This is the sequel that chokes by stuffing itself with endless, self-indulgent cameos. This is the sequel that prioritizes product placement, which is so blatant that it becomes a joke in and of itself before it loops back around to insulting. This is the sequel that stacks Big Moment after Big Moment, each one announcing its arrival with a smug smirk, assuming it just blew our fucking minds.
The unforgivable sin Sharknado 3 commits is that it so obviously worked backwards from the splashy scenes and cameos it thought would generate the most hashtags. The spontaneous what-the-fuckery of the first two movies is nowhere to be found in this third chapter, which anticipates its own buzz.
And you know what? It’s a real shame that this movie is so calculated and joyless.
There’s just no point in giving something with the word “sharknado” in its title anything other than an A or an F. It’s either entertaining or it’s not. Sharknado 3 is not. (The AV CLUB)
I have to agree with much of this assessment. When I worked (briefly) for The Network Formerly Known As Sci-Fi, literally every interaction with the network goons featured some version of them pushing for an “integration” of some sort, to promote something on the network, or within the ComcastNBCUniversalSyfy Hydra, while I pushed back and wanted to just make stuff that was funny or interesting or some combination of both. While I watched Sharknado 3 last night, I saw the sticky, gross fingerprints of the network goons all over it, from the smug cameos to the obnoxious and relentless product placements. I could see every calculated moment that was put into the script not to make it better, but to push some sort of viral hashtag or gif.
When it wasn’t trying too hard to make the network happy, there were some entertaining moments. The performances were fine, and Ian Ziering was great. I love how much he commits to the premise, never winks at the audience, and turns in a serious performance that’s grounded in the reality of the story. I love that.
Even though I think that Tara Reid is a hot mess, and she’s clearly phoning it in, I hate that the network has put the fate of her character -- and her fate as an actor -- into the hands of the random, unaccountable masses online ... but that tells you everything you need to know about the goons, and what their priorities are.
