#school stuff mostly

[asksnivy]

What a weirdo

[chatt-noirr]

I may not be where I want to be, but i'm so glad i'm not where i used to be. 

I realize how cliche that sounds, but i had a mini conversation with an almost stranger on twitter about them taking a break off of school and like

after i tried to kill myself (2 years ago), I was in the hospital for 8 days. School started up again during those 8 days and thats what I was worried about. Not the fact that I tried to kill myself just a few days before. 

All the doctors and nurses and even the other people who were staying in the ward too told me i should take at least a semester off but I wasn't hearing it. I was literally having anxiety attacks because i was missing the first day of classes????? like wtf i was in the hospital for trying to kill myself and i was worried about school......

i ended up taking the semester off from school once I got out, and then i just ended up leaving the university and returning home. 

i JUST.......I thhink thats why im so indifferent about school now??? LIKE I JUST DON'T RLLY CARE AS MUCH AS I SHOULD WHICH SOUNDS RLLY BAD BUT....

after the suicide attempt, I realize I have a lot of different and more important  things to worry about that isn't school.....like my mental health is so much more important than any grade.....

I should care about school like wtf am I even in it if i don't care about it right???? it just makes me think maybe college isn't for me......

but i also feel the pressure to get a degree so i can accomplish something of myself but at the same time  i dont believe you need a college degree to be successful in life.....

idk i went completely off topic but it's just weird that 3 years ago I was heartbroken over my ex girlfriend who lived in washington and i was letting myself be used by a girl who just wanted me for sex and I was in such a dark place 

now look where i am hell yeah ive come a long way like

[43774]

Update 2/13

There's an assignment in ceramics class that requires me to memorialize someone, so I picked my brother and I'm making a sculpture of his head. 

Both my art teacher and the student teacher complimented me on how well my project is going so far and that cheered me up a bit, although I don't think it really looks like my brother much. It's actually kind of creepy. I'll post pictures of it when I'm finished tomorrow.

I finalized my class registration for next year. I've got a lot of art electives selected, so I guess I'll be seeing a lot of my art teacher next year. I wish the student teacher worked at the school as a permanent staff member. He's awesome.

I like my student teachers. Laughlin always writes nice, constructive comments on my assignments and I appreciate them a ton. I give him my journals of my life rants to read through and his words are always so encouraging. I hope that when he finishes his student teaching, I can keep in touch with him. 

So my class selections for next year include English since it's mandatory, Economics and Government (not looking forward to those), interior design, human anatomy and physiology, environmental studies, animal kingdom, computer art, painting, drawing, japanese year II.. sounds like a good year. Can't wait to get through with it. 

Chem grade is up to a B even with the missing test. Math is still at a C. I've got a test tomorrow and I don't remember any of the material again.

All I have is school now. I've nearly given up on being on the computer. My laptop is just sitting in the corner of my mother's bedroom collecting dust and I only take it out to work on homework.

It's just waking up, getting ready, go to school, come home, take a three hour nap until dinner and then stare at the ceiling or read and then go to bed. The life of the laziest bum.