Consequences
Pairings: Samxreader, Crowleyxdaughter!reader, Dean Word count: 4,930 Co-Authored with : @reigningqueenofwords Warnings: Talk of prior abuse, swearing Original Post Date : April 25th, 2016
Chapter 12 of ‘She’s Leaving, Dean’.
Crowley glared at him. “I left her to calm down, Squirrel. Don’t you dare tell me how to cope.” He snapped.
Dean shook his head. “You didn’t see it, did you?”
“See what?” The anger dripped from his voice.
Staring at the demon in front of him, he currently wished he could make Crowley see. What he had seen that night. The weeks after. And then you, right after he’d left. “Your eyes? Reminded her of the demon that nearly killed her.” Dean’s voice was low, wanting to hurt Crowley as much as he could. “Cas!” He hollered, making Crowley even more angry.
“Yes?” Cas looked over at Crowley and sighed. “Did he hurt her?” He asked.
“Emotionally. I know it takes a lot out of you, but can you take us back to the night that we found her? He needs to fucking see the images that are flashing through her mind at the moment. What haunted her, what caused her nightmares, and what will likely bring them back.”
Cas nodded.
They found themselves in a tree outside a bedroom window. Crowley looked around. “Just watch. You’re getting the short version.”
Crowley watched the empty bedroom. He waited. And then the bedroom door was kicked in. And he saw him, the man on his rack. He saw the look in his eyes, and he saw Lori in there. Crowley watched as he moved around the room, searching. He saw the man look to the closet door and smirk at it.
Dean turned away. “I don’t need to see this.” But Crowley watched.
As the closet door got ripped off it’s hinges, he heard your scream. “Daddy! Please! Please don’t! I was good, I didn’t say anything I promise! Please!!!”
Crowley tried to move forward and stop this, but Cas and Dean both grabbed him. “You need to let it play out… You mustn’t interfere.” Cas gave him a sad look as he spoke. He watched in horror as the man grabbed your ankles and dragged you out of the closet screaming and crying. He saw your phone on the floor, still on. When he saw you get slammed into the side of the dresser he couldn’t take it.
“Enough.” Crowley growled as a fist was coming down to hit you.
“Down stairs Cas… about 25 minutes from now.” Dean glared at Crowley. “I’ll tell you when it’s enough.”
The three stood outside a downstairs window on the side of the house. They could see Dean coming down the stairs quickly with your backpack of clothes, looking around. Sam was behind you as you got to the top of your stairs, but looking behind, in case the man appeared out of a room. Crowley could see you were barely able to walk as it was, and when he spotted the man appear out of the kitchen door way, his wide eyes shot to you as you went flying down the stairs. He watched as Sam went over the landing next, and Dean was slammed against the wall.
“Enough!” he was almost yelling.
“No.” Was all Dean said to him. “Cas, motel about an hour from now.”
They were outside the room looking in a crack in the curtains. The door had just closed when they got there. “No.” Crowley refused to look.
Dean shoved him “We lived it. You don’t get to say no.”
He looked in, and he saw the as Sam carried you to a bed and placed you gently. He watched as they tried to convince you that they had to treat your wounds. You were bleeding, your face, your arms.. Everywhere. He watched as they finally convinced you. When he saw you in just your under wear and bra, the damage to your body, Crowley cried.
Dean looked to Cas. He knew that he was getting drained. “One last stop before home.” He told the angel. “About 4 am.” That was only hours from then, but they needed to get back. Who knew what state you were in at the moment. Cas nodded, and soon, they could hear you screaming. A light flicked on in the room, and Crowley saw you in an oversized shirt, looking much like a scared child. You were thrashing about in the bed. He saw Sam and Dean rush to your side. Sam held you gently to his chest while Dean hung his head. While this happened, Dean kept his eyes down, trying to hold back the tears that were forming. It was hard enough on those nights that his mind forced him to relive it, but to actually watch? That was too much for him.
Minutes later, Dean walked out, gently shutting the door. Crowley watched as Sam shifted, holding you up so he could sit against the headboard. You were in his lap, clinging to him for dear life, shaking, and crying. Sam rocked you gently, humming to you. Moments later, past Dean walked back into the room. He was carrying his duffle bag with everything in it. He saw you glance at it, and relax ever so slightly. Once you stopped shaking, you allowed Sam to lay you down, but not to leave you. You finally fell back asleep on his chest, his arm around you.
“Home, Cas.” Dean whispered. Moments later, Crowley was back in the devils trap, Cas and Dean right outside. “Can you go help her get some sleep, and then relax, Cas. Thanks for doing this.” Dean told him.
“Anything for her.” He said before heading to your bedroom.
Dean waited to say anything, letting everything Crowley just saw sink in. “Now do you get it? She’s relieving that night in her head. You couldn’t push aside your selfish fucking need to torture Lori to comfort your own daughter. Instead, you looked at her with the same eyes that she saw that night. That she saw in her dreams for months.”
Crowley’s shoulders were slumped. He looked broken. “I need to see her… I need…”
“No.” Dean cut him off. “You don’t get to. Not now. Not until she’s ready. We need to pick up the damn pieces, all over again. And it wasn’t easy the first time around. What you saw was nothing compared to living it.”
Sam quietly walked into the room. “You don’t get to decide that Dean.”
Dean glared at his brother. “What!?”
Sam broke the devils trap. “You don’t get to decide that he can’t see her.” He turned to Crowley. “Cas is with her. He finally got her to sleep, but you can sit with her if you want.” Crowley nodded at him and left the room, not even looking at Dean.
“What the hell, Sammy!?”
Sam sighed. “I don’t like it, either. I want to kill him right now, but think back. Over the past couple months. Look how happy she has been.” He shrugged. “It’s up to her whether or not she wants her space from him.” Dean was glaring at him, pissed. “I love her, and want to keep her safe, but we can’t protect her from everything. Maybe, just maybe, as sick as it is, he’ll finally get it. Maybe it’s what they needed to understand each other. She saw the side of him that he didn’t want her to. He saw what makes her so easily flip out, hurt, and why she hates that man so much.”
Dean’s jaw locked. “He hurts her again, and he’ll rot in that damn trap.” He ground out, walking past Sam. Sam sighed, shaking his head.
Crowley approached the room you shared with Sam. Slowly, he walked in. Cas was next to you on the bed. He was sitting up, ankles crossed. Your back was to him, your knees practically up to your chest. Cas glared at him. “I’m doing my best at keeping the nightmares at bay.” He said quietly.
Despite having been in there before, he’d never actually paid attention to anything. He looked around, noticing pictures of you with the boys. There were some when you were younger, and the smile didn’t reach your eyes. And then, you were actually happy. There were pictures of a couple of your birthdays, a picture of you all dressed up for a case, your cheeks a bright pink from blushing, and so many more. But what really caught his eye, were the pictures where you and Sam were together. If you were looking at the camera, he was looking at you as if there was no one else around. If he was looking, you looked at him with pure love and devotion. Even years before the two of you were actually together. Looking to Cas, his face was full of regret. “I’d like to be with my daughter.” He told him.
“I’m not leaving you alone with her.” The angel told him.
“I deserve that.” Crowley sighed. He stood next to the bed and made a soft chair appear. He sat down, taking one of your hands in his. From the outside, you would think it looked like a scene from a hospital. He rested his forehead on the top of your hands. You shifted slightly, but didn’t wake up.
After a while, Sam came to the door. “Go rest, Cas.” Cas glanced at Crowley, who still had his head on your hand. “I’ll watch over, don’t worry.” Cas nodded to Sam, and touched your head softly before getting up and going to find Dean. Sam stayed leaning on the door frame, giving Crowley some space with you.
His legs started to get sore, so he moved to the other side of the bed. He rested on his side, running his hand through your hair. “I hope you know, if she wants you gone, you’re leaving.” Sam told Crowley quietly. “And if you hurt her again like this, Dean says you’ll rot in the dungeon.”
Crowley looked up at him and nodded sadly. The last thing he had wanted was to cause you so much pain.
Your eyes fluttered open.”.. Dad?” your voice was soft. He looked at you, and when you saw how broken he looked, you got worried “Dad, are you okay?” He shook his head and put it down on your hand again. You sat up “What happened, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry….I’m so sorry, Love…” His voice was weak, and cracking. You looked over to Sam, confused, and worried.
“Sam? What happened? I mean, after he left?” You asked.
Sam sighed as he got up. “Dean summoned him, into the dungeon.” You nodded, figuring he did it there for the devil’s trap. “I’m sure that he tore him a new one, and then…Cas brought them into the past.” You looked down, processing what he said. “To that night.” His voice was barely audible. Your eyes went wide as you stared at your fiancee. “I don’t know what they showed him, but it clearly got to him.”
Your eyes moved to Crowley, and you weren’t sure what to say. What was there to say? He’d seen the night you wanted nothing more than to forget, the night that your world changed. While you were thankful it led you to Sam, the pain wasn’t something you wanted to remember. Licking your lips, you looked back to Sam.
“I’m going to give you some space. I’ll be right outside.” He told you before kissing you lightly and leaving.
You watched Crowley for a moment, then you tried to shift to get more comfortable. He lifted his head and you moved so you were sitting right in front of him. Your knees touching him as your toes touched the floor. He continued to hold your hand. “Dad.. what did you see?” You were afraid to ask, afraid to be reminded again, but you wanted to know.
“Enough, Love… I saw enough.” He pulled you to his chest and held you tight. He was shaking. Your arms went around him and you softly rubbed his back.
Dean saw Sam in the hall and was about to give him shit for leaving Crowley alone with you, but Sam raised a finger to his lips then pointed to the door. Both carefully peeked their heads around the corner. Sam smiled softly, but Dean grumbled and stormed off. He had no intention of forgiving Crowley any time soon.
After a few minutes, he pulled away and looked at you. “I saw you getting dragged from the closet, I saw you get thrown down the stairs, I saw Moose carrying you into the motel room…” His eyes were shining with unshed tears. “And then, I saw what really happened to you. I saw the bruises. The blood. I saw your first nightmare, and how Moose was the one to comfort you back to sleep.”
Once you heard him mention the stairs, you broke down. You pulled your hand from his gently and buried your face in both hands. It was nine years ago, but at times it felt like it was just yesterday. Swallowing, you looked up at him. “I think I’d like to just be with Sam for a little bit. I’ll come by hell in a couple hours. I need to– I need to just— I don’t know.” You had tears coming down your cheeks.
Crowley leaned forward and kissed your forehead. If demons slept, he would have nightmares for all eternity. “I’ll see you soon, love.” He snapped his fingers and was gone. He knew that nothing could ever make up for that night, it couldn’t make up for him being the reason that you had to relive it, and nothing would be able to make you forget his eyes when he had looked at you. However, he wanted to get you something, anything, to show how priceless you were to him.
“Sammy….” He looked in the room, and saw you alone again. “Just.. please just..”
He got in bed and pulled you to him, holding you like he had that night 9 years ago. “I’ve got you. don’t worry.”
After a few minutes you looked up at him. “Is Dean okay?”
Sam shook his head softly. “It’ll be a bit before Dean is okay.”
You thought for a bit. “Did he got out? Or is he still here..?” You snuggled closer to his chest, feeling safer than you had in a couple days.
“I don’t know, actually.” He admitted. “He looked like he might rip my head off a few minutes ago, and then he stormed off.”
Sighing, you closed your eyes. “I’m sorry, Sam.” You told him. “I need to tell Dean that, too. I wish you guys didn’t get put in the middle.”
He rubbed your back. “I’m not in the middle. I’m right beside you. I always will be.” You smiled at the thought.
After a few minutes you sighed. “I think I’m okay now. I’m going to go try and find Dean, okay?” Sam kissed your forehead before letting you go.
You padded around the bunker looking for Dean. You were not surprised to find him downing beers in the kitchen. He was leaning against the counter, but when he looked up from his 6th beer and saw you, he straitened up. His face was etched with worry. You all but ran to him, and threw your arms around his middle, hugging him tight. He put his beer down and his arms circled you. “I’m so sorry, Dean.” you mumbled into his chest.
Dean sighed. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Princess.” He said soothingly. “It’s that son of a bitch that does.” He kissed the top of your head. “I know he’s your father, but I can’t forgive him for tonight. I’m sorry. I just can’t. He was more pissed off at me than himself when I summoned him. It wasn’t until he saw…that night…that it hit him how much he hurt you tonight.”
Looking up at him, he hated seeing how broken you were. Again. “I have you guys. I’ll be okay.” You gave him a small smile.
“I’m scared, Y/N.” He told you quietly. “Scared that it’ll be like those first weeks all over. That you keep saying your fine, and I’ll hear you screaming bloody murder during the night.” His heart dropped at the idea. “And it’ll be even harder to fight this time, because you’ve already had to do it. You’ve had to push those memories down. Just for them to be brought back.” He rubbed his thumb over your cheek.
You moved away, grabbing a beer, and hopping up on the counter. Sipping it, you stared off into space. “I’m not going to defend him, Dean. Not at all. But I won’t vilify him, either. You didn’t see how broken he was when he kept saying he’s sorry. It’s going to take time to work through this, but I won’t shut him out.” You took a swig and sighed. “I respect your choice to be upset, Dean, I really do. Just, play nice when he’s here? At least no trying to kill him?”
“No promises” he grumbled. You smiled at how stubborn he was, and softly kissed his cheek.
Crowley paced his office, expecting you at any moment. He had ended up getting you a simple tennis bracelet with diamonds, and rubies. It wasn’t exactly what he was looking for, but he was too preoccupied to focus. You deserved a much better apology, but none came to mind. ‘Sorry I’m a shit father and scared you!’ Didn’t seem to cover it.
You popped into your father’s office and watched him pace for a moment. “Are you trying to put a hole in your floor?” You asked him gently, making him look up at you.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Fatherhood wasn’t something I was ever good at.” He told you, moving closer.
“What?”
He sighed. “I was always a terrible father, love. Gavin hated me.” he sighed. “And now you…’
You cut him off. “I don’t hate you, Crowley.” He stared at you, shocked. “I don’t hate you. At all. Frightened, a bit, but that’s more my past than you.” You told him. “Now, what would you like to do? Would you like to get some dinner? Or what?”
Crowley was still trying to soak in the fact that you didn’t hate him. “Actually, I want to give you something.” He told you, handing you a long rectangle box. “Not what I had in mind, but I think you’ll like it.” You opened it and smiled. “It’s the start of a very long ‘I’m sorry’.” He sighed.
Hugging him, you closed your eyes. “Gavin was an idiot for hating you. And you don’t have to get me things to tell me you’re sorry. Your actions are enough.”
He smiled. “Actually, Gavin’s distaste in me was perfectly justified. I wasn’t exactly fond of the little shit. But you changed me, Love. I saw something in you, and I tried to do better.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at his statement. “At least I’m not trying to dodge assassination attempts by older siblings!” He grinned at you, glad to hear you laughing again, even if it wasn’t as jovial as it was before.
Crowley’s smile faded. “Are you really frightened of me, Love?” His voice was sad, and it broke your heart.
Gently, you put your hand on his cheek for a moment. “What I saw did scare me. It down right terrified me. I saw your eyes like that, and I was fifteen again, being thrown around like a rag doll.” His heart clenched. “I could feel the bruises, the fear, everything. It was like I was there, but looking into someone else’s eyes. It will take me time to work through everything, but I’ll be okay. I’m not going to push you away because of something that happened nine years ago.” He gave you a soft smile. “You might want to avoid Dean for a bit though. He’s.. well.. he’s pretty pissed at you.”
“I can deal with that, Love. It’s not like we were best friends to begin with.”
“I told him to behave, though. He’s not to kill you when you’re at the bunker. You’re family, and I’m not going to not invite you to things because he’s mad.” You sighed, sitting in the chair in front of his desk and kicking your feet up. “Of course, I don’t know how long until I get paged by Sam. Dean was on beer six when I stole one.”
He sat on the side of his desk and nodded. “That, and I’m sure Moose would enjoy your company. He looked pretty shaken when I saw him.”
You ran your hand through your hair. “I may just bring him here, I know Franky must be worried, and this way Dean can go as ape shit as he wants.”
He smiled. “I told you she’d make the perfect hound. She took off and scared everyone when you were in trouble. That’s how I knew to get to you as quick as I could.”
“Yeah. She almost ripped Cas’s face off when he tried to heal Sam. She wouldn’t let anyone touch him.” You smiled. “I’m very thankful for her dad. Is she alright? She didn’t get hurt did she?” He shook his head. You sighed in relief. “How about you go get her, and Juliet, and I’ll go get Sam. We can go hang out in one of the training rooms and let them play.” You thought that maybe not actually doing anything would help all of you.
“First, you mentioned roses earlier?”
“After all this, that’s what you ask about?” You laughed. He shrugged. “I’ll grab the picture when I get Sam.”
“Alright, Love.”
You snapped back to the bunker. You could hear Sam and Dean arguing. You sighed and went towards the noise.
“I leave you guys for 10 minutes and I come back to this?” You crossed your arms over your chest. “What is it now?” You sighed, really not in the mood for their sibling bickering.
Dean turned to you. “I was telling Sammy how I don’t think you rushing off to hell is a bright idea.” He snapped.
You furrowed your brows. “What?”
“He just scared you, completely spacing out like that, after pretty much butchering Lori, and you’re going to go running back there?”
“Yes, I am, Dean.” You snapped back. “I was only coming to get Sam and that picture of the roses because Dad asked for it.” You could tell Dean wasn’t pleased. “I get it, Dean. You’re upset. You’ve hated him since forever. You’re going to have to get used to it, because like it or not, he’s going to be around here more often. Whether it’s family dinners, holidays, our wedding, kids, whatever. You’re gonna have to see him. I’m not going anywhere, I’m with Sam, which means that Crowley kinda comes with that.”
Dean slammed his beer down, causing it to spill all over the counter, and he stormed out.
You sighed. “I’m going to spend the night in hell tonight. Crowley needs to know I don’t hate him for this. I’m not going to force you to come, but I’d like it if you did.” You walked out of the room, and went to get the picture, and your other bridal magazines.
Sam ran his hand through his hair and followed you. He knew Dean was upset, but there was no reason to fault you for wanting your father around. He’d give him time, and then he would talk to him. Or slap some sense into him. He leaned on the door frame to your room. “I’m going with you.” Sam told you simply.
“I don’t want Dean to hate me too, for having you come.” You whispered, honestly afraid it would turn out like that. Dean had been walking by and paused when he heard you. He was still angry, but did you honestly think he could hate you? “He’s like my family too, but why is it so wrong to want my father in my life?” You asked, your voice full of sorrow. He turned and went back to his room.
Sam held you close, rubbing your back. “Let’s go, babe.”
“Go let him know you’ll be back in the morning at least. It’ll give me time to collect what I want to bring.” He nodded and left.
You didn’t really need time, it was all already together, but you didn’t want Sam to just leave on his brother. While he was gone, you sat on the edge of your bed. This had always felt like home. Now? Now you didn’t feel you had one. Here you felt like you’d be walking on eggshells around Dean, but in Hell, everyone hated you. What the hell were you supposed to do?
Sam walked back in less than ten minutes later and noted how something seemed off, and made a note to ask about it later. Smiling, you held him close and snapped your fingers. You were in your room. “We are going to meet Dad, Franky, and Juliet in one of the training rooms. I know Franky was worried about you.”
He pulled glasses out of his shirt pocket. You looked at him confused. “So I can finally see her.” he smiled.
“How long have you had those?” You asked, setting your things down. Taking his hand, the two of you walked down the hall.
Sam shrugged. “A bit.” He had just forgotten about them. You found your father and the two hounds in the training room. As soon as Franky saw Sam, she rushed over to him, trying to get him to pick her up.
He put on the glasses and looked down. “There you are, Franky.” he smiled. Juliet was weary of Sam. She had met him before, and not in a good way, but watching him play with Franky, she was a bit jealous.
You went and sat next to Crowley. You handed him the picture of the roses. “I have magazines in my room, I can snap them here if you want to look at them with me.” you smiled, as he looked down at the picture.
“These are lovely. A bit dark, aren’t they?” He chuckled.
“Well, next time I’m here alone, I’d like to see someone about my dress, and then you’ll see they’re perfect.” You smirked. He looked at you, curious. Both of you glanced back over to where Sam was. You cracked up when you saw him laying on the floor, being licked to death by two hell hounds. “Yeah, they’re so vicious.” You teased. You could hear Sam laughing. Leaning against Crowley, you sighed. “I got in a fight with Dean.” You told him.
He raised an eyebrow. He was sure he knew what about, but obviously it was something you needed to talk through. You sighed. “He’s pretty pissed off at you. And he’s less then pleased that I’m here. I got home to him and Sammy fighting about it.” You looked over at Sam and the hounds again. “Sam stands by my choices… But Dean… I think he’s just worried about the after math of all this. He thinks I should get some distance for a bit.” You turned back to Crowley and gave him a soft smile. “I told him to suck it up, and get use to having you around. He was pretty pissed… But… I give him a couple of days and he’ll be calmed down again.”
Crowley sighed. “He damn well better be.” You playfully slapped his arm. “What’s he going to do when he has to be in the same room as me for your wedding? Throw a hissy fit?” You chuckled, glad to see that Crowley was in a better mood at least. “Moose!” He called to the other side of the room. “I’d be careful if I were you. Juliet is fully grown. She may get a bit rambunctious.” He smirked at Sam’s face.
“You’re so mean.”
“Isn’t that a father-in-law’s job, love?”
You shook your head, playfully rolling your eyes. “You just feel like getting those jabs in.”
Crowley chuckled. “I have to before the good news.” You looked at him funny. “Both boys are not only alive, but they have excellent credit, have no criminal record, and have a fresh start.” You grinned, hugging him tightly. “Thought you’d like that bit of news. I thought it would take longer, but it seems the demons I have…are good at what they do. A few have higher up positions now.” You let go, your eyes lighting up. “So we can do that surprise whenever your heart desires.” He whispered.
“Let’s get everyone not getting in fights first.” You laughed. “But, you can tell Sam the good news.”
“What good news?” You looked over your shoulder and did your best not to burst out laughing. His shirt was ruined, and he had a bit of slobber on him.
Crowley smiled and pulled some papers out of his pocket. “Your alive and well, Moose.”
Sam took the papers and sat on the floor in front of you so Franky could climb into his lap again. You snapped your fingers and Sam had a new shirt on. He smiled at you before flipping through the papers. “Dean, too!?” he looked up to Crowley. “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”
“Be good to my daughter Sam. That’s all I ask.”
“Of course, Sir” Sam smiled.
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