It is nearly six am and I'm ready to claw my fucking face off thinking about Gideon and Harrow and each of them thinking the other doesn't love them when all the evidence to the contrary is laid out there but they're both so traumatized and self-loathing that they can't conceive of the idea that they are worthy of each other's love.
It's Gideon holding Harrow and promising herself to her after hearing Harrow's deepest, most shameful secret.
It's Harrow's "I cannot conceive of a universe without you in it"
It's gideon sacrificing her body to ensure Harrow and Camilla will live, calling "for the Ninth!" but in her mind the Ninth is Harrow and Harrow is the Ninth.
It's Harrow, at her first meeting with God, putting herself at his feet and begging for Gideons life before anything else.
It's Gideon telling Palamedes "Harrow would do anything to become a lyctor" and yet when the chance presented itself Harrow sacrificed and emptied her mind on the CHANCE that it would save Gideons soul from destruction.
It's Gideons "I would kill for her, I would die for her, I would do anything she needed before she knew she needed it" speech.
It's Harrow screaming at herself when she remembers what she did, broken at the idea that she had FORGOTTEN Gideon.
It's Gideon closing her eyes to change Harrow's clothes, and promising to "keep the home fires burning" until she gets back.
It's Harrow going off to "a world she had never visited" and "going to sleep" rather than returning to her own body because so long as she stays away Gideon will remain.
These two bleed and cry love for each other but neither of them!!! Can understand!!!! That they are loved!!! NEITHER OF THEM THINKS THE OTHER CAN LOVE THEM!!!! I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY I NEED THE NEXT BOOK NOW OR I'LL PUNCH A WALL!!!!!
