Warnings: Angst/no comfort, Arguments, Allusions to past negligence from parents (Reader), Reader is inexperienced in relationships, You're toxic, Mention of sex but no actual smut, Swearing, Cliffhanger.
For some time, you and Keegan had been deeply committed to one another in your relationship. After a few weeks, he had become cold and haughty as usual, even though you two were always there for each other. Here you were in Keegan's offices, questioning him about it.
"I believe you no longer love me." With his gaze fixed on yours and his posture rigid, he murmurs.
"[Name], just own up to it. Hm?"
You panic internally, wondering what, or rather... who, told your lover something that would make him believe that you didn't love him anymore.
But you knew, only being defensive about it will make him seem more suspicious about it, so you take it slow and calmly, whilst still panicking internally.
"Keegan, what makes you think this? Did I do something—Say something, or did someone else say something to you?"
Keegan sighs, looking away.
"It's not what you say or did. It's what you don't say or do." Keegan looks back to you, eyes still sharp and piercing.
"You never ask about my day, or how I've been. You never kiss me now, or cuddle with me like before. And when we have sex..." He pauses, before shaking his head.
"There is no real love—No real affection."
Your entire life, were you being the second choice to everything and everyone, constantly. Your parents were never there for you emotionally, and what they did to you, their neglectful actions... that all caused you to be distant, to feel unloveable...
...To not know how to love properly.
But you knew this cannot justify your actions, but can rather explain what you do and don't.
You aren't good with words, especially, so you don't know how to lead this without further misunderstandings.
"You've told me before, multiple times, that you didn't want me to bring up your job when we're at home, for whatever reason that may be, so I didn't know how to ask.
I... I was scared... I was scared that I'd possibly hurt you, so I've been distant and I... I didn't know what to do, and I don't know why I became distant. I don't know how to deal with myself, and this relationship, I can't... love properly..."
Keegan closes his eyes, exhaling sharply.
"I said one thing, one thing... and you took it to a whole different level."
Silence.
"Fine you're bad with words; you're bad with relationships," He opens his eyes, still looking at you, "But is it really that hard to come up with something to make it up for me? To make, me, feel loved?
It's selfish of you, really. I put up with your insecurities, why can't you put up with mine?"
You are speechless, almost entirely as you attempt to open your mouth to explain, to say at least something, but nothing comes out. You knew you were bad with relationships and words, but for your own lover to be aware of this in his perspective, and even verbalizing it against you...
It upset you more than it should.
"I... I never said I didn't want to make it up to you, I never realized what I caused until now, and I do want to make it up to you... I want to.
I want to put up with yours, but I don't know how, I can't..." You don't know what to say to that. You know he's right, but you have no excuse nor self-awareness of what you do, making this all the more difficult.
Keegan scoffs, shaking his head.
"How many times have you said that before? That you want to make it up to me and yet, nothing changes.
How many times have I been let down and disappointed?
You don't change. You won't change. Everything will remain the same way it is now." Keegan's tone becomes more and more bitter with every sentence.
You didn't mean for any of this to happen. You were just... inexperienced. Incompetent, even, because no one ever told you how to be in a healthy relationship—No one taught you that isolation to better yourself, affected your partner as well.
You were now fully aware of the situation, but Keegan just finding words to tell you that your are incompetent, that you were never there, repetitively... it frustrates you.
You get it, you want to try to be better, you want to learn. But him trying to argue further about this isn't going to help at all, especially with your lack of skill with words.
Keegan closes his eyes, clenching his fists.
More silence.
"Goddamn it, [Name]!" He grips the dresser by his side, gritting his teeth as he shouts at you.
"What is wrong with you? Why can't you be like everyone else and just..." He shakes his head, unable to find the word to describe how he feels about you.
