8 reasons to oppose Scottish independence
1. Scotland provided our best James Bond
Pearce Brosnand is, in everyone's minds, the best Bond there was, and when Scotland goes, so do all our ties to him. So let's say Never Say Never Say Never Again to independence!
2. We love Scottish whiskey!
Whiskey gets its name from the Gaelic "uisgebach", which means, literally, "water of the bladder". If we lose our cheap supplies of Scotland's national drink, we'll be reduced to drinking English drinks like Pernod and J2O.
3. Guinness
Guinness, or "the amber nectar" as it is known in Scotland, has unique health-giving properties. Without it what will we have to turn our stools black? Unblackened stools? No, thanks!
4. The stunning countryside
Scotland is known for its wild fens, and mountains like Scaffell Pike. Its beauty is unsurpassed, with great lakes and peaks, which are found in its Lake District and Peak District. Seriously, guys are we really ready to lose all that?
5. Scot television
Like it or not (and we do like it), Scotland makes great telly, from Macgyver to Highlander. Let's not forget, they were responsible for bringing Robert Carlyle to prominence with Ballykissangel, and anyone who doesn't think Mrs Brown's Boys is the funniest thing ever televised must have something seriously wrong with their brains. If they even have brains.
6. St David's Day
With its shamrocks and lavabread, everyone loves St David's Day, the day when St David drove the snakes out of Scotland. Let's not let them do the same to us! Most of us are not even snakes!
7. The music of U2
Actually, they're shit. You can keep them.
So, come on Scotland, get it together! Better together! No thanks!