❛ is that how you really feel? ❜ mar to al!!
‘ no ! it’s not, ‘ his protest is earnest; it’s kindly defiant. & then he stifles a yawn. it’s been too long a day & now . . . too long a night. not because of anything mar had done, but just . . .
he couldn’t sleep last night — by no one’s fault but his own, & when he had started his shift today, his uniform felt heavier than it usually does — but not worryingly so . . .
but that isn’t the issue. the issue is alphonse had spoke without giving his brain the time to catch up to his thoughts, to what mar had said & now . . . he just isn’t sure the breadth of what he had said, & he isn’t sure what he had intended to say.
alphonse frowns —- & squeezes his eyes shut for a minute in the unarticulated prayer that he wake up, that any conversational uncertainty disappear.
when he opens his eyes, alphonse finds that is prayers come without success. he purses his lips & composes himself with heavy exhale before he shifts closer to mar. to address her with earnestness. with kind defiance.
‘ it’s not how i feel. i don’t think i said what i mean because i don’t know how i feel — you know how i am, mar . . . my brain, ‘ alphonse pauses. he doesn’t like to admit any difficulties he might have —
maybe he’s like edward in that sense.
‘ sometimes it doesn’t catch up with my body. i don’t know how i feel about our living situation, i don’t know how i feel about your & edward’s dynamic. it’s confusing — but you know i adore you. ‘
conflict | @bellatorreginas