Do you have resources/advice for persecutor-hosts? I’m not our “worst” persecutor by a long shot, but I feel like most resources on learning about persecutors are aimed at hosts who aren’t or weren’t persecutors, or for non-host persecutors trying to gain power and acceptance within their system. And neither is me. -🌻
Definitely!
Generally, you just have to give it time, and make an active effort to unlearn a lot of the beliefs you've internalized.
These beliefs tend to be along the lines of "I always thought this body was mine and finding out it isn't, at least not exclusively, is terrifying/shocking," or "I always thought I knew who I was and now I realize I never did and that's terrifying/shocking".
You have to learn to share something you always thought would be just yours, and often things that you never thought could be. You have to learn to not give into the snap instinct to exert or seek control. You have to unlearn the "I am the only real person in my body" and "I am the most important person" that society has taught you and that therapists and singlets often encourage. You also have to unlearn unhealthy coping mechanisms you've already learned, because it's not just your own life at stake anymore.
It sucks, and it's a slow process.
Some tips we would offer are;
-Listen. Listen to your headmates and to other non-hosts. Even lurking in the background and watching while a headmate fronts can be really enlightening, if you have that communication.
-Learn to take a step back. This isn't possible for everyone (It's not for me except under very intense situations, because of my role as something of a buffer between the outside world and the system) but it can help to spend time in the innerworld.
-Engage with your system. I recommend this with all persecutors, but especially persecutor-hosts; caring about them is pretty much fundamental to any form of meaningful change. Goes back to #1 too.
