#severus lives

[juderuo]

Quick sketch of another old serverus. I imagine the further removed he gets from Hogwarts the less colors hold the associations they used to. Maybe he never wears t-shirts, but he doesn’t wear black all the time and doesn’t think twice about wearing something red.

[outsidetherain6070]

At Last, Chapter 1: New Life

Fandom: Harry Potter Pairing: Severus Snape x OC Chapter Rating: 16+ (Mention of suicide) 4,175 words Chapter Masterlist

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Chapter 1: New Life

Answering a job ad in the Daily Prophet on a whim, Stella Rosenbaum lands her dream job, in her dream location. When Severus Snape greets her at the castle door, she's convinced she's also met her dream man.

********

Thursday, 17th August 2000  

Professor Severus Snape strode through the empty halls of Hogwarts, having been summoned unexpectedly to the Headmistress's office.  With the start of the new school year still a few weeks away, the castle halls were devoid of the usual mirthful cacophany.  He'd returned to the castle from his home in Cokeworth a few days ago, preferring as usual to return a few weeks before the summer holiday ended. He relished taking advantage of a quiet castle to prepare his classroom and office for the coming term; no rowdy students disturbing the peace, no insipid small talk with colleagues to avoid. The other professors typically started straggling in a few days before start of lessons.  For now, Hogwarts was inhabited only by himself, Headmistress McGonagall, Hagrid, and Filch the squib caretaker.

   He approached the large stone gargoyle which concealed the spiral staircase leading to the Headmistress's office, and gave the password in his deep baritone: "Sherbet lemon."  Though in her second year as Headmisstress, Minerva had opted to keep the old password set by Albus as a small tribute to her beloved friend and mentor.  Severus found the gesture touching, even if it did reconstitute the ache in his soul each time he had to say it.

   The gargoyle slowly rotated, revealing the twisting stone steps, and he made his way up to Minerva's office, knocking softly on the door.  

   "Oh, Severus.  Do come in.  I'm afraid I have a favour to ask of you."

   He took a seat across from her at the desk.  Whatever her favour might be, he could say with profound certainty that the previous Headmaster had asked much, much more of him.

   "Yes?"

   "I've been called into London just now on very short notice.  The Ministry needs me to report on some school business.  Nothing to worry about, but it is urgent.  I won't be here to greet our new Music professor. She arrives tomorrow afternoon from New York.  Hagrid will be collecting her from Hogsmeade around two o'clock. Knowing him, he will insist on taking her for a drink at the pub, so I would expect her no earlier than three. Would you please make her feel welcome?  Show her around, take her to her chambers."

   Severus tried not to let his annoynance show on his face.  He didn't fancy playing tour-guide. "Of course."

   Having known Severus since he was a child, Minerva knew he wasn't exactly the gregarious sort; his serious disposition and dry remarks could often leave others a bit on edge. She gave him a knowing look.  "Please, Severus.  Do make her feel at home.  She's a lovely woman and will be travelling quite far.  The castle will be empty and I don't want her to feel lonely."

   Severus raised an eyebrow.  "You seem to have little faith in my... congeniality." 

   Minerva smiled, her eyes warm.

   "I have all the faith in the world in you, dear." 

 ********

Friday, 18th August 2000

   The portkey trip was quick, but dreadful, as usual. Stella found herself at the Hogsmeade Portkey Depot feeling as though she'd just tumbled over Niagara falls in a barrel.  Everyone always said portkey travel became easier the more you did it, but she'd never found that to be true.  Her head swimming, she found a wall to lean against and breathed deeply, willing the nausea to disappear.

   "Yeh must be Miss Rosenbaum!" a cheery voice rang out.  A very tall, broad, bushy-bearded man with a friendly smile and sparkling dark brown eyes walked over and stuck out his giant hand.  "Rubeus Hagrid, pleased t' meet yeh. I teach Care o' Magical Creatures at Hogwarts." 

   She smiled back at him and placed her hand in his massive paw; his handshake was suprisingly gentle for such a large bloke.  "Stella, nice to meet you. Thank you for picking me up."

   "Oh it were no trouble, no trouble a'tall! How was yer trip?  Yeh look a might bit peaky if I'm bein' honest."

   "Oh, I'll be alright.  Portkey travel always makes me a little nauseous."

   "Well, tain't nothin' better fer that than a nice cold gingerbeer!  C'mon, let's get yeh sat down in the pub and yeh'll be feelin' mint in nowt time a'tall!"  

   Five minutes later Stella found herself at a table with Hagrid in The Three Broomsticks, watching a sheer layer of ice crystals lace their way around the glass of cold gingerbeer in front of her.  She looked around as the dizziness gradually subsided, taking in the warm ambiance.  The pub was shabby in a cosy kind of way; the furniture weathered, the lighting dim. At the bar, the witch bartender was scourgifying the counter as a bottle of ale poured itself into a pint glass nearby. Two old men in a corner were deeply engrossed in a game of Wizard's chess; she watched as one of the game pieces smashed another into bits.  Everyone around her was dressed in robes, long dresses, and cloaks.  She took a deep breath and let it out with a small, happy sigh.  It was so good to be back in the wizarding world after so many years.  

 ********

   Severus observed as a gaggle of house-elves nimbly moved the mountain of trunks into the vacant teachers' chambers on the fifth floor of the castle.  How many trunks could one person possibly need?  It must have cost her a fortune to have them all delivered.

   The new Music professor was due later that afternoon.  He recalled Minerva's panic when, with impeccable timing, Filius had announced his retirement just two days after the Ministry decreed that Hogwarts was to expand its arts program, leaving her to source both a new Charms professor and someone to teach Music in a hurry.

   In the wake of the War, there had begun a sort of Wizard Rennaissance, the zeitgeist shifting from an overarching sense of dread to a renewed enjoyment of life. After so many years of uncertainty and fear, so much loss and misery, people at last felt relieved, joyous, and eager to celebrate the beautiful things in life. New shops and restaurants were opening in Hogsmeade, along with art studios, music venues, galleries, and the like.  The Ministry proposed a three-year plan to expand the arts lessons at Hogwarts, starting this year with a new Music and Dance programme.  

   Minerva had interviewed several applicants, deciding on Stella Rosenbaum, a Muggle-born witch who had experience teaching music and dance in Muggle New York.  Severus had questioned her decision to hire someone with no experience working in the wizarding world, but Minerva held firm.  Stella was a witch after all, educated at the American magical school Ilvermorny, and teaching is teaching no matter who the students are.  She had personally interviewed her and found her to be the best candidate for the job.  

   Severus respected Minerva's decision, but balked inwardly at the thought of another American teacher at Hogwarts.  They'd had an American Muggle Studies teacher last year, whom he had found entirely disagreeable. She was also Muggle-born, and was loud and brash, with a shrill Boston accent, and she refused to let students use magic in her lessons.  She insisted on wearing only Muggle clothes; baggy jeans and sweatshirts, trainers in garish colours.  Severus found it slovenly, unprofessional, almost rude; to come work at a school in the wizarding world, yet refuse to adjust to the culture even the tiniest bit.  She was overly-confident in that stereotypically American way, always the loudest in the room, always pushing her opinions as if they were the only correct ones.  He could still hear the way her nasally, grating voice echoed off the castle walls.  Luckily she had only lasted half a year, to be replaced with Beth Sterling, a Welsh woman of the quiet, bookish sort.  Beth seemed to find Severus initmidating and kept her distance.

   Bloody Yanks. She probably has one of those hideous New York accents, he thought to himself as the elves scrambled into the soon-to-be inhabited chambers with the last of the trunks.

   He thanked the elves - he was always polite to house-elves - and retreated back to the cool, quiet solitude of the dungeons, into his office, where he spent the morning busying himself in his personal potions cupboard.  The summer break had seemed to drag on endlessly.  Long, hot days spent alone at his home in Cokeworth, just trying to fill the time - and silence his thoughts. 

   He was glad to be back at Hogwarts, where at least he'd be kept busy.  The previous year, his first year back at the school after the end of the War, had not been the easiest.  Not because of the work, or anything happening at the school.  No, the wizarding world had been truly at peace for the first time in years.  But few speak about how difficult peace can for the survivors - especially those who were never meant to survive at all.

   He wasn't a stupid man by any means.  Ever the crafty potions master, he'd been carrying various remedies everywhere he went for years:  dittany of course, bottled phoenix tears, antivenom.  Nagini accompanied the Dark Lord everywhere; one could never be too careful.  But that night when the world went to hell, when the snake sunk her fangs into him so violently, Severus had made his peace with death.  Years of fighting, lying, playing both sides, and for what?  It wouldn't bring back Lily, nor Albus, nor any of the other lives so needlessly taken in a madman's pursuit for power.  He'd fulfilled his misson, had done everything in his power to atone for the bad decisions made in his troubled youth, and he did not wish to fight any more.  So, after Harry left that night, he closed his eyes and resigned himself to his fate.

   Days later, he found himself waking up in St Mungo's, his mind groggy and his body screaming in agony. As he slowly came back to life, he pieced together the story from snippets of overheard conversations.  A Hogwarts house-elf, wandering in fear after the battle, had found him barely clinging to life. Remembering that Professor Snape had always been kind to the elves, Lolly had apparated him to the magical hospital.  The staff treated him, grudgingly.  ("We only have to get the bastard well enough to stand trial," he'd overheard one nurse say.) As soon as he was strong enough, he apparated himself back to his home in Cokeworth, preferring to struggle through his recovery alone.

   His trial was over quickly. When Harry Potter himself vouches for you, there isn't much left to discuss. He had to give evidence against a number of other Death Eaters, but was himself cleared of all charges.

   A few months later, Harry gave a long interview with a respected journalist (much to the chagrin of that infamous tabloid wench, Rita Skeeter, who had been desperate to get the first scoop.) Published in papers all over the wizarding world, this would be the only time Harry spoke publicly of the events.  Severus's name was cleared, and public opinion of him warmed overnight.  Minerva contacted her old friend and asked him to return to Hogwarts, offering him the Defense Against the Dark Arts job.

   Severus agreed to return; what the hell else was he going to do?  He turned down the DADA job, not wishing to dwell on the Dark Arts any longer.  What would be the point now, anyway?  He agreed to return to his previous post as Potions Master, and was reinstated as Head of Slytherin House.  His colleagues and students all knew his story by now, and whilst he maintained the same dour demenour as before, they regarded him with a fair bit more warmth and appreciation.

   His first year back at Hogwarts passsed, for the first time in ages, without serious incident.  Severus, however, was plagued by nightmares and flashbacks more garish than ever before. They came out of nowhere, any time of the day or night, wreaking havoc on his mind as if the Dark Lord himself were inhabiting his thoughts.  Once whilst looking through his personal potions cupboard, the door had slammed shut, and the sudden loud noise jarred something in his ragged soul; his mind took him back to that night in the Shrieking Shack when Nagini had nearly killed him.  When he finally came back to reality, he was huddled on the cupboard floor, surrounded by broken glass and spilled liquids, battered and bruised from battling his own inner demons.  He was relieved that it happened in his own office, deep in the dungeons, where no one would have heard his screams.

   More difficult than the nightmares or flashbacks was the existential why of it all. He wasn't supposed to live; why was he still here?  He'd done his part; what more reason was there for him to be alive? To muddle along for the next fifty years, teaching dunderheads and playing with potions?  It all seemed so empty, so pointless.  As twisted as it seemed, playing double agent had at least given him a mission, and some sense of purpose. Now it was over. The Dark Lord was dead, but so were so many others, and so was any sense of meaning or direction in his life. He'd thought about ending it, more times than he cared to admit.  He could brew something that would do the job quickly.  He'd even gathered the ingredients on two occasions.  But ultimately, he berated himself for being too much of a coward to go through with it.  Severus Snape, the man who had helped defeat the Dark Lord, didn't have the guts to put himself out of his own misery.  Pathetic.

   It wasn't that he felt suicidal every day.  It had been early days after the War when he'd had those thoughts.  These days, there was mostly just a cold, lingering sense of... nothingness.  He went through the motions every day, teaching, grading, brewing; and that would have to be enough.  It was all he had.

 ********

   Hagrid was right; the gingerbeer did make her feel much better, and they soon made their way back to the castle.  They had a pleasant conversation as they walked, Hagrid telling her about the phoenix eggs he was incubating and inviting her to come meet his hound, Fang. Stella thought he was lovely, and hoped her other colleagues would be just as delightful.

   As they approached, the castle came into view in all its splendour.  Stella couldn't help but gasp.  It was maginficent, straight out of the fairy tales she loved as a child.  There was certainly nothing like this in America, even in the wizarding world.  No, this was the kind of maginficent place found only in Europe, heavy with history in its opulence.  And she was going to live and work here?  It seemed utterly unreal.  

   Hagrid led her through the wrought-iron entrance gates and up to the main entrance hall.  Through the doorframe she could see a cloaked figure stood, waiting.  

   "Well Professor, wonderful to meet yeh. I'll leave yeh with Professor Snape now to show yeh 'round.  Professor Snape, this here's Miss Rosenbaum.  Careful, she's a might bit queasy from the trip." 

   The man stepped out of the shadow and drew nearer.  Dressed all in black, he was tall, with long black hair that framed a distinctive face with piercing dark eyes. His voice was deep, rich; his words precisely articulated in a languid drawl. "Thank you Hagrid.  Lovely to meet you, Miss Rosenbaum.  Your trunks arrived earlier and I had the house-elves deliver them to your chambers."

   Stella's brain went into overdrive, trying to process a hundred thoughts at once.  Snape?  As in Severus Snape?  No way!  I knew he would be here but I didn't expect- My god, he's gorgeous. And good lord, that voice.  That's the sexiest thing I've ever-"

   She tried desperately to remain composed, hoping her racing thoughts didn't show on her face.  "Please, call me Stella.  Thank you, it's lovely to meet you, too."  

   Severus took the hand she offered and shook it lightly.  Her voice was gentle, with a clear, smooth timbre and lower tone.  Her accent, whilst undeniably American, had none of the nasal monotone he expected from a New Yorker.  It was softer; he couldn't quite place it.

   He took in her appearance, his mind quickly filing away the minute details. Over the years his skill of keen observation had been key to his survival, and though the war had ended, the habit pesisisted. 

   Young, he thought. Pretty.  Not a judgment, just an observation.  Fair clear skin, golden blonde hair styled in neat waves about her shoulders. Dark blue eyes.  Nice figure. Merely an observation. Dressed in a calf-length, wine-coloured pencil skirt which flared slightly out at the knee, with matching blouse.  Form-fitting but impeccably tailored. Black pumps.  Nails manicured in a matching shade. Black handbag in her left hand.  Tasteful makeup. The style was a bit reminiscent of women in the classic Hollywood Muggle films his mother used to watch.  Not exactly the traditional-style wizarding robes many of the Hogwarts staff wore, but not entirely out of place.  Certainly more professional than his previous American colleague had ever presented.  

   "I hope your journey was not too taxing?"

   The slow, deep drawl of his voice was like warm honey, Stella thought, and she smiled, giving a slight chuckle.  "Portkey travel is always taxing for me, unfortunately."

   "I see.  Let me show you to your chambers then.  The castle is quite empty at the moment, so you'll have a quiet place to recover."

   Stella thanked him, and he turned to head down one of the long corridors.  She followed alongside him, taking in the glory of the castle with wonderment, feeling rather like a Muggle child on their first trip to Disneyworld. 

   "As you are the first new member of staff to arrive, I've taken the liberty of giving you the best of the available chambers.  They are located on the fifth floor.  There are a lot of stairs, but mercifully, the Headmistress has allowed us use of a staff transport system.  There are various points around the castle we may apparate to and from.  The previous Headmaster had not allowed apparition at Hogwarts, even by staff, but Minerva has wisely decided to relax that rule.  It has been a godsend, to be honest.  No more climbing hundreds of stairs every day."

   Stella noted how his voice (my god, that voice!) went a bit softer at his mention of the previous Headmaster.  He mentioned it casually, as if she didn't know about Albus Dumbledore, or his connection with Severus Snape.  She knew all about it of course - there wasn't a single witch or wizard who didn't - but still, she had a million questions she didn't dare ask.  

   "This place is incredible.  I really can't believe I'm here."

   "It is, truly, a beautiful place.  Here we are, we can apparate closer to your chambers from here."  He indicated a small alcove set into the wall, and they stepped inside.  He offered his arm, "As you aren't yet familiar with the location."  She linked her arm in his, and in a flash they were standing in a different alcove, in another part of the castle.  

   "Your chambers are just down the corridor." Stella followed him down the hall to an ornate wooden door; a beautiful carved design on it resembled a trellis of climbing roses.  Stella pushed open the door and stepped inside.

   "Welcome home, Miss Rosenbaum.  I hope it is to your liking."

   Stella gazed around the room, eagerly taking in the details of her beautiful new home.

"These chambers have an extra bedroom, a full kitchen, a balcony, and a view of the lake.  They were the most spacious of the available ones... which is lucky for you, considering the number of trunks that were delivered earlier." He cocked one eyebrow slightly as he delivered the final line.

   Stella laughed softly. "Sorry about that. I... have a lot of clothes. Kind of an addiction, really. But there are worse addictions to have, I guess."

   "I see. Well I'm sure you would appreciate some time to get settled. If you feel hungry, the house elves will be happy to oblige. The one assigned to you is called Pinky. Just speak her name into your wand and she will appear."

   "Wow, I really am back in the magical world."

   "Indeed. Perhaps tomorrow I can show you around properly. Shall I meet you here at noon?"

   "Sure, that would be great, thank you."

   "My pleasure. Do get some rest." He left, closing the door softly behind him. Stella listened to his footsteps growing fainter as he walked down the corridor.

   When she could be sure he was no longer near, Stella leaned back against the door and took a deep breath, finally able to drop the facade of composure she'd been so desperately trying to maintain. Oh. My. GOD.  Was it lingering queasiness from the trip, or did she actually have butterflies...?  Butterflies, for sure. Something her Granny used to say sprang to mind: You want a spoon full of that sugar, don'tcha? Ahh, Granny, never at a loss for words.  She took a deep breath in and out and shook off the dreaminess, willing herself to go back to reality.  

   She decided she should explore her new chambers. She eyed her trunks stacked up in the middle of the living room floor. She was going to see him again tomorrow; she'd better find something nice to wear.

 ********

   Severus returned to his office, planning to continue organising his personal stores. His new colleague wasn't quite what he had thought she might be, but had been a pleasant enough surprise. She seemed tolerable enough, not overly exuberant or irritating as expected. And, if he were frank, she was... quite easy on the eyes. Not that it mattered; he would remain professional of course, no matter what.

   He wondered what had brought her here to Scotland. Why she had been in the Muggle world for so long. Perhaps he would ask her tomorrow. But perhaps not. He did not wish to bother her with endless questions.

   Had he been personable enough? Minerva did ask him to make her feel at home. Perhaps he shouldn't have left her alone in her chambers so soon? Social niceties had never been his strong suit. He barely tolerated most people and found socialising tiresome. His dry wit was often mistaken for rudeness by those who did not know him well - which, in truth, was most people.

   He'd made the remark about her trunks; had she been offended? Tomorrow he should endeavour to keep his dry remarks in check.

   He resumed taking stock of his potions cupboard, wondering vaguely why he even cared what she might of him.

********

   Stella dug through her handbag, locating the enchanted cellphone that she'd sorted before her big move across the pond; a way for her to keep in contact with those she had left in the Muggle world. (Though she'd have to start calling it a mobile now, she supposed.) She flopped dramatically down on the massive four-poster bed which was now hers, calling the first person in her speed-dial list.

   Three rings, then an answer: "Moshi moshi!"

   "Moshi moshi, Mikey-chan!" She greeted her friend.

   "Stella Belle! How's the wizarding world, babydoll?"

   "Magical, babe!" She'd only left New York earlier that morning; still, it was good to hear Mikey's voice. Since meeting as first year Ilvermorny students, it was rare that she went more than a few days without speaking to her best friend. "I just got in a few hours ago. This place is unreal! And you'll never guess who met me at the castle door."

   "The man of your dreams?" Mikey teased.

   "You might actually be right... it was a certain Professor Snape."

   Mikey gasped. "Nooooo way!"

   "Yes, babe. And oh my god Mikey, he's gorgeous."

   "Really?"

   "Really. You know how you always say I only like older men, men with big noses, or goth guys? Mikeyyyy... He's the whole damn holy trinity."

   Mikey giggled excitedly. It was true. Stella really had a type. They'd spent many a night in New York nightclubs, and she'd inevitably end up dancing with the most goth-looking guy in the place. He always teased her about her love of pale goth boys and said she'd end up marrying Trent Reznor.

   "Giiiirl!"

   "But that's not even the best part. Mikey... when he spoke to me, I thought my soul had left my body. His voiiiiice. It's sooooo hot."

   Mikey laughed. "You're lying in bed kicking your feet right now aren't you?"

   "Maaaaaybe..."

   Mikey laughed again. "Well, is he single?"

   "Surely not. A man like that?"

   "You forget not everyone shares your unique taste, Stella Belle."

   "True. Well, I'm seeing him again tomorrow. He's going to show me around. I need your help; what the hell should I wear???"

 ********

Chapter 2: Beautiful Day

[somesnapefan2]

#20, 21, and 22 for Snape asks🥺

(the first post of this was a draft I posted by mistake. Sorry, but imagine my shock when I found the same post (that was posted) in my draft.)

20: After the Battle of Hogwarts, the wizarding world was left in tatters. Among the fallen and the wounded, Severus Snape survived Nagini's attack with the help of an anti-venom. Weakened and weary, he managed to escape the chaos, disappearing into the shadows to hide away from the world that had brought him so much pain.

For years, Severus remained hidden, his whereabouts known to no other. During this time, he immersed himself in his true passion: potion-making. He set up a small potion laboratory in a remote corner of the magical world, hidden away from familiar eyes. There, he brewed beautifully crafted potions, delving into ancient texts and experimenting with new ingredients.

Severus, once the feared Potions Master of Hogwarts, now found solace and purpose in the quiet art of potion-making. He spent his days concocting remedies for various ailments and ailments, perfecting his skills in solitude. His potions became renowned for their efficacy, whispered about in hushed tones among those who knew where to find him.

The shop became a haven for potion enthusiasts and those seeking unconventional remedies. Severus, although reserved, found a renewed sense of purpose in sharing his knowledge. His carefully crafted potions lined the shelves, each vial hinting at his expertise.

21: while Severus had a lot of turning points in his life, I feel like both his parents dying and inheriting their small and broken house was definitely a personal one for him.

22: along with lily, it was minvera; not only was she his teacher and collage but she was definitely a friend and a mother figure for Severus

[sevfanfic]

“Venus in her shell was never so lovely, and Diana in the forest never so graceful as my Lady when she strides through Paris.”

[wellpresseddaisy]

A Kinder End

Because change is possible, with the right impetus. Eventually (look, they're both appalling bigots in the books, but as they're not Bellatrix level of bonkers, there's a possibility).

"Do you hate him?" Narcissa asked quietly, voice still strained from the smoke and dust of battle. She stared out the drawing room window but barely saw the garden. Summer blooms waved gently, their sweet scents wafted in on a cool, twilight breeze. 

"You need to be more specific, darling." Lucius answered from where he sprawled across a sofa, an arm thrown over his eyes. "There are so many to choose from."

"Severus." Her voice broke a bit, and she swallowed. "Do you hate him for…" she couldn't finish.

"How could I, Cissa, when I'd have done the same if it was you? He was a true Slytherin and I'd rather grieve my friend than hate him."

She only just made out the last sentence and clutched her shawl tight around her shoulders. "You would have?"

"What would you have done if it was Andromeda?"

"I'd have burned the world to the ground for her." She rather surprised herself with her own vehemence. She'd thought...and that Tonks Muggleborn...but, well, did it matter? In the end, did it matter one whit?

Silence stretched taut between them, as it did so often now. Before...before because who knew who or what listened and she couldn't vent her fury before others, but now it was all the things they'd never said hanging like ghosts between them.

She turned to look at her husband, still a powerful man, a powerful wizard. Still able to make his mark on their world, though now it was all down to the Potter boy. Man? Who knew, now, when their choices made soldiers of their children.

He'd made the best of them at the private hearing, though, painting their actions in the best light he could. Oh, no public trial for a Malfoy, they'd stood to answer for their actions in a closed room.

The last few years left a mark in glittering silver stranding into Lucius' pale golden hair and lines about his eyes, she noticed, looking her fill while he covered his face.

"What if you didn't have to grieve your friend?" She asked, so quiet in the still room she barely heard her own voice.

"Cissa?" Lucius sat up, staring at her intently. "What do you mean?"

She crossed the room to sink down next to him and took his hands between hers, the first time in weeks, since that desperate rush into battle to find her son. Since Lucius' decision to take the Mark (after he'd promised, vowed, to cleave to her above others) rent their quiet world into pieces, just as she'd always known it would. 

"Severus isn't...he was close to it, but...he's in the green room recovering. I went back, found him, and I...I taught him to play piano and dance and what shoes to wear and...and salad forks...I couldn't leave him in that shack." Her voice cracked, tears spilling over her cheeks. "You remember his first night in Slytherin?"

"He bit Avery major." Lucius' composure cracked, his lips twisting. "He's not…"

"He's weak and petulant and he told me to sod off this morning, but he's alive. I don't know how, but he's alive." She hadn't cried for Bella, she'd lost her sister decades before, but the tears came now, hard, for the child Severus had been.

"We should...should we alert anyone?" Lucius asked once she had hold of herself again, gripping her hands tight.

"No. No, he's had too many people making choices for him. We'll wait until he's well and he'll decide." Narcissa spoke as firmly as one could still dripping tears. 

"Do you think he'll see me?" Lucius hadn't allowed himself to look so vulnerabke in years.

"I think he'd like some company that isn't me." She tried to smile and wound up sniffling back more tears.

"We'll both freshen up a bit, darling." Lucius rose and held out an arm. "And perhaps we can have a bit of a visit."

She took his arm, let him sweep her out of the room and toward the heavily carved main staircase. 

"Did I ever tell you about Severus right after your first piano lesson?" He drew her up the stairs, his tale creating a soft and safe space between them.

Somehow, sharing Severus between them helped smooth over the rifts and jagged edges. Narcissa knew they'd have at least one screaming argument in the future, air out all their baggage, but for the moment she could let them plaster the rough spots.

In later years, when a tanned and happy Severus came back from Jamaica for a flying visit and to bolster rumors of his undeath, she couldn't regret sharing his survival with Lucius. That one moment of trust spurred them toward their reconciliation.

[sevfanfic]

A Touch in the Dark: Chapter 18 - Instincts

Word count: 1,928

It’s so cold. Where am I?  

Darkness clouded your vision. The sound of your heartbeat in your ears boomed as you slowly regained consciousness.  

The solid ground beneath you was jagged with ice, it pocked at you through your layers of winter clothes and reminded you that you were outside. You groaned at the stabbing headache that throbbed behind your eyes. 

“Mmm.” You brought a hand to hold your forehead, your cool skin eased the pain. As you began to push yourself up your vision started coming back to you. The world around you was covered in white and snow was now falling more heavily. It was still daylight and the brightness of the sun glared in your face making it difficult to open your eyes completely. “Ow.” You rubbed at your head then realized warm blood was still dripping from your nose. 

You managed to stand and steady yourself before looking around. There were no signs of the dementor from earlier. The blood warmed the skin of your cheek and neck as it saturated your scarf. That’s a lot of blood, you thought to yourself and pinched your nose. The steps you took were slow as you attempted to maintain your balance. You made it to the castle vaguely aware of the few students that were gathered in the hall now staring at you. Severus was still sitting at his desk when you stumbled into his office. Your mind still spun with images of the horrifying creature. 

“What happened?” He stood and hurried to you placing his hands over your cheeks. When he noticed the blood he began grabbing at your clothes earnestly looking for any injuries. After looking you over he noticed that you stood still pinching your nose and your eyes were closed. “What. Happened?” he asked again with more of a stern tone. His brow furrowed as he held you by the shoulders and shook you slightly.  

“My head, ugh, hurts,” you moved your hand from your nose, the bleeding had stopped. You groaned when Severus pulled you closer and began using the corner of his robes to start whipping the blood off of your face. “There was a dementor.” You blurted out sounding more shocked as you began to process what had occurred.  

The rubbing at your cheek ceased. Your eyes fluttered open to a grave look on Severus’ face. The urge to comfort him overtook you but your muscles felt too weak to even hold yourself up. You peered into his eyes and watched as tried to hide the storm of anger that began to churn. The spell had drained you, made you feel so incredibly sleepy. You began to lean more into his touch, trying to support yourself in any way you could. His hands were warm and gentle, his calloused skin a contradiction to the softness he emitted for you. 

“Are you positive?” He spoke slowly and when you nodded he pursed his lips. The man before you took a deep breath, he looked you over once more with concerned eyes then guided you to sit on his couch. He lit a fire and you relaxed a bit in the heat. Hands began undoing your bloodied winter layers. Severus wondered for a moment about how you had been able to defend yourself. He thought about the healing spell you had performed and how much it took out of you. 

Then he spoke, “you conjured a Patronus.” It wasn’t a question, he knew you were clever. He knew you were too smart for your own good. You looked up at him bleary-eyed and nodded again. Severus huffed in response then rummaged through a closet to find a rag to clean the rest of the blood. He knelt before you taking your hands in his. His lips pecked at your wrist before cleaning them. He let them fall gently in your lap and then began scrubbing at your neck. Anger began building within him as he sifted through anyone who could be responsible. It wasn’t some random occurrence. This was no accident and he was going to impose his wrath on whoever was responsible. 

But right now all that mattered was you. He hid his anger as he soothed your tense muscles. The overwhelming feelings of vengefulness were nothing compared to the relief of knowing that you were safe.  

“Why was it here?” Your voice trembled as all the fear came rushing back to you from that moment. It wasn’t of the wretched creature itself but fear of all that you had to lose. With a hand clutching at your stomach you brought your other hand to grasp Severus’ wrist. You squeezed him hoping he’d comfort you more. 

“I will find out how this happened.” Severus gazed up at you, his dark eyes hiding the rage within him. His calm exterior attempting to quiet your fear but he felt his blood boiling as he seethed internally. After he finished cleaning your skin he sat next to you and pulled you into his lap. His strong arms encircled you in a protective embrace. You melted against him absorbing heat into your chilled bones and burying your face in his neck. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, his deep voice vibrating against your skin.  

“I think so,” you whispered, “I passed out but I think we’re okay.” You felt him look down and his hand that had been clutching at your leg moved up your thigh and gently rested on your belly. He inhaled deeply, trying to breathe all of you in to keep you safe. You snuggled deeper into his tight embrace and sighed. 

“How long were you unconscious?” Severus didn’t really want to know the answer to the question. Whatever the answer was he knew it would only fuel his anger. He kept his eyes focused on the small space between you and waited. 

“I- I don’t know, not long.” The sleepiness you felt earlier was now taking over and you fought to keep your eyes open. It wasn’t long before the drowsiness forced you asleep and Severus stayed silent as he watched over you. 

-

The door to the Headmistress’s office was already open when Severus strode in closing it behind him. He approached the desk Minerva sat at with such high velocity that she believed for a moment he’d slam right into it. When his hands landed firmly in front of her she looked at him with wide baffled eyes.  

“Are you aware that Miss Y/L/N was attacked by a dementor today? On. School. Grounds.” He spoke through clenched teeth attempting to hold back his fury. A fire tore through him and he felt his blood boiling in the heat. 

“What?” The bewildered look on the headmistress's face was almost enough to make Severus implode. “Is she alright? Where is-” 

“She-” he pulled back with fists clenched at his sides, “She is fine, but-”  Severus paused. His mind flooded with everything he wanted to say. All of the pent-up emotion threatened to escape but he contained himself in his tightened hands. Minerva had been his most trusted friend for years, he wanted to tell her the truth. That he was deeply in love with the new professor, he had let her heal his wounds and made him feel whole again. We wanted to tell her how pissed he was you were put in that situation and he wanted to rage over the fact that his unborn child had been put in harm’s way. But he didn’t and his whole body felt stretched thin as he contained himself. The shallow rise and fall of his chest were the only movements he could manage because he felt like a teacup teetering on an edge like any movement could shatter him. He knew Minerva was not responsible but he had no one else to go to. 

“Severus,” Minerva spoke his name tenderly as if she could read his mind, “I will investigate this and find out how a dementor ended up on school grounds.” 

“Thank you,” Severus was curt with his response.  

“You love her.” It wasn't a question, Minerva knew he had been developing feelings for you. She saw how his eyes lit up when you were near and noticed the sharpness in his voice softened when he spoke to you. 

“I-” the air left Severus’ lungs as he looked at Minerva wide-eyed. He furrowed his brow and relaxed his tensed hand. “Yes, I love her,” words left his mouth before he could stop them, “and I love the child, my child, that she carries. I will find out how this happened, I will protect her.” 

-

After painfully sitting through Minerva’s ecstatic ramblings and congratulations, Severus found his way back to his office where you slept curled up on his couch. He felt his heartache for you as he watched you sleep for a moment. The desire to protect what was his came from somewhere deep inside him, some primal instinct to bare his teeth like a wild animal backed into a corner. This was unfamiliar to him, normally he’d steel himself from feeling like this but right now he was embracing it. Letting himself feel what it means to love deeply and it scared him. 

When you opened your eyes again your upper body shot up with a gasp, you expected to be outside again as if stumbling into Severus office bloodied and bleary was a dream. You took in your surroundings and realized it was real. A relieved sigh left you. You stood from the couch hoping to find Severus at his desk but he wasn’t there. Then you heard the clinking of glass from his classroom and you followed the noise.   

“I spoke with Minerva,” Severus stated when he saw you enter his classroom, “she will help me find out why that thing was on these grounds.” He kept working on the task in front of him as he spoke.

“Good,” you responded quietly and approached the table he was standing over. His normally precise hands moved roughly with a tension that he normally didn’t have. The center of his brow scrunched together as he worked. “Sev,” you whispered and watched him stop. He paused for a moment before shaking his head slowly. 

“She knows,” he spoke curtly without looking up from the table, “I told her about us.” 

“Oh, that’s fine.” You noticed the tension that remained in his eyes when he finally looked up. “I don’t mind if she knows,” you tried to reassure him as you walked around the table to stand closer to him, “are you -”

“I can’t lose you,” he uttered before you could finish. The word made your chest tighten as your heart fluttered within. He jutted a hand out to grasp at your wrist, he squeezed it gently as if that was all he could bear to say as if that was enough emotional spillage for him to stress over. 

“You won’t.” The space between you and the tall man shortened as you put yourself between him and the table. He let you pull him closer into an embrace, your arms circling his neck. When you drew away slightly he pressed his forehead against yours. His hands greedily sliding down your sides and under the seam of your shirt to feel the soft skin of your hips and lower back. You felt the tension melt away from his skin. When he pressed his lips against yours you felt his whole body loosen as if every muscle let out a sigh of relief.  

TAGS: @ayamenimthiriel @marvelschriss @debiraquel @mitsuhkai @the-not-so-iconic @darkthought15 @rubym13 @4everflowercore @otherxstories @thottywithoutthebody @setsuna-meiou31 @krazykatkay456

[sevfanfic]

A Touch in the Dark - Chapter 17: You’re Mine

Warnings: NSFW, Smut 

Word count: 2,512

You’re awoken by wandering hands roaming your body. The feeling of the hands squeezing at the sensitive skin between your thighs made you giggle and turn to the man lying next to you. 

“What are you doing?” You whispered and adjusted to the arms that were now wrapped around you. 

“Nothing,” he sighed and pulled you close. His lips connected with yours for a deep kiss, you opened for his tongue. A small whine escaped from your mouth when he pulled away. He cocked his head curiously. 

“Hmm,” Severus hummed. His lips curved mischievously, dark eyes glossing over with a sudden rush of lust. His hands began to feel up the length of your back making your skin tingle. He gripped the back of your neck and the beat of your heart accelerated. The look in his eyes sent a shock to the warmth between your legs. After another kiss, he made a quick movement and was now hovering above you with his hands on either side of your head. 

“Severus,” you sighed when moved his mouth to your neck. At first, he kissed the skin softly but soon started to scrape his teeth and lick at the reddened spots he left. You tilted your head to give him more room, your hands clutched at his biceps. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” he murmured against you then moved his assault to the other side of your neck, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” his breath was hot against your skin as he spoke. All night long he dwelled on the idea of you swollen with his child. At first, he felt mostly apprehension but then a possessiveness overtook him. He began to give in to the selfish feelings he felt over you. He began to realize just how much he wanted you, all of you. Wanted this, wanted the child growing within you because he never thought he’d have a family of his own. The pull he felt in his heart for you intensified as he watched over you. 

The soft moans that came from you encouraged him to continue. His hand moved to reach under your shirt and knead at your breast. Your breath caught in your chest at the sensation and when he pinched your hard nipple you arched up into his hand. 

“You’re mine.” His voice came out as a low growl. The sheer primal tone sent a bolt of arousal to your heat. You rocked your hips up against Severus’ growing erection and he groaned at the friction. 

“I’m yours, all yours.” Your desperate whines filled the room. Severus then slowly slid his hand down to your waist. He moved down so that he could plant kisses along your stomach and squeezed at you. He kissed above the hem of your panties. 

“Mine,” this came out as a whisper from the man. You laid still and watched him as he slowly moved lower, hovering close to your now wet opening. He kissed at your clothed folds and then quickly moved to suck and bite at your inner thighs. At one point he found a particularly sensitive spot and you flinched bringing your fingers to grasp at his hair. You gasped when he yanked off your panties and pulled you closer. 

“This gorgeous pussy is mine too,” he nibbled at you again then murmured, “look at you, all wet for me.” 

“Severus, please.” You groaned impatiently. Then without hesitation, he took your pulsing clit in his mouth and you gasped loudly. He began to roll your sensitive bundle between his lips and press his tongue against you. A broken moan left you and you raked your fingers through his hair pulling him closer to you. He hummed against you in appreciation of the touches from you. He lapped and sucked at your folds making you writhe beneath him. A large hand was placed over your stomach to keep you still and the other teased at the entrance of your quivering entrance. With a low groan, he watched his finger disappear inside of you. The feeling of your soaked walls fluttering against him forced curses from his lips. You bucked your hips up against him when he began pumping you opened your mouth in exclamation. 

“Oh,” you grinned at the sudden pressure inside you, “a-another, another one please.” You whimpered, begging for him to fill you more. He complied, pushing another into you and curving them against the bundle of nerves inside you. A shudder ripped through you. The explosion of color behind your eyes and in your head was pure ecstasy. The feeling of his warm mouth and tongue against you sucking at your juices brought you to the edge. The sinful sounds that filled the room made your skin tingle and your muscles contract around his large fingers making him hum with encouragement. 

“Yes, yes. Severus, please don’t stop.” Your small pants and whines quickened as you balanced at the edge. He shook his head to give you more friction. The pressure that built up in the base of your spine burst, sending you over the edge you had been teetering over so deliciously, “mmmm I - I’m coming oh fucking hell.” Your fingers pulled at his hair, nails scratching at his scalp. 

Severus continued pumping and curving his fingers inside of you helping you ride out your orgasm and with his other hand he reached down to his now throbbing erection. Pumping himself a few times he growled into your gushing pussy lapping eagerly. You jerked against his mouth as you became sensitive to the overstimulation and watched as he tore at his own clothes, still using his tongue on you. When he finally moved his mouth from you to take off his shirt he kept his eyes locked on yours. His fingers left you slowly and you whined at the loss. The fingers that were deep inside you were now lathering his cock in your juices. 

“You’re mine,” he whispered and climbed up to kiss at your collar bone, “and I will never,” he kissed your neck, “ever,” he kissed your cheek, “leave you.” He ended my pressing lips yours, letting you taste yourself on his mouth and tongue. You felt him press his hips against you and his cock sliding against your swollen clit. 

“Severus,” you spoke breathlessly between hungry kisses, “I love you.” The words left your lips before you could think about what you were saying. Was it you that spoke those words? They seemed to linger like the smell of rain, stuck to your skin like honey, and you made him ravenous for them. 

“I love you too.” He spoke close to you hoping that you’d absorb them into you like he felt he had with you. Swallow every bit of him and know that he was yours just as you were his. You kissed him greedily and when you reached between you he groaned looking down to watch you rub his head against your entrance. After a moment you let him push into you, stretching your already sensitive walls. You moaned and fluttered your eyelids closed as his hips adjusted. He filled you painfully but when he impatiently began to grind himself against you the pain melted away into pure bliss. 

“Ngh and I love this tight pussy.” He groaned into your neck and the words gave you a sudden rush of pleasure and you fluttered around him making him gasp. 

“M-move,” you commanded, “please.” Suddenly the grinding turned into slow hard thrusts. He pushed against you and forced himself deeper pounding against your cervix. You exclaimed at the intense fire that engulfed you and spread to all your nerves. The sound of his skin smacking against yours and the feeling of your wetness that now dripped down the bottom of your ass were the only things you could think about. Severus kept his face buried in your neck and brought a hand to your sweat coated forehead to move a lock of hair and comb it behind your ear. You held him close against you digging your nails into the skin of his lower back. 

“Oh, yes. More, g-give me more. P-please.” You slid your hands lower and squeezed at the flesh of his ass encouraging him. His mouth opened against the skin of your shoulder as he used his arms to lift your legs more so the angle forced his cock to ram against your g-spot. You practically squealed at the immediate explosion of ecstasy. His hand gripped at your hips leaving his mark on you. 

“Fuck,” Severus growled and thrust into you faster. He felt the pulsing of your walls around him. The soft heat of you against him was pure heaven. He relished in the feelings you gave him and wanted to love you like this forever. 

When his hands left your waist he pulled himself out of you and quickly turned your shocked body over onto your stomach and lifted your hips to bring your ass to him. You spread your knees to support yourself and waited eagerly giving him a show by wiggling your hips a little. His hand spread over your cheeks spreading them to view your soaked and quivering cunt. A low rumble in his chest erupted before he buried himself deep into you in one quick thrust. He planted his hands on your hips again and squeezed you mercilessly as he began to move in and out of you. 

You closed your eyes and pressed your face into the cool satin sheets. The feeling of his cock pounding against your sensitive walls from this angle was overwhelming. He pulled against you to meet his thrusts and when his rhythm faltered you knew he was close. A hand left your hip and moved to rub erratic circles over your clit. You moaned his name and clawed at the sheets beneath you as you approached the edge of another climax. He leaned close, melting his body into yours, and planted soft kisses against your shoulders and back. 

“Cum for me,” the warmth of his breathed words against your skin coiled a shiver down your spine, “cum for me, love.” Tears welled in your eyes as the overpowering orgasm ripped through you causing your muscles to clench and you tensed around the cock ramming into you. 

“Severus, oh my… s-shit I -” words stopped coming to you fell from the edge again, and trembled through an intense orgasm. You felt Severus’ pace falter again and he desperately ground his hips into you and continued attacking your clit. 

“That’s it, f-fuck.” He trembled and you felt him buckle as he spilled himself into you. He growled your name as he fell from his own edge. The feeling of his warm cum inside you made you sigh as you came down from the intoxicating high. The man above you laid his cheek against the skin of your back and then you felt his body slump over you. Your body relaxed under him and you grunted at the sudden weight on you. 

“You’re heavy.” You grumbled after a moment. With a groan, Severus shifted to lay with your back pressed against him not bothering to pull himself out of you. He held you close and kissed at the nape of your neck. One arm wrapped around under your breasts and the other holding possessively at your belly moving his thumb lazy back and forth.  You both began to slow your breathing and sleepily cuddled into each other. You didn’t speak and nor did you need him to. Your hands rested over his lovingly and you felt yourself drifting back to sleep in his arms.

-

The cold air slashed against the skin of your cheeks. You walked outside in the ankle-deep snow listening to the crunch of the icy layers under you. Severus had been busying himself with paperwork and stocking his supplies so you had to find something else to do. A walk outside was more appealing than working on your own paperwork. You watched as a small flurry of snow fell from the trees surrounding you. It was bright out and you squinted at the reflection of the sun off your white surroundings. When you opened them a dark figure floated a few feet before you. You jerked away suddenly and fell on your back as surprise rang through you. 

“What the fuck.” You gasped and watched the ghoulish thing approach you. Scrambling back you hurried to find your wand and pointed it outward at the black silhouette with its arms outstretched and spidery fingers grabbing at the cold air. The jagged opening at the head opened like a mouth and a raspy gasp made your heart skip a beat. You knew what you were looking at but as you trembled you hoped it wasn’t real. A dementor on the school grounds was absurd. You had never seen one in person but you knew all about them. 

“O-okay,” your voice cracked, “okay, uhm.” You raked your brain for all of the information you had read in order to figure out what you were supposed to do at this moment. A Patronus charm. But you had never conjured one before. You began to mumble to yourself as the figure drew closer and the dreadful sound got louder. What was it? What was that spell? 

“Expecto p-patronum.” Your voice cracked again with fear. Come on. “Expecto patronum.” A faint blue light emanated from your wand for a moment before fizzling out. “Expecto. Patronum.” You spoke more confidently trying to blow away the fear and the blue light erupted from your wand. It blinded you for a moment and then you watched as a (Your Patronus) burst forward pushing the dementor away from you. A moment of relief washed over you as the blue light pulsed for a moment. You watched the dementor seize and disappear into the trees. 

As the light faded so did your vision. A warm drop of blood fell from your nose and your surroundings began to spin then there was nothing. 

-

Muddied boots stomped down the marble hall. When the door opened Irma looked up to see her associate that had been assigned to the Hogwarts case. She raised a brow at the sudden intrusion and signaled for the man to speak. 

“It worked. She took the bait, she conjured a Patronus.”

“Hm. So she’s more powerful than we initially thought.” Irma looked back at her work.

“There’s something else.” the man paused. Irma waited and when she didn't hear him speak he eye flicked up again. 

“Spit it out.”

“She’s pregnant.” The man spoke matter-of-factly and held his hands behind his back. The white-haired woman sitting behind her desk cocked her head. She set down her paperwork and pursed her lips. 

“Well,” she laced her fingers together, “that is an. Interesting. Development.”

“It’s his.” 

“What?” Irma flinched at the shock of the new information. She had to consider the many implications that this pregnancy may have. She sifted through the many intruding thoughts and waved the man off.

TAGS: @ayamenimthiriel @marvelschriss @debiraquel @mitsuhkai @the-not-so-iconic @darkthought15 @rubym13 @4everflowercore @otherxstories @thottywithoutthebody @setsuna-meiou31 @krazykatkay456

[sevfanfic]

A Touch in the Dark - Chapter 20: The After

Word count: 1,747

A knock on your door woke you. The Image of the dark figure sent a chill vibrating under your skin. You had forgotten about the intense dream, or was it real? You couldn't completely piece together exactly what happened but you still felt the frozen grip in your core. Your mouth and throat burned from dryness which made speaking difficult. A raspy sigh was the only sound that came from you.  The knock came again and you attempted to move and with difficulty, you managed to stand. A vague memory of the events that had transpired last night fogged your mind and you wondered how you even got tucked into your bed. You moved slowly towards the door but paused. Words tried to form from your lips again attempting to ask the person to identify themself but you spoke so quietly you knew they could not hear you. When you opened the door you were surprised to see no one standing there. Maybe it was a student being cheeky. Regardless, your body ached with exhaustion and you were not in the mood for interaction with other people.

When you returned to your bed the exhaustion that had hung heavy on your limbs gave way to a burdensome sadness. The way Severus had spoken to you reminded you of the way he spoke when you first met, cold and distant. You knew there was something wrong, that he was having doubts but you weren’t sure how to help. Or if he even wanted help. Maybe this was a foolish fantasy, maybe it was time to accept that he’d never truly let someone love him nor would let himself love anyone back. When you thought about the life growing inside you your lips began to tremble. Would your child really grow up without a father? You thought or maybe hoped, Severus would be there for you both. Perhaps it was just a dream and the reality of your situation sent a tear streaming down your cheek. 

You tucked yourself deeper into your cool sheets and wished away the pain you felt in your heart. The holiday break was coming to an end and you had a few days left of freedom. The thought of having to leave the safety of your bed made you cringe. A small thread of hope for you and Severus remained, however bleak the situation seemed, you knew he was a good man with a heart capable of love. 

-

The moment when the look of sadness spread across your face played over and over in Severus’ mind. Each time he felt himself brace against the onslaught of emotions that followed. The only thing that kept his feet walking towards his office was the idea that he’d saved you from a lifetime of disappointments. He knew he could never live up to what you expected of him and he felt that pushing you away saved you and himself from ever having to live what he believed would be a lie. 

Severus had spent the rest of his day pacing his office, unable to concentrate on any work for more than five minutes at a time. When he went to bed that night his eyes remained open. He stared into the darkness of his room, still unable to quiet his wandering thoughts. When morning finally began to seep in through the large windows he climbed out of bed. He blinked against the dryness of his eyes and walked quickly out of his room. At first, it felt as though his body had been moving against his will, he wasn’t really sure where he was going. Then he realized he was walking in the direction of your room. Without thinking he turned the final corner and approached the tall wooden door, each step accelerated the beat in his chest.

Why am I here? He questioned himself. The urge to knock overtook him. What he was hoping for he was not sure of but when he knocked and no answer came a wave of disappointment fell over him. After knocking a second time he forced himself to walk away before. He had gotten what he wanted and likely what he deserved. 

-

It had been a full day of laying in your bed, occasional tears fell but mostly you stared at the wall letting the heaviness on your heart spread. It felt like the ocean had laid out across you, pushing you down. Your bed seemed like the only safe place in the world. The blankets were pulled close around you forming a lump on your bed. I have to get up, an exasperated sigh left you feeling deflated. The dread of exposing your skin to the cold air made getting out of your bed much more difficult. But you had work to do for your classes and wallowing in sadness was only going to delay the inevitable. A countdown from ten began in your head, you promised that at one you’d be up. Ten, nine, eight. You groaned as you threw the blankets away from you, seven, six, five, four. A moment of hesitation, three, two, one. You hopped up quickly before you could talk yourself out of it. The weight of your skin and bones felt foreign as you stood straightening and stretching your aching body. 

“Why is it always so damn cold in here?” You hissed and rubbed at your bare arms. You quickly found your wand and lit a fire big enough to illuminate the entire space of your living quarters. The sun was already setting, a muted purple forced itself through the icy lake windows. You stood by the fire for a moment before washing up and dressing. It felt weird to be starting your day at this time but Holiday was ending soon and you had spent most of your time not working on lesson plans. 

You dragged yourself to your office and lit another fire. With a bundle of food and a large mug of tea taken from the kitchen, you sat at your desk with an annoyed huff. You mentally promised yourself that you would not think about Severus, you will just forget about all of it and get your work done. Your hand rubbed subconsciously at your stomach. The small smile that formed on your lips when you thought about your baby was all you needed to motivate yourself. “I’ll be okay,” you whisper softly down at your lap, “for you, I’ll be okay.”

The work seemed never-ending, but you were glad to finally get something to eat and the warmth from the fire helped you to forget how heavy and cold you felt. Time passed slowly but you found it surprisingly easy to concentrate. Your mind appreciated the distraction. When the sound of footsteps echoed lightly in the night you hardly noticed until they were right outside your office door. You looked up suspiciously and reached for your wand. Then with a quick puff of air, a piece of paper slipped under the door and fluttered into your lap. Before you could speak the footsteps hurried away. The silence that followed was uncanny. You gently unfolded the piece of paper and read the softly curved letters:

 I must speak with you where no one is listening. Go to the Hog’s Head Inn tomorrow at sunset, I’ll be waiting.   

King

You turned the piece of parchment over in your hands examining it. Your brow furrowed when the thought of meeting with Irma entered your mind. What could she want? Then with one swift motion, the paper flew from your grip and buried itself among the burning logs of the fire across your office. You considered what could happen if you followed what the letter said. What if it’s a trap? Or what if she really does just want to talk. The loneliness that had weighed heavy on you crept its way back under your skin, you had no one you trusted that you could ask for advice. Perhaps Minerva but you knew she would immediately inform Severus and you wanted to keep him at a distance. Your eyes blankly stared into the flames as you pondered what to do.  

After making it back to your room and sleeping through all of your questions, you finally made a decision. So many strange things had happened in the last day and for some reason, you had a bitter suspicion that Irma King knew why. You knew you had to be prepared for anything she might say or do, but the worst part was that you did not have Severus. He would’ve done anything to protect you and now you felt vulnerable without him. You secretly hoped that he’d show up at your door begging for you to take him back but you pushed against the crushing sadness because it was only going to distract you. You needed to focus on keeping yourself safe and protecting the life within you at all costs.

You had awoken around lunchtime. The school was still mostly empty as classes did not begin for another few days. Some students had begun to trickle in here and there but the long corridors and large classrooms were silent. During the school recess, you had made it a habit to directly go to the kitchen to find your meals. While the kitchen elves were severely unhappy about this, you knew that if you were polite and cleaned up after yourself they’d reluctantly allow it. 

You quickly ate and as you were leaving the room you bumped into Minerva. She grunted softly and straightened herself up before looking at who it was she collided with. 

“Oh, Y/N!” she exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to find you. Have you seen Severus recently, he was supposed to-”

“Uhm, no. I have not seen him,” you cut her off, not wanting to dwell on any conversation about the man, “excuse me.” The sudden look of confusion and shock on the headmistress’s face sent blood straight to your cheeks. You hurried away pressing your cool hands to your face to ease the heat and you drew a deep breath. You were not ready to discuss with anyone about your relationship or lack of. The thought of it made your eyes begin to swell but you continued walking onward and whispered to yourself, “stay focused, stay focused.”  You had a plan, a way to ensure the meeting with Irma would not compromise your or your child’s safety.

TAGS: @ayamenimthiriel @marvelschriss @debiraquel @mitsuhkai @the-not-so-iconic @darkthought15 @rubym13 @4everflowercore @otherxstories @thottywithoutthebody @setsuna-meiou31 @krazykatkay456