Book: The Nanny Affair
Series: Fractured
Characters: Sam, Ana Schuyler (MC)
Pairing: Sam Dalton (male) x Ana Schuyler (MC)
Rating: 18+
Content/Series Warning: Adult Language, Trigger Warnings: discussion of family member death: spouse and father.
Summary: Two and a half years after they get married are things the same?
Word Count: 2577
All characters belong to Pixelberry except for my OCs.
A/N: I really wanted to challenge myself with this series and fill it with tons of angst. I wanted to shove Ana and Sam into the midst of real life shit. I hope that I did it justice and this is just the beginning, it's short to set the tone for the rest of the series. A huge thank you for challenging me to give Ana and Sam MORE to @txemrn and for always being my sounding board and letting me bug her at 2 in the morning for help. You are the best P.
They say that running away from your problems is a race you will never win. I’m pretty sure my dad told me that… more times than I can count. Then how, after being married to Sam for two and a half years, did I manage to bury all of my insecurities about Eva? Why did we still live in the city, when I loathed it? I blamed life… it moves fast, it’s easy to not think about the things that upset you… until eventually, it all just bubbles up, and it’s impossible to not think about the things that hurt the most.
I walked through the quiet penthouse, a box of Mickey and Mason’s completed school work, science projects, and tests weighing down the plastic box in my arms. Balancing the box on my hip, I opened the hall closet door, and it was packed full of things. Memories. I smiled softly with a shake of my head, kicking the door closed with my foot. With a sigh, I walked towards Sam’s home office. There has to be room in here. I set the box on the hardwood floor, tucking a loose piece of hair back into the bun sitting on the top of my head.
I walked from cabinet to cabinet, my eyes scanning the labels of paperwork, ledgers, and books, until a white box that was tucked neatly into a corner caught my attention. I kneel down to get a closer look and reach out to trace over the delicate and flowing cursive writing, Wedding and Memories. I closed my eyes as my breath quickly left my lungs in surprise, Eva. I look over my shoulder at the open office door, then to the watch on my wrist. I have time before anyone gets home… Chewing on my bottom lip, I sank down to my knees, pulling the box out of the cabinet and onto the office floor. I held my breath, listening carefully for any sounds in the quiet penthouse before I slid my fingertips underneath the lid and slowly lifted it, ignoring every single warning sign that was flashing through my determined mind.
I can handle this… right?
When I take another shallow, shaking breath, my senses are hit with the faint, delicate smell of jasmine. The first thing my eyes fall on is a wedding photo, and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I slowly reach into the box, carefully picking up a stack of old photographs. I run my thumb over Eva’s perfect smile, as my eyes admire a very youthful Sam, who is looking at her like she just hung the moon. Eva’s beautiful almond hair hung long down her back. Her blue eyes are the color of the sea… I don’t realize that I am crying until a single tear falls and blurs the blissful couple's faces. I pinch my eyes closed and quickly wipe at them with the back of my shirt sleeve. I flip through the top few photos, all of them portraying a life filled with happiness and love. My fingers trace the broad smile that Sam bears in each one. Photo after photo of effortless kisses, easy smiles, and candid laughter. A simpler time, when love was young and free. Uncomplicated.
I squeeze my eyes shut as the tears silently trail brazen paths down my cheeks. When all of his firsts were just that… firsts. When I reopen them, I set the photographs down softly on the wooden floor beside me, the images shaking in my unsteady grasp.
I push the heels of my hands into my eyes. Maybe you should just leave this alone… put all of this away and be done with it… but I knew… I knew I would be back. When I lower my hands, a folded piece of paper catches my attention, Eva is written across the front, in Sam’s handwriting.
My mind races, once you cross this line, there is no going back… A sense of resolve settles over me as I reach for the folded letter, slowly opening it to expose the words written inside. And I read.
My loveliest Eva,
You always told me you loved love letters. Well here is my first love letter to you. The woman of my dreams, the woman that holds my entire heart. You are what dreams are made of and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our souls were made for each other. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I am thankful everyday that you chose me. —
I tear my eyes away. Closing the letter in my shaking hands. My breathing is shallow and quick as panic blooms in my stomach. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, my senses telling me I am no longer alone. I turn towards the open door, and a somber looking Sam rests his shoulder on the door frame, his strong arms crossed tightly across his chest. The air is thick with tension as his eyes scan my face than the open box sitting on the floor beside me. His eyes finally settle on mine, the silence stretching on as he waits for me to speak first. I watch his jaw clench, and his Adam’s Apple rise and fall.
I look down at the folded love letter in my hand, my grip wrinkling the paper. My gaze lifts back to his dark eyes and his brows are lowered.
“Hi.” My voice sounds small as I search his face.
“Hi.” He responds as he slowly steps into the office.
“You kept all of this.” I look down at the box before lifting my gaze back to his.
He shrugs his shoulders slightly as his eyes scan my face. “You know how much she meant to me… and the boys.” He says quietly.
“Well, I thought I did. But I’m starting to get a better idea now.” I look down at the letter in my hand. “You were so happy.”
He kneels down at my side, taking my free hand in his. “Ana, I’m happy now.”
When I meet his eyes again, I can tell he believes his words, but is it actually true? He hasn’t experienced all of these firsts the same way I have, his first engagement, his first marriage… his first wedding night. I search his eyes before pulling my hand from his grasp, looking down at the photographs.
“Our love is nothing like this. It’s complicated… tainted.” I whisper the last word as shame fogs my mind.
“Ana-“ his voice is a warning.
I hold my hand up to stop him. “Sam… I believe you are happy. But… not like this.” I reach out and pick up one of their vacation photos, the look in his eyes makes my heart ache. The love, the devotion, the ease, is written across every laugh line on his face. Laugh lines that I didn’t give you.
I drop the letter in the box and reach out to grab the photos, setting them neatly back inside the box. I can feel Sam's gaze on me as I place the lid back on the box, pushing it carefully back into its hidden spot in the cabinet. His silence is speaking volumes as the beat of my heart pounds in my ears.
I reach up and swipe at the moisture on my cheeks. “It's movie night. I am going to see my dad.” I brush past him avoiding his gaze. He grabs my wrist bringing me to a stop. “Don’t Sam.” My voice cracks.
He drops his hold and I walk out of the room. Silence.
I tap my toe to alleviate my toiling anxiety while I play with my wedding rings on my finger. I open my compact mirror noticing how red and puffy my eyes are from tears. I close my eyes but I find little relief, as the photos of Eva and Sam flash across the blackness. The elevator dings open on my parents floor and I walk quickly to their apartment, the click of my heels echoing on the marble tile. I pause outside of their door, taking a deep breath. Just try to forget about it.
“Hi, honey.” My mom calls from the kitchen as I unlock and open the door.
I clear my throat. “Hi. How is he?” I ask, as I set my bag on the counter and slip out of my pumps.
She looks up from the New York Times with a sigh. “He will be glad to see you.” She studies my face for a moment. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired.” I manage a half smile to try and alleviate her worry.
Her brown eyes linger on me. Please don’t ask. Her face falls as her lips settle into a thin line. I purse my lips and turn away from her, taking deliberate steps towards my father’s room. He is laying down with his eyes closed, his gaunt frame barely recognizable from the tall, strong man that lives now only in my memories and in photographs. My eyes dart over to Emily who is looking at her charts intently.
“Hi.” I say softly, pausing and leaning on the door frame.
Emily’s head snaps up and her face softens in a smile. “Ana. Movie night tonight, right? I was just about to take this off.” She gestures towards his oxygen mask.
“Movie night.” I give her a smile. “And, I’ll do it, Emily. Thank you.”
“You got it. Let me know if there is anything I can do, I will give you guys a moment.” She makes her way towards me, giving my forearm a light squeeze before she walks out of the room.
The steady tick of the machine is the only sound in the room as I make my way over to where my father is resting. I place my hand on his shoulder and his emerald eyes flutter open. The wrinkles that frame them from countless happy memories, immediately deepen as I gently remove his mask and his lips turn up into his signature toothy smile.
“Apple.” He takes a shallow breath.
My chest tightens. “I just can’t seem to stay away from you, dad.” I smile, a genuine one, I think. “Ready for movie night? I was thinking we could watch the first Rocky movie tonight, what do you think?”
“Yes.” Breath. “That sounds.” Shaky breath. “Good.”
I lay down next to him, curling into his side and cuing up the movie. I gently rest my head on his shoulder and I let out a shaking breath.
“There is.” Breath. “Something wrong.” Breath. “I can tell.” His voice is quiet.
I lift my head from his shoulder and meet his eyes, which are filled with so much sadness. Do my eyes look the same way? My heart yearns to shoulder it all for him, but I wonder if I have the strength to carry it all. “Dad, it’s nothing worth talking about, or worrying about. Now hush, this is one of my favorites too.”
I put my head down and close my eyes as tears begin to gently fall down my cheeks. I hear my phone vibrate on the nightstand but I ignore it. This is where I need to be right now... I think.
I attempt to knead the knots out of the back of my neck as I take the elevator ride up to the penthouse floor. My pumps are dangling from my fingertips. I glance at my phone for the time and ignore the 9 unread texts from Sam, midnight.
I sigh as the doors open to the foyer. The cold travertine floors greet my stockinged feet with a shock, and I silently curse this goddamn penthouse. As I round the corner into the living room I notice a lone floor lamp on, illuminating Sam as he sits quietly on the couch nursing a glass of scotch.
“Hi.” He murmurs.
I come to a stop in the entry to the large room, my mind running through all the things I should say to him. I feel like you loved her more than you love me. Am I second best? Did she make your days brighter than I do? Did your family love her more? Instead I wrap my arms tightly around myself, trying to calm my racing heart while our eyes dare the other to speak first. An involuntary shiver travels up my spine, this time of year it always feels so cold in here, the chilled New York fall air breaking the glass barrier of the windows.
“You shouldn’t have left like that earlier.” He looks down as he swirls the golden liquid around in his glass, watching his liquid courage before he brings it up to his lips, tossing back what was left in the crystal tumbler.
My blood heats at his words. “I don’t think you are in a position to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.” I curl my hands into fists at my side.
He clenches his jaw, his stormy brown eyes rising to mine. “What do you want from me, Ana?”
“Trust me, I wish I knew.” I spit with venom. I can feel my heart racing as my feet stay firmly rooted.
“I can’t change my past. I can’t change that I had a life before you.” His tone is even and measured. His strong chest rising and falling underneath his worn Henley t-shirt.
“I know that.” I pinch the bridge of my nose in irritation as I realize this is going absolutely nowhere. “But, Sam, that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You don’t look at me the same way. We don’t have the same pure origin love story. Our love story is tainted and complicated.” I take a breath as my voice breaks.
He stands up in one fluid movement and takes long strides until he stands right before me. I look up, my eyes scanning his broad chest, his lips, finally settling on his chocolate brown eyes. “Ana, baby, that is all in your head.” He reaches out and cups my cheek, running his thumb across my bottom lip. I instinctively lean into the intimate gesture, my eyes fluttering closed as an illicit spark flows between us, even though every fiber in me is telling me to pull away. “I love you. You are my entire life now.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. Maybe it is all in my head… I open my eyes and he is watching me closely. “I’m sorry.” I whisper, but I know the apology doesn’t reach my eyes, and I wonder if he notices. Judging by the lopsided grin that spreads across his face, I’m guessing not.
He pulls me tight against his chest, and I can hear his heart beating in the dark and silent room. I take a deep breath, inhaling the pure smell of Sam as he runs his hands up and down my spine. I open my eyes as my cheek is still pressed to the flat planes of his chest. This fire sprung inside of me, as an ember of recognition grows. There is a word for this feeling… jealousy. I pinch my eyes closed. The weight and reality of this emotion hitting me hard. I am jealous of Eva and I have no idea what to do about it.
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