#she is playing

[sophfandoms53]

Felicia’s mind

[stephaniejuhnay]

[gwynne-fics]

Filling the Void, Rachel Eunsang, 62 doubt || anon

Rachel sits in front of her piano and stares at the keys. Scores of music fill her mind but she is afraid to reach out and simply play. Eun-Sang is on the couch, waiting, watching, encouraging in her silence. Her heart pounds and she doesn't know if she can do it.

She promised Eun-Sang a performance worthy of her attention. This is more than just practice or playing with Eun-Sang to prepare her. It is supposed to be a gift and Rachel feels inadequate.

The last time she performed was for her brother, the night he died--the night he protected her. Hyo-Shin suggested she try again for Eun-Sang but all she felt was fear and ineptitude. Performance took practice and she'd done none to prepare for today.

Rachel decides on a prelude by Chopin. It will be short but difficult enough to prove that she at least tried to show Eun-Sang her faith in her as a teacher wasn't misplaced. She swallows and presses the keys. This particular prelude flows through repetitive notes, each phrase dependent on the pressure behind it. Too hard would clash the heart away and too soft would steal the truth away from the listener.

It is a melancholy piece, full of aching, sadness, and loss. It takes barely three minutes to play through the nine lines she memorized when she was a child. There is fear and regret inside this piece. It isn't the one she wants to give Eun-Sang.

She wants to give her something bright and filled with hope but those aren't feelings Rachel knows how to express. She finishes the piece and cannot look at her lover. "I can do better," she whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Rachel..." It is the first time Eun-Sang uses her given name. She turns towards her to find her wiping at her face. Her eyes are wet. She rises from the couch and comes over to the bench. Eun-Sang turns her face towards her when she looks away. "That was beautiful. Thank you. "

Eun-Sang touches her hands and the familiar thrill rushes through her. They are careful to be circumspect whenever they are in Rachel's home. She knows Tan suspects something. She never leaves Eun-Sang alone with her husband ever since she found he showed an interest in her. But he is gone tonight and incapable of interfering.

Rachel leans in and kisses her. Eun-Sang pulls back in surprise even though they have hundreds of kisses in between them. She's blushing and furtively looks at the door. Rachel feels her face relax as she shakes her head. "He won't be here tonight. Go sit back on the couch. I'll try again."