Life - Changing
I was in the middle of telling the story of how Ian & I got to Japan on this blog, back in April, when one of those moments you’ll never forget came my way. Many of you saw on Facebook that I unexpectedly lost my little brother 3.5 months ago. I want and need to share that story, but I’m not quite ready yet. The last 3 months I’ve been praying and processing and questioning every little thing I do with my time, because losing a loved one makes you re-examine life from a different perspective. So I was questioning why I even started this blog in the first place, wondering if it was just something I wanted to do in the excitement of moving to Japan or if it was really something God stirred in my heart to do...? But now I feel, deep down, that the reason to share my story is in hopes of encouraging you in your journey.
So... here’s my story of how we got to Japan, continued. After two years in Bellingham, I couldn’t shake this restless feeling inside. Like I was not quite where I was supposed to be. There was this night of worship once a month at church called Refuge. 3 months in a row, when nothing was particularly wrong, I cried through the service. Maybe the first month I thought, “Oh, it’s just really moving,” and the second month I thought, “Ugh, get it together, Marabeth,” but the 3rd month I finally asked, “God, why am I crying?” Most of the time I hear God’s voice through reading scripture or encouragement from friends, but this time I actually heard a really clear answer. It was so clearly, “Go to school of worship.” And I thought, “What? What does that even mean?” So after the service I told Ian about it, and he was more than encouraging. He said, “You know, I thought that, too.”
The only thing was... what in the world was a school of worship? Haha. So the next day I Googled it, and found out that there were 3 such schools, all on the opposite side of the country from us. Oh, man. But the classes they offered were so exciting sounding, and so, I called them up. Next thing I knew, I was on a flight to South Carolina. The church and the people I met there blew me away. The student band was amazing - like a recording playing live. And that night we went to a service, where the message really spoke to me & all the discouragement I had felt for so long just bubbled up inside me:
That I wasn’t good enough. That I shouldn’t be pursuing music. That I was a failure. That I had missed the boat, and therefore my life was not going to go anywhere. The last song was “Break Every Chain” - and I just needed prayer. So I went and found someone to pray with, I don’t have any idea who she was. But I told her that I felt called to lead worship but I just couldn’t do it, and this whole thing was a mistake. And she said the most powerful thing, she said, “God has given you a powerful gift and the enemy doesn’t want you to step into the calling God has on your life.” She said, “You have listened to the lies of discouragement for so long that you have accepted them as truth.” And then she prayed for God to give me freedom.
And I walked away lighter than I had felt since college. Lighter than I had ever felt, really. Getting a bachelor’s degree in singing - where every day you are criticized (constructively, mostly, but still)... it just caused me to lose all the joy of music for a while. But School of Worship was this place where everyday I was encouraged and challenged to grow, by people I respected deeply. They were authentic and genuine and caring.
I still can’t believe we packed everything up and moved clear across the country like that. But, that year was LIFE.CHANGING. My friend and I wrote a song that pretty much sums up what God was saying to me at Seacoast, Press On- you can listen through the Spotify link below.
Are there any fears or discouragement that you’ve heard in your head for so long you’ve believed them to be true? When you realize they are lies, they no longer have power in your life, and God can give you a new way of thinking that sets you free.
“We have been rescued from our enemies so we can serve God without fear, in holiness and righteousness for as long as we live.”
~ Luke 1: 74&75
(Love you, Seacoast friends!)