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i get to have a single glass of wine a day now. which is a droplet compared to the tsunamis i used to have, but it’s enough to not cause damage and keep me faithful to my url.

#.txt #self control.#regulation.#it's all very primary school.

Rlly like the idea of Ryan just. Screaming at ppl during stuffy tellexx parties. Like. Ppl who know absolutely nothing about the situation the subjects r in. Like. Someone is making fun of Dal for being so flinchy and Ryan just. Absolutely goes off at them

you know it makes Dal worse too bc he knows he’ll have to feel the brunt of the punishment for it. And he knows Ryan means well but it’s just. not the time. Dal just puts a hand on his shoulder and quietly shushes him. Plz. Stop.

#not worth it ry plz #ry.#self control.

black dice with white spots.

a dreamcatcher woven out of barbed wire.

#ic #mello.#self control.

a stress ball. it’s a cat, yellow fur and blue eyes, and how could i not buy it when it looked so similar to—?

mello’s shampoo. and conditioner. i took note of it when i went to your place last. this bathroom would suit you better if you could smell like yourself. if i could smell like y

sudoku puzzle book. the onset of this whole damnable pile. at least three rest there now.

chocolate oranges. seven thus far. a venture into a chocolate bar with a layer of orange, as well.

don’t you always drink this type of vodka? not that i think you should...

i found an old typewriter on ebay. i don’t know if you have any interest in it, but i’ve set to work on cleaning it as carefully as my hand and its delicate frame permits. aesthetic, if nothing else.

notebooks. some bound with aged fabric. some i’ve taken to creating myself. i have so much time without you to think of you i fear i may go insane. sometimes i think i’ll write a note in them, but i’ve only. gotten through. “dear mihael”, just like back then...

wouldn’t you be a tiger? we discussed it back then, and i’ve stitched together leather bits like patchwork for this stuffed animal... aluminum foil heart, and the scent of deodorant you use, it feels closer to you.

really, i’d better burn all this when the time comes...

#ic #mello.#self control.#it’s overwhelming.#and i know i’m far from sated.