Why Your Empathy Keeps Running Out
(and what a superintendent learned about fixing it)
feeling guilty because you're "not empathetic enough" with your students/kids? dr. zachary robbins has thoughts on why that's happening
spoiler: it's not because you don't care
the empathy misconception
we think empathy = feeling what others feel
dr. robbins says: actually, empathy = understanding what others feel WITHOUT losing yourself in it
that second part? That's what everyone skips.
Here's what's actually happening
: you're trying to be empathetic, which means you're:
absorbing everyone's emotions
carrying everyone's problems
giving until there's nothing left
feeling guilty when you hit empty
and then wondering why you can't sustain it.
Because that's not empathy. That's emotional martyrdom.
What sustainable empathy looks like
dr. Robbins literally created the boundaries toolkit for this exact problem. because he saw educators and parents destroying themselves trying to "be empathetic."
seeing what someone's going through (yes)
staying grounded while you help (CRITICAL)
knowing what you can hold vs what you need to release (boundaries)
showing up with presence, not performance (sustainability)
You can't keep showing up if you're running on fumes. And kids NEED adults who can keep showing up.
The permission you've been waiting for
it's okay to have limits. It's okay to protect your energy. It's okay to say, "I can't take this on right now."
Those things don't make you a bad teacher or bad parent. They make you a SUSTAINABLE one.
And sustainable care is what kids actually need. Not heroic burnout.
post-pandemic, everyone's capacity is lower. Kids need MORE support. Adults have LESS to give.
The old model of "just try harder, care more" isn't working. it never worked, but now it's really obvious.
dr. zachary robbins is out here saying: we need a different framework. one that protects adults SO THEY CAN protect kids.
revolutionary thought: you deserve support too.
check out his work if you're tired of being told to just... do more with less. he actually has solutions.