Lindon/Saiyris or Meanor/Zhenya
Because you sent this twice on account of that typo, I took the opportunity to do both.
Lindon/Saiyris
who the fuck put the peeps in the microwave
Saiyris. But not in the way you think. He put them in there as a way to keep his pets from getting at them. It may or may not have worked.
who forgot to put the cat outside before sex
Saiyris again. His pets, his job.
who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit
http://my-pleasant-good-morning.tumblr.com/post/166102286587/wanderingquill-fandom-jumper01#notes
So. That would be Lindon.
who breaks the most phones
I’m going with Saiyris. Because he is, fundamentally, Matthew, and Matthew felt is was a good plan to use his phone to record himself welding.
who dies first
Nope. I don’t want to be sad right now.
which one I could see as being lactose intollerant
? Not a damn clue.
who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t
Somehow I see Lindon the sort of person who thinks he can talk his way out of a ticket (or other citation) but he can’t. He really, really can’t.
who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed
Lindon is the most likely to leave the bed of his own free will. See the previously linked vine for why he would do that.
who uses the computer most
I ain’t got a damn clue.
