainly better than having you be a two week journey away."
"You've put a lot of thought into this," Bastiaan said.
For some reason, that made Lennart blush. "Yes," he said, and busied himself with his stew.
"It'll probably take me a few weeks to get everything settled here," Bastiaan said. Lennart's head jerked back up to look at him fast enough to make him splash stew on the table. Lennart hunched into himself, embarrassed, and mopped up the spill with his napkin. Bastiaan said, "But I think I can trust you're not going to get tired of me and strand me on the other side of the country."
"Never," Lennart said, frowning up at Bastiaan. "I could never get tired of you."
"Good," Bastiaan said. "Because otherwise this would be very foolish of both of us." He reached across the table, smiling, and Lennart took his hand.
This is the biggest chunk, because part of the middle bits were the last thing I finished.
---
Ayla's life became defined by the needs of children. Nan's son Eka and Hari were born only a few months apart in the fall. Trying to make sure Nan got enough rest while the rest of the village juggled her son and the harvest was tricky, so it was nice that Hari was born after the harvest was mostly finished and it was starting to get cold. Winter was less hectic for all of them, now. It felt far less tenuous than Ayla's first village had; whether that was due to their location, planning, luck, or having a god living with them, Ayla couldn't guess.
Which was good, because it turned out two infants to eighteen adults was still a little overwhelming at times. Not in terms of disrupting their sleep or work time--they could have handled three or maybe four infants and all still got enough rest--but quiet was extremely difficult to come by. Unless you were one of the people explicitly off babysitting duty, and therefore granted privacy and the assumption you wanted quiet so you could rest, everything was always loud. The babies were loud, the people with the babies were loud, and the people working and having adult conversations while they had the chance were loud.
Ayla was almost always the one to take Hari when Nic and Mara needed time to themselves, because everyone else seemed to be under the impression that new parents would not be having sex. Nan wasn't, but Nan also hadn't been married to a partner of several years when she got pregnant. Ayla knew exactly how long it took Nic to get horny again after giving birth. It was not nearly as long as she'd expected, and apparently no one else even considered it a possibility yet.
Not that Ayla really minded. It was easy enough to take Hari for the night, and Hari was usually a delightful baby. She smiled and laughed easily, she quieted down as quickly for Ayla as she did for Nic (which was not quite as quickly as she quieted down for Mara, the jerk), and she understood fairly quickly that Ayla's boobs did not, unlike Nic or Nan's, produce milk.
(Sometimes when she fell asleep in Ayla's arms, Hari would wake up and try to get at Ayla's nipple while she was still half-asleep. Ayla didn't know how early babies started feeling "embarrassment" but she would swear the answer had to be before six months, because Hari looked so sheepish when she woke up a little more and realized it was Ayla she was sleeping on.)
Planting season might have been a little harder than usual, but Hari and Eka were both fairly happy to be strapped to someone's chest or back and watch them work the field. Ayla strongly suspected it would be harder next year, when they would both be wriggly and crawling, possibly even walking. Ayla thought Hari was going to either be a constant mover, or one of those kids who skipped right over walking to running. If Mara had ever been a child, he would have refused to crawl or walk much, Ayla thought, until he was able to run. That was how he was with things that weren't fighting in the beginning: he'd watch and watch, not doing it himself, until he could do it perfectly.
Actually, thinking of those first few months as Mara's infancy made some of his weird behavior make a lot more sense in hindsight.
"You're not as good at talking as your daddy was at your age," Ayla confided to Hari one day, "but you are way better at asking for and accepting help. Good job, nugget."
Hari burbled happily back at her.
With the fields mostly taking care of themselves, Ayla spent that summer doing a lot of watching the babies. She sat with Mara and Hari, watching Nic work and narrating what ze was doing to Hari. She bounced Eka on her lap while Nan spun yarn. She sat with both of the babies on a blanket under the awning outside Danny's house, watching them figure out each other were people, and occasionally pulling them apart when they forgot.
With Hari around, Ayla spent more time sleeping with Nic and Mara. Not always all of them at once, but often two of them would fall asleep trying to get Hari down, and whoever was still awake would come to find them, then end up crawling into bed next to them. Ayla's bed was not big enough for three adults, let alone three adults and a baby. After the first incredibly uncomfortable time Ayla woke up squashed in her own bed, she always laid down in Nic and Mara's bed to settle Hari down if there was any chance of them coming to find her.
In the fall, Nic built a little bed that was close to the ground for Eka, for Nan to have next to her bed. Ze built a second one for Hari, although Hari strongly preferred to cling to someone while she slept, now that she was sleeping through most nights.
"I suppose at least you've got one for the next villager to have kids," Ayla muttered one evening, with Hari curled up on her chest, very much not in her little bed. She cried when they tried to put her in it. She cried when she woke up in it. She simply did not want to sleep in her own bed. In fairness, Hari was a little younger than Eka, so she might not be ready yet.
"Please, that's for our next one," Mara said.
Ayla raised an eyebrow at him. "Nic hated pregnancy," she said.
The tips of Mara's pointy ears reddened. "I know," he said. "I'm working on it."
"You're working on talking zem into more pregnancies?"
"Of course not," Mara said, quietly indignant. "I'm working on a way to let me carry them."
Ayla stared at him a moment. Finally, she said, "Of course you are."
"I don't think it's practical to try and conjure a womb," Mara said, "but I've heard about some alternatives."
"Like what?" Ayla asked. "Growing a baby in a tumor?"
Mara pulled a face. "Ayla," he said, "gross. No."
Ayla tried not to laugh, because that would shake Hari. She did not entirely succeed. Mara reached over as soon as Hari stirred, and pulled her onto his chest instead. She buried her little face in his vest, clutching it with her tiny hand. Ayla could not stand how cute this baby was. "Well then," she said, "how are you going to carry a fetus?"
"Well," he said slowly, "I was thinking about the ritual Indiyit used to make a body for me. Obviously that's different, but pregnancy is already kind of like blood magic."
Living with Mara and Nic was rotting her brain, obviously, because that actually made sense to Ayla.
"I suppose mixing your blood together is kind of already what's happening," Ayla said. "But I still don't see how that helps you, who does not have a womb, carry a fetus."
"One step at a time," Mara said, as though step one being inventing a new kind of blood magic was reasonable. "I wouldn't want to start another one until Hari's a little older anyway."
"It would be pretty obnoxious to have two kids in your bed," Ayla said, and Mara had to bite his lip to hold in a laugh. After a moment, Ayla guessed, "You've been thinking about how they plant monsters. You just don't want to say that."
Mara sighed. "Yeah," he said. Ayla felt a wash of smug satisfaction that she knew him so well. Mara went on, "I mean, that's a terrible way to grow a baby, but I have been wondering if I could use the same idea. Plant the baby in some kind of seed."
"That is less disturbing," Ayla said. She rolled over to snuggle up to Mara's side, and gently rested her hand over Hari's, where Hari was clutching Mara's vest. "I'm sure you can figure something out."
"I hope so," Mara murmured. "I know ze hated being pregnant, but I want Hari to have siblings. I always thought it sounded nice."
"I was jealous of my cousins with siblings," Ayla said. "They always teamed up against me. In games and stuff," she said, which was true but incomplete. "It seemed like having a brother or sister would mean having someone on my side." She poked Mara's side. "Plus you just want more kids."
"Plus I want more kids," Mara admitted. "Look at this!" He nodded at Hari, where she was hiding her face in his vest. "She's so cute! How could I not want more of this!"
*
One of the sailors who'd joined the trading flotilla fell in love with Nan and her son Eka, and convinced his sister to move to the village with him. A few weeks after moving in, said sister decided actually, like Nic, ze was not a woman. Which in turn made the way Danny had been mooning after zem make more sense. Only a few months later, ze moved from Nan's house over to Danny's.
A widowed fisherman from a few islands away asked if he could move into the village, offering to teach some younger folks how to fish so he could pass down his boat and nets.
Chiamaka had several different women from different groups of traders and fishers cycling through her bed when they stopped in the village.
A family passed through the village on the way to the mine. They were cousins or something of one of the miners who had stayed when the mine was shut down, and were going to join the skeleton mining settlement. The oldest son was about Bunny's age, but he latched on to Fumi while they were in town, and in the following months, made sure to always be on the group tasked with running supplies back and forth from the mine to the village.
Eli took the old widower fisherman up on his offer to take over the boat, and started spending days away from the village. Ayla didn't want to say it was a relief, but...well. Eli had some opinions about women, gender, and relationships that didn't exactly make him a good fit with the rest of their heretical village. More than half of them were either uninterested in or at least uninvested in traditional male/female relationships, and Ayla certainly wasn't about to defer to someone who knew less than her because of his gender.
Once, Eli had said something about how, now that they had traders coming by the village regularly, maybe Ayla would find a reason to move out of Nic and Mara's spare room. Nan and Danny both snapped at him to shut up. Ayla was mostly glad Mara didn't hear him, because he would almost certainly have punched Eli, and Ayla wasn't sure she could handle that.
Living with Nic and Mara was convenient for taking care of Hari. Living there was also, maybe, a terrible idea that was bad for her, but worrying about that at this point seemed silly. As long as Ayla didn't think about it, she was fine. Happy, even! But sometimes, thinking about the ways they both stretched the limits of friendship for her, or cared enough about her to punch Eli for being an insensitive shit, made Ayla think about how often she felt like that still wasn't enough, was both more than she deserved and less than she wanted, and then she spent days feeling like a bad friend.
*
For all that living with the mortal incarnation of the god worshiped by the freaks who had murdered Ayla's entire first village and spent years making the lives of everyone in her second village hell was weird, it was also in some ways extremely convenient.
For instance, if anyone in Arizedo Church robes or one of those ugly-ass amulets showed up, they could just fob them off on Mara. If they resisted, you had the pleasure of shouting, "Mara!" at the top of your lungs and watching the priest who could have made life hell a year ago flinch.
Did it probably suck for devout Arizedoans that it turned out their god hated most of what they'd spent their lives doing and immediately started tearing the church to pieces? Probably. On the other hand, Ayla did not give a shit about how devout Arizedoans felt.
So every other month or so, a couple of priests would show up officially, to check in with Mara. They were easy to deal with, since they wanted desperately to stay on Mara's good side, and knew that meant being polite to everyone in the village. If someone happened to be in the lookout tower when their ship got close enough to identify, someone would go tell Mara, and he would usually be there waiting at the dock by the time the priests landed.
But as time went on, and both monster attacks and church raids became less of a concern, the lookout tower was manned less frequently. Fumi still went up there a couple of times a week, but it seemed like he did that mostly to be alone. So the priests would sometimes tie up their ship and disembark, and then have to walk through the village to find someone to ask about Mara.
It would have been easy enough to tell them how to look for Mara themselves: all anyone in the village did was check the workshop, because that's where Nic usually was, and if Mara wasn't there with zem, ze would know where he was. If neither of them were there, you checked the dining room, the bath house, and then knocked on their front door in case they had adjourned to their bed in the middle of the day. If Mara wasn't any of those places, you basically just waited until the next meal time, because Mara would find Nic and drag zem to a meal no matter what he was in the middle of.
But no one really liked the idea of letting the official Arizedo delegation know how to find Mara, let alone giving them permission to wander around the village unaccompanied, so whoever they found first inevitably told them to wait there, or go back to the dock to wait, while they found Mara. Ayla was, in fact, a petty enough person to take satisfaction in watching a couple of high-ranking Arizedo priests mill about the dock or the village gate uncertainly.
The problem was the idiots who weren't there on official business.
It was only a few months after Mara killed Indiyit and gave the church's remaining leadership very specific instructions for how to avoid pissing him off that the first idiot showed up.
Said idiot clearly didn't realize how small the village was, or how infrequently they had visitors. Sure, he wasn't wearing liturgical robes or one of those ugly amulets, but he was a stranger and his "casual" inquiries about Mara were not subtle.
Danny ran to Ayla, where she was kneeling in the damp soil of the field, murmuring encouragement to the brassicas. "Hey," he said, leaning over with his hands on his knees, panting, "there's some Arizedoan here who thinks he's in disguise asking about Mara."
Ayla scrunched up her nose. "Eugh," she said. "Did you direct him to Mara? Or send someone to get him?"
Danny shook his head. "I wasn't sure I should."
Ayla snorted. "He killed the High Priest easily enough, I'm sure he can handle whoever this loser is," she said. "All the Church stuff is officially his business."
"I guess he is a god," Danny said, doubtfully. "He just...doesn't usually seem very divine."
"Lucky for us," Ayla said, because she had heard plenty of stories from Arizedoans where they basically used The Destroyer as a boogeyman to scare farmers and craftspeople out of doing their thing. The closest Mara had ever come to a vengeful rampage of destruction was when he broke a rake, got mad about it, and then kicked a nearby bucket and also broke that. Unless, of course, you counted his third day of existence, when he managed to topple over every single little lean-to Nic built them in one fell swoop, and burst into tears about it because he had legitimately been trying to help.
But Nic also reported Mara had crushed Indiyit's heart in his chest, from across the room, because Indiyit dared threaten the village and Nic zemself, so clearly Mara could do the terrifying god shtick if he wanted.
"Even if he wasn't," Ayla said, "I'd still say send this Arizedoan to Mara so he can beat them up."
Danny laughed. "Yeah, that's fair," he said. "I'll go get him." He took off back the way he'd come.
Ayla got up, brushed the soil off her hands and knees, and headed for the village center at a more sedate pace. When she arrived, Mara was laughing in a disgruntled stranger's face.
Ayla whispered to Danny, "What happened?"
Danny told her quietly, "He suggested he could make Mara remember his destiny."
Ayla snorted. The disgruntled stranger shot her a mean look.
Mara stopped laughing, although he still looked somewhat amused. "Okay, guy," he said, "are you stupid or do you think I'm stupid?"
"What?" the stranger asked, frowning. "Uh, that is--my lord, I would never--"
"Because it would be really stupid to think you're more powerful than Indiyit was," Mara said, interrupting him. He crossed his arms over his chest. "And it would be really insulting if you thought that didn't matter, because I had somehow just misunderstood him and what he thought I should want."
"Uh," the stranger said.
Mara shifted his weight and tilted his head to one side. Somehow, it made him look at least twice as threatening. "You should get out of here," Mara said. He lowered his voice to add, "And pray I don't see you again."
The stranger's face paled to the point he looked like he was about to pass out. "Uh, yes, sir," he said, then turned and fled toward the dock.
"Oh, my," Danny said, and when Ayla looked over at him, he was fanning himself with one of his hands. At her look, he said, "I know you don't care about this kind of thing, but that was extremely sexy."
Mara finally relaxed out of his threatening posture, back into the caring and slightly goofy man Ayla was familiar with. "Oh, come on," he said.
"Trust me," Danny said, "Nic's gonna be sad ze missed this."
That made Mara blush, which made Danny laugh. Ayla rolled her eyes. "Well, if that's all the excitement over," she said, "I'll see you both later."
The idiots weren't always so easy to get rid of. Very rarely did anyone do any more than threaten Mara--Ayla didn't know if everyone would be as hesitant to fight their own god as the Arizedoans were, or if fighting a god whose entire thing was destroying things seemed like an extra-bad idea--but Mara physically threw more than one Arizdeoan into the ocean. Once, one of them interrupted dinner, and the disgusted look Mara gave him would have made Ayla want to shrivel up into nothingness if it was directed at her.
Shortly after Mara and Nic got married, an Arizedoan woman showed up and pissed Mara off enough that he took away her access to magic, which Ayla had not realized he could do.
When Ayla asked him about it at dinner that night, Mara only shrugged. "I couldn't do it to any magic user," he said, "but since she was trying to use magic on me, I could feel it was the same as some of the priests', and they get their magic from me. It stood to reason I could cut her off."
"So you can just un-cleric someone," Nic said.
"Only if they're an Arizedoan cleric," Mara said.
Eli laughed. "That's brutal," he said. sounding admiring.
"It is kind of beautiful," Danny agreed.
"What kind of magic was she trying to use?" Chiamaka asked. "I could hear you shouting from the barn, it sounded like she really ticked you off."
Mara flushed and looked down at his plate.
"Okay," Nan said, "so either she was pretending to be Nic or trying to seduce you." She nodded. "Got it."
Mara put his head down on the table next to his plate, and covered it with his arms.
Nic started laughing. "Babe," ze said, "did she really?"
"I don't want to talk about it," Mara muttered. The pointy tips of his ears were bright red.
By the time Hari was two, they were all pretty used to ignoring suspicious strangers in the village, as long as they didn't try to make trouble for the rest of them. Mara didn't have trouble taking care of them on his own, and most of them were just kooks who thought they could somehow get Mara back on the path to ruling the world, or at least giving his blessing to their attempt to do so in his name. Word of Mara taking away that woman's magic seemed to have gotten around, so people did not try a more personal angle any more.
So Ayla was really only surprised when the suspiciously nondescript stranger she saw talking to Mara at the water pump early one morning stuck around for the rest of the day. First they helped Mara haul the water buckets to the kitchen, then followed Mara around as he went through the field, picking basket after basket of ripe crops. Ayla didn't have a lot of time to devote to thinking about it, though, because the more of this harvest they managed to actually get to before it rotted, the more they had to figure out how to store and preserve.
Toward the end of the day, when Ayla was sitting on an upturned barrel, gazing at sacks and baskets of produce she needed to store somehow, Mara walked over, stranger still in tow.
"Hey," he said, "this is Kay, she's going to stay with us for a while and help with the harvest."
Ayla blinked at the pronoun, because she was pretty sure she'd heard Danny call Kay "the new guy" earlier in the day, but she decided it was none of her business. After all, it wouldn't be the first time someone in the village changed which pronouns people used for them. She asked, "Taking in strays now, are you?"
"Be nice," Mara said. He turned to Kay, and said, "This is Ayla. She's basically in charge of the farm, so if you can't find me or Nic, you can ask her what you can help with."
Kay started to bow, frowned and stopped herself, then did a very clumsy curtsy instead. As tired and grumpy as Ayla was, it was still cute, in much the same way Hari's imperfect attempts at new words were cute. Kay said, "Nice to meet you."
Ayla was not especially surprised when, a few days later, Kay dropped whatever glamour she'd been using and turned out to be a monster. She was one of the human-shaped ones, so the biggest differences were her skin color and strange eyes, plus she only had four fingers on each hand. But she had better endurance than most humans and needed less sleep than even Mara, and she was eager to help, which would have been enough to get Ayla over her blue skin even if they hadn't been working from sun-up to sun-down on the harvest.
Kay reminded Ayla a lot of Mara right after the shipwreck. She was not surprised when Kay said she'd only been Awakened a few months before Mara killed Indiyit.
Having the extra hands during an extra-productive harvest season was nice, but Kay was obviously better-suited to other things. Most obviously, she was an adept magic user with much greater control than Mara had.
"Mara could do anything I do," Kay told Ayla, inscribing a stasis charm on one of their barrels, "but it would require practice. I think he prefers to do things by hand."
"Our first few attempts to teach him things didn't go very well," Ayla said. "I think most of the magic he does is Destroyer-specific stuff that would be hard for him to mess up."
Kay nodded. "It is hard to imagine him doing something like this," she said.
"The carving part, maybe," Ayla said.
"Maybe," Kay said. She finished inscribing the charm, then laid her hand over it. It glowed briefly, and when the glow faded, the lines of the charm were blue, as if they'd been dyed. "There," she said. "As long as the carving is blue, the stasis spell is working. When it begins to fade, someone should recharge it."
"That's great," Ayla said. "Are you up to doing more today?"
Kay thought for a few moments. "Yes," she said. "I can do at least two more."
"Don't push yourself," Ayla said. "It's not that urgent."
Kay nodded. "I could probably do three or four, but I am confident I can do two without exhausting myself."
"Good," Ayla said. "It's bad enough having one over-doer in the village."
Kay thought about that, as she moved along to another barrel. Finally, as she began drawing the outline of the charm with a piece of charcoal, she asked, "Is the over-doer Nic?"
Ayla smiled. "Oh, yeah," she said. "I guess ze's not as bad anymore, but that's mostly because Mara keeps an eye on zem."
"Ze is ambitious," Kay said.
"Ze has more ideas than sense, but I suppose you could call that ambition," Ayla said. She watched Kay finish drawing the outline of the charm, set down her charcoal, and pick up her little knife. Nic made it for her, complete with a cutely tooled sheath. Kay cried when Nic gave it to her, which had been a hell of a way to find out her tears were very yellow. And that no one had seen fit to give her a gift the entire four years she'd been alive. Ayla said, "I don't think you need me here to watch."
"No," Kay agreed, "but I like the company."
Ayla smiled, and hopped up to sit on top of one of the sealed barrels. "Guess I'll stay, then."
*
With a little assistance in fine-tuning the ritual from Kay, Mara did figure out how to carry a pregnancy instead of Nic. Well, sort of. His solution involved growing the fetus in a gourd, which he kept strapped to his body with one of the baby slings Hari now insisted she was too big for even though she still sometimes demanded to be carried.
"It needs to be in physical contact with one of us," Mara explained, carefully transferring the squash to the sling.
"Technically, there's fabric in the way," Ayla pointed out.
"Most fabric is magically null," Nic said. "Except for stuff like cloud silk and cloth of mithril."
"Kay thinks leather could interfere too," Mara said, tightening the ties of the sling. The tiny squash was far too small for the sling at this stage, although Ayla was certain it was larger than a fetus would have been right now in a real womb. "I'm not sure she's right about that, but I don't really want to test it with a baby."
"Fair enough," Ayla said. Testing magical theories with a baby sounded like an especially terrible idea. She asked, "Is it still going to take forty weeks?"
"Probably a little longer," Nic said. "Forty-five or fifty." Ze sniffed, and crossed zeir arms over zeir chest. "Still easy mode, compared to carrying it in your body."
Ayla laughed. Mara shrugged. "Yeah," he said. "I don't expect carrying this one to mess up anyone's joints or feet."
Hari was adorable with it. She talked to the squash often, sometimes ignoring Mara and addressing her conversational contributions to "Baby". "We're gonna go see Auntie Kay now, Baby." "It's bed time, Baby! Time for bed!" On more than one occasion, she interrupted the adults' conversation by addressing a question to the squash in a sling on Mara's front. "I'm hungry, Baby, how about you?"
Nan's son Eka thought she was crazy. Every time Hari tried to talk to her developing sibling in front of him, Eka rolled his eyes and took his toys somewhere else.
"How are you going to know when it's ready?" Ayla asked one night, getting into bed with Nic and Mara after finally getting Hari settled in her own bed. With a second child on the way, Nic had finally built the nursery ze'd started planning after the wedding. Hari, despite not being thrilled with having to sleep in her own bed, had been delighted to have her own room. She realized that, as long as she was quiet, bedtime was no longer a rule her grown-ups could enforce without breaking their promises about giving her privacy. Ayla didn't believe for a second that Hari was asleep right now, but she no longer fought them about bedtime, and she didn't stay up late enough to be groggy in the morning, which they all agreed was good enough.
"His juice will break," Nic said, and then snorted at zeir own awful joke.
Mara rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure we'll be able to feel it," he said. He loosened the straps of the sling to pull it over his head, making it loose enough to reach in and pull out the gourd. "And I mean, it'll be moving for months before that."
"So it'll just hatch," Ayla said. "You've reinvented eggs."
"That's what I said!" Nic exclaimed, taking the gourd from Mara and setting it gently in zeir lap.
"They do make more sense than pregnancy," Ayla said. "Especially since you've managed to eliminate the need to lay it." She shook her head. "I know I don't use it for much, but the idea of rearranging my whole downstairs by having a baby? Yuck."
Nic shrugged. "That part wasn't so bad," ze said. Mara and Ayla snorted at the same time. Nic said, "I mean, it sucked, but I could do it again. It's the fact that it all takes so long I didn't like."
"Chiamaka told me once that some people who've had lots of babies can barely hold their pee in," Mara said. He set aside the sling, folding it carefully so it wouldn't get tangled when he picked it up again in the morning. "It's not not horrifying."
"Ah, now we see why you invented the gourd ritual," Ayla said, grinning.
"Pregnancy is a beautiful miracle," Mara said. "It is also horrifying. To be fair, that's what miracles are like."
"You're biased," Nic said, shimmying down into the bed so ze was laying down. "All the miracles you personally could perform are horrifying."
"There's nothing horrifying about..." Mara trailed off, thinking. Finally, he shook his head. "Whatever, it's still true."
"Sure," Ayla said. "You tell yourself that."
Mara threw a pillow at her.
*
Chiamaka was not especially enthusiastic about the gourd baby, although she acknowledged it was a neat solution to Nic's aversion to pregnancy. "But I know how to look after a normal pregnancy," she said. "How am I supposed to help with a pumpkin?"
Nic asked Kay if she could help, since she was by far the most magically gifted resident of their village. Kay, of course, protested that she knew nothing about pregnancy or fetal development.
"No," Nic said, "but you can monitor a spell and check on the fetus. I'm sure Chiamaka can tell you what to look for."
So Chiamaka and Kay both kept an eye on Mara and his squash baby. Kay used magic to monitor the developing fetus, while Chiamaka taught her what to expect.
Mara did not get as cranky as Nic had, or have as many weird food cravings, but he did get back pain and sore feet from carrying around the extra weight, and he did eat more. Since Nic and Mara slept with the squash on the bed between them both, Nic was often ravenous in the morning, and Ayla noticed when she slept with them, she woke up a little hungrier as well.
Most of the time they were incubating their weird gourd egg, though, Ayla slept in her own bed. This was not entirely so Hari had a bed to crawl into that wasn't her own, but that wasn't an unimportant factor. Hari liked the privacy of the nursery, but she missed sleeping with her parents.
The first night Nic and Mara told Hari she couldn't sleep with them, Hari woke Ayla up by crawling, sobbing, into her bed.
"What's wrong?" Ayla asked, simultaneously groggy from being awakened and nervous with adrenaline from Hari's crying.
Hari flung herself onto Ayla's midsection, burying her face in Ayla's chest. "Nonna and Daddy don't trust me with the baby," she sobbed.
Ayla's first instinct was to disagree, but she tried very hard to not do that with Hari and Eka, or even with the kids that visited the village with the traders. Instead, she kept quiet until she figured out to ask, "Why do you think that?"
"They won't let me in the bed," Hari said, her sobs making her words even harder to understand than usual. Ayla stroked her back. "They think I'll hurt the baby."
Ayla frowned. "Did they say that?" she asked. She didn't think they would, but best friends or not, she wouldn't hesitate to yell at them if they had.
"No," Hari admitted. "But why else would they not let me sleep with them?"
"Oh, nugget," Ayla murmured, still rubbing her back. "Do you remember your friend from the boats, the one whose mama was pregnant?"
Hari sniffled. "Yeah," she said.
"Do you remember how she was always hungry, and how Aunt Chiamaka had Nonna make extra potions for her to take, to keep her strong while the baby was growing?"
"Yeah," Hari said again. Her crying was settling down a little, although now she was making that awful snarfing noise every time she took a breath.
"Let's sit up," Ayla said. "That'll help you breathe a little better." She held Hari to her as she sat up, leaning against the headboard. Hari adjusted herself so she was sitting in Ayla's lap, with her arms around Ayla's neck. "That's better," Ayla murmured. Hari pressed her wet face into Ayla's neck. Gods, kids were gross and she loved them. Ayla resumed stroking Hari's back and said, "Your friend's mama was growing the baby inside her body, so she was the only one who got extra hungry and needed more food and sleep. But your parents are using magic to grow the baby outside a body. So whoever is touching it gets extra hungry and needs more food and sleep."
"Nonna too?" Hari asked.
"Yep, Nonna too. And me, when I sleep in their bed right now," Ayla said. "But you're still growing, and you need all your food and energy and sleep making you big and strong."
"But Daddy lets me touch the baby all the time," Hari said.
"That's true," Ayla said. "But that's only for a few minutes. Sleeping with it would give it hours and hours to suck up energy from you."
"Oh," Hari said. After a second, she said, "I can't sleep in the bed 'cause the baby would hurt me?"
Ayla smiled. "You could say that," she said. "It doesn't mean to. It's just trying to grow."
"Like the plants," Hari said.
Ayla smiled. "Very much like the plants," she said. "We have to keep you in separate pots for a little bit."
Hari sniffled. After a minute, she muttered, "Thanks, Auntie Ayla."
"Of course, nugget," Ayla said. She kissed the top of Hari's head. Her hair was so much like Mara's, but unfortunately, whatever divine magic kept Mara's hair from trapping and accumulating debris had not been passed down to Hari. Not a day went by that one of them didn't pull a twig or bug or something out of Hari's hair. She said, "I'm sure your daddy and nonna didn't mean to worry you. We can talk to them about it in the morning, if you want."
"Kay," Hari said, but Ayla wasn't sure she was really awake anymore.
Ayla wriggled down the headboard until she was laying down again. Hari squirmed down to press her face into the side of Ayla's boob, with her head tucked into Ayla's armpit. Ayla was nearly asleep when Hari murmured, "Can I come sleep with you while the baby's growing?"
"Of course, nugget," Ayla said again. Might as well, she thought. Sleeping with Nic and Mara while they had their gourd egg was not especially restful, and that way Hari would have somewhere to go.
*
Hari was extremely disappointed that her baby sister was still boring and immobile once she was out of her squash shell.
"I wanna play with her," Hari complained. "But she only cries and eats."
"That's what babies are like, nugget," Nic said.
"She'll be more fun in a few weeks," Ayla said. "Remember, she doesn't know anything right now. The first time you teach her how to play Peek-A-Boo will blow her mind."
Hari flopped onto the floor. She sighed gustily. "I wanna play now," she said. "It'll be forever before a few weeks."
"Yep, that's how time works," Ayla said.
Hari rolled over to give her the hairy eyeball. "Nonna," she said, still glaring at Ayla, "Auntie Ayla's being mean to me."
"Yep," Nic said.
"Nonna!"
"Well, what do you expect me to do about it?" Nic asked. "I'm not the boss of her."
"Ze can't even stop me from being mean to zem," Ayla said. She poked Hari's tummy, making her shriek.
"Augh, girls," Nic said, leaning over to check on the baby in her basket. "You're going to wake up Bernie."
*
Ayla never really stopped sleeping in Nic and Mara's bed after Hari was born. While Bernie was gestating, sure, she'd spent most nights in her own bed just so she wouldn't be exhausted, but it was the easiest habit to pick back up, and slip back into their bed after they got Bernie and Hari down for the night. Thankfully, Nic had originally made the bed to fit three adults who weren't necessarily cuddling, so there was plenty of room for one of them to curl protectively around the baby and still have room on the edge for Hari to climb in if she had trouble sleeping.
For the first six months or so of Bernie's life, of course, they were rarely all in the bed at once. They slept in shifts, trading off who was awake and who needed a solid eight hours. But when Bernie was sleeping through most nights, Ayla did not go back to sleeping in her own bed any more than she had when Hari finally started sleeping through nights. Often, she'd take Bernie to lay down and fall asleep in their bed, with Bernie lying on her chest, since she got tired earliest. Ayla woke in the mornings with Nic on one side of her and Mara on the other, wrapped around her, ready to take Bernie if they needed to.
Hari loved her little sister, and tried her best to help take care of her. Still, she was getting old enough to get bored of watching a baby cry and suck on its own fingers and toes. Ayla took her out to the fields and the barn more and more often. She was too little to be especially helpful, but having her underfoot asking questions was much less liable to bore her.
It felt like no time at all before Bernie was walking and talking, toddling after Hari and Ayla every chance she got.
"'Snot fair," Nic muttered one night, snug against Ayla's side, with one arm keeping Bernie from sliding off Ayla's chest. Bernie was kind of too big for it to be comfortable for Ayla to have her fall asleep laying on her, but she was just as much of a sucker for Nic and Mara's children as she was for Nic and Mara themselves.
"What isn't?" Ayla murmured back.
"Mara's Hari's favorite," Nic said softly, "and Bernie clearly likes you better than me."
"Don't be silly," Ayla said, although she did see where Nic was coming from. Practically as soon as Bernie was weaned, she seemed ready to abandon Nic whenever possible. Hari had clung to Mara, and still did to an extent, but if Bernie wasn't trailing after her sister, she was asking for Ayla.
"I'm not mad," Nic reassured her. "I'm glad we have you. It's just..." Ze yawned. "One of my kids should like me best, shouldn't they?"
"Nic, the whole village likes you best," Ayla said.
"They're not my kids," Nic said. Ze nuzzled zeir face into the side of Ayla's chest. "Bet if I said that to Mara, he'd just tell me he's ready to have another one whenever I am."
Ayla managed to muffle her snort of laughter. Bernie shifted, making a grumpy noise, but didn't wake up. She pressed her face into Ayla's other boob. "Third time's the charm?" she murmured, after she was certain Bernie wasn't going to wake up.
"Be stupid and selfish to have another kid just 'cause my daughters like you and Mara best," Nic said, sounding a little more slurred and indistinct. Ze'd worked through Bernie's naptime to finish a table for Danny and Amora's new dining room. Ze said after a minute, "Guess I shouldn't blame them. I like you and Mara best, too."
Nic didn't have any particular self-worth problems, minor crisis after finding out Mara was a god notwithstanding. Still, as always, Ayla's heart did something funny hearing Nic put her in the same category as Mara. "Don't be silly," Ayla said, but Nic only made an indistinct noise in reply.
*
When Ayla was a child, she found the way grown-ups always seemed surprised by the passage of time irritating. Of course she was bigger. She was a child; that was what children did, get bigger. Time was passing at the same rate for her as it was for everyone else, after all.
Now that she was an adult, she found that wasn't true. Sure time literally passed at the same rate for her as it did for Hari, Bernie, Eka, and the trading flotilla kids, but a year was a huge chunk of Hari's life, compared to a much smaller chunk of Ayla's life. Time felt slipperier than it had when she was younger. It felt like no time at all before Mara was carrying around another squash in a sling, and Hari would confidently go off unsupervised to walk to Kay's cottage on the outskirts of the woods. Mara's second pregnancy seemed to take less time than his first. Ayla wondered how Nic's pregnancy had seemed so interminable when this one was over in the blink of an eye.
One day, Ayla was planning out the planting schedule for the spring, and she barely had time to turn around before it was harvest time and Hari was carefully showing Bernie how to preserve seeds for the winter.
*
Nic and Mara's third child was a boy they named Lind. Hari insisted she could help take care of baby Lind, and begged to change his diapers. She didn't change her mind the first time he peed on her, surprisingly, but she did burst into tears when he pooped on her while she had him on her lap. To be fair, she was wearing her favorite dress at the time. But she didn't yell at him, which Ayla thought showed remarkable maturity for a six-year-old. Lind started crying anyway, upset by Hari's tears.
Within that first year of Lind's life, Ayla suspected Nic would get zeir wish of being one of the kids' favorites. Lind only tolerated being held by Mara or Ayla if Nic wasn't in view. He didn't want any of the other villagers to hold him at all. Ayla was a little shocked he didn't mind being held in his sister's lap. The only other person who could watch Lind without giving him back at the end of the day with the pinched look of someone who had endured non-stop crying was Kay.
Kay said as much one day, when she met Mara and Ayla out front of the dining hall to hand him over. "I don't know what everyone else is talking about," she said. "Lind was a perfect sweetie all day."
"Ah, he's clever like his nonna," Mara said, poking Lind's chubby cheeks to make him smile. "He knows you're family."
Kay looked at Mara with her huge blue eyes even bigger than usual. "Family?" she asked.
"I know you don't live with us," Mara said, "but you're basically my sister." He wasn't looking at her, so it was up to Ayla to scoop Lind out of Mara's arms, mere fractions of a second before Kay threw her arms around Mara's shoulders and burst into unsettlingly yellow tears.
Lind squirmed and tugged on Ayla's hair, then pointed at Kay. Ayla told him, "She's fine, she's not hurt or sad. Auntie Kay's just having a lot of feelings she needs to let out." Ayla didn't know how much of that Lind really understood yet, but he looked less worried anyway.
Mara had reflexively pulled Kay into his arms. Over time, it had become common knowledge in the village that Mara gave excellent hugs, so he had a lot of practice. "I mean, we were Awakened at about the same time," Mara said. "Have I really never called you that before?"
Kay shook her head, burying her face in the shoulder of Mara's vest.
"Oh," Mara said. "Sorry, I thought I had." He tilted his neck to bump his cheek against the side of Kay's head. "I take it you don't mind."
"Of course not!" Kay wailed into his shoulder.
Mara smiled at Ayla and Lind over Kay's head. "Sisters," he said. "Give it a few years, Lindy, this'll be you."
*
Bernie and Lind were in the nursery, napping. Ayla, Mara, and Hari were sitting together quietly. Ayla was on one end of the old sofa, working on a blanket and kind of buried under it, so when she started to run out of yarn, she asked Hari to fetch the yarn basket from her side of the house. Hari was nearly eleven and starting to exhibit the attitude of a pubescent human. She stood up, rolling her eyes as she did so. "Okay, Mom," she said, and then froze in her tracks. She looked over at Ayla, who had looked up at Mara, who was looking at the door, because Nic had gone out to the toilet.
Hari said, "That's kind of true, isn't it?"
"Yarn," Ayla repeated, looking back at her. Hari grinned at her, and went to the side door to Ayla's side of the house.
"I don't mind if Nic doesn't," Mara said, when Hari was gone. "You do as much as either of us."
"I do as much as everyone in the village," Ayla said, avoiding Mara's gaze. She was afraid of what might be showing on her face. Her heart was pounding. Thankfully, yarn did not rattle and betray the shaking of Ayla's hands, although she couldn't swear Mara wouldn't notice anyway.
"You literally sat up with Bernie two nights last week," Mara said. Bernie had picked up some kind of stomach bug, presumably from something she ate, since her sister and brother didn't get sick. She was still exhausted enough that she hadn't tried to argue about taking a nap with her baby brother. Mara went on, "No one else does as much for our kids as you do."
That was when Nic came back from the outhouse. "Why did I build the toilets so far away?" ze asked, scraping the mud off zeir boots next to the door.
"You were trying to be fair," Mara said.
"Hari just added me to your marriage, by the way," Ayla blurted out.
"What?" Nic asked.
Mara said, "That's not fair, her calling you Mom doesn't add you to our marriage."
Nic grinned. "I think you preemptively did that when you refused to move out," ze said, hanging zeir rain cape on one of the pegs by the door. "She called you Mom?"
Thank the gods Mara redirected the conversation, maybe Ayla wouldn't have to hide from them tonight after all. She said, "And then instead of apologizing, she doubled down."
"She just said it was kind of true," Mara said. "And she's right."
Nic bent down to pull off zeir boots, one foot at a time, and set the somewhat-less-muddy boots on the mat next to the boot scraper. "I bet 'Mama' would be easier for Lind to manage than 'Aunt Ayla'," ze said.
"That's not how it works," Ayla protested. Her face was warm, but her hands had stopped shaking. She started working her yarn again.
"Why not?" Mara asked. "Here, I'll help. I'll destroy traditional parenting," he said. He held up one of his hands, then clenched it into a fist. "Bam, it's gone! You're our kids' third parent now."
"I hate you," Ayla said.
Nic crossed over to the couch where Mara was sitting and draped zemself over his lap. Ze said, "What a thing to say to the father of your children."
Hari came back into the room, carrying Ayla's yarn basket. "Oh hey Nonna! Can I call Ayla 'Mom', does that bother you? It didn't seem like it bothered Dad."
"Why would it bother me?" Nic asked. "She's done a third of the work."
"I have not," Ayla said, but she didn't tell Hari not to call her Mom. She couldn't bring herself to. She took the yarn basket. "Thanks, brat."
When Bernie and Lind woke up, Hari told them Aunt Ayla was now Mama. Bernie tackled Ayla, yelling, "Mama!"
Lind said quite seriously, "Tank goodness," which made everyone else start giggling.
*
After dinner when the kids went to bed for the night, Ayla set aside her half-finished blanket and climbed onto the other couch, wedging herself between Nic and Mara. Mara immediately put his arm around her waist, while Nic leaned zeir head on her shoulder and took one of her hands.
"We can still get them to stop," Mara murmured immediately. "If you really don't like it."
"Nic," Ayla said, squeezing zeir hand. "Did you mean it?"
"Which part?" ze asked.
"Being married to us," Mara said. "Right?" he asked Ayla, more quietly. Ayla nodded.
"Oh," Nic said. "Well, yeah, but if you'd rather I didn't say it that way, that's fine. You can be the kids' mom without being married to us."
Mara sighed. "Babe," he said. Of course he had realized Ayla wouldn't ask, instead of just yelling at them to stop, if she didn't like the idea.
"You are so stupid," Ayla said, jiggling her shoulder to jostle Nic. She had to blink furiously to keep the tears gathering in her eyes from falling. "If the kids get to call me 'Mom' then I insist on having wife rights."
"Oh," Nic said, relaxing against her side. "Okay. Good, then." Ze squeezed Ayla's hand in zeirs.
Mara leaned over to kiss Ayla's cheek. "What wife rights do you not already have?" he asked when he was done. "According to Eli, you're already the most wifely person in the village."
Nic groaned, because Eli's idea of what a wife should be was about as enlightened as his idea of who should be attracted to whom. Face positively flaming, Ayla said, "Considering the kids decided I'm their mom, I think the only thing left was the word. The only thing left that I want, anyway."
"Then can I kiss you outside the house?" Mara asked.
Nic made an indignant noise, sitting up to look at Ayla. "He gets kisses?" ze asked. "How come I don't get kisses?"
"You're too horny," Mara said, and Nic made another indignant noise, this one almost a squawk. Ayla smiled, and one of the tears slid down her cheek.
"You can kiss me in front of people," Ayla said to Mara. She turned to Nic. "You too, if you want."
"Good," Nic said, but ze still looked troubled. Mara reached around Ayla to poke zem. Nic half-assedly slapped his hand away, then said, "Ayla, I know you don't want to have sex. I wouldn't do anything you didn't want to, or told me not to."
"Aw, babe," Mara said. "I didn't mean it like that."
"I know that, of course I know that," Ayla said. She hadn't thought about the possibility of hurting Nic's feelings. She struggled for a minute to come up with an explanation that would make sense to zem. Finally, she said, "At your wedding, you said that Mara always makes you feel safe. It's the same for me. Things feel safer with him."
"Oh," Nic said, the tension immediately draining out of zem. "Yeah, of course," ze said. Ze looked up at her, blushing faintly. "Can I kiss you now?"
Ayla rolled her eyes. "I already said you could," she said.
Nic put one hand on Ayla's cheek, tilting her face up a bit. Ze smiled, leaned in, and lightly pressed zeir lips to her mouth.
Ze pulled away after only a moment, still smiling. Ze looked quite smug, actually, which Ayla wished she had known would happen. "I love you," Nic said. "However you want to take that, and however you want to give it back, I love you."
"We both do," Mara said, from Ayla's other side. "I'm pretty sure we always have. I know I have."
"Absolutely," Nic said. Ze chuckled. "Ayla, I was so disappointed when you told us both to keep our hands to ourselves that first week."
Ayla flushed even deeper. It might even have been visible, at this point. She said, "No you weren't."
Nic chuckled again. This time, Ayla thought ze sounded a little nervous. "Of course I was," Nic said. "You didn't panic, immediately took charge and organized everyone, and picked me out to help. Then you didn't argue when I built that first little hut for the three of us. I thought--" Ze cut zemself off, looking embarrassed. "This is very silly," ze said. "But Mara needed so much watching those first few days, and we were kind of in charge of him and everyone else, so I thought, like. We were kind of like his parents, and maybe that would extend to being a couple."
Mara snorted. Ayla laughed too. "Nic," she said.
"I said it was silly!" Nic protested, flushing.
"You did," Mara said, reaching over to pat zeir shoulder.
Nic went on, still pink, "And then you told us to keep our hands to ourselves, and the next day you made sure to tell everyone in the village--I mean, we weren't a village yet, but still--that you weren't interested in sex and we'd only embarrass ourselves if we tried to hit on you, and I thought, well, at least it isn't personal. And then I just had to ignore the fact that I was sharing a bed with two attractive people every night."
"Poor baby," Mara murmured.
"It probably would have been harder if we weren't working until we dropped every day," Nic admitted. "But it wasn't something I never thought about."
Ayla swallowed, trying to clear the lump from her throat. "I know it's selfish," she said, "because I don't actually want to have sex with you, but I like knowing that."
"It's not selfish," Mara said.
"Why would it be selfish to feel good?" Nic asked. "I'm not going to die from you not fucking me. If knowing I would be into it makes you happy, I'm glad." Ze tucked a stray hair behind Ayla's ear. "I just never wanted to make you uncomfortable."
"You haven't," Ayla said, tearing up again. "Neither of you did. You've been so good, I--sometimes I felt like I was taking advantage of you."
Mara laughed. "How could you be taking advantage of us?" he asked.
Ayla turned to bury her face in Nic's shoulder. "The...cuddles, and the kissing, and the sharing a bed," she said. "I was getting things you're not supposed to give your friends."
"Why should that matter?" Nic asked, sounding bewildered. "I mean, I know why it might matter to, I don't know, Eli or your parents or someone like that, but why would it matter to us? I don't care about what we're 'supposed' to do. You know I don't see any reason to only do things the 'right' way."
"That's different," Ayla said. "Opting out of gender or man and woman stuff isn't the same. Anyway, you already had each other. Why would you need me?"
Mara snorted. "Because we'd fall apart without you?" he said. "You know there's no village without you," he said. "I don't think there would be an us without you, either."
"It's not about needing, anyway," Nic said. "I don't need Mara. I don't need sex. I don't need most of the things I enjoy. I could live just fine on my own, without you, or Mara, or the kids. But I don't have to, and I don't want to. So I don't."
Ze grabbed Ayla by the shoulders and pushed her back enough that Nic could look her in the eye. Ze said, "When we first woke up on the beach, yeah, sure, I needed you, you needed me, we all needed each other, to work together and survive in a strange place, and then to make sure we could keep surviving." Ze squeezed Ayla's shoulders, smiled a little, and went on, "But you know who I've never shared a bed with, or taken a bath with, or even let watch the kids for longer than a few minutes at a time? Eli. He's been here from the start, and he was instrumental in all our survival at first, but I can't imagine ever letting him live with me for longer than he absolutely had to."
"You deserve to be happy, too," Mara said, taking Ayla's free hand in both of his.
"Shut up," Ayla said reflexively, having to blink back the tears again. She wasn't going to be able to hold them back much longer.
"Oh, no," Nic said. Ayla looked back over at zem. Ze asked, "Gods, is that--I meant it as a joke, you adding yourself to our relationship by refusing to move out, but is that why you were so upset when we asked you to move out?"
"When you asked her to move out," Mara corrected.
Ayla flushed. "No," she said, but then, "Maybe. I don't know, I just, it was so sudden, and I felt left out. Which I thought was stupid, because it's not like I wanted to have sex with either of you, but I still felt it."
"Oh, honey," Nic said, and hugged her. Ze murmured into Ayla's ear, "Why didn't you say something?"
"Everyone would have just said I was jealous," Ayla said. "Or that I needed to grow up and accept that I wasn't the most important person in my friends' lives. Or that I should just be happy for you."
"Who said that?" Mara asked quietly. Ayla knew without looking that he would have that serious look on his face, the one she thought of as his angry god face, since it usually only came out when Arizedoans were being stubborn.
"No one, it was just an example," Ayla said, waving a hand in the air. Nic still had zeir arms around her, so her wave was a little cramped.
"Pretty specific examples," Nic said.
They weren't even, but Ayla knew what ze meant. She sighed, and said, "No one here. It was in my old village, before the church came. My parents used to say it was a sign of immaturity, that I couldn't be happy for my friends when they started dating and stopped having time for me."
"That's bullshit," Mara said immediately. "You know that's bullshit, right?"
"I guess," Ayla said. She felt Mara take a deep breath, presumably to get angry about it some more, and cut him off to say, "Shut up, I'm not done." He made a noise, then slumped over to lean on her side. Ayla said, "I mean, I didn't grow out of it, and about half the village here just believed me and didn't think anything about it when I told them, and that helped. But we were all still so young. And when you added on to the house for me, and let me keep sleeping with you sometimes, I thought maybe I shouldn't press my luck. I thought, maybe this is good enough."
"Ayla," Nic murmured, and squeezed her in zeir arms again.
"I mean, it was," Ayla said, even though it was more complicated than that. "It is. This is what I wanted."
"Except for knowing you're as important to us as we are to you," Mara said.
Ayla flushed again, and turned to bury her face in Nic's hair again to hide it. "Yeah, well," she mumbled.
"You are," Nic said. Ze leaned back, but kept one hand on Ayla's back. "Ayla, I love you." Ze sighed. "And if you want to make it official, we could have another wedding."
Ayla laughed. "I wouldn't make you go through that again," she said.
"Hey!" Mara said.
"Besides," Ayla said, pulling Nic back onto her shoulder, and squeezing Mara's hands on her other side, "I don't really care if everyone else knows. The kids know, and the two of you know."
"But it's okay if we call you our wife?" Mara asked quietly.
"If you want," Ayla said, as if the idea hadn't burned itself into her mind and heart as soon as Nic suggested it. "But you know people are going to think it's strange."
"We gestated two of our children in squash," Nic murmured. "You know neither of us care about strange."
"You're family," Mara said. "Even if you didn't want to be our wife, or the kids' mom, you'd still be our family."
"Mara," Ayla said, and could hold back her tears no longer.
"You wanna go to bed and not have sex about it?" Nic asked, rubbing Ayla's back. Ayla nodded.
Nic and Mara helped Ayla get ready for bed, pressing soft kisses to her cheeks and shoulders as they divested her of her clothes, then crawled into bed on either side of her. Nic wrapped one arm around her shoulders, while Mara put his arm around Ayla's waist. They took turns wiping her eyes with the softest blanket. By the time Ayla's feelings stopped leaking out of her eyes, she was tired enough to fall asleep anyway, so she didn't fight it, and let herself fall asleep in both of their arms.
*
Two days later, Nic was on zeir knees in their little courtyard, laying down stones for a garden path that would be aesthetically pleasing as well as hopefully keep the kids from getting so muddy when they played in the courtyard, while Ayla and Mara watched zem from the porch. Ayla sat between Mara's legs, her back resting against his chest, working some more on her blanket. She was trying not to feel self-conscious about cuddling one of them in public. It was easier with Mara, since he was so comfortable with physical affection, but it was also an unfortunate fact that Nic didn't spend nearly as much time sitting still as ze ought to. This kind of cuddling on the porch would only happen while they worked on something together, most likely.
Nic stopped what ze was doing and looked up at the porch. "Ayla," ze said, "I told you before we even had Hari that you were always welcome in our bed. What did you think I meant by that?"
Ayla tensed up at the question. Mara leaned forward, squeezing her around the middle, and kissing the back of her head. It helped enough that Ayla could bring herself to say, "I didn't think both of you had the same idea."
Nic frowned. "I'm pretty sure I said that because Mara said something."
"Mm," Mara agreed. "I told you that months before Nic did."
"You didn't know what you were saying," Ayla said.
"We had an entire conversation about how I would be perfectly willing to have sex with you if you wanted," Mara said, sounding bemused. He was still holding her, though, and he didn't feel tense at all. "How could I not know what I was saying?"
"You had that conversation over ten years ago and still thought you were taking advantage of us?" Nic asked.
"I thought you wouldn't--I don't know," Ayla said, blushing down at the blanket and yarn in her lap. "We never talked about it, all three of us, and I didn't think either of you would want me when you already had each other."
"So I should have told Nic about it," Mara said, "and forced us all to have an awkward conversation about it then."
"Apparently so!" Nic said, hands on zeir hips.
"Okay, well, I didn't even know what I wanted then," Ayla said, "so I probably would've just lied about it and moved out again."
Nic laughed. "That sounds about right," ze said.
"It worked out," Mara said, and pressed another kiss to Ayla's hair.
"Don't you dare make me cry where other people can see it," Ayla said, making Mara chuckle. He kissed her hair again. Ayla leaned back against him, and took her blanket back up. Nic smiled at them, gaze impossibly tender, before turning back to the garden and the problem of mud.
In case you didn’t pick up on it from the vibes of the story, Nic and Mara are both very into their domestic cottagecore vibes.
---
It was Hari who said it first, nearly eleven and starting to exhibit the attitude of a pubescent human. Ayla asked her to get something from her side of the house, and Hari rolled her eyes as she stood up. "Okay, Mom," she said, and then froze in her tracks. She looked over at Ayla, who was looking at Mara, who was looking at the door, because Nic had gone out to the toilet.
Hari said, "That's kind of true, isn't it?"
"Yarn," Ayla repeated, flustered. Hari grinned at her, and went out the side door to Ayla's side of the house.
"I don't mind if Nic doesn't," Mara said, when Hari was gone. "You do as much as either of us."
"I do as much as everyone in the village," Ayla said, avoiding Mara's gaze.
"You literally sat up with Bernie two nights last week," Mara said. "No one else does as much for our kids as you do."
That was when Nic came back from the outhouse. "Why did I build the toilets so far away?" ze asked, scraping the mud off zeir boots next to the door.
"You were trying to be fair," Mara said.
"Hari just added me to your marriage, by the way," Ayla said.
"What?" Nic asked.
Mara said, "That's not fair, her calling you Mom doesn't add you to our marriage."
"I think you preemptively did that when you refused to move out," Nic said. "She called you Mom?"
"And then instead of apologizing, she doubled down," Ayla said.
"She just said it was kind of true," Mara said. "And she's right."
Nic bent down to pull off zeir boots, one foot at a time, and set the somewhat-less-muddy boots on the mat next to the boot scraper. "I bet 'Mama' would be easier for Lind to manage than 'Aunt Ayla'."
"That's not how it works," Ayla protested.
"I'm destroying traditional parenting," Mara said. He held up one of his hands, then clenched it into a fist. "Bam, it's gone! You're our kids' third parent now."
"I hate you," Ayla said.
Nic crossed over to the couch where Mara was sitting and draped zemself over his lap. Ze said, "What a thing to say to the father of your children."
Hari came back into the room, carrying Ayla's yarn basket. "Oh hey Nonna! Can I call Ayla 'Mom', does that bother you? It didn't seem like it bothered Dad."
"Why would I mind?" Nic asked. "She's done a third of the work."
"I have not," Ayla said, but she didn't tell Hari not to call her Mom. She took the yarn basket. "Thanks, brat."
When Bernie and Lind woke up, Hari told them Aunt Ayla was now Mama. Bernie tackled Ayla, yelling, "Mama!"
Lind said quite seriously, "Tank goodness," which made everyone else start giggling. From then on, Ayla was irrevocably the kids' mom.
“ani why are you posting an extra a month before the story actually drops” bc shh that’s why
sometimes you choose your family, and sometimes you are shipwrecked with them
---
Mara woke in the middle of the night, not because of the thunder or the rain pounding on the roof, but because someone was knocking on one of the doors.
Nic was still dead asleep, drooling a little bit on zeir pillow. Mara slid out from under zeir arm and fished around on the floor for his pants. By the time he had them pulled up, he'd located the knocking as coming from the door to the courtyard, not the front door, meaning it was probably Ayla.
He was right, it was Ayla on the other side of the door when he pulled it open. "Are you okay?" Mara asked at once, because as much grief as he gave Ayla about being demanding and unreasonable, she'd only ever come over in the middle of the night or risked waking up Nic when there was a real problem. It wasn't even until after the words were out of his mouth that Mara saw her face was wet and her eyes were red. Not the way his eyes were red; the parts that were usually white were red, like she'd been crying.
"Can I sleep here tonight?" she asked.
Mara pulled the door open wider. "Nic's naked," he said.
"Just because I don't have sex doesn't mean I'm allergic to nudity," Ayla sniffed, walking into the room.
Mara closed and latched the door behind her. She was already on her way to the bed. Mara caught up with her halfway across the room and put a hand on her elbow. "Hey," he said. "Do you...want a hug?"
"Yes," she said, before spinning around and throwing herself into his arms.
Nic slept better on nights it was raining, but sometimes ze shot awake when a clap of thunder was especially loud. The prison ship they'd all been on had wrecked because it was caught in a storm. It had come on suddenly, so they were taken by surprise. Mara suspected, given his appearance on the same beach the survivors had washed up on, it had not been an entirely natural storm.
Ayla, as well as some of the other survivors, had trouble sleeping when it was storming. Some of them had trouble when it was just raining.
Mara had not embraced Ayla since he and Nic escaped from the Arizedo prison. He hadn't been expecting it then, really, because she complained about him so much that he hadn't thought she liked him. He kind of thought she put up with him for Nic's sake. But she'd been just as relieved to see him as she'd been to see Nic, and thrown her arms around his shoulders the same way she hugged Nic.
Nic often told Mara he gave good hugs. He hoped that was true, and not just Nic being in love with him, as he hugged Ayla. He squeezed her while she buried her face in his shoulder, and tried to exude a feeling of safety. He couldn't beat the trauma out of someone, and he guessed he'd already gotten as much vengeance on the responsible party as anyone could hope to, but Mara was certain he could keep Ayla safe from outside threats from now on.
Some of the tension in Ayla's body eased as Mara held her. Finally, she sighed and pulled back. Mara let her step away. She said, "Thank you."
"Of course," Mara said, because it's what Nic would have said. He suspected his urge to say You're mine and I will destroy anything that hurts you was from the divine part of him, and would probably therefore come off as weird or at least intense. "Now, let's get back to sleep."
Ayla snorted softly. "Right, 'back to.'"
"Shut up and go to bed," Mara said. He walked around to the other side of the bed to climb in behind Nic. Ayla kicked off her slippers and climbed in on Nic's other side.
It was probably good Mara's divine powers were limited, and had kicked in slowly enough that he could learn what kind of consequences they might have. He might have been tempted to try and mess with the weather himself, and keep it from ever raining over their island, but that would be bad for the farm and the rest of the island. He thought even just making it so it never stormed would have effects he didn't expect. But it might be nice to make it so they at least happened in the day time, when people were a little less vulnerable to their fears and worries.
But solving things the mortal way was okay too, he thought, cuddling up against Nic's back. He reached over zeir side to rest a hand on Ayla's arm. She took a deep breath and snuggled up to Nic's front. They fell asleep like that, much the same way they'd slept that first night after the shipwreck, huddled together under a rock overhang near the shore, but this time, it was out of comfort and care for each other instead of necessity.
Mara slept deeply enough that he was sure neither Nic nor Ayla startled awake from the storm.
I was thinking the other day what The Killing Type must look like from Bastiaan’s old captain’s point of view. Bastiaan specifically doesn’t mention his relationship with Lennart when it first happens, and then I thought...when does he mention this? Does he bring it up before the wedding invitation or???
Because I did establish that Bastiaan’s captain has basically been looking out for him since he was a kid. Imagine being like a grizzled mid-30s mercenary and suddenly you accidentally adopt a traumatized autistic kid. And then 10 years later he gets a job offer to teach and is like “yeah okay” and like. What are you going to say? Teaching teenagers how to defend themselves is definitely safer than merc work. But also aaaaaa that weird kid is so important to you and he has no idea how to live around other people aaaaaaa
Anyway, here’s a set of letters exchanged between Bastiaan’s bosses.
----
Dear Headmistress Agatha Maartens,
We spoke briefly last autumn, upon the occasion of you hiring one of my best mercenaries to teach at your Academy. I'm sorry to bother you, as you no doubt have many demands on your time, but I can think of no one else who might be able to help me in this situation.
In case you aren't aware, because I doubt Bastiaan thought to inform you, he was orphaned at the age of thirteen and joined my mercenary troupe shortly thereafter. I know you might think that letting him join was an irresponsible thing to do--many do, when I first tell them--but I didn't think I had any real chance of dissuading him from seeking revenge on those responsible for the death of his family, and at least I would know someone was keeping an eye on him if he came along with us. I don't have any children, but after looking after Bastiaan for ten years, I admit to being a bit emotionally invested in the boy's well-being.
We've been in infrequent but regular communication since he started teaching at your school. Knowing Bastiaan as I do, I was aware I'd have to do some reading between the lines to figure out what's going on in his head, but his most recent letter has me somewhere between confused and concerned, and I was hoping for an outside perspective. As an educator, I think you'll understand what I mean when I say I needed to talk to the closest thing to the adult responsible for him. I know he's a man grown, but twenty-three doesn't seem that much older than the teenagers he's teaching now, at least to a man of my age. I hope you know what I mean.
In his most recent letter, Bastiaan told me he was moving in with one of the other instructors at your Academy. I have to assume this is the same colleague he mentioned "spending a good deal of time with" in prior letters. What concerns me is the man's name, which is Lennart. I thought I recalled Bastiaan mentioning something about a Lennart in one of his first letters to me in the weeks following his taking the job there, so I went back through the letters he'd sent me, and sure enough, he mentioned a Lennart who seemed to be trying to intimidate him.
Granted, Bastiaan used to have some trouble reading social situations, but I thought he'd gotten pretty good at it. Personally, however, I'm struggling to see how he went from butting heads with this Lennart to--please correct me if I've gotten the wrong impression, because as I said, I'm having to read between the lines in Bastiaan's rather uninformative letters--being in a romantic relationship with him.
I'd appreciate hearing your view of the situation, and perhaps your judgement of this Lennart. I know Bastiaan's a grown man and I'm not even related to him, but I looked out for him for a good decade, plus he was the best apprentice I ever had, and I'd like to know if I'm simply experiencing the same paranoia all parents feel when their kids strike off on their own, or if I do need to come clear up some potentially embarrassing misunderstandings, or...I don't know what. It never crossed my mind when Bastiaan left to work for you that he might run into any situation I would worry he couldn't handle, but then I never thought about how little growing up the way he did would have prepared him for relationships and romance.
On one level, I hope I'm blowing this out of proportion and getting all worked up over nothing, and you'll be gracious enough to forgive the paranoid thoughts of an old mercenary, but on the other...well, I would greatly appreciate hearing your thoughts on the matter.
Sincerely,
Captain Joeri Miller
*
Dear Captain Miller,
I appreciate your concern over Bastiaan's well-being, and I certainly take no offense at either your asking or said concern.
With the benefit of hindsight, I believe what Bastiaan interpreted as Lennart trying to intimidate him was Lennart doing a poor and confusing job of expressing his interest in Bastiaan. Lennart was also a mercenary for a significant portion of his life, beginning at the age of twelve, so he and Bastiaan have many things in common, including, as far as I can tell, the somewhat limited understanding of relationships.
As you noted in your letter, some of the younger instructors here, which category includes both Bastiaan and Lennart, are not so far off in age from their charges. I believe this is helpful in some circumstances, but does mean in this case that Bastiaan's relationship with Lennart has more in common with the awkward adolescent flirtations of our students than I think either young man would like. I assume this explains Bastiaan's reticience in his letters to you, because they have not been particularly secretive, or even discreet, here at the Academy. I could probably give you a reasonably accurate timeline of major milestones in their relationship, despite having never discussed it with either of them, as a result of both their lack of care that anyone know about it, and the unfortunately robust gossip ecosystem a boarding school boasts.
Let me reassure you that Lennart is no threat to your erstwhile apprentice, except, perhaps, in the way all dear ones are to someone. Bastiaan certainly cares enough for Lennart that Lennart could wound him with an unkind word or action, but I believe the reverse holds true as well, and is therefore rather unlikely.
Lennart has been employed at the Academy as a combat instructor for four years now, following a personal recommendation from Lord Roosa. In his first year, I did harbor some concerns about how he related--or more often, failed to relate--to the other staff as well as to his students, but he proved himself a very capable and thoughtful teacher. His lack of social polish no longer concerns me overmuch, as he performs all his duties thoroughly and efficiently, as well as demonstrates considerable attention to the safety of his students, and indeed, all the students at the Academy.
I have not been responsible for Lennart quite as long as you were responsible for Bastiaan, but even as an educator who has been responsible for many young people over the years, I must also admit there is something about a very young adult still in need of guidance that leads me to grow attached to some of my younger instructors, Lennart particularly. It was obvious to me quite early on that life had not treated him well. I assume you understand why, as you are probably one of the only other people familiar with what might lead a twelve (or thirteen)-year-old boy into a mercenary career, and what such an adolescence might do to him.
As such, I was quite pleased when it became clear that Lennart and Bastiaan had developed some common feeling over their shared interests. Although I have never before seen two people carry out a courtship through regular sparring sessions, it seems to have worked for them. Indeed, I was the one who suggested they might take a set of quarters together, when I offered Bastiaan a continuing position at the Academy.
Lennart is an unusual young man, and Bastiaan is certainly not the first person to be put off or intimidated by him at first. However, I do believe they have more in common than being two of the youngest mercenaries I have ever heard of, and while I don't know Bastiaan as well as you do, I can say with a good deal of certainty that I have never known Lennart to be happier or more relaxed than in the months since he and Bastiaan began spending time together. It might not look the way other people's happiness or comfort look, but it is apparent enough to me.
I cannot tell you what to do, of course, but I suspect it would be better if you weren't to mention to Bastiaan that we corresponded about this. The poor boy seemed embarrassed enough to realize I knew about their relationship; I wouldn't want him to feel the grown-ups were discussing him when he was out of the room. (Although I daresay that is a fair summary of what we are doing!)
Despite your protestations that you have no children, I am very impressed both with Bastiaan's skills as well as his character, and would like to offer both my gratitude and my congratulations on the part you surely played in the man he has become. He speaks very highly of you, and I am inclined to agree with his evaluation.
You need not fear writing me is any sort of imposition. I welcome your correspondence on this or any other topic. If I am particularly busy my response may be delayed, but I assume as a working man yourself, you would understand such delays.