I hate writing these types of things because I feel so corny but like how am I only just now realizing how insanely selfish I am
Like I get super obsessive over anyone that’s remotely nice to me and I’ll drop everything for them and it’s not their fault that they don’t feel the same/care because they can’t control that but somehow I’ll always get upset when they don’t feel the same and i will start doing things that I think will make them care about me the way I care about them
Like gift giving. It’s supposed to be for the person because you like them and your showing that you care but I get so selfish and do things thinking I’ll get something in return or that they’ll finally be as obsessed with me as I am with them.
Like I bought one of my friends a $40 gift thinking that maybe they might care about me then and stop hitting me and dragging me around but nothing changed and I just wasted 40 dollars expecting somebody to entirely change the way they think about me over some expensive gesture like a chud
Like I sit here thinking it’s everybody else’s fault for hating me because I will always do everything in my power to try to make them like me more and people never appreciate that but it’s not their fault I genuinely suck as a person and that I’m an desperate obsessive chud who can’t get a grip
And all of my friends have their own problems that have nothing to do with me and I need to stay out of it but I can’t help but think that somehow I can help and whenever they do something rlly bad to themselves I can’t help but feel it’s my fault that they did that and I could have done anything to stop it but has NOTHHHING to do with me but I somehow manage to victimize myself.
And even if people actually are mistreating me I don’t think I’m capable of ever being angry at them. I always think about how one day things will work out and I’ll get justice but I can’t even be angry at them because AGAINNN Ik I’ve said it so many times but I get soooo soso obsessive that it like clashes with the hate and anger I have against them and then I just cry because I don’t know what to do when I actually hate someone that I would sell my soul to what
