#self vent

[sanxsila]

I sometimes hate myself when I am in love with someone. The way II act , the way i give all to someone only to realize that he might not love me like I do. Even if he disrespects me or do or say the things which I may not in my dreams have thought of. Oh why am i like this, Why do i feel the need to fix everything, why am i become so obsessed, why do i have to cry or fight every fucking time. He says he loves me but then why i feel lonely , why i feel the disappointment creeping. Why I have to cry or suffer for things i want . Am i that cruel , unkind person to deserve all of this. But i can't leave him because I love him and yeah i know that this is the stupid sentence but i can't help either.

I am so sorry to myself but this part disgusts me but this is the way am I and i hate it so much but i can't help though ... I can't .....

I'm sorry :(

[timelessparallels]

I feel so empty and I dare say dead inside

I'm trying to mask it, but it just isn't working

I just wish I was happy again

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

Do you ever just go clothes shopping and want to cry? Like everything doesn’t fit or they don’t have your size. You look in the mirror and just see all the imperfections; the acne, the hairs on your chin, the messy hair, baggy clothes and just feel like total shit? Yeah me too.

[uglimeart]

I'd rather vent here (on MY account) than make my whole groupchat suffer...

This isn't really a vent, it's just- okay, maybe it is!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I don't have many friends- or any for that matter.

I have some mutual people I talk to online, (aswell as some "acquaintances" irl, who I don't really count as friends*)

*I feel like I don't do my job enough as a "True Friend" like I want to start a conversation or make any first moves 😒

I only have a few people I talk to online, mutually. I just don't want to be a bother to them- or be a pest!

I mean, we all got lives!

Its nice to have someone to talk to, but sometimes we have irl situations to tend to- like family and life problems...

Some good, some not so good

...or just for mental health or some s.

But like I said, I don't want to be a pest, or seem overbearing - I guess I am, idk- for someone I don't know physically.

(I'd probaly be like Sheldon Cooper from

"The Big Bang Theory" knocking on Penny's door at unreasonable times with ugly ass)

Like I got nothing better do. In fact, I don't even have a life! lol

In fact, as I typing this, I don't feel any emotions shame or guilt at all (just neutrality), I'm just typing how I honestly feel!

I'm not sitting there balling my eyes out, or getting p'd off while I'm typing this- unless I loose my WiFi that is!

That's just how it is...

I might aswell be a parasite hanging onto your neck, the birds following the rhino, a follower.

A person who has nothing better to do, while having social anxiety.

50/50 feelings about people (which I will post 🙂)

Sometimes I question whether or not I being "fake", but I really do have social anxiety.

I just don't want to be up y'alls buisness...

If you got this far, I thank you (you actually care to read this crap lmao🤣

Thank you, I'm proud of you!

SHORT SUMMARY:

As a person who has nothing better to do and no life, while having social anxiety, I don't want to be a pest, amongst online mutuals or people.

Its nice to have someone to talk to, but sometimes as people, we need space. . .

-Uglime

[vacantsarts]

[obsessivequacks]

Me: looks like a 47 year old divorced man who still loves his wife

also me: looks like a fuckin sociopath who watches a girl he likes sleep whilst petting her hair

ALSO ME: looks like a fucking 14 year old boy

Great.

[arrival-layne]

Me: is caught between wanting to draw. Not wanting to draw. Wanting draw all my dumb ocs and further my ocs story. Wanting to draw fanart. Wanting to draw fanart because I get more notes and validation. Knowing that’s dumb and i should just enjoy drawing for what it is. Being scared to work on my ocs in case it is super self indulgent, cringey and cliche. But not wanting to do any of these things because I feel dead inside and can’t feel my passion for art like i used to.

[hashiraofromance]

I have DPD.

I HAVE DPD

I HAVE DPD

I HAVE DPD

Please stop saying I have NPD because I fucking don't. I am not selfish! I NEVER PUT MYSELF BEFORE OTHERS THATS CALLED BEING A DICKHEAD. I have DPD and really horrible anger issues. It may come off as looking like Bipolar to some who don't know any better and think bipolar is just SUDDENLY BECOMING ANGRY or whatever societal stereotype placed upon those who have it. But me thinking I'm a goddess (Kin with Eris from Greek mythology), knowing that I'm a good singer, thinking of myself as beautiful (when I have the confidence), or being jealous of others successes (only reason why being is because I do not have an state ID so I am ineligible to obtain a job) does NOT mean I have NPD. I don't need validation from random people or my family I only need validation from the people that I have a clear dependency towards. The people who I mentally have dependent connections with are the words that matter most to me. Yes I could sometimes make decisions on my own but yet I do tend to ask them a lot of what I should do with my wardrobe or how should I make myself look so that I can be just as pretty as my friends. Feeling the pain in my chest every single time that I don't hear from my partner within a certain amount of time every day of every hour is not fun I don't think anyone with narcissistic personality disorder goes through something like that and I wouldn't know because I don't have that personality disorder. I go through every single day whenever my partner doesn't message me (And I told them about my DPD so they try to talk to me when they can.) I think that they don't love me anymore or that they're cheating on me or that they're going to abandon me forever and the thought of losing them makes me want to kill myself. The amount of times that I have gone through abuse just because my ex boyfriend of 2 years would stay with me is ridiculous he even told me "I should break up with you so everyone can see how miserable you are without me" now any normal neurotypical person would have left that situation I didn't I stayed with that dick head for 2 years and it took the reassurance of my friends to make me not passive and tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore and that took so long for me to do so. I am so tired of being told by an unofficial therapist that I could possibly have narcissistic personality disorder and by my ex-boyfriend's mom as well shows how much they know about anything. In my head a narcissist is a dick head who only cares about themselves I've never once in my life I've ever put myself first I've always put other people's problems before me and I have been called out for never handling my own situations and wanting people to do it for me because I don't think that I have the capability of doing it on my own. Therefore please stop saying I have npd or narcissistic personality disorder.

I do not.

THANK YOU.

(I already have a hard time trying to figure out who I am as a person and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere with anything and the first time in forever that I am certain that I know what I am I do not want people to say that I'm not I already have a hard time thinking that I'm not accepted as a person in any group or any part of Society..)