@samurai-esquire
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“...Are you implying we could’ve been doing fast-paced J-Pop choreography on random anime openings together like in all those MMD videos and I’m only just now finding out?”

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@samurai-esquire
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“...Are you implying we could’ve been doing fast-paced J-Pop choreography on random anime openings together like in all those MMD videos and I’m only just now finding out?”
@samurai-esquire
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Patches acted out an overly dramatic swoon, the back of his hand against his forehead and an openly adoring sigh. “Oh, Simon, how dare you remind me how amazing you are by listing out all of your best qualities to me like that! It’s enough to make a man fall in love all over again. Don’t worry, I don’t mind saving the real proposal until after you both get back. I’ll even get a second ring to include Nayru.”
He spun on hismelf, shoving the obvious jesting aside with a giggle.
“So where are you two headed anyway, huh? I’ll bet it’s somewhere appropriately quiet and special, considering it’s for your anniversary together.”
“... wait, just who did you ask to marry you?” (Just saw that in the meme lmao)
“…Oh, fuck… Okay, so. Five years ago we had this shitty-ass cyst, right, and it was painful and in a really not-great spot, so we had to go to the hospital and get it removed with surgery. Except the only way for them to perform surgery without any of us going fucking bananas over it was to sedate us and knock us out so we’d stay still and shut the fuck up and let them do their damn job.”
“But then when everything was over with I was the first one back at the wheel again and Simon, the first nurse I woke up to was one of the sweetest and handsomest fucking angels I have EVER encountered. Like, holy shit. You have to experience it to believe it. I think I might’ve asked him to marry me and wrapped a cable as a mock-ring around his finger even if I hadn’t been fucking loopy and drugged up. Too bad he wasn’t into dudes. And also already married. He was real nice about the whole thing, though.”
@samurai-esquire
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Eoleo couldn’t help offering a wry smile. “Heh. Hate to tell you, Simon, but in the five months we had you back, we wouldn’t have breathed a word. And I can guarantee our lips would be sealed even now. On that front, our fate was sealed the second we picked up rakugo-- Shisho made us swear to take our situation to the grave. It...wasn’t the full truth, as you and Athena figured out, but we also weren’t lying when we said it would ruin the Toneido name. Shisho made sure to drill that in real hard.”
He still panicked at the sheer thought of people finding out, no matter how close and trustworthy he considered them. Between old-fashioned rakugo fans calling him a disgrace and random new people coming to see “that one bipolar guy with multiple personalities” perform like he was some zoo animal, Taifu’s death had left one big disaster in its wake those first few months.
The wry smile was still there, but he let his gaze fall, not quite able to meet Simon’s eyes. “...It’s been about nine years now, and you had bigger things to worry about, so I couldn’t blame you if you don’t remember. But we made plans to go out for coffee and then head back to your place after meeting with your mentor, because I had ‘something important to confess’. I spent the whole day being a jumpy, anxious mess, because I was scared I’d made it sound like I was planning to ask you out and be my boyfriend. Didn’t help that you never showed up or answer any of my texts.” He unconsciously crossed his arms, digging his fingernails into his sleeves. “...After waiting four hours, I finally went back to the theater and saw the news that you got arrested.”
He couldn’t help chuckling nervously, still unable to meet Simon’s eyes. His voice cracked a little. “It’s silly, isn’t it? Thinking about this. Thinking about things that can’t be changed anyway. Thinking that if I wasn’t such a damn chicken about everything, that if I’d just spat it out even just one day earlier, that I...”
@samurai-esquire
“...I know you said ‘calf muscles’, but I can’t help imagining you smugly flexing your biceps and showing off every time you get in a mood. Like Disney’s Gaston would or something.”
@samurai-esquire
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“We-eeell, maybe literally everything would be an overstatement, but your list of attractive features is a lot longer than your list of unattractive features, so, y’know, unless you’re volunteering to sit and listen for a couple hours, I thought ‘everything’ was a good answer.”
💸
💸- If you had a billion dollars and could only spend it, what would you buy first?
//Oh my god, I would spend it on paying my student loans back first, no questions asked. Isn’t that sad??????
@samurai-esquire
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He didn’t answer immediately, remaining silent as he stared at the waves.
“...I s’ppose trying to live an honest life again would be difficult,” he agreed, gently swinging his legs over the water. “I’d probably have to go out of my way to jump ship in some country so far away from my hometown and all the places we’ve been to that I wouldn’t be easily recognized, and so far away that I wouldn’t even know the language. ...Although, if nothing else, that part might be easier than trying to find a port town that doesn’t have scumbags and degenerates going in and out and miserable sods with more alcohol than blood in their veins at this point.”
He sighed and leaned back, far enough to lay down and stare at the stars.
“I thought I’d...eventually learn. Y’know? If I stuck around long enough. I’m terrible pirate material, and an even worse first mate. I can’t even try to drink with our crew without passing out or bawling for hours after a just few drops. I trip over my own feet just walking around on the deck. I want to try and help keep a crew together when I can’t even keep myself together. I cause more problmes than I solve any.”
He couldn’t help a dry snort.
“I was never worried about whether my life would’ve been better-- been too busy wondering if maybe yours would’ve been better without me.”