"Hm? Oh my, it appears we're back on! You'll have to forgive me, it seems an unfortunate error caused the broadcast to go down a while back. Unfortunate indeed, but let's just say that until further notice, your lovely mistress Lotti Baskerville shall be taking the stage for this segment. We won't go into detals of why, though. After all, we know what it is you all really would rather listen to. So, without further ado, let us get to the list of top five most attractive males in Hive City! Shall we begin at number five?"
"Don't just sit there an' ignore me! Ya'll had me locked up for a week!"
"An albino with a number for a name, it's no surprise that Zero Kiryuu would be on here, right? From the sounds of it, he's quite the looker, sparkling enough to make even those Twilight vampires envious, whoever they are. You'll probably have to wear sunglasses when around him to avoid being blinded! Oh, but do keep watch, ladies. This boy's tongue is as sharp as those beautiful fangs of his. Hmm? This just in, there seems to only be /one/ person to catch his attention, however. No worries about falling prey to this handsome beast! Or perhaps some might with what they're so seemingly missing out on."
"A vampire and fellow silver-chan? I really don't think I need anymore of them vamps in my life. It's bad enough one o' them is probably wantin' ta kill me fer disappearin' all week...!"
Ah, next at number four!
"Hou? Another albino, it seems. Sweeping to his rank on this list is none other than Haine! Although his looks are as blazing as that glare of his, I wouldn't suggest coping a feel on this one. Try as you might, he is a bit elusive if you happen to be female. That knocks out that competition for any men who might want in on a little bit of that gunning action, however! Hm, don't expect a smile from him in the least. That mysterious attitude accompanied with those stern expressions are more than enough to draw any unwanted attention close to him. I wonder if they told him that those who play hard to get are the ones most desired. Perhaps he will learn one day, but for now...."
"For now, how about ya get me down. The blood's startin' ta-"
"Let us move to number three!" "Hey!"
"If you're looking for a bit of service to get in... or perhaps that's if you would rather him service /you/, then try out our faithful Levi model~. Part of the militia, he's quite prim and proper, making sure to stay in shape with that cleaning regiment of his! Trust me, if looks could kill, you would be six feet under in the wrong kind of bed for what you had in mind when saluting this soldier. While he may be a little on the short end, he's sure to make up for that with his dominating personality. If you're looking to be bossed around, look no further! With a little luck, your body might not be the only thing that will drop and give him twenty~.!"
"... What are you putting on my segment? Wait.. Wasn't this one of them lookin' ta conspire against me? Hard to remember after hangin' around for so long."
"Moving on to number two!" "Stop ignorin' me!"
"My my, if I didn't know any better, I'd believe the origin of the phrase 'tall, dark, and handsome' just happens to be on this list. Regardless, if you need those clothes washed for you, you've found the right man! Archer here does all that and more, likely cleansing your unmentionables with those washboard abs he accentuates so well rather than an actual washing machine. For those of you who might believe that tan of his is faux, let me fill you in on a little secret: it must have been his own, natural radiance that coloured that man to crisp perfection! If you can endure the sass -- or rather the wrath of God for an attempt on claiming him as yours -- then start strutting toward Mr. Housewife here so that he might flash a bit of a smoulder your way~."
"It just ain't my fate, here. Ah well..." He's had a hell of a view throughout the show. At least he had one 'fan-service' for himself. Just had to keep that his little secret. No need to attract insane witches.
"Last but not least, coming in first!" "No... really. Get me down from 'ere!"
"The dunk master himself, Darius! Though, I'm quite certain the only dunking he has participated as of late is from his lovely lady into a private bed. Who can blame her, however? Broad shoulders with such rugged features, it is enough to make any woman (or man) swoon, wishing to be pulled closer by that axe of his! Whoever says that men with too many muscles has yet to encounter this beefcake in all his wondrous physique. One moment with him and I am certain you would support Noxus once he displays all those qualities bare~. I would not suggest pursuing this warrior, though. You might find yourself in quite the lengthy coma for trying to woo him away from that tamer of his."
"Hey.. Look. It's the beast tamed by the smallies. What joke could be made that already hasn't been made fer him. Poor guy.."
"I guess what they say really is true, is it not? All the good -- or in this case, /attractive/ -- men are usually taken. Until next time!~"
"What?.. But hey! I nee- Why do you got that knife?... Do you-HYAAA!" ......
"Thank ya... kindly ... My dearest flower... Next time, untie me before doin' that..."
