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2025 Badsansuary! Day 2. Show Off

i headcanon that Dust's gaster blaster is HUGE.

2021. 04. 27

when i last recorded an entry in here, i was already with child, but i didn’t know then. now he’s in my arms. it’s the most beautiful, most perfect tiny human i’ve ever seen. he came as a surprise and in the midst of the crisis and turbulence heunggook and i were going thru at that time, and that we’re still are going thru today.

we’re back in south korea, though we’re not staying in seoul. i haven’t been to my penthouse in more than a year now. we’re now staying with people who are willing to protect our baby. he’s all that’s in my mind now. i really don’t care whether i make it out alive of this mess or not, i just want him to be safe, even if that means i should die. i’ve it all arranged in case moomyeong finds us. she doesn’t know heunggook and me are parents to this angelic child and she will never find out, to that i will see.

though heunggook and me live in worry and fear, we’re also witnesses to the hope we see in our baby’s eyes. he’s a special babe, that we can tell. and though he’s still far too young to know words, he understands all and is very brave.

among our many worries is that of my mortality. we try not to touch on the topic more than necessary, as it really is a concern for a future time. the only thought that comforts me in regards of my mortality is that heunggook will outlive me to care for our babe. my mortality is also why i’ve decided to spend every remaining moment of this fleeting life next to heunggook. i want to love him and embrace him for as long as i live.

it’s funny we’re now staying at the place who belongs to a former enemy of mine. she’s a witch and it is her coven that’s protecting us. she lent me this big house for us to raise our child in safety. the house is protected by sigils on every entrance and window and there’s also a protective, invisible barrier surrounding it, all so that moomyeong can’t find us. we barely go out of the house and two rookie witches brings us supplies every once in a while, so that we don’t have to go out. sometimes they stay for dinner or just a cup of tea. it’s always nice to have them around. whenever they sense danger surrounding us, the witches stay the night in the cabin adjacent to the house. there’s enough space for us in this place, as there are two more beds in the cabin. i have to say, i’ve become quite fond of nari and blythe, two young witches who have been extremely kind to me and my babe. even though very young still, i can feel blythe’s mighty power from afar. it’s amusing how she’s the youngest in the coven, yet the most powerful of all.

lucasta and merel visit us often. lucasta and me have been friends for years now and i am always thankful for that. it was in fact lucasta the one who offered the help of her coven to protect us. she’d been offering this help for years now and i had never before accepted as i didn’t wish to put their lives at stake, however now i had no choice but to welcome their help in order to protect my child.

deirdre has also visited, with yanjun, of course. i haven’t still forgiven him for what he did to deirdre, even if it’s years since then. at least he gives off a different vibe now and his aura has sure changed. it’s probably deirdre’s good influence. ah, and she looks adorable too! happier than ever. she adores my babe so much, as expected. she’s the one that enjoys playing with him and tending to him the most. my deirdre is unexpectedly good with babies. i say ‘unexpectedly’ because she seems so like a baby herself that you wouldn’t think she can care for one, but she certainly has a knack for it. after myself, deirdre is the female my baby boy likes the most.

i am content i’ve got to meet my people again. after running away, i thought i would never see them again, so now i’m relieved. i’m aware waters won’t be this calm forever, but i will enjoy this time nonetheless. i can feel moomyeong nearing us. a month ago, she was in another content, but i felt it the day she set foot in asian land again and now she’s not far. even if she reaches the village we’re staying at right now, it will still probably take care weeks to find us, thanks to the many protective spells we’ve been blessed with. but she’s not too close yet, so let us rejoice in the small happiness of the now, next to warm and comforting fire with a babe in my arms and myself in the arms of my beloved.

#scribbling.

2020. 05. 30

it’s relieving that we found a moderately safe spot to hide in. i’d become exhausted of running away, sprinting around from the polynesia to south america, from the caribbean to eastern europe, and so on and so forth. now we rest in some relief, but ever so cautious. the pandemic, though a horrible nightmare for most, has served us good— now she can’t reach us, or she’ll take longer than what she took to find us during the months of december, january, february and march. she found us many times, she took in our scents and is tracking us down. i wish... i wish she and i could talk this through and come to an agreement, but this is not gala we’re talking about; moomyeong is another type of being, more prone to following her instincts than reason. it’s not the first time i’ve dealt with a being as such, but it’s the first time i’ve dealt with a being as powerful as she is.

some days i’m frightened and, even though i’m heunggook’s protector, he’s as of late taken the role of protecting me from my mind. in spite of the circumstances, i still do find solace in his gaze, and there’s surprisingly a flame we both spark in each other— his company is effortlessly delightful and his touch gives me an otherworldly sensation.

though as i said, i’m frightened, i live every day as if it were the last one. but heunggook hasn’t given up as i’ve had, he says he can defeat her, even if he’s considerably less powerful than her. moreover, the idea of him having to murder her doesn’t settle well within me. i suppose i’ve got to accept that sometimes, and even more so in this undercover world of special creatures, some of them should not remain alive as they’re a threat for others. i sigh at this insight and wish there was another way; as previously said, coming to an agreement would leave my mind at peace.

i’ve been in touch with some old, loyal friends who said they’re willing to join forces with heunggook and i to defeat moomyeong in battle. i’m not so sure about this, as i don’t want to risk anybody’s lives, but at the same time i can’t let heunggook go straight to his death by fighting on his own.

perhaps this has been one of the hardest times in my life; emotionally, mentally and physically draining. somebody once said you can’t have it all in this life, in my case, meaning i’ve got to sacrifice one thing for another, and it won’t be heunggook’s life what i’m sacrificing. i can’t save both of you, i’m sorry. i can’t suck out the evil out of you, moomyeong. i can’t save you as i wish. there’s no warmth under your skin, only putrid poison.

#scribbling.

2019. 03. 28

well, well, well... pulling at my heart strings, isn’t he? with his charming ever-present smile, the manners of a child and the wisdom of the ancient. what’s he hiding? i’ve dared not consult the occult. lacking courageousness isn’t so like me, isn’t it? i just know, deep inside, by his aura, that there’s something non-human about him. i’ve dared not consult the occult because, deep inside, i know it’s something rather... dark.

#scribbling.

2019. 01. 04

i saw you leave me in a dream. i feel dread within. shall i scream now?

#scribbling.

tu es le sang de ma blessure tu es le feu de ma brûlure tu es ma question sans réponse mon cri muet et mon silence...

#scribbling.#whispers i miss you so.

épargnez-moi les tourments en tourmente de l'aimer un jour plus qu'aujourd'hui

#scribbling.#thank you louise de vilmorin.#always saying the words i dare not pronounce.