#selfajwords

[califoreignyuh]

i wish i was enough for my boyfriend, but i'm not

[califoreignyuh]

goes to bed crying, wakes up crying even harder. this week i've been so on edge and i'm so past my breaking point. i'm not okay. my dad doesn't want me, he doesn't 'understand why i'm a twenty year old college student with a nice ass car still living at home,' while he's 42 and still living at home... my best friend doesn't really seem to care and i feel like she's basically drifting away. my boyfriend, he's really, really, really amazing. but he scares me the most, no i scare me the most. i have the worst trust issues probably on this planet, they're destroyed. gone. and they make me jealous so easily. you like a picture of one girl, my confidence level goes to about a negative seven hundred. i hate myself so much for it. and finally, what set me off the most.. the guy who sexually assaulted me in september contacted me again telling me that all i'm good for is sex, and i believe it. i'm not good enough if it doesn't evolve sex, never have, and probably never will be.

[califoreignyuh]

i spend most of my days crying because i'm not good enough and i never will be

[califoreignyuh]

i've been hurt so many time this week that i'm at the edge of my breaking point once again

[califoreignyuh]

it sucks when your bestfriend hurts you more than a guy does

[califoreignyuh]

scared. upset. alone.

[califoreignyuh]

my extremely low confidence levels, high jealousy rate, and hard trust issues are probably going to ruin my relationship 

[califoreignyuh]

i finally did it, i finally broke down and hurt myself again. why?! i honestly have no idea. i'm the happiest i've ever been, yet i get so sad. my boyfriend is definitely too good for me and my friends are amazing, but busy. sometimes i just feel so alone to the point where i just don't feel at all. maybe that's why i did it, maybe i just wanted to feel something for once. but the scary thing is.. i didn't even feel myself doing it