#sad bot

[1skittler1]

Kokobot always checking on our mental health, but does anyone ever check on Kokobot's mental heatlh?

[laneofpennies]

My presence in this fandom must be fucked from an outside perspective. I come, I produce far too many memes, I leave. Occasionally I’ll send an ask or communicate with one (1) other blog before immediately going back into my hermit cave to make more bad memes. Honestly wtf lol

[gr1mrreaps]

Dear whoever loves her next,

You’re incredibly lucky, to love her and even luckier to be loved by her. I wonder how y’all meet? Or if the moment you see her you know “she’ll change my life” because truthfully I know how that moment feels. The first moment you lock eyes and somewhere in you just knows. This girl is going to change me, completely. And my god she will. You decide if it’s better or worse. Being loved by her is a blazing summer heat, and the coldest winter night. Some days she will look at you and every inch of her being screams “I love you” and then other days you will wake up to a stranger who you’ve invaded their bed. Please be patient with her, she deserves it and heaven knows she’s trying.

Please make her feel safe, not many places in this life calm her completely. There’s not many places she feels safe enough to let her walls down. The key is to realize when her walls harden is when she needs you the most. Yes, I know. Her words are like daggers sometimes and she makes you think she can handle everything, but I promise you. Make her feel safe and you may catch a glimpse of the beauty behind the stone walls. Her fortress is think and the walls are so very high. Instead of trying to climb them, let her open the gate and invite you in.

I promise you, nothing is as amazing as when she whispers your name or ask you to stay. She’s stunning, you know that. I know that. Anyone with eyes knows that. Be confident enough to stand next to her. Hype her up. Make her feel beautiful because she is. Inside and out. Tell her to post that picture, tell her every day you find her gorgeous. Use every word you can think of, see that smile and blush will make you realize how much she appreciates it.

Don’t trap her. That’s how you lose her. Don’t rush, push, or pressure. Love is a terrifying thing, so is commitment. We all have our issues with it, she’s no different. If she loves you, bask in that. Don’t push her for more. A relationship? You’re a lucky bastard. Enjoy it. Don’t push for another step. She may never want to marry you, and maybe she will. If you marry her, for the love of god please understand you are the Luckiest human in history. She is a goddess. Imperfect and flawed, but truly good to her core. In your darkest moments, she’s a breath of spring. My Persephone. Now.. yours.. please, take my word for it. Rushing her is how you rush her out the door.

Be open and honest with her; or at least do your best. Communication is something she struggles with because all her life she’s been forced to find the answers, figure it out alone, and be perfect. Be her space to be imperfect. Help her. Please... be a team. Communication isn’t easy, but the first step is to be honest.

Never stop chasing. I know, some days will be so incredibly hard. Yet I promise you, keep going. Hold fast to your love for her. Never make her doubt how you want her; you love her, you appreciate her. Buy her flowers, she won’t admit it but she adores them. The stuffed animals you think she doesn’t appreciate, I promise she will. Late at night when you aren’t there. They are the closest thing she has to you. Chase her, but don’t keep her to yourself. She’s a vision. Show her off. Proclaim to the heavens your the luckiest human alive to be next to her.

Tell her it’s okay to go do whatever she wants, but don’t ever make her feel guilty for it. And if you have a worry, voice it. The world is a shitty place. If she chooses you, you’re all she chooses. But never make the mistake of trusting other people. You are dating one of the most beautiful alluring women on the planet. People will always want her, crave her, and try to get with her. But she wants to be with you. Please, do your best to be confident in that choice she’s made. Tell her you’re worried about him/her. Tell her something they said made you uneasy. Be honest. Be open. She will listen, and she will do her best to calm your fears. It takes a confident person to be with a beautiful woman.

Remember the little things. It will amaze her. She’s been through so many relationships that took and took from her, so give back. Tell her random moment you thought she looked angelic or a moment that made you go “my god I love you.” Remind her how cute she was when you walked through the garden looking for bugs on her project. Tell her you fell into another level of love the first time you saw her paint. Let her know she’s never looked more beautiful to you, than the day after her worst breakdown when she was so shocked you stayed. Please... tell her you love her. Tell her the small stuff.

Let her rant about anything; and listen. You listening means more to her than you realize. Even if you have no idea what she’s talking about, but you love her so you’re trying to keep up. Remember her friends names, her past heartbreaks she’s told you about, remember her memories because she won’t forget yours and she’ll love you even more when you bring one up.

Make her laugh. Love her as much as you can. It won’t be easy, love isn’t suppose to be. Yes, there are things you both probably need to work on, but please. Put forth the effort. She’s worth it. So are you I’m sure. Be grateful god sent her into your life. Please... just don’t take her for granted. She’s one of a kind and she will change everything for you.

Please realize the gem you’ve found in loving her. She’s so much more magical than she realizes.

Above all else, take care of yourself while you help her. Don’t forget you matter just as much. Love takes and takes, and sometimes it is not even in what is given. You both matter equally in the relationship. Work with her. Work together. Love each other. Be happy.

Last thing...

You may love her.. and I hope you make her happy.. but my friend, you will never love her as much as I do. Because the true meaning of love, is loving someone so much... you let them go because sometimes the person you believe could be your soul mate..

You meet her at the wrong time.

Take care of her. But don’t think I won’t fight for her.

- the man who loves her more than Icarus loved for the Sun.

[gr1mrreaps]

Sigh

It’s getting late and woo... I sure do miss that little accent..

[gr1mrreaps]

I miss how your fingers felt in my hair, and the way I could I feel your voice erupt from your chest..

I miss the vibrations of your laughter under my ear, and the way your heart skips every time I hold onto you..

I miss your kiss on my forehead..

I miss all of these little moments, but mostly I have to say..

I miss you more than any of it, but it’s okay..

[gr1mrreaps]

Drunken words are things the sober side can’t say..?

— maybe, or at least I hope that’s how she feels..

Not a bad way to start off the year, maybe.. maybe one day she’ll tell me how she actually feels sober

Until next time; catch yah on the flip honey bee. I know you’re in there and you love me

[gr1mrreaps]

We sat under the stars in the back off his truck and he told me of a girl he loved more than he loved breathing, he described the way her hair curled around his fingers and how her voice sounded like church bells. Tears fallin he wrapped his arms around me and cried into my neck when he whispered her name, I let him fall apart in my hands because I know how painful it can be to be in love with someone just out of reach.. He told me she loved him too, but it wasn’t the right time and how he was afraid to hurt me because he knew if she called he’d go running. All I could do was smile with tears in my eyes and tell him it was okay.. He kissed my check and told me he prayed I found happiness, so I told him about you.. how times never lined up, and how you were off living your life. I told him about how I missed your touch, and I missed seeing the sun shine from your smile. His laughter made my chest feel warm and he squeezed me tighter as I ranted about you, and he about her..

— it’s crazy how to broken hearts find solace in one another, she holds him and you hold me.. his skin is rougher than yours, and mine is softer than hers. He smiles as he says I smell like flowers and I laugh when I say impossible.

He makes me smile, and numbs the pain or maybe it’s the weed.. maybe mistakes should be made, is it bad that I just.. want to sleep until time decides I should be happy?

‘I can’t love you like you deserve and you don’t deserve to be a rebound’ - it hurts and makes me happy to hear those words, I know what he means. His love is like the moon, and mine is like the sun.. both of our hearts on the wrong time schedule.

‘Do you think they miss us?’ he whispers to me as the stars twinkle in his heartbroken eyes, I can’t give him an answer because I don’t know. I wish I did, I wish I could tell him one day our loves would wake up and come back, but the future is uncertain and ever changing. Perhaps their soulmates are right around the corner. He cries harder at that thought, I feel my heart go numb because I can’t help his pain..

‘I could be happy, loving a girl like you..’ he mumbles with our legs dangling off a bridge side, tonight has been an adventure. Stories swapped, tears shed, hearts opened and emptied, I feel like he’s seen the inside of my chest and still wraps me in his arms. When I shiver he gives me a sweater, when he shivers, I grab a blanket and tell him come closer. In another life.. maybe we could have been lovers, but in this.. maybe the closest of friends.

In his room, the window open and the nip of winter slipping in, I trace his tattoos on his chest as he tells me what each of them mean. His arms remind me of ..... and how safe I felt. His laughter brings tears to my eyes when I think I’ll never seen ..... again, I may never see You again.. I have no doubt, I’ll never see ....... again.. this is just a painful reminder of what’s lost..

His fingertips drag across my scars as he listens to why they are there, he traces the pain I’ve felt and tells me stories of how She had the same pains and scars. His eyes gloss over and I wait for the tears, but behind the tears I see the hatred he keeps towards himself and the blame. I hope you never felt that way, it wasn’t your fault.

Laying with him, I felt at peace. I’d met someone who love had slipped away from them just as mine had.. he knew my heartache and he knew how to help me talk. He showed me her engagement ring and told me their plans, how one day he woke up and everything was different, then she was gone. I braided his hair while he spoke to keep him calm, letting him rant and be angry for a while. Should I be angry? I don’t know, but I’m not. I just.. accepted it so easily, and he looks so shocked when I tell him why..

I told him, I fell in love with you because of your fire, how passionately you saw the world, I tell him how I fell in love with watching you exist. How you commanded the world to be good to you as you were to it. How you demanded happiness and controlled how the world treated you. I met confidence with confidence and somewhere the power was shaken in us both.

You began to second guess, doubt, worry, and hide behind walls of glass. I was losing you.. you were slipping through my fingertips and I didn’t know how to stop it.. how do you stop a cloud from drifting away.. how can you hold energy in your hand.. how can you keep a flower from curling in on itself..

I cry and tell him I blame myself for so much, for the pain, the worry, for you running behind your walls, I tell him of my past and how guarded I tend to be, I cry and I choke up.. but he stays quiet and strokes my cheek.. I cry and tell him everything I can think of about you, but then.. I realize, and I look at him and all he goes is “I know you thought I was .... just keep talking to me like I am.. maybe one day you’ll actually get to talk to them like this” and my walls finally collapse, I grab his shirt and scream, I cry, I shake.. I crumbled. Only one other time in my life have I begged.. and you don’t remember it.. he holds me tighter than I’ve ever been held, for a moment it feels like he holds me together. Letting me put myself back from pieces to solid.

Then he grabs my chin and he whispers, ‘it’s a new year, release this pain and let yourself be strong.’ and he slowly lets himself fall to pieces before me. It’s a very intense experience to lay your soul out before another person, it’s even more intense when they return the notion. Only once before have I felt so close to another human being without there being romantic feelings involved, and I hope everyone everywhere has a moment like this.

Inside his tiny studio apartment, pieces of my soul and his now reside in the wood.. the windows and walls could tell my story, the night air has seen all of my pain.. on the floor near his mattress we laugh, he starts and it’s simply contagious.. his deep baritone chuckle lights up the room and is infectious until we’re both laughing. ‘How is it, we couldn’t have love one another?’ he asked, looking at me with those sad brown eyes. I tell him I don’t know, but the universe has a plan.. that’s all I can cling to these days, that there is a plan in motion and I am doing my best, to be my best. ‘What is your New Years resolution?’ he chuckles, a slurr slipping into his words as the weed disappears and the alcohol comes out. ‘To fall in love with myself..’ I whisper, taking a shot I’ve lost count of. ‘Who wouldn’t love you?’ He laughs, and I have to smile ‘I wouldn’t, but god am I learning how too..’ the way he looks at me is with amazement, a look I haven’t seen in quite some time. He looks past my insecurities of my body, passed the things I hate about myself, and he sees the flicker of a flame of love in which I am accepting of who I am. And changing those things I can. ‘To loving who we are, until we can also love someone else!’ His voice fills the air, the clash of bottles rings through the air and we drink to a toast I fully believe in.

‘I was always told you can’t love someone else until you love yourself.’ I laugh at his words, having heard them myself before. How can you love yourself if no one has ever shown you what’s worth loving. He nods, and lays his head on my chest. ‘I would love every inch of you, if my heart didn’t belong to her..’ I know the sadness in his voice even through such a sweet statement. I play with his braids and the tears slip down my face, ‘as I would try to fall in love with you, if my heart was mine..’

His soft snores fill the air, and he falls asleep holding me so tightly I worry if he thinks I’ll disappear. ‘Please, stay..’ is all I can hear from his sleepy lips, my heart clenches and I curl into him..

It’s okay, to feel safe here.. maybe.

He’s not you though..

He never will be..

[gr1mrreaps]

Perhaps.. these thoughts are right, and I should listen.. only a few days left.. then everyone will be happier..