Oct 3, 2021
day 2: suit
this band will raise the dead and call it special effects
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Australia
seen from Croatia
seen from Norway
seen from Australia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Norway
seen from China
seen from Norway
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
day 2: suit
this band will raise the dead and call it special effects
Danse Macabre: Unraveled
Sable: I couldn't give a shit about death.
Scian: But are you happy with just those two versions of yourself? You shouldn't be.
Spencer: It's a bit spooky; it's also super emotionally available.
Willow: Turns out, she's dead!
Siona: Technically not murder, definitely bad!
Olly: Because not even death can excuse you from service in Bowser's army.
Z: No one can turn down a man in uniform. Or a poltergeist in uniform.
Meghan: Surprise! I'm important!
La Dissension: I choose to believe he's pretty nice. But he's also completely on fire.
La Mort: Maybe this new genre will unite all these warring factions - or at least, create a new, really cool warring faction.
L'Ordre: It's very hard to cuddle with someone when there's an inferiority complex between you.
Héloïse: I'm gonna make this timeline much worse.
someday i’ll remember that dark colors are what end up focused on, not light ones
today was not that day
day 12: shattered
Danse Macabre Characters x John Mulaney
Sable: Excuse me, I'm new in town - and it gets worse.
Scian: Hey, would you help me out? I'm very gay. I'd like a few dollars.
Spencer: Some people give off this vibe, immediately, like "Do Not Fuck With Me." My vibe is more like, "Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you!"
Willow: The kid in Home Alone 2, he gets into a stretch limousine on 5th Avenue with a large cheese pizza, and I thought, "THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF LUXURY!"
Meghan: I don't know. I know you told me, but I have had a very long day. I am very small, and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
Siona: He had a van full of little kids, and he ordered black coffee - the one thing from McDonald's no child could enjoy.
Z: We took off while you were in the bathroom! Because we HATE you!
Aunt Carrie: Someone came out of one of the rooms at this party holding this old antique bottle with some liquid in it and was like, "Hey, is this whiskey or perfume?" And apparently, I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said, "It's perfume."
La Mort: Ohhhh, ze zings I have seen, you cock-sucker. The Gestapo threw my printing press into a river - but go, tell your FUCKING jokes.
L'Ordre: I don't look older, I just look worse, I think. Honestly, when I'm walking down the street, no one's ever like, "Hey, look at that Man!" They're just like, "Whoa, that tall child looks TERRIBLE!"
La Dissension: I used to think, how could a person kill someone? How could someone kill another human being? And then I got cheated on, and I was like, "Oh, oookay."
L'Éternité: No one cared about my opinion when I was a little kid. No one cared what I thought.
Héloïse: We've all gone too big too fast and then run out of room.
[A coffee pot is found broken]
La Mort: So, who broke it? I’m not mad, I just want to know.
Spencer: I did, I broke it-
La Mort: No. No, you didn’t. Willow?
Willow: Don’t look at me. Look at Scian.
Scian: What? I didn’t break it.
Willow: Hmm. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?
Scian: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.
Willow: Suspicious.
Scian: No, it’s not! If it matters…probably not… Sable was the last one to use it.
Sable: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap.
Scian: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Sable: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Scian!
Spencer: Okay, let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it.
La Mort: No. Who broke it?
Sable: Mort, Meghan has been awfully quiet…
Meghan: Really?!
Sable: Yeah, really!
[Cut to La Mort in another room, the rest of them fighting in the background]
La Mort: I broke it. It burned my hand so I destroyed it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
“average fictional universe creates 3 characters named cyan a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average universe creates 0 cyans per year. Simulverse Héloïse, who lives in the mountains & creates over 10,000 cyans each timeline, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.
Danse Macabre Characters x TAZ
Scian: You know what, I will say, if you wanted to lure me in there you should’ve stayed handsome, my fella. People were all ready to write slash fiction between you and me, and then you turned all skeletal.
Sable: You may be able to shift worlds and breathe life into realities, but I recently came across some information of my own... I know kung fu.
Spencer: I wanted to be a conductor. But unfortunately, you know, just... life finds a way... or death, I guess, the goddess of death.
Willow: I'll be having my body back, you undead fuck.
Meghan: I have a beating heart! I’m multidimensional! I’m a fully realized creation! FUCK!
Siona: I cast prestidigitation, shoot sparks out of my fingers, cast minor illusion, put myself in a dope outfit, and start walking down the catwalk with all the style and panache I can muster, which is - I should note - a fuckin' lot.
La Mort: No dogs are allowed on the moon, unfortunately. Here’s the problem: they just run right off the goddamn thing.
L'Ordre: You can’t possibly conceive of the length of eternity, Merle. I have. It’s maddening and hopeless but it’s this burden we’re all saddled with from the moment of our creation. It’s a finish line that, by its definition, will never arrive. It stretches forever and ever, it’s too ambivalent to even taunt those trapped behind it. It is the cruel price of existence, Merle and it is too horrible to bear once you’ve seen it. Existence, Merle - life, Merle - is… horrible. To exist, to live is horrible.
La Dissension: Thanks for the chess game, and ... kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard.