Humans are weird: SCP Part 2
Alien: How can a music sheet be dangerous? Human: If you get close to it it will slowly force you before it to finish the song. Alien: And that is bad because? Human: It’ll make you slit your own wrists and use your blood to finish the notes. Alien: Oh....... -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: What could be scary about a man who only appears in your dreams? Human: The fact that he often appears before bad shit is about to go down. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: A cowbell? Human: Safe to say if it looks innocent it’ll probably be the most dangerous thing in the world. Alien: Fair enough. Alien: What does it do? Human: If you ring it it will summon a creature that will constantly attack you in your sleep until you commit suicide. Alien: Do humans really do that if they don’t get enough sleep? Human: Yup, excluding college students. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: What in the name of gorbo is that!?!? Human: Pack predators that lure their prey in by mimicking voices of people and loved ones. Alien: That’s evil! Human: Really? Did the bright red skin and dozen sharp pointy teeth not give it away? -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: An endless staircase? Human: Perfect for exercise. Alien: And the catch? Human: Just don’t turn around. Alien: Why not? Human: ...... Human: Just don’t turn around. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: This one seems pretty tame. Human: If by tame you mean drowning someone and then taking their dead body to the ocean floor to be turned into pulp by the pressure then yes. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: Why is this creature not contained? Human: Kinda hard to contain something that can move continents. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: A soft drink? Human: That makes you not sleep. Alien: Don’t they do that already? Human: You don’t understand. Human: You drink it and you’ll never sleep again. Human: Ever.
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Alien: Metal wire? Human: Imagine if it was grass that feeds off electricity to grow. Alien: That doesn’t sound so harmful. Human: Did you know most living creatures generate some form of electricity through bio chemistry? Alien: I do, and your point? Human: This will attach itself to any electrical current and sap it dry. Alien: I still do- Alien: Oh. Alien: Oh that is awful. Human: Imagine a hundred metal wires stabbing into your body and wrapping themselves around your nerve systems. Alien: LALALAL I’M NOT LISTENING! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: A tree? Human: Correction, a plague tree. Alien: So the fruit gives you diseases? Human: No, that’d be silly. Human: The fruit spawns swarms of insects that transmit the plague to you if agitated. Alien: How is that better?!?!? Human: Who said is was supposed to be better? -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: A dollar bill? Human: Not just any normal dollar bill. Alien: Do I even want to know? Human: It makes you forsake all of your worldly possessions to meditate and find inner peace. Alien: That doesn’t sound so bad. Human: It also makes you strip naked, shave off all your hair, cut yourself repeatedly, and then enter a meditative state so deep you eventually die from thirst because you didn’t drink. Alien: Oh come on! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: A magic carpet? Human: No. Alien: Oh good. Alien: For a second I thought- Human: It’s a fungus carpet that eats people. Alien: Is there anything normal about your planet? Human: Not the carpets, I can tell you that much. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alien: What a pretty train. Human: Yeah, it really is. Alien: ...... Alien: What’s wrong with it? Human: Why does something have to be wrong with it. Alien: *Stares intently* Human: Well, if you do enter the train you become trapped in an infinite set of train cars filled with decay, rotting horse corpses held up by sheep organs, tanks of oil and human bile, and a constant sense of dread. Alien: Just.....just.....why? Human: That’s not even counting how if you fall asleep within 200 meters of it it will make you sleep walk and enter the car on your own. Alien: I can never enjoy anything of your culture without fear of it killing me can I? Human: *Rests arm across alien shoulder* Welcome to being a human 101.