#sexy cabbage

[penguinversusmankai]

I want to know what Liber was thinking when they created what I call, the “Governmental Hazard”s, consisting of Citron, Chikage, Kazunari, Banri, and Homare. All five of them are banned from joining in games that require at least 3+ people. They’re banned from making bets in the dorms. All of them have gotten arrested at least once by now. They are the definition of “Schrödinger’s Cat”. They are banned from doing dares. They are banned from making dares. They are banned from instigating dares.

[penguinversusmankai]

Chikage nearly outs himself at work, not as a gay, but as a spy

Chikage, despite having been some secret agent or something like that for the past like, 20 years(?) is amazing at controlling his expressions and habits and stuff like that, but even the sexiest of cabbages trained by underground illegal assassination agencies are human. 

Like imagine a new hire in the company, he has a chat with Itaru who shows him the ways and stuff, and the guy’s doing pretty well so far, but he can’t figure out the fax machine or printer or whatever it’s called even if his life depended on it. 

Nobody in the company really knows much about Chikage, just that he’s really good looking and that he’s an actor in Mankai with Itaru. Chikage’s passing by, and the guy’s like, “Senpai… uewuwhughgh help me” and Chikage’s like, kissing his teeth, sighing heavily, and just being like, yk what sure fuck it. Poor guy’s had like no sleep this past week, practice isn’t going very well right now, he’s been commissioned by his organization again, and Citron keeps stuffing shrimps in his drawers as payback for some stupid reason. 

The machine isn’t fucking working. Chikage’s punching in the numbers and buttons that are supposed to work and do the job, but they’re not. Chikage’s slowly getting pissed, lightly tapping at the machine like, ahaha I wonder why it’s not working? 

But the machine still isn’t working, and Chikage grits his teeth, and just smacks the machine as hard as he can. The office is dead silent. The machine’s lights are out, and there’s a huge dent where he smacked it. All eyes are on Utsuki Chikage. The new hire may or may not have pissed himself. 

Chikage’s boss is like, ? Everyone’s like, ? And Chikage’s just like, ehehehe oops. 

[penguinversusmankai]

I like to think that Chikage was invited to one of Winter Troupe’s drinking events or whatever and everyone’s like a bit tipsy and shit except for the heavyweights and Guy, and Azuma’s like, oh whats ur body count, and Chikage’s all like, it’s a bit blurry but I’d say 37, give or take? Everyone’s cheering being all like Chikage you DOG and he’s just sitting there like ??? I’m a virgin. And everyone’s just goes silent, before Hisoka awkwardly tries to change the topic