#scarletspider-lily

[scarletspider-lily]

i'm telling yall, we really need to make the phrase "love the sinner hate the sin" obsolete by saying "love the believer hate the religion"

make em uncomfortable!! lets do it

[scarletspider-lily]

the isolation of still being in christian spaces (without a choice) and knowing you do not believe is... insane, honestly, something i wish more people knew about. because its not just being in church that feels isolating, it extends to the outside world.

anyone you talk to in your church obviously doesnt understand you. you constantly need to police your words around them to avoid saying something "sinful" or anything that can be read as liberal in any way. the mask must stay on at all times, and then when you're away from that space, you need to slowly adjust and become yourself again, somehow.

and in secular spaces, people just dont get it. which isnt always their fault! its just hard to explain to people who mean well, why "ill pray for you" sets you off and makes your heart race and makes you shudder. "why dont you love your family?? not even your sibling? damn." you see a coworker wearing a shirt with a bible verse on it, and run through several calculations in your head, none of them ending up anywhere because you distance yourself from said coworker, even though you know you should be talking to them before coming to conclusions. "hey, please stop talking about (criticizing) religion, its a bit of a controversial topic here. hope all that church stuff gets better soon though!" your friends do not understand what you are venting about, though they try their hardest.

you try so hard to find people who have left religions and/or cults in the real world. all you seem to be finding are people who are still in them, or people who have never come close to having an experience you have.

not to mention this all becomes approximately 100 times worse if you're queer.

[scarletspider-lily]

i think the scariest thing as of late was hearing young people in my womens bible study thing at church be super enthusiastic about wanting kids (nearly all wanted multiple of them) now this is not concerning on its own but let me add more context they were mainly talking about wanting kids and wanting to live a pretty good life and reach several milestones like finding husbands before... the rapture happens im sorry what (if youre reading this going wtf dont worry me too that is a normal reaction) i just- i dont know, it always scares me when people i know with questionable beliefs in anything want children. it is genuinely so scary, as an advocate for children's rights- because i believe EVERYTHING starts at home, with parents and guardians. statistically speaking, leaving the church is becoming more popular. realizing you are gay is happening more. several of these peoples children in the upcoming decade may very likely grow up and fall out of religion, leaving the church or realizing they are queer as they see the effects of christian nationalism, as they use the internet, as they go to public school (because affording private school in this day and age is NOT possible for the upper middle class group i was raised in at this point, i dont see it being super feasible in the coming years) and are exposed to other viewpoints.

and what will then happen, if these kids become atheists? if they come out? these people ive grown up with- these potential parents- i see them potentially being cruel or horrified about their children not turning out like mini versions of them, of not believing in god- i see them weeping about their kids going to hell. i see their kids potentially falling into the same fate as me, having to hide who they are or being punished. old and cruel traditions being pushed again and again, the same cycle, as these people forgive their parents for everything and never reflect on their feelings. the same cycle continues.

my point isnt "these people should not have kids" because i think that can lead into questionable territory and a lot can change. i am still technically assuming things about these people after all and we are all so young. but i worry a lot about extreme religious people's parenting and the indoctrination they will put their kids through... i hope i can be a voice for kids in the future who need to hide.

there are so many of us.

[scarletspider-lily]

honestly i could probably make a longer post about this but its sad how purity culture and traditional gender roles linked to christianity, which i have denounced for many reasons, has made me fear marriage even though i want to get married to the person im currently with right now it just feels like, even though marriage and having children is nice, a part of me is scared about having what appears to be a traditional lifestyle on the surface... idk. its a weird mental block

[scarletspider-lily]

me trying to figure out if i have religious trauma/have been religiously abused because technically ive not faced a lot of things compared to other people here... hmm

also figuring out if my church is a cult or not is a doozy because theres a lot i dont know... which is a bit terrifying but!! lets see how this all goes

[scarletspider-lily]

like at the end of the day the reason why i find people condemning people's glee at the ceo shooting laughable is like. why are you expecting the american public to have any sympathy for someone who was responsible for major heartlessness and apathy to people's literal survival. do you not see how silly you sound. like if you think murder is always bad thats cool thats u. but stop being so shocked about the reactions my guy

[scarletspider-lily]

so you should hate the revolutionary war, huh? (on morals and the recent CEO murder)

The United Healthcare CEO murder has really got me thinking this week about morality and all that, especially after hearing opinions from friends.

and i'm going to sound insane, but the moral standards people have really show how evangelical america is, even though most of the people i've talked to aren't evangelical. the way things are defined solely in one way, sensationalized, and taken to face value. there are quite a few people saying that glorifying a murder is disgusting, murder is murder, and sentiments of the sort. what they aren't seeing are the murders of thousands of average civilians because of denied claims. but what does it take? for americans, sympathy involves seeing people shot on the news. sympathy involves lining 'em up by the thousands and executing them by firing squad, preferably in a middle eastern country. sympathy involves seeing thousands of crying family members who look beautiful and innocent, a fragile spouse in a heterosexual, god-pleasing marriage to be protected through her tears.

without actually seeing how any deaths happened, there's really no sympathy. instead, we get defiance for people cheering a supposedly heinous crime. of course, this doesn't surprise me- even self defense murders are frowned upon by some.

i wonder how these people feel when they read history books and see generals tearing down the british army for independence and financial sovereignity. for how white colonists defended their families from supposed native violence (because vice versa is too controversial). any glorified violence, after americas bloody imperalist colonial history, is suddenly ignored for- "but- but he literally shot someone! that's messed up!" and some i've talked to have tried to lie and say they dont condone those murders, either. dont condone americas history- yet, they turn around and defend the country's creation and values, upholding patriotism and continuing to think about issues from a strict legal perspective. you don't have unique moral standards. you just like the law and the status quo.

if those two things turn against you, i hope you receive help for whatever situation you find yourself in, as you aren't willing to fight back.

[scarletspider-lily]

artists who use christian/catholic aesthetics in art in ways that people would hate and call disgusting, ily