#saltatio.

[wreckitredglare]

"You are worth any wait."

Oh, how I wish that was true. I lied when I said I might burst into tears about it- I did. And I was doing so well...

[wreckitredglare]

And this is how I find out? This is how I learn anything?

[wreckitredglare]

If only I could keep you. If only I could get rid of everything else.

[wreckitredglare]

HA. Oh, how easy it is to slip back into old patterns! To watch yourself make the same mistakes in a heartbeat! Sickening. Disgusting. You would leap at the chance for a scrap of affection, you would turn yourself inside out if it meant you were chosen. You are the last resort. You are never going to be the first person he thinks of, ever.

You know better than this. You have sobbed these same tears before. And you are a fool for allowing yourself to do so again. You only make a mistake once. And here you are, over and over and over again, sweeps of the same stupid choice.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

[wreckitredglare]

Maybe I will be noticed next time.

[wreckitredglare]

I don't want to have this conversation right now. I don't want to have to face love at this exact moment. In this particular state. that's not fair to either of us.

But we have to handle this eventually, don't we?

[wreckitredglare]

I want to be wanted. I want this so much that I feel it burning in me, a fever's ache. I wish this didn't hurt like it does. I wish I didn't feel desperate to be desired.

But I am, and I want, and I am miserable for it. I know, though, that I must show others they're wanted first. I have to give before I can receive.

[wreckitredglare]

I have placed myself in the maw of a beast, and I am praying he doesn't snap his teeth around me. Please... I thought this was what was best. Now I am not so sure.