What About teh Menz?
Hey look! I fixed the racefail in Save the Pearls! By turning it into sexism! I was just curious to see how bad it would still be with the change. Still very bad! I picked the "derogatory terms" in the spirit of the original, with bullshit explanations as to why "cunt" would be seen as a good thing (I kept in the fact that it suddenly becomes derogatory at the end. I debated using "harpy" for an accepted term, then "cunt" for the actually derogatory term, but fuck it. That was Victoria Foyt's nonsensical choice so it stays nonsensical.). Uhhh, vaginas are really strong and bring the next generation into the world! It was a bit difficult to come up with a word for men. There aren't actually that many. I went with "gentleman" -- gentlemen are useless in a post-apocalyptic world therefore derogatory! Seriously, the more I look at this the worse it is. It is so terrible on every level. Even the 8 pages worth of makes no sense. And sweet cuppin' cakes does she ever not understand ANYTHING about being an oppressed person. It is amazing. In a horrible way.
But, with no further ado, here is What About teh Menz?:
Adam jumped at the sound of approaching steps. They must not see. Hide Beauty Map!
His mental command caused the Life-Band he wore to send a tiny white spark into the air. In a flash, the holographic images that appeared in front of him -- a tall man riding a motorcycle -- disappeared.
"What's going on?" a woman asked.
Adam shot to his feet, his heart racing, as a plump lab assistant appeared on the other side of the partition. It was only Peach, who wasn't as cruel as the rest of them.
Adam's blank emotional mask slammed into place. Never let them see how you feel. "Um," he said. "What do you mean?"
"Didn't you monitor the test subjects' medications?" Peach said.
"Yes, of course." Adam couldn't afford to make a mistake.
"Then why isn't the report on schedule?"
Had Peach forgotten that Adam had a penis under his dress? Maybe he was passing, after all. Wouldn't that be nice? Adam almost enjoyed pointing out the truth. "I'm not allowed to communicate on Priority One channels."
Peach grew flustered. "I know that. Why didn't you give the report to Ashina?"
In fact, Adam already had sent it to his supervisor, Ashina. But he couldn't directly accuse a Cunt, even if she was only late from her lunch break.
"I sent it. But, well, my lunch break started ten minutes ago," Adam said. To further soften his words, he smiled politely.
A pair of mallard ducks took flight over a nearby sun-dappled lake along the far side of the lab. Adam automatically recalled their scientific name, Anas platyrhynchos -- extinct birds and animals were his specialty. Of course, the Holo-Images were as fake as his smile.
"What does your lunch break have to do --" Peach glanced at Ashina's empty desh, then, seeming to grasp the situation, walked away without another word.
A voice in Adam's head, one he had been programmed to receive from the World-Band since birth, issued a gentle warning: Your heartbeat is elevated. Experience something pleasant, my dear.
Adam slumped back in his chair with a heavy sigh. I'm a stone in a cool, dark cave. The small holographic image appeared in front of him while he repeated this soothing thought over and over. Soon, the constant, jumbled noise of the World-Band that streamed into his head grew distant. In that quiet, treasured space, he allowed himself one small but true thought: I hate them.
And yet, if only Adam were one of them, he'd be beautiful and safe. But, at age seventeen, he was already middle-aged. He'd be lucky to make it to his forties. Despite his rat-like existence in the Combs, a network of dark, shadowy underground tunnels, where civilization burrowed to avoid the deadly levels of solar radiations, Adam undoubtedly would die from The Heat, just like his brother had.
Most of the population only ventured outside at night when the effects of radiation were at its lowest. Some boys -- the biggest and least energy-efficient, like Adam -- had never been outside. Once, when he was little, his father had woken him at dawn.
--Come, Adam. It's your turn to see the light.
They had ridden several underground hovercrafts until they reached a special set of stairs. The guard on duty had inspected them before letting them climb to the upper level. There, they stood at a special viewing window that was tinted and sealed. The sight of the steaming rocks and an endless sea of pale, tired dirt had saddened Adam even though he'd never known a green Earth. His father had pointed to a pile of bleached bones.
--We must be careful, son.
The message had been clear: this is where you'll end up with you don't obey. All Gentlemen, the sexist term for men, feared the light.
If it weren't for Adam's Life-Band, a simple hoop earring that he wore in his right ear, he wouldn't last a night. At the age of seven, he had chosen the copper earring -- the only personal decision he'd ever made. He thought of it was an appendage, as vital as his heart or lungs. His Life-Band gave him the freedom to travel in his mind anywhere in the past. It was better than having to face his uncertain future.
Thank Earth, the Uni-Gov provided him with a Life-Band. They cared about him.
Everyone had a Life-Band though most wore it discreetly, hidden in a specially sewn pants pocket or as a locket underneath a shirt. As if they didn't need it to survive.
Adam needed his within easy reach. So he could believe it would never be taken away. So he could escape.
And right now, he wanted to escape back to the highway, to see the tall man. He knew he shouldn't do it, but he found himself giving the silent command, anyway. The sensors planted in his head at birth, which connected him to the World-Band, where all holographic images were stored, responded with a slight tingle.
A familiar rush of pleasure, mixed with fear, coursed through him at the sight of the tall man. Images of Gentlemen in masculine clothing were forbidden. If they caught Adam looking, he would be punished. And yet, he couldn't resist watching the tall, strong man in leather ride his motorcycle down the highway. He passed other men in cars, out in broad daylight! Sunshine glittered on a dark road that stretched as far as the eye could see.
Mr. Tall Man was Adam's kind, right down to his size 12 feet and adam's apple. And yet, according to the antique Beauty Map, he had been considered debonair and handsome --which meant, if Adam had been born in an earlier time, he too might have been attractive.
Me? Adam Newman, attractive? No matter how often he studied the precious map he couldn't imagine it. He was a lowly Gentleman, worth nothing in a world ruled by big-breasted Cunts.
One again, Adam silently quit the map. He really had to stop torturing himself like that.
That bitch Ashina was now fifteen minutes late and Adam wanted to take his break. He glanced around the lab, hoping for a sign of the haughty Cunt. Large fans whirred in the vaulted ceiling, circulating cooled air, which helped preserve viral stem cell cocktails. Best of all, the light breeze eased Adam's fiery nerves.
An operating theater rose above the far end of the room, dominating the space. The real action took place there. Adam saw his father in the middle of it, hunched over a large, empty console. A series of mathematical equations seemed to dance in the air around him. The Life-Band on his wrist flashed with wild energy, emitting a steam of white sparks. His body sagged from some Herculean mental effort. That was Father. A brain on a stick.
Some brain, too. Because of his high intelligence scores, they had overlooked his gender and given him the position of lead scientist at Resources for Environmental Adaptation, or REA. He even had secured Adam a plum researcher's job at the lab. They were the only Gentlemen allowed to work there.
Tomorrow night, his father's momentous experiment would take place. Adam might be powerless, but he smiled at the secret knowledge that he was one of only three people who understood how he was about to change the world, and possibly, even save it.
With smug satisfaction, he considered the dozens of assistants -- gorgeous curvy Cunts, every last one of them -- who labored in a warren of workstations below the operating theater. They sat trance-like, their eyes glazed over, their bodies slack, working their Life-Bands. Large, spidery formations of DNA sequences morphed at a rapid pace in front of them. Wavering, yellowish solar lights barely illuminated their grim faces. Uniform white lab coats, layered over black dresses, presented a picture of false calm. But it couldn't hide the thick tension in the room. Even the Mood Scents of fresh grass and wet wood that floated in the air didn't help.
Adam couldn't imagine the immsense pressure his father was under. Possibly, that explained why he worked round the clock. Or maybe he'd simply been avoiding him since his brother's death, seven years ago. He couldn't recall the last time he'd seen him at the unit they shared in the workers' quarters. Not that they ever said much to each other anymore.
As he turned his head, Adam winced at the sight of chest hair peeking out from the neck of his worn, dark dress. For Earth's sake, how was he supposed to pass when his father didn't maintain standards?
He smoothed a hand over his long dark hair to reassure himself. His skin was dry from the Nair he'd used since puberty. A small price to pay for beauty and for protection. He had to remove his body hair and never wear pants or risk antagonizing the Cunts.
At last, Adam heard Ashina's brisk footsteps on the concrete floor and stole a glance at his nemesis, envious of the beauty's easy confidence. Voluptuous, with smooth, soft skin, everything about Ashina screamed ruling class.
Of course, the females got The Heat, too, but not nearly as often. Their smaller frames and efficient bodies protected them from the sun's radiation. Since their numbers hadn't been decimated in The Great Meltdown, as the other gender's had, they now ruled the planet.
Adam bet Ashina had her choice of dozens of suitors, offering her their mate option. She could afford to choose someone she liked instead of angling to improve her offspring's genetics, while Adam was assigned to the bottom of the reproductive heap like all Gentlemen. Good Earth, his mate-rate was an embarrassing fifteen percent. Only Bears, the derogatory word for very hairy butch men, were lower, and they were extinct.
Time was running out. If Adam wasn't mated in six months when he turned eighteen -- the deadline for boys -- he'd be cut off from Basic Resources, and left outside to die. But who would want a lowly Gentleman like him?
Ashina took her seat, a nasty gleam in her eyes. Cold, slick fear slid down Adam's throat. He slowly rose to her feet with his head lowered. "I'll take my break now, if it's okay with you?" he said.
"Just a minute," Ashina said, sharply. "You failed to send me your report on the test subjects."
Adam froze. "But I did, I'm sure I did. I even checked my work several times." While I was waiting for you.
The bitch pointed to the blank space in front of her. "There's nothing here. Sit down. I'm not going to be responsible for your screw-ups." How many times had Adam heard it? Boys were lazy ADD-infested dolts with weak genetics.
"Maybe a solar flare caused a technical glitch?" Adam tried to control the hysteria rising in him. "I swear my report is there."
Ashina jumped up and grabbed Adam's lab coat. "Are you calling me a liar?"
Adam flinched. One of them was touching him. White-hot light exploded in his head. Before he knew it, he blurted out an incendiary sexist slur.
"Get your hands off of me, you damn Cunt!"
Holy Earth.
An alarming hush fell over the lab. Then Ashina slapped his cheek, the sound explosive in the deadly quiet. Adam sucked in his breath with a loud gasp. The girl lunged for him, but Adam jumped out of reach. "He pushed me!" Ashina cried, falling to the floor.
The workers jerked to their feet, the screech of chairs against the floor raking across Adam's heart. He looked around the room in a panic. Even those whom he thought tolerated his presence hurled sexist epithets.
"Earth-damned Gentleman!" "Man Death!"
The angry mob lurched towards Adam, just like in his nightmares. The Cunts were going to kill him. They would drag him outside and leave him to cook in the sun.
