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So, a long time ago I think I warned those pesky I//H anons that if they kept sending me hate, I’d write an adultery fic. Well, thanks to this anon I finally wrote that trash fic I had been talking about. Now, it’s not really as trashy as it could have been, mainly because I can’t write smut without cringing, but I managed to make it super crack, like I originally intended.
It was totally inspired by @dangerousbride and other fic writers and artists with their adultery works. You guys rock!
For any salty orgs, remember that if you come for me, not only will I expose you, but I will also get back for the shit you keep sending me.
Also, as if it weren’t obvious enough, I do not support adultery in any form and for any reason. This is a work of fiction, and it doesn’t represent my actual values. I was just having fun.
You can also read it here.
Summary: Ichigo and Rukia go on a double date. It doesn’t go as planned.
The moment the words left Orihime’s mouth, Renji knew it was a terrible idea. When Rukia clapped her hands excitedly, Renji started sweating profusely. He knew that he was doomed, however, when Ichigo half-heartedly agreed. The three turned to him, and Renji could only nod while gulping. What could he say? That it was a terrible idea? They would think he was going crazy, and hell, maybe he was. He could picture it. “Hey guys, you know, maybe we shouldn’t go.” Renji imagined himself saying. “Why the hell not?” Ichigo, who was always waiting for the perfect opportunity to one up him, would say. He’d try to explain things, only for Rukia to snort and dismiss whatever he was saying without stopping to listen to him. It would all be over the moment Orihime would give him her best puppy eyes. Yep. He was done for. It was better to remain silent.
So, that is why after leaving the kids with Ichigo’s sisters, Renji found himself walking the streets with his wife and two friends. Unsurprisingly, Ichigo and Rukia were walking ahead of him and Orihime, still bickering about… well, Renji didn’t exactly know what they were fighting about at this point ─he lost track when Ichigo pointed out Ichika’s drawings were better than Rukia’s. To make matters worse, Orihime was walking happily next to him, yapping about how wonderful a time they were going to have in their double date.
Yes. His worries were all about a fucking double date. Go on, laugh at him, you unsuspecting reader, but if you knew the nightmare Renji was trapped in, you’d have to agree with him on why going on a double date with his wife and friends wasn’t particularly the best idea.
The two in front of them stopped their fight at the sound of her voice. Ichigo turned around, raising an eyebrow. “What?”
“Where are we going?” She asked, moving her lashes coquettishly.
Renji internally faced palmed. You’re asking that just now?!
“To this restaurant I know.” Ichigo simply said, shrugging for good measure. Then, he turned around to keep walking with Rukia, when they were interrupted again.
“How do you know that restaurant?” She asked innocently. Renji started sweating again.
“I’ve gone with a friend before.” Ichigo answered. Rukia was looking at Ichigo. Renji was pretty sure a smirk was pulling on his wife’s mouth.
“What friend?” Orihime asked once more. Renji was starting to doubt these were innocent questions.
Ichigo shrugged. “Ishida. Once.”
Renji found himself gulping after listening to those words. Seriously? Ishida of all people?
Orihime pursed her lips and then… then she smiled her signature smile, and she even giggled for good mention. “That’s so great, Ichigo-kun! I’m glad you and Ishida-kun get along so well!”
The man in question scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I guess. Anyway, let’s keep going.”
Oh, thank God! Renji mentally cheered, and walked with a sprint in his feet. Meanwhile, Ichigo muttered something under his breath, which resulted in Rukia kicking him in the shin.
“What the fuck was that for, Rukia?!”
“Oh, don’t act innocent! You know you deserved it!” She said, crossing her arms over her chest.
“Bitch!”
“Asshole!”
Renji cursed under his breath. But of course the two would keep fighting until reaching the restaurant. After all, such was his luck. Next to him, Orihime giggled.
“They’re so lively, aren’t they?” She said.
Oi, don’t look so happy! “Yes. I suppose.”
They didn’t speak again until they reached the restaurant. Renji gazed at the place. The façade was painted a mahogany color, and it had glass windows overlooking the street. Inside, he could see that the tables and booths were red, and that all waiters were wearing black slacks ─black skirts for waitresses─, white shirts and black ties. It looked cozy and elegant at the same time. Almost homey. And, he thought, not really a place you go to eat with a friend you barely see anymore.
“Welcome!” A woman said the moment they walked into the place. “Table for four?”
Ichigo nodded. “Yeah. Make it a booth.”
Unsurprisingly, Ichigo and Rukia sat right next to each other. Orihime happily sat in front of her husband, while Renji sat next to her. Whatever disagreement they were currently having shifted to talking about the food the place served.
“You really need to try the Gyudon. It’s really good!” Ichigo told everyone as they scanned the menus.
“The Udon noodles are excellent!” Rukia said, smiling right at Renji.
It took everything in his power not to start choking on air after that admission. He turned to look at Orihime as inconspicuously as he could. However, the young woman seemed unfazed, still looking at the menu she had in her hands.
“How about the curry?” Orihime asked. “Have you tried it yet, Ichigo-kun?”
“Nah. When I came here, I wasn’t in the mood for curry.” He said, and then sneaked a glance to Rukia. The woman had a devilish smile on her face.
“So you weren’t in the mood for that?” She smirked.
Ichigo returned the smirk. “Oh, no. I was in the mood for something else.”
Renji blanched in his seat. Are you serious?! In a panic, he turned to look at Orihime again, this time more directly. She looked as oblivious as ever.
“I think I’m going to order it.” Orihime said. “What about you, Abarai-kun?”
The attention suddenly turned to him. “Err… I’m not sure yet.” He stuttered, silently cursing himself.
“Give the Udon a try.” Rukia told him, smiling sweetly at him.
“No. I think Renji’s in the mood for chicken, don’t you think?” Ichigo grinned, and then yelped suddenly.
“Dear, are you okay?” His wife asked him.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Ichigo said, and then growled something at Rukia who merely laughed.
Renji paled. What the hell?
“So, Renji, what’s it gonna be?” His wife asked him again.
He coughed. “Ramen seems nice.” Rukia nodded.
Before anyone could comment further, their waitress arrived. “Are you ready to order?”
Ichigo answered first. “Yes. We will be having Udon noodles, yakimeshi, grilled chicken, and matcha tea please.” Ichigo said, motioning to Rukia and himself.
The waitress smiled at them. “What about for you and your wife, sir?” She said, turning to Renji.
“Ammm.” He stuttered again, wondering if the woman next to him was going to correct the waitress. To his surprise, she nodded and started giving her order. “I will be having your beef curry please.”
“Sure thing.”
“Can you add vanilla ice cream and strawberry jam to it?” She added, making everyone in the table nauseous.
The waitress blinked. “I’m afraid not. But you can order the ice cream as dessert.”
She looked disappointed but nodded. “Ah, and please bring me an orange juice.”
The waitress nodded and looked at Renji expectantly. “Beef ramen for me.” She wrote it down. “And beer.” He added as an afterthought. He needed at least a bit of alcohol in his system to go through this awful date.
After the waitress left, they started talking again. Though this time, finally both Renji and Orihime were included in whatever the other two were conversing about. For once, it all felt nice. Orihime told an anecdote about something that had happened in the market a week before, and they all chuckled. Next, Ichigo started telling them about an annoying client who kept visiting the clinic claiming he had a skin condition, when in reality he was suffering from wrinkles. Rukia then explained her very elaborate plan to finally get Kiyone and Sentarou together. Renji found himself laughing for the first time with his wife and friends. It was unlike the other times they had gotten together to chat over the years. Although, that sense of peace didn’t last long, for when Renji was retelling a joke Byakuya had finally managed to deliver correctly during training once, he heard it. It was a low sound. He would have missed it if his hearing wasn’t an ability he relied on when fighting hollows. He paused, and then shook his head. Renji kept talking, hoping it had been his imagination, but no, there it was again. Low. Husky. Almost like a growl. His eyes zeroed on Rukia’s face. She was smiling at him, encouraging to continue his tale. Then his eyes moved to Ichigo. He wouldn’t have noticed anything if he hadn’t known what to look for. His cheeks were slightly flushed. His jaw clenched. And his eyes… They had an intense look on them. Oh fuck no!
“You sure?” Renji asked again, his eyes watching as Rukia’s hand kept disappearing beneath the table. Ichigo’s cheeks became even redder, and he coughed.
“Yeah, Ichigo, are you sure?” Rukia asked with a mocking smile on her face. Renji could see her hand moving back and forth from where we was sitting.
The man rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m good. What were you saying?”
Renji opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Orihime’s loud squeal. “Look, our food’s here!”
Indeed, their food had arrived. The waitress started serving them their plates, while warning them they were hot. The interruption gave Renji a few minutes to breathe. Turning to Orihime, he could tell she was distracted again, excitedly telling them how tastier the curry would have been if she had been able to add ice cream on top ─oh well, sugar would have to do for now. Renji pushed down the bile which was threatening to come out from his mouth. Then, he looked towards Ichigo, who was back to normal. Renji sighed happily, and started eating with gusto. He could finally relax! Of course, that lasted but two seconds when he heard a very soft mewl, one he could have recognized anywhere. Lifting his head, his eyes found his wife, whose skin was now turning red. Also, Ichigo’s left hand was notoriously absent from the table. Oh fuck me!
Trying to ignore them, Renji dove right into his food. It was surprisingly good. He took a huge gulp of beer when the noise became particularly louder. Thankfully, Orihime remained none-the-wiser, thoroughly enjoying her curry. All conversation stopped too. It was all good, though. Renji didn’t want to talk or divert the awkwardness anymore. He was getting tired. As they ate, a sudden beeping sound distracted them from their activities. Orihime blinked and then she reached for her purse, from which she took her cellphone out. She tapped something, next another beep could be heard, and she tapped again.
“Who’s that, Orihime?” Rukia asked her. Both her hands were finally on the table.
“Ah, it’s just Yuzu-chan!” The other woman said happily. “She was asking me if it’s okay for the kids to have cookies for dessert. I told her it was, hope it’s alright with you, Rukia-san.”
“Yeah, it is. Ichika doesn’t get the chance to eat cookies often back home.”
“Great!” Orihime said, a little too quickly if you asked Renji, but she had always been a bit weird anyway.
They resumed their eating, although Rukia shuffled a bit in her seat. In the background, more beeping could be heard. Renji sighed. Well, it could be worse. He thought as he slurped his ramen. For instance, a year before they had all gone to the summer festival. It had been nice at first, until Renji got distracted buying Ichika takoyaki. When he turned around, he couldn’t even find his daughter. Looking around, she found her playing with Kazui and Ichigo’s dad. However, neither Rukia nor the other couple were anywhere. He walked around, trying to see if he could find them. Just before the fireworks started, Orihime arrived from behind a food stand, claiming she had gotten lost. Together, they walked to where Isshin and the kids were sitting. Around fifteen minutes later, Ichigo and Rukia appeared, clearly disheveled, saying they had been looking everywhere for them.
That wasn’t even the worst, though.
Just before Ichigo and Orihime had gotten married, the four of them had gone to this classy restaurant ─one that the captain would have certainly approved of and which was coincidentally Ishida-recommended. Orihime said she was going to be late, for she was taking care of something. So, that left him alone with his wife and friend. As they waited for their food, Renji went to take a very important call. When he came back, only Ichigo was sitting there, drinking from his glass of wine. “Rukia’s in the restroom.” He informed him. Renji nodded and attempted to talk with his friend, however Ichigo was completely distracted, answering with monosyllables. Renji enquired if he was nervous about the wedding, which got him a nod. As they waited for their girls, Renji briefly heard something which sounded like sucking. He raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Thinking he had had enough, he went to the restroom, thinking he’d find Rukia there. When he came back, Rukia was already at the table, her cheeks rosy. Before he could ask her what had happened, Orihime arrived, looking more radiant than ever.
And don’t even get Renji started on last week! A bunch of rookies had given him a hard time during training, Captain Kuchiki had made him redo all of his paperwork before Hisagi could recollect it, the Women Shinigami Association had made more money than them during their fundraising, as Nanao had constantly reminded them during the meeting they held, and Ichika had thrown a temper tantrum, questioning his authority as a father. The only thing he had wanted was to spend some quality time with his wife, but when he arrived at her office, he noticed that all of her paperwork was thrown around the room, and her robes were very much in disarrayed. Also, Ichigo was there, sitting rather innocently while drinking tea. Renji felt his eye twitching just by remembering it.
He finished his beer and ordered another, while the other three ordered ice cream. They started talking once again, sharing some of their woes of parenthood. Apparently, Kazui liked to sneak out of his house and wander around town. Ironically, Ichika had been disappearing from home too. Renji didn’t stop to think what that could mean, instead he focused on finishing his pint of beer.
“I’m going to the restroom.” He announced as he stood up. Renji narrowed his eyes at Ichigo. He sure hoped that he wouldn’t pull a stunt while Orihime was there.
They’re behaving better than normal. Renji thought as he did his business. Normally, by this point the two of them would have disappeared somewhere, and wouldn’t be back for a few hours. He didn’t know how Orihime hadn’t caught them yet. They weren’t careful at all. Maybe she was just oblivious, or trusted Ichigo way too much. Whatever. He thought. The date was almost over after all.
Just when he was about to exit the stall, he heard the telling sound of clothes shuffling and mouths slamming against each other. Next thing he knew, the stall right beside his own opened, the two people making out went in, and slammed the door shut. He waited for a few seconds, not knowing what to do. It was enough time for the people next to him to start undressing, or so he assumed by the soft thud of clothes hitting the floor. Moaning was quickly heard, and the sound of flesh slapping against flesh. He felt sick.
I’m fucking pissed!
Renji could take a lot of bullshit. He could take the fact that his wife hadn’t really been in love with him when they got married. He could take the knowledge that their first few nights together were utter shit, and the rest never improved to the point that after Ichika was born, their sexual life was non-existent. He could take the fact that the first time he had seen Rukia truly glow was after one of Ichigo’s visits to Soul Society (she had limped for a week after that). He could take knowing that Ichigo had been late to his very own wedding because he had spent “quality time” with Rukia on the room he was supposedly getting ready at. He could take the fact that Rukia had been more excited to see Ichigo again than for her own promotion to captain, (and god did that showed when they went to Karakura). He could take having seen Ichigo kiss Rukia that one time in his house, when no one was paying attention. He could take going to restaurants with them knowing what they did under the table. He could take knowing Rukia regularly sneaked to Karakura just to see Ichigo. He could take finding his bed sheets a total mess after arriving home late, covered in a sticky substance he rather not name. He could take listening to things he really shouldn’t have as he passed by Ichigo’s former room at his parent’s house one day when he came to pick up Ichika and Rukia. He could take listening to them as he was watching TV on the other room. He could take Rukia kissing him while tasting like another man. He could take the two of them using their children as an excuse to see each other. He could take knowing Kazui’s and Ichika’s rooms had long since been defiled. He could take naming his own daughter after Ichigo when Rukia had suggested it. Fuck. Renji could take knowing that his wife and his best friend had been fucking around behind his back for years without seeming to end or get tired with each other. Worse, he could take the fact that they had been deeply in love all this time and their marriages were mistakes. The worst. He could take covering for them, least Orihime were to find she had been cheated on since way before she had even gotten married to Ichigo. But what he could have never been able to take, at all, was having the two of them fucking while he was inside the neighboring stall taking a dump! There was such things as decency and respect, thank you very much!
Fuming, he exited the restroom, uncaring if the other two had heard him or not. As he angrily stomped towards the booth, while muttering underneath his breath about backstabbing friends and cuckolding, he didn’t notice that the very own people he had been cursing were still sitting on the booth, talking rather amicably. As his eyes noticed them, he stopped dead on his tracks. Wait… What the actual fuck? How could this have been?! He had just left them behind, and there was no way in hell they would have gotten there before he did, taking into account they were in the middle of their gross lovemaking.
“Renji, are you okay?” Rukia asked after a few minutes of watching Renji gape at them.
“What… I mean… huh?” He said, ever so eloquently.
“Dude, are you having an aneurysm?” Ichigo asked, suddenly standing up.
“What?! No, no! I’m fine!” He said quickly. Just then, he realized there was one person missing. “Where’s Orihime?”
“She went to the restroom not long after you left too. I thought you might run into each other.” Ichigo answered, shrugging in indifference.
Okay. Now nothing made any sense! If Ichigo and Rukia had been here all this time, then who the fuck was having sex in the men’s restroom?! His mind then went blank. Orihime went to the restroom too. The woman mewling in the restroom had a very high pitched voice now that he thought about it, one that Rukia didn’t have. Orihime had also been texting a lot when they were eating.
Oh fuck!
As his mind was rebooting, Ichigo and Rukia started bickering again, this time the subject was whether or not Renji was feeling well. Rukia kept saying her husband was fine, while Ichigo said she had probably already tired him with her shit. That got him a kick in the sheen.
“Guys, look who I found on the entrance?” Orihime suddenly said. Renji turned to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips red and swollen, but she was smiling radiantly.
“Ishida.” Ichigo acknowledged the man next to his wife.
“What are you doing here?” Renji blurted out before he could stop himself. Rukia scolded him for being rude.
“I wanted to grab something to eat.” The man answered matter-of-factly.
“And I was telling Ishida-kun that he should try the curry.” Orihime said.
“That sounds nice. I think I will.” Ishida said and the woman next to him beamed at him.
Ishida talked to them for a few minutes, before he left to order his food. Orihime sat down next to Renji, still speaking about how nice it had been to run into Ishida, and how unjust it was that they hardly saw him anymore. Rukia agreed with her, while Ichigo simply nodded. Renji remained quiet. Not long after, they paid for their food and left the establishment. As they walked home, Ichigo and Rukia went ahead, bickering about one thing or another, before laughing and taking quietly amongst themselves. Renji walked behind them, Orihime next to him like before. However, this time she wasn’t talking, she merely looked ahead, a soft smile gracing her lips. That was all for the better, Renji thought. He wasn’t in the mood for talking. Once home, they talked with their kids about what they had done that day. Then, they quickly said their goodbyes, after all the following day was busy for all of the adults. Opening the senkaimon, Renji looked at his friends once more. Orihime waved at them. Ichigo said something to Rukia, which made her smile. Renji shook his head as Ichika whispered something into Kazui’s ear, she then trotted happily towards her dad. When they are all set, they disappeared into the gate.
The events of the day flashed into Renji’s eyes as he prepared himself to sleep. Ichika was already asleep, and Rukia was taking a shower. He frowned, then sighed. The following morning, he asked Ichika if she had enjoyed the cookies Yuzu had given her. The girl had frowned. Turns out, she and Kazui hadn’t eaten cookies but chocolate ice cream. Renji felt like laughing. In fact, he did, ignoring the way his daughter looked as if he had lost his mind. It was all good, though. There was a reason, after all, why Ishida seemed lost in what to order in a restaurant he had already eaten at. Orihime’s texting hadn’t gone unnoticed either.
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