Heres the thing. How is it possible to feel so connected to someone, to love their soul endlessly, to know that you would do anything for them, to want them in your life no matter what the circumstances, to want to do so many things with them and experience life with them, to be in love with them, but not to love them in a sexual way? What even is that, what does it mean? How does one go about that, especially when significant others come into play on both ends. How do you love another male so much and want them as your life partner, but its not in a sexual or intimate way? What does any of that mean and how do you go about it? Does it actually mean that this is how true love is supposed to go? Or does it mean that its just exactly what it is and there’s no real way to go about it. How does anyone become okay with their significant other having someone like that in their life? I can’t lose my soulmate over anything, and I’m afraid to even start separating from them. When someone becomes a part of your daily routine, and that routine gets thrown a little off whack and your world doesn’t feel the same anymore, that means something. It means something that you can feel so god damn connected to someone in such a short amount of time like we did, to feel like you knew them for your entire life, to find out you have so much in common, to realize you can talk on FaceTime for 6 hours and never have a moment of anything being weird. When you can sleep next to them in a bed and goof around, but not have intentions on anything sexual. How can you just love someone so, so, so much.... and be able to keep them in your life like you want to under the circumstances that are kinda currently present/will be in the future. The only other option is to be together and not see other people. Martina told me before she passed away, that me and tyler are going to end up together and so did my best friend Michaela.... but the fear of that ever happening is that i’m afraid if something happened and that was where we were at, that I would lose him, and I can’t lose him no matter what. I thought I found my soulmate 3 years ago, but I was wrong... I found him now and I now know what it means to have a soulmate.... but isn’t a soulmate more than just that friend... and thats what makes this all so confusing and bothers me lately... my soulmate is my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him and I don’t want to find out.
