the shortest order
gift for @separatefictions
A/N: merry christmas and a happy new year lauren! i hope your holidays have been great and that you enjoy the fic.
(shout out to nai aka @hiddenpolkadots for all the help with the desi knowledge <3)
pretending to be in love with james potter would be hard for lily evans… except for the small fact that she’s pretty certain she’s been in love with him since sixth year anyway.
rating: G (some swearing)
word count: 4,600
28th December, 5.31pm
The door slams shut behind them and they’re thrust into the dark, until James whispers lumos and the cupboard is flooded with dim light. In the dark, Lily hadn’t realised how small the cupboard is but, now she can see, she realises that she and Potter’s chests are separated by mere inches. He grins down at her, “Alright, Evans?”
“Never better.” She smiles back up at him, cheeks still flushed from sprinting.
“Shoes?”
She raises the shoes so he can see them. “Check.”
“Merlin, we’re good at this.” James says, “Think I might have to employ you as my fake girlfriend for the next family wedding.”
“Fake?” Without realising it, they’ve moved closer, the shoes squashed between them.
“Well…” Lily can feel herself flushing as James’ head tilts down towards her. Before he can finish his sentence, the door is flung open and they jump apart, Lily’s back crashing into the wall.
Two weeks earlier, 1.21pm
It’s the last week of term and the castle has been transformed into a winter wonderland. The suits of armour sing christmas carols when you walk past them, branches of holly have made it impossible to touch the bannisters without being pricked, mistletoe has infested the halls and Peeves has taken to pelting snowballs at anyone who tries to enter the Great Hall. Even the Head’s small and cramped office has been decorated, tinsel everywhere you look.They’ve been struggling to find anything beneath the explosion of red, silver and gold.
Lily is looking for her Transfiguration essay when she finds the letter. It’s addressed simply to ‘Evans’ and she recognises James’ messy scrawl immediately. She gives up searching for her essay and collapses onto the sofa she and the Marauders had managed to squeeze in through the portrait hole, breaking the letter’s seal.
Dear Evans,
It has come to my mother’s attention that I do not have a girlfriend. Now, this would not be a problem, except for the fact that a month ago my mother told my aunt I had a girlfriend. Said aunt is going to be at my cousin’s wedding during the christmas holidays and, without consulting me, my mother told her she would be able to meet my girlfriend at this wedding. You might have picked up on my dilemma.
I cannot not go to this wedding. Not only would I become a pariah in my family, but also I would actually like to attend because it’s one of my favourite cousins. I also cannot attend this wedding without a girlfriend. My aunt is very excited to meet my girlfriend and my mother has implied that there’s a high risk of bodily harm if I show up without one.
Usually I would just stick Sirius in a dress and be done with it. My entire family know Sirius though and therefore I need an actual female. (Peter and Remus don’t share Sirius’ legs or facial structure so would just look odd in a dress and are both going away with their families anyway.)
So, Miss Evans, I would like to formally invite you to be my fake girlfriend to my cousin’s wedding. I will be waiting in the Great Hall at lunch to hear your response.
Your Sincerely,
James Potter
Lily has to read the letter a few more times until she finally comes to grips with what exactly James is saying. Once she has, she checks her watch to make sure it’s lunch, folds the letter up and marches calmly out of the office, heading to the Great Hall. She fails to dodge the snowball Peeves aims at her and barely manages to reach the safety of the Hall before he throws another. The snow has soaked her back and she grabs one of the towels just inside the doors, stacked there since the Bloody Baron failed in persuading Peeves to stop, and wraps it around her, the enchantment Madame Pomfrey placed on them warming her up immediately.
The Gryffindor table is half full and Lily spots the Marauders easily, hunched over what is most likely the morning’s crossword. None of them look up until she pokes her head in between Remus and Sirius.
“Lily! Just the person we need. Eight down, nine letters, what ‘muggle television programme features a witch who can perform magic with her nose’? Last letter is D.” Peter looks expectantly at her.
“Bewitched.” She answers, looking at James who is staring firmly into the remains of his lunch. “It’s American. She flies on a broomstick as well.”
Sirius snorts. “I’d love to see her at the World Cup.”
“I actually came over to fetch James. There’s some stuff to sort out about students who are staying at school over the holidays, and I need his help.” Lily smiles and waits for James to respond.
It takes a smirking Sirius reaching across the table to flick him on the forehead to get him to look up. “Better hop to it Prongs.” Evidently, the other Marauders know, otherwise they wouldn’t look so smug as James stands and walks in step with Lily towards the doors. It’s endearing, the way he refuses to look up from the ground, eyes so firmly trained there he doesn’t see the snowball flying at him. It hits him squarely in the stomach and James doubles over, winded. Peeves cackles, already preparing to launch a second one.
“We’re meant to have an alliance!” James shouts, straightening and then ducking quickly so the second snowball only brushes his shoulder.
“I never signed a contract!” Peeves yells back. Responding maturely, James flips him the middle finger and then dodges the next snowball before beginning to run, weaving across to the stairs, with Lily close behind. Once they’re half way up the stairs, Peeves’ attention turns to a group of bundled up Hufflepuffs who have just walked in through the doors, a slight frosting of snow already on their shoulders, and Lily and James able to slow down.
They’re silent until they reach the office, James standing back to let Lily climb through first.
“Evans -”
“Potter -” They both start at the same time, Lily perched on his desk and James faltering just inside the entrance. “It’s pretty archaic to ask someone out with a letter, you know.” She continues when he waves for her to go on.
He runs a hand through his hair. “Easier than doing it face to face though. More efficient too, less stuttering. Besides, it’s really just asking for a favour.”
“To be your fake girlfriend.”
“Exactly.” He smiles weakly.
“And what, exactly, will being your fake girlfriend entail?”
James shrugs. “Telling all my family we’ve been going out for a while, that I’m a great boyfriend, maybe holding hands. Pretending to be hopelessly in love with me. I haven’t really worked out the logistics yet.”
“That’s a tall order.” Lily taps her nails on the desktop. “What’s in it for me?”
“Free food, my charming company, and I’ll split the bet money with you.” This sparks Lily’s interest, and James can clearly tell because he grins and continues. “Sirius bet 15 galleons you would say no.”
“Well then… I guess I have to say yes.” Lily says, fighting back a smile as James laughs.
“Evans, you are wonderful. Simply brilliant.” He sweeps her up in a hug and the smile wins, her arms tightening around his neck as he spins her round once. “Absolute saviour. Mother would have killed me if I turned up alone.” He sets her down and she feigns smoothing down her robes, looking at her feet, waiting for her cheeks to lose their flush.
“I guess we better go tell Sirius the bad news.”
“He’ll be gutted. Gutted.”
24th December, 11.57am
Lily’s in the middle of cursing the phone for waking her up when her mum calls up the stairs to tell her it’s for her. She groans, wraps the duvet round her shoulders and slouches down to the phone. Mrs Evans has left it off the hook and Lily picks it up, not waiting for the person on the other end of the line to speak before speaking. “Damn Remus for teaching you how to use a phone.”
“Morning Evans!” James doesn’t sound the least bit affronted by her tone and she hates him for it.
“What do you want now?” He’s been calling all week to talk about the wedding and, Lily can’t deny it, it’s been nice. They’ve planned a back story, come up with dates and memories - most of which are all true, except they’ve removed the other Gryffindor seventh years from the stories. But, this is the second time he’s woken her up and Lily is not a morning person. Not until the 25th anyway.
“No red.”
“What?”
“You can’t wear red. You haven’t already bought a dress have you? Merlin, tell me it’s not red.” He sounds worried. Lily decides to take advantage.
“What if it was red?”
“Oh Merlin, no. You’ve got to take it back. Please. I’ll give you all the bet money. I’ll -” He goes on and Lily smiles to herself, waiting until he takes a breath to interrupt.
“It’s not red.”
“Oh, you cheeky fuck. I can’t -”
“Why no red?”
“Only the bride wears red. Hindu wedding remember.” She had remembered. She just hadn’t ever considered a bride wearing anything other than white.
“No red. Got it. Can I go back to bed now?”
“You’re going to go back to bed?” You’re up, have some breakfast, do some work -”
“Bye Potter.” Lily hangs up on his laughter and trudges back up to bed.
28th December, 1pm
Lily steps out of the fireplace into an empty room and tries not to panic. She can hear music and the loud roar of voices coming from below her, but there’s no sign that she’s in the right house. Not until the door opens a second later and James steps through.
“Wow.”
“I could say the same.” Lily says, blushing as James looks her up and down. He had said he would be wearing ethnic wear, but she hadn’t known what to expect. Definitely not this. It’s a deep blue, complimenting his dark skin and hair, the latter which looks messier than usual. The design on it shimmers and Lily realises it’s moving, the pattern swirling and dancing up from the hem to the collar.
“It’s a kurta.” He says, swallowing. “You, um, you look great, Evans. You really do.”
She adjusts the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “Thanks.”
“We should probably go downstairs. If I’m any longer one of my aunts will come up to see if we’re shagging.” James holds his hand out. “Ready?”
“If only they knew my standards were so much higher.” Lily says, taking his hand. She fails at ignoring how his big hand completely engulfs hers, at how warm his skin is, at how comfortable she feels with her shoulder brushing his.
They run through their story as they make their way down the hall, Lily only half paying attention because she’s still distracted by how good he looks and surprised by the butterflies in her stomach. It’s not like this is real. His parents know she’s not really his girlfriend, just a friend doing him a favour. She’s only here to save face. She’s just pretending to be in love with him. Except she’s not and she really does love him. Has since sixth year. At least that small fact will make it easy. No acting involved. Just pain at the end of the wedding, when she has to leave and they go back to being friends. Lily sighs, and just as James is about to ask her if everything is okay, they reach the bottom of the stairs and become mobbed by several old ladies who all have James’ nose.
“Everyone, this is Lily, my girlfriend. Lily, this is -” They all surge forwards to hug her, telling her their names and how beautiful she looks, one woman tugging on a strand of hair and asking if she uses the family product. For the next ten minutes, it’s the same. James introducing her to family, Lily forgetting every name as soon as she’s told it, everyone telling James how lucky he is, people offering her food and champagne. It’s a whirlwind of colour and Lily just holds onto James’ hand and lets him guide her, smiling and nodding and saying hello and admiring the women’s saris, thinking how drab she looks next to them.
“Are you at Hogwarts with -”
“How old are -”
“What do you want to do -”
“Where were you -”
“He must buy you such -”
“So pale! Have you never -”
“Oh! James! You lucky -”
“You must meet -”
“Did he ask you out or -”
“Is he a good boyfriend -”
“Where did you guys meet? At -”
“Find seats for the -”
“Have you tried this -”
“Does he treat you -”
“What do you parents -”
Lily tries to answer every question, faltering only when James lets go of her hand to put his arm around her waist instead. Immediately Lily flushes.
“Aw! Poor girl has gone red -”
“Young love, so -”
They are saved by a tall lady who sweeps through to stand next to James. “It is not my son’s wedding today. Stop pestering him. Go finish off the firewhiskey.” The women, who Lily had picked up where James’ aunts and older cousins, roll their eyes but bustle off, leaving the fake couple with, whom Lily has realised is, none other than Euphemia Potter herself. James has her lips and none of her elegance.
“You must be Lily.” Euphemia looks her up and down and smiles. “One couldn’t ask for a better fake date, could you dularchan?”
James runs a hand through his hair, avoiding Lily’s eyes. “No, I couldn’t.”
“Stop messing your hair, idiot boy. You’d never know my husband produced hair products the way you look.” She swipes his hand away from his head and shudders. “I wish you had your brother’s sense of… finesse.”
“Sirius doesn’t have any finesse, mum, he’s just got a brown nose.” James is pouting and Lily smiles, used to James’ petulant side.
“Now, have you introduced Lily to my sister? She’s the reason you had to have a fake girlfriend in the first place.” Euphemia shakes her head. “Always boasting about how her perfect her daughter-in-law is. She thinks James can’t get a girlfriend. He can’t -”
“Mum!”
“-but she doesn’t need to know that.”
“I think James said she was the women staring at us and turning her nose up.” Lily says.
“That would make sense.” Euphemia scans the room. “There she is! Come on!” James barely has time to groan before his mother is whisking them across the room.
28th December, 2.10pm
“You do know you’re staring, don’t you.” The voice behind her makes her jump and Lily snaps around. Sirius smirks down at her. “Caught red handed.”
Lily rolls her eyes. “What are you on about?”
“You. You’re staring at James. Haven’t taken your eyes off him in fact.” He nods over to where James has been trapped by two younger cousins, demanding he perform tricks for them with his wand. Lily frowns.
“Am not.”
“What a solid defence, you’ve really proven your innocence there, congratulations.” He ruffles her hair, smug, and she elbows him in the side.
“You’re just jealous because I’m getting all the attention. You can’t handle it.”
“There’s a difference between wanting attention and having a death wish, Evans.” Sirius leans back against the pillar Lily had been sort of hiding next to. “I’ve been camping out in the kitchen. No nosy aunts or judging uncles in there. Plus the food hasn’t been touched by anyone yet.”
“You’re such a snob.”
“Good hygiene is not snobbish.”
“Whatever.” Lily looks back at James, unconsciously smiling as he magicks a bouquet of flowers.
“You’re staring again.”
“Oh, sod off.”
28th December, 4pm
People have begun to file into the wedding hall where the ceremony is being held and Lily and James join the queue, holding hands. When they get to the entrance they take their shoes off, Lily using James’ arm as support as she slides her heels off.
“Merlin’s beard Evans.”
“What?” She asks defensively.
“You’re a complete midget.” James looks her up and down again and snorts, slipping his owns shoes off and taking her hand again.
“I am not! I’m above average! You’re just…” she waves her hand at his body, searching for the word, “ridiculous. You’ve got giant genes.”
“Don’t let my aunts here you say that, they’ll take it personally.” James smirks and squeezes her hand. “Don’t worry, it’s cute.”
28th December, 4.20pm
The queue moves quickly forwards and they find seats, Lily putting her bag on the one next to her to save it for Sirius. A canopy has been built at the front of the room with a fire in the middle.
“That’s the mandap, that’s where they’ll actually get married.” James says, leaning in towards her. “The four poles represent the universe. All of the elements are represented in there. The fire is considered a witness, and it symbolises illumination of knowledge and happiness.”
“Wow. It’s beautiful.”
James doesn’t get a chance to reply because, just as Sirius collapses gracefully onto the saved seat, someone hushes the room and the ceremony begins.
“This is a purification ritual…” James whispers softly, shoulder brushing hers, telling Lily about the prayers and garlands, leaving Lily in awe, both at the ceremony’s beauty and at how the warmth of his breath on her neck makes her want to tear off his kurta and do things she should definitely not be thinking about during a wedding. “…this is kanyadaan, our weddings aren’t contractual, they are a sacrament…” The ceremony goes on and James falls silent at parts, listening, praying with them, continuing his explanation again when the bride and groom begin to circle the fire. “This is sapta padi, they’re making vows to each other. Each circle around the fire is a step. Destiny, family, nourishment, constancy, fidelity, respect and unity. It’s their commitment to each other.” With every step the couple takes, flowers blossom behind them, blooming a different colour with every circle. “That bit only happens at the wizard weddings.” The seven steps finish and a shimmering shawl appears above the couple, floating down to cover them. “This is one of the most sacred parts of the ceremony. It’s so intimate, we’re not allowed to see it. The groom is placing red powder, sindoor, along the bride’s parting, they’re completely devoted to each other, it’s a symbol of the union.”
Sirius leans across Lily. “Means it’s almost over as well. You ready to run?”
“You get them?” James asks. Lily looks between them, clueless.
“He didn’t even notice.” Sirius points at his feet and Lily and James look down. A pair of shoes are tucked between his bare feet.
“Am I missing something?”
“Yes. And so is the groom.” James smirks, fist bumping Sirius. Someone behind them shushes them. The couple have appeared and the shawl that was covering them explodes into hundreds of pink petals, showering the couple. “It’s over.” James says. The parents of the couple wave their wands and rice streams out of them, showering them along with the petals.
“They’re gone!” One of the groom’s brothers shouts and laughter spreads across the room. The groom smacks his hand to his head.
“Did you steal his shoes? You can’t do that!” Lily whispers, smacking Sirius on the shoulder.
“It’s tradition Evans.” James says with a soothing hand on her shoulder.
“And pay day.” Sirius grins, subtly picking the shoes up and tucking them into the waistband of his trousers, beneath his own deep blue kurta. “As far as they know, the girls have stolen them. So all we have to do, is get out -”
“Accio shoes!” The groom shouts, wand lifted. The shoes fly from Sirius’ waistband, almost smacking him in the chin, and shoot across the room. Before they make it though one James’ cousins leaps up and snatches them from the air, not waiting for them to stop tugging out of her grip before he she starts running.
“Go go go.” James says, lips inches away from her ear. Lily blinks, barely aware of Sirius tugging her out of the row of seats, still focused on her tingling ear. Then they’re in the aisle and running after the small crowd of the bride’s cousins, closely chased by the groomsmen. Outside the hall there’s a hurried plan formulated and then they’re all running in different directions. James grabs Lily’s hand and they sprint off towards the garden, only stopping when they duck behind a large shrub. James bends over, catching his breath. Lily flops to the floor, not noticing her skirt rise up. “Usually, the shoes are hidden. Then the groomsmen have to find them. Because, the groom can’t leave the mandap with different shoes. He’ll pay to get them back.” He looks up from the floor. “It’s trad- oh, fuck, Evans.” James points feebly. Lily looks down and blushes, hurrying to push her skirt down from where it has ridden up. At least she’s wearing nice knickers. James turns around, as if to give her privacy, but Lily suspects that might not be the only reason.
“Fun tradition.” She says weakly.
One of the cousins appears, holding the shoes out. “Run.” She says, thrusting them into James’ hand and then darting off down the garden. Lily and James wait until the groomsmen have followed her before slipping from behind the shrub and sneaking back into the house.
“Good trick.” Lily says.
“Oldie but goodie.” James replies, leading her up the stairs. Before they reach the top, another groomsman appears above them.
“Shoes! There!” He yells, before beginning to run down the stairs towards them.
“Fuck. Go go go.” James passes the shoes to Lily and the turn around, taking the steps three at a time until they hit the bottom, James almost skidding over. “Through the kitchen.” He pants, looking over his shoulder. They run through the kitchen, take a left, through a room Lily catches a long enough look at to figure out is the dining room and then take the back stairs up, James pushing her in through the first door they come to. It’s a large bedroom, full of travel trunks and presents.
“Cupboard. In here.” Lily points, noticing the door.
The door slams shut behind them and they’re thrust into the dark, until James whispers lumos and the cupboard is flooded with dim light. In the dark, Lily hadn’t realised how small the cupboard is but, now she can see, she realises that she and Potter’s chests are separated by mere inches. He grins down at her, “Alright, Evans?”
“Never better.” She smiles back up at him, cheeks still flushed from sprinting.
“Shoes?”
She raises the shoes so he can see them. “Check.”
“Merlin, we’re good at this.” James says, “Think I might have to employ you as my fake girlfriend for the next family wedding.”
“Fake?” Without realising it, they’ve moved closer, the shoes squashed between them.
“Well…” Lily can feel herself flushing as James’ head tilts down towards her. Before he can finish his sentence, the door is flung open and they jump apart, Lily’s back crashing into the wall.
28th December, 6pm
Once the groom has divided out the money, Lily finds some seats and collapses thankfully, waiting for James to join her after congratulating the newlyweds. He loops his arm around her when he does and grins. She doesn’t point out the fact that no one is interrogating them so no pretence is needed, and he doesn’t seem to mind.
“All in all, not too bad.” James says, stretching his legs out. “Proved my aunt wrong, got diabetes, and made some money.”
“We probably shouldn’t sit so near the food.” Lily laughs, knowing that she won’t be able to eat for at least a week after all the sweets she’s been stuffed with.
He snorts “You do realise they serve dinner, right? You can’t get away from the food.”
“Whatever.” Lily rests her head on his shoulder. “I’m going to have a nap.”
The kiss he plants on her forehead is so soft, Lily is sure she imagines it.
28th December, 6.30pm
“Merlin’s beard, I can’t believe you actually let me sleep.” Lily jerks her head up and checks her face for drool. Then she punches his shoulder.
James just smiles. “You seemed pretty determined to have a nap.”
“We’re at a wedding! You can’t just fall asleep at a wedding. It’s rude!”
“No one noticed. They’re too busy dancing.” He gestures at the rest of the guests who are, as he rightly said, on the dance floor, dancing to music Lily has only ever heard James and Sirius play. He takes his arm from her shoulder and stands up. “Speaking of dancing…”
“No way. Piss off, am I -” He pulls her up, ignoring her protests, and drags her onto the dancefloor. “I can’t dance! I’m not drunk enough!”
James pulls one of the levitating trays over and hands her a glass of firewhiskey. “Better change that then.”
28th December, 11pm
She says goodbye to Sirius and James’ parents, then they slip out and walk hand in hand to the edge of the protective field. It’s cold and Lily shivers, cursing England for freezing winters without snow.
“I’d offer you my coat but… kurtas don’t come equipped for these situations.” James says, softly rubbing one hand up her arm.
“I’m sure I’ll manage. Witches don’t always need their bo- fake boyfriends coats.” She smiles. “Thank you for today. It was fun.”
“I should be thanking you. You saved me skin, Evans, as you always do.”
“What are friends for?”
“About that…” James runs a hand through his hair and looks at the floor. “You’re great, Evans… like really great. And I love being friends with you. I really do. But. Tonight was, well, tonight was amazing…”
Lily forces a laugh. “Are you fake breaking up with me, Potter?”
“No!” He scuffs his foot through the grass. “I’m trying to tell you I’m in love with you.” He says the words so quickly, she’s sure she misheard him. “I know you said you would rather date the giant squid than me -”
“Potter, shut up.” She slips her hand around his neck and pulls him down.
Lily has thought about kissing James Potter a lot. When she’s sleeping, when she’s bored, when she’s in bed, when she’s in class inches away from him, when she’s eating, when she’s in the library, when they were in the cupboard. She’s imagined it so many times, but never considered it actually happening. The reality though, is so much better than any of her day dreams. His lips are soft and he pulls her flush to his chest, warm hands gripping onto her waist, almost as if he can’t believe it’s really happening either and he needs to ground himself.
When their lips part he rests his forehead on hers and smiles, bigger than she’s ever seen him smile before. “Evans. You know you’re perfect, don’t you?”
“Had an inkling I was, yeah.” She laughs breathlessly and gives him a soft kiss. “I’m in love with you too, by the way. Just in case you were wondering.”
“Best late Christmas present ever.” James says. Then, he kisses her again and she forgets about everything else but kissing the boy she loves.
