#sadbrain

[whocaresidontlmao]

Sitting outside your old block to smoke so u can pretend u still have friends and everything is slightly better is sad brain move

[kyrianne]

sad things in my life rn

1. My mom apparently halfway considers me dead because I finally legally changed my name and she straight up told my sister she was keeping this photo of me I hate from when I was 16 to “remember the daughter that died with the name I gave her” and flipped out when my sister corrected her misgendering me and tried to talk to her about how uncomfortable it made her that she doesn’t respect my identity. Also she told my sister that her getting upset during this argument was emotional abuse and that she was going to turn into our father, who emotionally and psychologically abused us for our entire childhoods and is the reason I have C-PTSD, so, anyway, my mom is apparently using abuse tactics now too, partially pushed into that mindset by a toxic fiance she’s marrying in September. :’) This will be her third marriage to yet another awful man and she refuses to listen to any qualms from anyone and has refused to hear this since like month one of their relationship so that’s awesome

2. Performance evaluation happened at work today and I do have room for improvement as everyone does and it didn’t seem like that bad until at the end they’re like “anyway you don’t get a raise whatsoever because You Suck” even though the areas of issue have already been addressed and worked on and improved significantly??? and the issues in the first place are due to my disabilities???? i need to do a consult with a wage discrimination attorney because I’m kind of thinking I’m being short-shrifted here. Obv I’m not expecting an amazing raise but something to reflect inflation at the very least would be nice. I work at a company with around 500 employees and I know we’re doing well financially.

[kyrianne]

Okay, so, you know when your wireless mouse is on the fritz because the batteries are almost dead, and how it doesn't behave and jumps around unexpectedly and goes slow etc?

That. That is how chronic illness feels.

[dat-angry-badger]

My brain is a dick

My brain wants to feel like shit.

Particularly when I just had a good day for once. Everything is fine, all day long, I'm telling myself that's it's been a while since I didn't felt that good, and then bam. All of a sudden a little something happens and makes me feel like total crap for the entire night. It does that EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Why can't I just enjoy a good time without having my brain telling me I'm wrong to.

[kyrianne]

I want to fucking die✌

[kyrianne]

I have literally had dreams about my last job and how abusive and ableist they were every night for the last week. I still haven’t reported them to the commission against discrimination but I guess my subconscious is telling me to get on that

Goal for today: organize my shit for this. I have so many receipts, y’all. So many.

[kyrianne]

Are you ever just so bad at writing neurotypicals that every single character you try to write ends up with some kind of mental illness?

Some characters have stuff in canon so that doesn’t really count (like Bruce and Jason both having forms of PTSD) 

But Tim has GAD and probably some kind of depersonalization/dissociative disorder 

Dick has Bipolar 1 with more frequent mania than depression, but when he gets depressed it hits hard. 

Damian is probably BPD because of how he was raised. Dick is his FP

[kyrianne]

is it bad that i’m considering writing a fanfic as a method of processing through my grief 

like i know Red would probably think that was great so I’m not going to Offend The Dead or whatever but

it seems pretty silly idk