Writing prompt: Jude's feelings for Rhiannon uvu
Complicated. Not as simple as they used to be, when they were children. Roles were reversed then, too: Rhiannon was the protector, and a source of inspiration to Jude, who was already well and thoroughly damaged by the time he and Rhiannon became friends. Jude despised and feared women, and couldn’t be left alone with Rhiannon’s mother or any other feminine figure without suffering from panic attacks. Jude didn’t begin to actively work through his issues regarding the female sex until they were teenagers, and separated, but he may have never attempted too at all without someone to shelter him from fear for the remainder of his formative years like Rhiannon did.
Jude dressed dark because Rhiannon dressed dark. Everything was either black or grey because that’s what Rhiannon liked, too, but Jude being Jude, a splash of color always found its way through: an all black ensemble would be accentuated by a pink scarf, or there’d be a violet shirt poking out from under a black and gray flannel. Younger, impressionable, and starved for positive affirmation… Jude worshiped Rhiannon for a time, so it was actually a positive for his development and the state of their relationship now that they were separated. Jude learned independence, reestablished his confidence… but did grow sharper and colder, too, as a means to defend him from the outside world. He began to build up muscle and physically push himself, and had submerged himself in a world of criminal intrigue soon as he was out of the Hallywell’s manor.
Jude changed quite a bit, naturally, while transitioning from child to teenager and then to adult, but he still carried a torch for Rhiannon, wanting to be with him as a teenager and young adult, but it not being physically or even distantly possible. Rhiannon was absorbed in his duties as his family’s heir and Jude’s father would sooner strangle his own kid to death than let him back around the Hallywell’s.
That desire to be with Rhiannon changed. Jude entered his first ever romantic relationship as an adult, and it wasn’t with Rhiannon, though it was a man who saw him as both an equal and a source of awe. They were involved for most of the time while Jude reluctantly attended college ( having been forced to apply and accept by his father ) but things… took a sour turn when Jude found out what the guy did for a living, ( or what he was bound to do for a living. ) It wasn’t him who laid a hand on Jude, nor it was it upon his request, but the guy’s family took their grievances out on Jude for the breakup, forcing him to relive a few things he’d rather have not.
It’s had a severe impact on their reunion and current arrangement: Jude was hired by Zefir to take up the mantle his own father, Donovan, had abandoned years previous. Jude and Rhiannon were in a professional, working relationship ( that much which Jude could handle, ) but at the start of which Jude would have sooner chucked Rhiannon off his balcony himself than sit down in close proximity and reminiscence about old times. Rhiannon was familiar though, his presence like a balm to soothe old hurts, but Jude… doesn’t like blurring the lines. He’s a stickler for upholding his duty and not letting emotion get in the way of anything work - related. It screws up his ability to compartmentalize, something that’s become a necessity for him to remain stable.
Additionally, after the abuse endured at the tail end of his last relationship ( and engagement, ) he currently doesn’t know how to handle Rhiannon’s romantic intentions or his own without locking up completely…
Jude’s world view isn’t conventional, either, and it’s doing plenty to hinder: a relationship doesn’t equal as much happiness to him as it does potential struggles and suffering… but again, that’s what most relationships have been to him all his life: a source of discomfort ( if not pain, ) shame, and having the rug pulled out from under him soon as he’s let his guard down and returned someone else’s affections. He feels, and likes to think he knows Rhiannon wouldn’t hurt him to the same extent others have, but the fear isn’t so much about Rhiannon hurting him. He can personally handle being hurt by this point, but someone hurting him by first hurting Rhiannon would be devastating, and Jude honestly doesn’t know how much more stress he can handle before he erupts into a thousand sharp pieces that get lodged in the throats of everyone around him.
So while he may love Rhiannon.. and feel as though he owe s him quite a bit… Jude clings to his job as his personal bodyguard and uses it as an excuse to rebuff the majority of Rhiannon’s advances and keep himself safe from having to either reciprocate or refuse his feelings. Jude’s been on lockdown for a good long while, so it’s going to take him a while longer before he lets go of his ten thousand hang ups and gives himself and Rhiannon a chance to see if a relationship would even work out between them as they are now, as two adults who have both been through too damn much.
