#sad oofs

[captainshyguy]

oof. pre birthday blues 

[captainshyguy]

i hate feeling so off and not being able to pin down why because there’s SO many little things it could be 

like! its weird, im still doing things like hobbies but im having no love for them at the moment, something is just its missing. i just want to lay down all day 

is it bc im nervous abt health stuff? maybe. did i burn myself out with the sheer amount of paintings i’ve been doing? have i put too many big projects on my plate? 

am i lonely??? probably. pretty much every person i talk to regularly is having a rough time and i cant do anything to help. are some of them annoyed with me? idk! probably!! all the servers i hang out in are either quiet or like. impenetrable. im trying so hard to get into the group in one server, but bc a minecraft roleplay took over their time, they just, they barely show any recognition to anything outside of that. i comment on their minecr*ft stuff, despite having zero context, but when i make handy and snappy character summaries so they have an idea what im doing, i get nothing! its so alienating! i dont even know why im trying! 

i ache to show more people lost and found, but after that dumbfuck decided that if you see the surviving v*ssels as adults ur a problematic creep i have no confidence on putting it on ao3. just! yknow, despite the fact we DONT know how old gh*st was when they climbed from the abyss. we DONT know how v*ssel aging both physically and mentally works. we DONT know how holl*w got so tall. we literally know NOTHING so all bets are open! ‘the v*ssels are naturally small and h*llow was made to be big by some form of magic training enhancement’ is a valid read on the subject! as is thinking they’re physically kids! just! you cant decide people who dont agree with your HEADCANON are morally wrong that’s so fucking dangerous. the story isnt even abt anything like that really! there’s some romance, but its ultimately about moving on, about coming to terms with ur grief! and yet! if i mention that gh*st and leaf are old then oooooooooo, some teenagers with too much time on their hands wont like that!!1111!!!11 get a fucking life.

heck, thats something that’s been irritating me too just the ‘my headcanon is right, everyone else is wrong’ no!!! no!!! dear god watch the source material again! get out of your own head! 

tumblr culture as a whole is just, man its been getting to me too. everyone says its better here now and i dont exactly agree. the aphobes are still here. theyre just on the downlow and tell u not to ask them abt ace discourse bc they’re “past it” but then they still make jokes. pan people are a fun new target for a growing number of people! :) there’s been so many posts ive seen that just., they feel outright mean. the border on bullying i dont care if they’re a joke, it feels like this site is full of teenage bullies who think they’re all right and fun and dont get me started on the amount of policing posts im just! AAAAAAAAAA

sick of this site luv <3

i miss feeling safe outside, i miss going shopping and getting nice food. i want to eat in a cafe again  

im tired man. im tired and strung out and lonely and annoyed and powerless and i want to just sleep 

[captainshyguy]

me: *shiny hunting*

rotom dex: *half lidded sad face*

me: i feel ya buddy

[captainshyguy]

[hits brain] stop being apathetic!!!! stop being numb!!!

[captainshyguy]

i miss my friends bro 

[captainshyguy]

oofs

[captainshyguy]

hrhrhrhhghghhhh 

[captainshyguy]

im tiring myself out y’all