“Please don’t marry him,” Danny whispers, face half-buried in Thomas’s hair as he spoons him from behind. It’s the first time in a while either of them has acknowledged the upcoming union out loud, both avoiding it for their own sanity, both terrified it would break this fragile affair. Danny feels almost worse asking than leaving it to hover over them constantly, getting heavier and heavier as the wedding draws closer. And now… now it’s the night before Thomas is getting married, and he’s here, with him. He can feel Thomas tense in his arms, and knows he feels the same, but… but he has to try. If he doesn’t try, then what will he have? If Thomas keeps coming back to him, he will always be drowning in guilt and this burning love that he can do almost nothing about, and he’ll be terrified for the day to come that Thomas doesn’t come back. If Thomas leaves him… he can’t even bear to think of it, is afraid of what his life would become without being able to touch, hold, kiss, love this sweet, Sunshine boy.
“D…” Thomas says softly, voice full of misery, and Danny’s gut twists further with guilt and pain.
“I-I mean it. I don’t… I don’t even know what would happen if you married him. Would you keep us both? Cos… I wouldn’t say no. If you still come back to me, I would never say no.” Thomas twists in his arms so he can look up at him, eyes big and shiny with unshed tears, guilt and pain on his face. Danny cups his cheek softly, thumb stroking over his cheekbone, and he hates himself for ruining this. “But what if, one day… you don’t come back?”
“I always will,” Thomas says softly, a promise, though there’s an edge of uncertainty to it that burns Danny.
“You can’t promise that,” Danny whispers, and Thomas watches him, eyes even sadder, not answering, finding truth in those words, and god but that hurts. “I would never stop waiting for you, y’know? Even if you said it was over, forever, no chance for me. You’re… all I want, Sunshine. My world wouldn’t turn without you. If you were gone, I’d be like one of those stories of a dog waiting there, exactly where their best friend left them, until the day I die. Long after I’ve given up hope, I’d… I would be there, missing you.” His voice cracks a little on his last sentence, and Thomas looks like he’s teetering on the edge of a full breakdown.
“Danny, please, I-I don’t…” Thomas squeezes his eyes shut, tears leaking out, and Danny wishes he could take it all back.
“We’d break each other’s hearts,” he replies softly, voice a pained murmur, and he can already feel it. Only four months into this, and he can already tell how utterly crushing losing Thomas would be.
“I-I never w-wanna break your heart, Moonlight.”
Maybe he already has. But every single ounce of heartbreak, even an infinite amount, would be worth it if he got to keep Thomas, at the end of it all.
“I know, Tommy.” Danny can’t seem to stop looking at Thomas, just taking in his every feature, memorizing him from up close. Who knows when he can have this again, after all? Or if he ever will? “If you want to… e-end this now, you can.” He’ll probably leave him a lot of voicemails when he’s wasted, though, after leaving the wedding early. He might not even be able to go.
Thomas doesn’t answer, just clings to him tighter, and Danny wishes he didn’t know what that silence means. He doesn’t know why he’d even asked him, why he couldn’t just ride this out until it inevitably crashed and burned, until Danny was eventually left broken and alone and Thomas got his happily ever after with someone who wasn’t him, who would never be him. At least then, he’d get to keep him for longer.
He just wants him for as long as he can have him.
“No.”
Danny’s eyebrows furrow slightly, confused by the simple word. He draws back a little, but Thomas just leans into the distance he tries to place between them. “No?” Thomas’s eyes open to look up at him, brighter now, more alive - though there’s the everlasting wisps of guilt and sadness that almost always seem to be there nowadays.
“I don’t want to. E-end this, I mean. I don’t… I can’t say goodbye to you. Not ever. I-I don’t… Danny, you’re… the most important person ever to me.”
“Ever?” Danny can’t help asking, gaze full of confusion and vague pain. “Even including--”
“Yes, including Ethan,” Thomas admits, voice a little quieter now, but firm.
“You love him.”
“I love you, too.” It’s the first time either of them have ever said those words to each other with so much meaning behind them, and Danny’s breath catches slightly, eyes searching his for any insincerity. “I love you, Leigh Daniel Avidan. More… more than anyone, more than him, more than I thought could be possible. I… I’m not leaving you on the side of the road, ever, and I’m never… never going to leave you, period.”
Danny feels an odd warmth seeping into him from his heart out, slowly taking pain’s place. “But… you’re marrying him,” he argues a little weakly, unable to say those words back, not now, not when everything’s still so god damn uncertain.
Thomas hesitates a little, glancing to the side, clear conflict crossing his expression, and Danny watches, slightly awed that he’s actually considering…
He might not marry him.
Danny doesn’t breathe for a second, just watching him as he seems to make up his mind. Their eyes meet again, and Thomas gives a small, nervous smile - he’s so clearly terrified of whatever he decided, panicking even, and Danny’s hand slides down his arm and slips into his hand, gripping it to try and bring comfort, his own heart pounding. Thomas leans into him and kisses him softly, maybe in an attempt to calm them both, and it does. “Run away with me instead?” Thomas whispers against his lips, and Danny’s sure he couldn’t have heard him right.
“You… you’re choosing me?” he asks, voice hushed and awed as he pulls back enough to look at him properly.
Thomas swallows hard, nodding. “I… I’ve been getting cold feet lately - since the night he asked, really… And I think that, in the long run, he’d make me happy, but… I think there’s someone else that’d make me happier.” Danny makes a small, breathy noise, gripping him just a little tighter. “Y-you, I mean. You make me so happy, D…”
He could weep, he truly could.
Before the tears building can start to fall, he pulls Thomas into his lap, kissing him soundly, desperately, like he won’t ever get another chance to. But he will. He will get every chance to, and a million more, and he’s not sure he’s ever been this happy before. Thomas. He has Thomas, his Thomas, and it’s a miracle, it’s salvation, it’s Heaven in its purest form.
Thomas is kissing him back just as desperately, and for once… there’s hope.
“You didn’t answer my question,” Thomas murmurs with a soft (slightly choked) laugh.
“Question?” Danny asks a little dazedly, smiling at him.
“Will you run away with me?”
“Right now?”
“I’d rather not be here for the… fallout. And I do have a fully paid honeymoon that we can go on. O-or not, if…” Danny can tell he doesn’t want to say the words, and there’s a slight queasiness in his stomach, but he smiles. “But I wanna go somewhere, with you. Where none of it matters.”
“Let’s go somewhere that’s like, the complete opposite, then. A place for just you and me.”
“What’s the opposite of Paris?” Thomas asks with a small laugh, squeezing him a little.
“Las Vegas?” Danny tries, honestly just saying the first thing to pop into his mind, but Thomas lights up at the suggestion, nodding eagerly.
“Las Vegas. You and me,” he whispers, leaning in a little closer, pressing a sweet kiss to Danny’s lips. “Get away from it all for a little… I’ll call ahead, you pack a bag? I’ll just borrow some of your clothes till we get down there…” God, but the image of that in Danny’s mind is so tantalizing, and he nods quickly. “And then we can be together.” Thomas’s small smile is full of wonder, and hope. Danny can’t help but return it. “We won’t have to worry about a thing… it’ll just be us, and happiness, and lots of kissing and…”
“You and me, Sunny T.”
“Mark?” Thomas asks, voice colored with surprise as he answers the phone, one hand on the wheel and a quick glance to the sleeping wonder in the seat beside him. “I, uh, was actually just about to call you… What’s up?”
“I’m heading over to your room now - you haven’t started getting ready yet, have you?”
“Uh, no, I--”
“Good. Come open the door.”
“I’m…….. not there, right now.”
There’s a beat of silence.
“You too?”
“Too?”
“Ethan, uh… he just called me, told me… he can’t go through with the wedding.”
Thomas doesn’t know how to feel about that.
“Oh.”
“He’s in love with someone else.”
“Who? A-actually, none of my business, but…”
“Are you okay?”
He is, he really is. “It’s Tyler, isn’t it?”
“...Yes.”
Thomas breathes out a shaky sigh, both relieved and hurt. But… well, he’d done the same thing, hadn’t he? “Okay. I’m fine, Mark, I promise. I’ll see you in a few weeks?”
“A few weeks?? Where--”
“Probably more. Don’t worry about it. I’m happy. Give Ethan my best, alright? I still… I’m happy for him, I am. Be happy for me too, okay?”
“...Okay. But I… I’m worried.”
“I love you, kiddo. Thanks for worrying, really, but… I’m fine. More than fine.” He glances over at Danny again as he hangs up, smiling slowly. Just him, this beautiful boy, and a road they’re paving together.
