#secretaryasks

[once-and-future-secretary]

👂 - JT (bl2 time obv ...I'm curious 👀)

@jtwlostechologs

👀 for my muse to compliment yours

“Hello, - I’m calling from Handsome Jack’s office and Management would just really like to let you know that the alterations you made to the uhm...”D.G-RK4 Pumping Modules”? - they’ve actually increased productivity by a lot and. they’ve gone through testing up here and...will possibly be standardised in the foreseeable future! - with some small changes. And that’s very good! Good job, good work! Hyperion appreciates your uh. ingenuity. Have a nice day! Bye!”

[once-and-future-secretary]

👊📨💬 -Kelley

@askthepandoranhero

👊 for what my muse would say upon hearing yours has been arrested.

”Arrested? But they are - close with Jack? How could they get arrest-...or did they commit treason? They didn’t seem like the type....................but then, they also didn’t seem very Hyperion either. Is this more of a ...Great Moment For Us or a ‘mysterious disappearance we don’t talk about?.”

📨 for a text my muse would send to yours. 

“Hello Mx. Kelley, Handsome Jack would like to speak to you about a series of old ATLAS weapon designs that are now in Hyperion possession. Your arrival is expected at your earliest convenience. Best regards.

💬 for a text my muse would send to yours to a third party. 

(I just assumed this means “about them” to a third party)

”Good morning, Sir. I’m sorry for the interruption. Ground force command forwarded new intel on the activities of the bandit known as ‘Kelley’. I attached the relevant files, as requested. Progress trying to neutralize them remains below expectations, I’m afraid. :/”

[once-and-future-secretary]

🙃

🙃- For a lighter, slightly embarrassing secret

Oh- well. It's pretty dumb though.

So...when I was really new to the job, there was this big after-meeting drink-thing. And this one really important guy from Developing was going to be there. And you need to know- he has a really bad sea food allergy. Really bad. Which...I somehow missed when I organised the catering. - in my defence, I'd been working for almost 48 without a break and was convinced I was going to be murdered any minute. Anyway.

When I find out about the allergy-problem, it's already too late and they ordered some of these...tiny appetisers with shrimps on them. And I didn't want anyone to know I messed up.

So what I did was...I found an excuse to lure the entire kitchen staff out of the kitchen when they were preparing everything, I opened every single tray with the appetisers and removed the ones with the shrimps on them. I put them in a bag and thought I could throw them into the garage disposal without anyone noticing. Except...it was really hard to sneak out and I ended up spending the entire evening with a giant bag of shrimps hidden under my blazer.

Okay, the evening goes on, right? And then this guy from Developing - the one with the allergy - comes over and shakes my hand.

So uhm. Long story short, apparently I still had some sea food residue on my hand and five minutes later, his eyes are swollen shut and he can't breathe and I spent the rest of the night in my room eating twice my salary worth in shrimps to destroy evidence.

I mean, they gave him an Epi-Pen and got him fixed up! He was fine! ...but also pretty pissed unhappy and kept complaining about seafood but everyone thought he was...confused because clearly, there hadn't been any seafood. Meanwhile I was so sure I was dead meat if someone found out.

So yeah. That happened.

[once-and-future-secretary]

4 for the know yourself ask meme?

How creative are you?

"Hm. Probably depends on what you mean by 'creative’.#? I'm not an artist or anything. But I can think quickly and sometimes I find practical solutions for...problems that people make more complicated than they have to be.”

//I’d say creativity is one of her strong points and it’s something that inadvertently also got trained in by her job - but she has a hard time crossing boundaries and really putting herself out there and doing something truly new. She’s very good at thinking on the spot and finding easy, cheap solutions and making things work (a quality that helped her stay alive when she was working for Jack). 

Also, her overall style might be a bit basic, but I still think she has somewhat of an eye for marketing and design and played a large role in the new designs Hyperion has in Borderlands 3, so there’s also some points for creativity. 

[once-and-future-secretary]

🤬😳

🤬  –– Do you curse a lot? How often? What are some of your favorite swear words? 

“No, not if I can avoid it. And actually, saying words is very easy to avoid because you...can just not say them. By keeping your mouth shut. Very simple. But if I had to pick one, it would probably be ‘fuck’, it’s boring but the first one I’d say. But I don’t really have a favourite either.” 

😳  –– Do you get embarrassed easily? What would you consider your ‘breaking point’ of embarrassment?

“Pretty much every second of my life. I guess, the breaking point is when things happen that I have no control over and that make me look like an idiot in front of people I don’t feel comfortable around. And since I have very little control over anything and a boss that enjoys making me feel like an idiot...I’d say there is a lot of that going on.”

[once-and-future-secretary]

Have you ever just thought of lying

Of course not! - that would be betrayal and disloyalty and...and I'm much too honest for that, anyway. Im very, very loyal. Okay?

...

However, telling the right part of the truth at the right moment in the right way about the right person...there is nothing wrong with that. Is there?

[once-and-future-secretary]

"Fanatics threaten violence again employees of your bookstore because a book you carry offends them. Do you continue to sell the book?" (I had to pick the book one lol)

Oh...ah. That’s a difficult question. ............am I in the shop, too? And...is it an important book, that it offends them so much? 

I think I would stop selling it only if there’s a real chance that they would burn down my shop or harm my employees or go after me. But I think I would try to get rid of them first, somehow. Maybe there is a bookshop owner I really don’t like who also sells the book? Then I would tell them about that and hope they bother them instead.

[once-and-future-secretary]

👊💀 -King

@askthehyperionintern​

👊 for what my muse would say upon hearing yours has been arrested.

“oh, King? .............king of what? Oh, that’s a name? No, no - doesn't ring a bell. At all. I don’t know this person. ..........They used to work here, you say? It’s definitely the first time I hear about them - but it’s so sad when people break the law like that. To throw away an entire career in the company like that -  I mean, what did Hyperion ever do to this...King-person? It’s just a matter of gratitude. The company takes such good care of us!...but maybe prison will be the right place to rehabilitate them.”

💀 for what my muse would say upon hearing about your muse’s death.

“Wait. Really?....what happened? An accident or a...not-an-accident?...Intern purge?”