Well fuck. That was pretty much the only thought that was going through her head at that moment. Yes, she knew that technically any sex could lead to the possibility of pregnancy (everyone has watched that episode of Friends - condoms are only 97% effective, how could she forget?) but she had never thought it would happen to her. It was all just - fuck. This would most likely ruin her and Aaron - she was pregnant with another man’s child for fuck’s sake! And Gabe! God, Gabe would probably be pissed. She’d basically rejected him, flat out told him she was in love with someone else, but oh, by the way, I’m pregnant and it’s yours…
She couldn’t let her thoughts spin out of control, though. Not right now. Right now she just needed to handle this calmly and like an adult. She’d just… tell Gabe (not Aaron, she couldn’t deal with Aaron right now - not about this). And then they’d figure it out from there. Yes, that’s precisely what she was going to do. It took every ounce of courage for her to dial his number, and when he answered, she thought about hanging up for a second. But she didn’t. “Um… Hey Gabe. Can you come over? It’s kinda an emergency…”
@gabeandrews
Everything’s coming up for Gabe. After that cold holiday trip, they were finally back in Charlton. Well, snow’s still here but at least he’s back in his dorm room, surrounded by everything he’s familiar with. His walls covered with review points for his math exams, his shelf of graphic novels decorated with Marvel action figures he’s told Sophie about, his bed made, and his 15-year-old giraffe stuffed toy laid next to his pillow. After what happened between him and Lila, a heavy load left his shoulders. At least that’s what it felt like. He wasn’t worried that he’ll have deep feelings for her anymore, because Lila’s made it clear that she’s inlove with someone else – her best friend, Aaron. Although it was a straight up rejection, Gabriel appreciated her honesty. It was the best thing to do, the best thing she’s ever told him. It saved him from going deep under.
He was leaving his dorm room for a bite at Eddie’s Diner when his phone went off. It was Lila, and with a big grin on his face, he answered it. Only to be greeted with a worried tone from the other end. “Hey, uh, of course. I’m actually just about to leave my room. I’ll be there in a bit.” He hung up, with only question marks circling his mind. Forgetting about his hunger, he rushed to the Kingsley dorms, stopping just outside her doorway. “Lila,” he called after knocking three times. “What’s your 911?”
She knew that she had probably freaked him the fuck out with her phone call, but she couldn’t really worry about that right now because she was, in fact, freaking the fuck out. She was pregnant for fuck’s sake - she’s a twenty years old and completely up the spout. And she was maybe sort of finally getting somewhere with the guy she’d been in love with for years, but none of that really mattered now, did it? For all intents and purposes, her life was ruined.
She had worked herself up into such a tizzy that by the time Gabe knocked on the door, she was somewhere between hyperventilating and crying - maybe both. And while he may have been the one to get her into this mess, he was still her friend first and foremost, so the second she opened the door, she flung her arms around him. “Gabe! Thank god! Thank you for coming,” her words came out as a jumble, her face pressed against his chest. Considering the last time they had seen each other she had been essentially crushing whatever hopes he had of something more between them, it probably wasn’t the best greeting, but again, she couldn’t care. She was basically about to crush his entire future, so what was his heart along with it?
But how to break it to him? Pulling back, she looked him in the eyes - how was she supposed to tell him? Best to just rip it off like a bandaid. “I’m - I’m pregnant. I’m sorry.”
The hug was the last thing he expected from her as a greeting. She practically dove into his arms. To Gabriel it could only mean two things: she’s done something extremely bad like maybe murder; or she’s taking back everything she told him, that she’s actually ready to take a chance with him. Well, it’s not too late, he thought. He can take it, he’s still up for it, right? But what about Aaron? Weren’t they seeing each other? Didn’t it work out?
But against his chest, Lila was crying. Shaking. She was freaking out, so this wasn’t probably about them getting another chance. Maybe Aaron did something to her, hurt her. Rejected her. Oh who was Gabriel kidding? He knew Aaron; he wouldn’t do that to her. When she pulled away, looked into his eyes and broke the news to him, the first thing that came out of his mouth was, “With whose baby?”
She wouldn’t ask him to come over, cry against his chest if this was all just a stupid prank. Lila was his partner-in-crime. She wouldn’t pull such a stupid prank on him. Closing the door behind him to shut the rest of the world out, he tried to hold onto his sanity. Tried to distract himself from the night they did it. Where they took each other, entangled in sheets. “Why are you apologizing? Pull your shit together, Lila I am so confused right now.”
It had to be karma. That was the only explanation for why fate could have fucked her up so bad. It would explain everything, come to think of it - her father, Aaron, Gabe. She was a terrible person in a past life and now she was paying for it. It was easier just to chalk it all up to a cosmic joke, than to deal with the fact that she had made the biggest mistake of her life. But let’s face it - her life was basically over. Aaron probably wouldn’t even look at her after this and she wouldn’t blame Gabe for wanting nothing to do with her after the way she had basically used him. Her father would probably disown her for good this time, and her mother wouldn’t be able to look at her without crying. She was alone, even with Gabe in the room, because this was something that he couldn’t forgive her for.
“I’m apologizing for everything,” she responded pitifully. “For being a shitty, goddamn person. For using you. Lord knows I’m paying for it now, but I just really wish I didn’t have to pull you down with me. You don’t deserve this - after everything. I’m just - I’m really fucking sorry.” Were she in her right mind, she would have realized that she had never truly answered his question, but with her whole world falling apart around her, she couldn’t help but assume that everyone already knew the cause. And why wouldn’t they? She was such a raging fuck-up that surely everyone must know.
I’m apologizing for everything. Didn’t have to pull you down with me. After everything. His head was spinning from her apologies. Gabriel found his hold on her loosening, and his arm dropping lifelessly to his sides. It doesn’t take a genius to read between the lines. He hoped to get another chance with her, but not like this. His mother is still in the hospital and everything he earns from his freelancing job goes to the hospital bills. Last thing he needed was another life to look after.
He shook his head and laughed, rather desperately. “I’m so fucking stupid to hope this would be about us giving it another shot.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would wash this mess away. He opened them without meeting her eyes. “I will not be this baby’s father while you’re in love with Aaron. Tell him or get rid of it.” He said, as calmly as he could, his voice void of emotions.
She had never heard that tone of voice from Gabe before, and it was enough to shock her out of whatever crazy downward spiral she was currently going on. “Wait. What?” she responded dumbly. She hadn’t had time to think about things practically yet - her only thoughts consisting of oh shit, gotta tell Gabe, and don’t tell Aaron. So supposed that she should have been grateful that he was able to think so logically so quickly, but instead it just left her feeling like she had whiplash.
Chalk it up to hormones, but her emotions changed from deep despair to raging anger in a second flat. “You’re not - It’s too late for that, Gabe! Tough shit, you’re already the father! And what do you mean tell Aaron? I’m sorry for what I did to you, but are you really so eager to destroy my relationship? This is going to destroy him! Is that what you want? Him out of the picture?” She knew deep down that she would have to tell Aaron eventually, but she dreaded the very idea of it and hated that Gabe was pressuring her. Hadn’t he already done enough?
“No–yes. I mean, no! I meant, tell him because I will not be the–” he sighed heavily and felt his shoulders slump. “I know you’re in love with him. You made that clear. So clear and it hurt. A bit, but I accepted it. I am not destroying your relationship for fuck’s sake, Lila. If I wanted to steal you from him it’s not by.. by this!” The tone of his voice was slowly rising, his mind finally starting to wrap around what’s happening and he was this close to losing it. “I don’t want to destroy him, or you, or your relationship, because this destroys me too! God, Lila, I’m not that fucking desperate! Why did you call me here, huh? What do you want me to do? Why tell me? Tell him. Tell him, ask him to be its father or get rid of it. I will not -I am not ready to be a father.”
She knew that she hurt him - knew that she continued to hurt him now. And she hated herself for it. Because in another world, she could have easily fallen for Gabe. He was attractive and funny, and they had so much in common. He was exactly the kind of person she had always envisioned herself with before Aaron came along and turned her world upside down. And when it was just her, it had been so much easier to push that potential aside, to ignore it, because Aaron was all she ever wanted, and the seed of her feelings for Gabe was so small in comparison. But it wasn’t just her now, and that realization rocked her to her core. Because no matter what she chose to do with the baby, she and Gabe had created something together that they could never escape. “I-” she started, stuttering over her words slightly in an attempt to collect her thought and explain the torrent of emotions raging inside her. “I called because this was something we did - together. And I know I hurt you, and you have every reason to hate me, but I care about you, Gabe. So much. I meant what I said that night! If the circumstances were different, I would be with you in a heartbeat. I just - I’m so confused! I wasn’t - I never wanted any of this to happen. You’re one of my closest friends, Gabe, and I know it’s selfish, but I need you right now!”
Starting to pace back and forth, he impatiently listened to her explanation. “Everything was fine. I had started being fine.” He muttered to himself over and over. He could feel her eyes following him. Then he turned to her, tears burning behind his eyes now that everything was catching up to him. “I don’t hate you. I can never hate you.” Why would he? She was the first hookup he’s ever had feelings for. There was so much hope, so much potential in them. Under any other circumstance, this would be the best thing that has happened to him since his mother was hospitalized. She could easily have his whole heart, his full commitment –all of him. But of course life doesn’t work like that. She was in love with a man who’s absolutely a better man than Gabriel will ever be. Inasmuch as he wanted to, she can never take it against her. One doesn’t just choose who to love. “But the circumstances weren’t different. Just caring about me is not gonna fix this.” He almost wanted to give in, with the way she said she needed him. Every inch of his conscience, and every bit of what’s left of their once-strong friendship was starting to resurface. He couldn’t leave her like this, but right now what he needs is self-preservation. “You have a lot of other close friends,” he replied, his voice cracking. “I can’t do this. I.. I think I have to go.”
She could feel him slipping away from her and she was powerless to stop it. Her world was falling apart, and the one thing she knew was that she couldn’t lose him. The selfish part of her insisted that it was just because he had been the one to get her into this mess - he owed it to her to help her through it. But there was another part - timid and quiet though it was - that told her it was more than that. He was more than a close friend, more than the one who got her into this mess. They were partners now, tied together in the bonds of this horrible, shitty miracle. (She didn’t know why people called babies that - they were terrible and apparently far too easy to conceive to be considered miraculous…) It didn’t matter what happened now, this would stay with her forever - and so would Gabe. She couldn’t let him go so easily. It was impulsive, and probably stupid, and she would definitely pay for it later, but she rushed towards him, trapping him in a kiss.
Next thing he knew, he was kissing her back. The last thing he needed was her keeping his hopes back up. But she was right there, rushing to him, keeping him from leaving. And he found himself kissing back. A deep and needy kiss that revealed whatever words he chose to leave out earlier. He was surprised how selfish she was making him. He wanted to want her, he wanted their kiss to last; what’s worse is he started to want Aaron out of the picture. Gabriel was sure it was Aaron she liked first, but it was him that came to her first. He reluctantly broke the kiss, remembering that he should be resorting to self-preservation. With his hands still on her waist, and his forehead against hers, he spoke in a soft voice. “I..want to want you. Had you told me you wanted to be with me, I’d be yours. Just like that. But we both know that once everything’s under control, you’ll be running back to him.”
She poured everything she had into that kiss - her uncertainty about her feelings, her anger that he had gotten her into this mess, all of it. It was different from their past kisses, less playful and more desperate, but this, she realized, was her life now. And the worst part was that she felt it, stirring in her gut, the seed of something. “I want to want you, too,” she whispered back, her voice hoarse from yet more unshed tears. “I just - God, this all just became so much more complicated. We can’t come back from this, Gabe. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but this is gonna stay with me forever.”
Now that they weren’t being hysterical anymore (they still are, only not as much as they were a few moments back), Gabe had to say it. “You just had to kiss me, didn’t you? I should’ve agreed when you suggested we use a condom. And you should’ve stopped me there, since you already knew then that you love..” him. He swallowed hard, sniffing back his tears. What was he going to do now? She was right, they can’t come back from it. It’s already in her womb. Gabe wanted her to get rid of it, but now that he can think again, he wouldn’t want her to go through such a painful process. Kissing her forehead, he slowly pulled away. “Maybe.. maybe we shouldn’t think about it right now. We still have months before the bump shows. We’ll figure it out. But I hope you understand.. that I can’t have you looking at me like you wish I was him. I don’t want that to happen. We both deserve better. I’m gonna need some time alone… Give me today, and–and tomorrow. Then we’ll talk the day after that.”
She didn’t know why she hadn’t stopped Gabe. She guessed at the heart of it, she just wanted to be wanted. Every statistic had been screaming in her head, even when he promised to pull out, but she thought she knew her cycle, she thought she was safe. It was a mistake that would haunt her for the rest of her life. “Okay,” she nodded, exhaling shakily. “Yeah, okay. This is a lot to just lay on you. Of course you need time. I just - I think I need some time too. Y’know, to just… figure everything out. Can I ask you for one favor, though? Can you not tell Aaron?”
He nodded, knowing she would ask him that specific favor. He might have wanted Aaron to know, but he didn’t want it to come from him. Aaron is her friend, not his. Gabe didn’t even think he’d ever want to have anything to do with that guy anymore. “I will not tell Aaron. You have my word. Y-Yeah, we’ll figure everything out. We need some time. Both of us. Separately.” He gave her one more look, the back of his fingers caressing her cheek, tracing where her tears have been. Then he hung his head low, turned around and left her room without another word.
