#sel stuff

[selendra-is-moving]

I interrupt your regular queued content to gush about YOI’s most recent episode for a little while. <3

[selendra-is-moving]

My blog is queued

for the next week with cute things, scenery, amusing things, and fandom art. I promise a safe zone for anyone who needs to de-stress like I do right now!

Please. Stay safe, don’t do anything stupid, stay healthy, and stay positive. Most of what that orange asshole wants to do is not going to happen without a fight, and we’re all here for support. 

[selendra-is-moving]

Alright, so here's something that's been on my mind recently. I'd welcome input. And no, this isn't about anyone here... yet? Long post under the cut.

I'm really torn between two mentalities when it comes to making new friends!

On the one hand, I love meeting new people and discovering their interests and unique perspectives and nerding out about things together and everything. I'm fully of the belief that nearly everyone you meet has an interesting story or something worth talking about because humanity is super cool like that! And as someone with less than two digits of people I'd count as exceptionally good friends, I value the ones I have immensely. Why would I turn down the opportunnity to make more?

ON THE OTHER HAND. When you ask for my age and picture within the first two days of chatting, or when you greet me rudely every day, or when you make it clear you're not really interested in talking to *me*, just about talking about yourself.... I don't have time for that bullshit. Why would I pretend to be interested in being friends with someone I share nothing in common with, or whose very manner of speech ticks me off every time they enter a chat? I'm really not great at pretending; it's just going to stress me out until it comes out explosively one day and then we both feel bad because I was pretending to care more than I'm capable of. There's a good reason why I have less than two digits of people I'd count as exceptionally good friends, and that's because there are very few people who I actually WANT to be that close of friends with.

Now, society as a whole seems to be firmly in the first mindset. Go out and make new friends! Put yourself out there! People are awesome, and everyone can be friends! I've had a few people online recently call themselves my friend after speaking to me once about something inconsequential, and I've had another ask "Can we be friends? :>" as their first thing they say to me. And nowadays... I feel like I have to be honest and tell them "I can promise to TALK, but that doesn't necessarily mean we'll be friends? We could hate each other, you know." because I worry that if I don't tell them that, then they'll turn it back around on me later and say "You SAID we'd be friends. D<" without actually understanding that friendship shouldn't ever be a contract you guilt-trip people into.

I've been called selfish for not wanting to be friends with people I don't have anything in common with (by my mom, yayyy). And of course I don't want to write someone off without giving them a chance first! But I've also been told (by my mom!) not to waste time on people who stress me out more than they're worth, and when it's obvious within the first twenty four hours what the friendship is gonna be like....

So! Thoughts? Anyone had any similar experiences? Bring it on!

[selendra-is-moving]

lol hey @kickassmuthafuckrrrr, remember the time my mom told me that there was no point to spending money on therapy or diagnosis for me because “the final effort has to come from you anyway”? Good times, good times. 

[selendra-is-moving]

You ever just get the urge to bite your finger or something while bored? Not painfully, just enough to feel solid pressure on your teeth and skin or something. It’s kinda comforting. But I’m also worried about what it means since I don’t want this to be another trichtillomania thing ; --; 

[selendra-is-moving]

Accidentally slept for over 12 hours today ooops.  Let’s just call this a belated depression attack and move on. 8D;;; 

[selendra-is-moving]

So my old email account has been pretty shitty recently; emails getting lost going to and from my address, people not getting rejection errors, the spam filter not really working, support being bad.... so I’m going through and cleaning a few things out in preparation for switching to a new email. Apparently I made a livejournal account at one point and never did anything with it? Same with Napster, some free essay sites, and some extra forum accounts.

[selendra-is-moving]

Sorry about the dearth of posts lately, the queue should be back up soon and then things will be back to their normal scenery/fandom/hilarity doings. 

I’ve been a little lost recently. I have a general idea of what I want to do with both my blogs, but getting the specifics ironed out is hard. Like, I want this blog to be a combination of reblogs and personal posts, but I post personal stuff so rarely that even when I do put effort into a heartfelt thing, it always just gets buried under the queue and that’s discouraging. So I may end up reblogging a lot less, or venting a lot more. Not sure which yet.  been lost in life, too, since I’ve finally graduated and now am having a hard time reconciling reality with ingrained habits, but I already made a post about that and it got no recognition at all so I’ll avoid talking about that from now on lol  but if this blog goes silent again I promise it’s probably not because I’m dead, just discouraged.