Jan 18, 2024
made some art to depict how psychosis feels to me
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made some art to depict how psychosis feels to me
i think psych wards need to focus less on "you don't want to get too comfortable here; we want you to go home" & more on "let's make this feel more like home while emphasizing that this is only temporary." because the first psych ward i ever went to felt like prison with its sterile atmosphere & neutral colors. and it is inherently traumatic to be taken from your home & locked up in a hospital setting with little to no autonomy so it only makes sense to ease the fear associated with that by making the environment feel more homey. maybe add some more colors, get patient input on what would make them feel comfortable, & strive to make these places more therapeutic.
this year i'm really looking into possibly compiling a memoir or look into some form of mental health advocacy, specifically for psychotic disorders. i've realized that this is the experience i feel the most alienated in and i want to share my experiences & let others know they aren't alone in this. because that's what i've wanted to hear the most...
i'm not really sure how i wanna go about it just yet but i want to get my voice out there somehow. maybe i'll start by being more open about my experiences on this blog or something...
alter-adjacent psychosis posting below
lol shoutout paranoid fit last night we found a new voice in da head!!! at least having a balance between vivian and sawyer is nice??? older sister figure apparently, her name is Sam. kind like sawyer but just as condescending as vivian. hopefully she can just be FUCKING NICE.
also catholic guilt is so cool because i have 3 disctinct variations of regular persecutory voices. idk if they're really alters cuz nobody fronts or nothin and many other voices dont have a form or regular occurence but. idk. who knows! mental healht is fucked! i don't believe in god but he's still there in my head. Watching.
Actually to piggyback off of my last reblog, it's genuinely so unfortunate how many of us were in the hospital for psychosis and yet we received NO information/education/resources for it whatsoever. At least in PHP the first time we got some info about medications for it but not a single therapy session I went to really... did anything for me? I wasn't even in that much of a minority. Like sure, I did get meds that helped me. But I'm paying $100 every month until 2026 for that visit & I felt so unconsidered? Look, psychotic people deserve help for their conditions & I'm very tired of us just not being taken into consideration in places like hospitals for god's sake.
Have any other psychotic people ever sought comfort in their hallucinations? I don't really do this anymore but when i was a kid I used to think this one visual hallucination I'd frequently have was my "guardian angel." And I was just curious to know if anyone else has experiences like that
BPD + schizoaffective disorder is really cool bc delusions and perceived abandonment become the most real and painful thing in the world and it makes me so fucking ashamed of myself after the fact
i think the weirdest delusion i've ever had was when i was harmlessly recalling a conversation i had with a friend & remembered they mentioned a number & i saw that number shortly after & immediately was like "They're Trying To Talk To Me"