She laughed scrunching up her features into the ugliest face she could muster. “Oh thanks sister.” Her smile widened and she kissed her cheek lightly. “Is it time?” Kali nodded and they walked out of the back room hand in hand lining up as the bridal chorus started. She held onto her sisters hand as tightly as she could until she had to let her go.
Taking a deep breath she pulled the veil over her eyes and clutched her bouquet. Stay calm, stay calm, just walk. She chanted to herself as she slowly marched down the isle tripping on the last step right into his arms. She shook off the memories and held onto the mixing bowl. She was trying to make a cake but she wasn’t that great at baking the stack of burnt cakes sitting in her garbage proved it but she was determined to get this one right.
There was a loud knock at the door and she almost jumped out of her skin, she wasn’t expecting anyone. Putting the bowl down in the kitchen she fluttered off towards the door. Pulling the door open to their tiny blue house she was a bit taken aback when she saw a tall man in the same dark green military suit that she thought made Mikey look even more handsome. Her heart thudded louder and she shook silently, and her blood started to run colder. “Mrs. Robinson…” he began, but the somber look on his face told her that he was gone and never coming back. How could he be gone. They’d just gotten married less then six months ago, they only had four days together before he was deployed. They had forever together he couldn’t be dead… why would God cut their time short?
He tried to step forward to offer some sort of comfort but she didn’t want his comfort, she didn’t want this man, this angel of death to be the one to try and comfort her. She wanted to cry, or slam the door in his face but all that she could seem to muster up the strength the do was to was to stand there and shake. Even long after he’d gone, the depression that she thought she’d gotten under control years ago screamed at her. She leaned her head against the door the tears that she thought she’d had trapped in her throat finally appeared and wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t the quiet dignified cry that she was used to, the silent tears where you wipe them off when no one’s looking and place a smile back on your lips. No these were the kind of tears that racked your whole body, where you’re crying so hard you can barely breathe and when you start choking and coughing but you can’t stop anyways. She was crying so hard that she couldn’t help but to wonder if anyone had ever died because they were crying so hard.
♡ ♡ ♡
She was barely eighteen when she buried the man that she loved. Only this time nobody wondered if she was pregnant, nobody wondered if they loved, nobody cared. They didn’t come to say goodbye to the man that she had loved no they came to see the grieving widow. To give their condolences and then go on about their lives. Her sister came up behind her wrapping her arms around her she sighed. “You’re going to be okay,” she muttered.
She was going to be okay? How is anyone okay after that. Shaking her head as her mind raced, no Kali… I’m not going to be okay… because eventually you’ll leave me too and then who will I have? No one. He was everything to me.She bit her lip and took her hand desperately wanting to stay hidden in the back room of the church. She didn’t want to go to the funeral. She clung onto Kali’s hand as the doors opened and the men in uniforms strode out the door holding the coffin. They placed him down gently and her heart thudded even louder as the coffin was opened. He looked sad, why did he look sad? Did he look this sad the whole time he was gone? I knew I shouldn’t have let him join the military. She thought to herself trying to get control over her breathing, trying not to squeeze Kali’s hand any harder.
Clutching onto her sister like she was the only thing that anchored her to the world, she buried her face in her shoulder. She didn’t bother listening to the whispered condolences. She knew that they’d forget about him. They’d forget that when he got mad his accent got thicker, that even though he couldn’t feel a lot of his lower body he’d sigh quietly when she traced over his scars, they’d never know that some days he wouldn’t shave just because she liked it, they’d never know that he brought her a donut every day because she liked them so much and on weekends they’d watch cartoons. While the rest of the world would go on about their lives and forget about Mikey Robinson, Karma… she’d spend the rest of her life trying desperately not to.
