ch4 monothea 1 // sarara // it’s not chouver yet!! [re: chou]
The fever had made Sarara truly fearless. At any other time in her life, she might never have accepted the antidote. But, seeing her girlfriend like this... she’d never been more certain that she needed to tell Monomi to lift the fever. If that was what it took for them to talk as the real Sarara and the real Chou, she would stare their death in the face with all the terror her heart could muster.
So, quietly, she chose fear. Fear, and tenderness, too vast for her to name.
Besides — she didn’t really think Chou Nakahara would go down that easily.
A sense of purpose none of her classmates had probably ever seen in Sarara before was present in her walk as she made her way to Chou’s side, downing the antidote in one shot. And then... for a moment she just gazed up very seriously, leaning up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her girlfriend’s ear, then fondly smoothing down the creases in their jacket.
“...Chou. I'm— so glad to see you again! I wanted to wait until... I could be truly certain it was ‘us’ speaking. And, well... I’m not sure whether what you said earlier was due to the despair fever, but I really wanted to talk to you about that.”
It was clear she had something big to say to Chou. Unusually straight to the point, and there was a strange, steely look in her eyes as they met her girlfriend’s. Was it the leftover adrenaline rush from the despair fever, or...? No. This was, without a doubt, the genuine Sarara Orikasa. The resolution in her eyes was different to minutes ago — not full of fearlessness, but something warmer, fixed entirely on Chou in that moment.
“...It’s... alright to be empty. You know that, right, Chou? It hurts, but... it’s not wrong. I promise I understand, because, well...”
A pause. She didn’t seem to want to focus this on herself — rather, her subtle goal seemed to be to give Chou something steady to focus on right now rather than imminent death — so she took another breath and tried again.
“Sometimes, I think, it’s impossible to escape the chains of fate or expectation fast enough. Or... even when you do break free, the damage can’t be undone. But, what we can do is... keep surviving until the very last. You were the one to remind me of that, Chou. We did that, together. And... for as long as you’d like me by your side, we’ll keep searching for a place where we can live the way we want to.”
Despite the urgent firmness of her words, the way she gathered her girlfriend’s hands between her own, strangely unshaking hands was nothing but gentle. So, in fact, was the chaste, tender kiss she then pressed to the gloved hands, eye contact still unfaltering.
“...I don’t wish to invalidate anything you said about yourself, but there’s one statement I truly need to correct. When you said you were nobody’s favourite person? You’re... well, you’re mine. And, more importantly than that, you deserve to fly free. I promise, my dear heart... you already are. Since the first time we spoke — I mean, really spoke — I’ve thought that if anyone could metamorphose beyond their fate, beyond anything, it’s you. But you don’t have to do it alone, Chou. Chou, I...”
Whether or not Sarara stated her love now, she was certain she was radiating it with every gesture. The fact had become impossible to hide. But... now wasn’t the time to selfishly state her emotions, and that really would give this speech the air of a goodbye.
Chou wasn’t going to die. She couldn’t. The very thought broke her heart with its impossibility. And she could profess every single feeling in that heart of hers, that heart that had grown so very large lately thanks to the woman by her side, once they were both somewhere far, far away from here. Right now, getting her girlfriend there was her duty.
“...I’ll... remind you of that every single day, you like, once we get the hell out of here. Ah... pardon my French. Now, my dearest... can I help you try and survive?
For Chou’s sake, she offered the smallest, most certain smile she could muster. And then... she finally tore her eyes from Chou’s to glance towards the elevator, with a look that said, ‘let’s go’.
