Pieces of me
THIS (angsty) GALLAVICH ONE SHOT PICKS UP ELEVEN DAYS AFTER 9x06 ENDING SCENE
NOTE: Shameless 9x06 happened two weeks ago and my mind is still there.I just can't get Gallavich out of my head. Because, yes, i loved the reunion, i love that they got to be endgame but something is missing. I needed a deep convo, i needed to see them figuring their shit out and since that's probably never gonna happen, I thought “fuck it!”, I do it myself. I have this dialogue stuck in my mind and it won't leave me until I write it down. So here we are!
WARNING: i am not a writer, english isn't even my first language (sorry in advance for any mistake),I suck at describing. So probably this is gonna be the less enjoyable one shot (also a very long one) you'll ever read. If you're gonna actually read this, be aware: it's gonna be mostly dialogues. Think of it like a script, maybe.
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11 days have passed since Ian got locked up and found out Mickey was gonna be his cellmate. They had that moment, they kissed, they fucked that first night and that's it. They didn't talk after.
Nothing happened between them since that night. Mickey was cold as hell, he spent his days reading, which was the oddest thing ever to Ian. Since when Mickey Milkovich was a fucking reader? Oh yeah, since he “rolled on the cartel he was working for and got to pick where he was gonna get locked up”.
Ian kept re-hearing those words in his mind. He really couldn't get why the fuck Mickey gave up on his freedom to stay with him only to ignore him and making him feel like pure shit.
Typical Mickey, right? He’s always been a freaking champion when it comes to do big gestures and then act as if it didn't matter.
The only words coming out of his mouth were "morning'", "night'", "did you take your pills?", "shut up, Gallagher", "fuck you, Gallagher".
Whenever Ian tried to start a conversation, Mickey had suddenly something better to do. It's not like he was rude or something. He just made clear he wasn't gonna talk nor he was gonna let Ian touch him. Out of all the things, this one was even odder than reader Mickey. They have always sucked at talking, that’s true. But they've always communicated through sex. Soft sex, angry sex, angsty sex, goodbye sex, redemption sex. Sex never failed them. And yet even the only one thing they've always been good at, now it was missing.
When that night Ian found himself unable to sleep - fully knowing Mickey was awake too - , he decided he was done with that shit. He was gonna make Mickey talk to him. God, he was even ready to get physical if needed. He reached Mickey's bed, jumped on the top of him and placed his hands against the wall, making eye contact with Mickey.
<<Enough, Mickey. Either you're gonna tell me the fuck is wrong with you or I am gonna kick you in the ass. Your call.>>
Mickey laughed out loud.
<<What's up, Gallagher? You're missing the old good times when I used to beat the shit out of you before letting you fuck me? Jesus Christ, Ian. What happened to mister “this is not me anymore”,uh?>>
And here it comes. The slap in the face. Mickey didn't lay a hand on him but Ian felt like he really beat the shit out him. Deep down he knew what was wrong with Mickey: the fucking border. Ian leaving Mickey once again. Of course he was mad, of course he couldn't stand to be touched by a traitorous motherfucker. But again, why did he do what he did if he wasn't able to forgive Ian?
He had to ask. He had to know.
<<Alright, I get it, Mickey. This is about the fucking border. Then would ya tell me why the fuck you're here?>>
Mickey shaked his head smiling in disbelief.
<<Wow, fire-crotch! You still don't get it,uh? Wondering if you ever will." He sighed and placed his hand on Ian's face, softly caressing him.
<<Naah, you won't until I pull the gay shit you seem to love so much. What did I tell ya last time we saw each other, man? You're under my skin, the fuck can I do?>>
That memory made Ian smile. But it was a sad smile, a guilty smile.
<<So, let me get this straight. You tried to get me out of your head and you failed and you're still here 'cause... 'cause what? Yeah, you know what? I don't fucking get it. You don't talk to me, you don't let me touch you, you don't let me say i am fucking sorry, you don't wanna hear me saying I feel like shit whenever I look at you. So,yeah, Mickey, the question still stands. The fuck are doing here? Protecting me? Getting revenge? What?>>
Ian didn't even notice he was actually yelling at Mickey nor he noticed tears were falling down his cheeks. He obviously missed the moment he switched from guilt to anger. Mickey was staring at him with an unreadable look in his eyes. Was it satisfaction? Pain? Regret? Fear?
Ian couldn't tell. Nor could Mickey, for what it was worth. Mickey - still lying under Ian – gently wiped away his tears and placed a soft kiss on Ian's forehead.
<<See? That's why I was avoiding this talk, smart ass! I knew that somehow it would have ended up with me being the asshole that makes you cry when it should clearly be the fucking opposite. Fuck it. You wanna talk? Let's talk then. But don't fucking interrupt even once or i am gonna cut your tongue out, alright?>>
At that point Ian found himself laughing out loud. Years have passed and yet Mickey threatening to rip his tongue out of his head was still hilarious.
<<The fuck are you laughing at?>>
<<Nothing. It's just that this threath hasn't aged well. Should try something new,perhaps?>>, Ian teased Mickey.
<<Shut the fuck up, tough guy. Now, would ya listen to me so that I can get to sleep?>>
Ian nodded and pulled away from him. letting Mickey sit on the bed next to him. Mickey took a deep breathe and started talking.
<<Alright, not gonna lie, Gallagher. This is gonna hurt. I mean, it’s not like I’m planning to purposely make you feel guilty or get revenge or whatever you’re thinking.
Remember when I told you not everyone gets to blurt out how they fuckin’ feel every minute? Turns out I finally learned how to deal with this gay shit. So, here we are. You asked why I keep coming back to you even if I am still fucking mad at you for leaving me everytime you got the chance, right? I thought about it a lot when I was in Mexico and I’ve come to the conclusion I keep coming back to you ‘cause you broke me so many times that I feel like all these pieces you took from me still stand together only when you’re around. You own these pieces, Ian. Do I hate it? Fuck yeah I do. Can I do something about it? You and me both know I can’t. I never could. So yeah, I keep coming back to you ‘cause I need you to feel...to feel me. If that makes sense to you? Whatever. That’s how I feel. And I know it’s unheatly. Sometimes I even dared to think I deserve better. But what’s better? Staying the fuck away from you and feeling like something is always missing? Naah. I tried it. It never worked out. It is what it is, right? And I swear, this whole ass pussy speech is not meant to make you feel guilty. So don’t. Don’t look at me like that, ok?>>
Actually Mickey wasn’t even looking at Ian. But he just knew what he was gonna see on Ian's face if he dared to make eye contact with him.
Ian listened to Mickey with tears falling down his cheeks for the second time that night. He knew how Mickey felt. He’s always known since the border. But he didn't expect Mickey to finally blurt out how he was fuckin’ feeling. Christ, that's probably the first time ever Mickey talked so much and with such a brutal honesty. What was he supposed to tell him? That he feels like he’s the greatest piece of shit on earth? That he would do everything to make it up to him? That he is fucking dying inside?
He tried. But nothing was coming out of his mouth. Tears still falling down.
Mickey finally looked at him. Of course Ian was crying. Of course nothing good could come out of this “be honest” shit. He thought he should have known better.
<<Hey, man. I am sorry, ok? I shouldn't have…>>
<< You're sorry. You're sorry?Are you fucking kidding me, Mick?!>>
Ian found himself hysterically crying-laughing. He was a complete emotional mess.
<<Jesus Christ, Gallagher! I am gonna kill that fucking doctor of yours. These pills are crearly not working.>>
Ian kept laughing.
<< It's not that, jerk. It's you. How on the earth can you tell me I basically screwed you up for good and then add that you're sorry? I am the one who's sorry. Which you would know if you fucking let me tell ya! Prove you."
Mickey looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time in forever. He reduced the space between them and took Ian's chin in his hand.
<<I know you are,Ian. I just needed time to convince myself you're not gonna leave me once again. I couldn't let you touch me before 'cause everytime you did in the past, everytime you fucked me as if I was what kept you breathing,I felt like you were never gonna leave me but then you did and I fell apart and yes, you might be the best at fucking me, but, fire- crotch, not even your big glorious perfect dick is worth all that pain.>>
Ian put a cocky smile on his face and started to getting close to Mickey’s mouth. <<I am staying, Mick. You hear me? I am staying. And if I have to fuck you ‘till you fucking get it, I will.>>
Mickey placed his hand on Ian's neck to pull him closer.
<< Is that so,uh?Then whatcha waiting for? Fuck me, Gallagher.>>.