Dogfish Head’s Biere de Provence
I don't have a super creative introduction to this beer. Like at all. I sort of hate when that happens. But unfortunately comedy comes from a place of pain and I found a position on a different project at work and I am all smiles. Except not really because now that I am momentarily happy at work, how can I find anything to be mad at besides, you know, the news. Which I don't watch because it makes me sad. Sadness doesn't make good comedy. Well it does, but for other people. For me, however, it just makes me want chicken nuggets and ice cream because when I am sad I am either a small child or a pregnant woman. Hint: I ain't birthin' no babies.
Wow, I was able to stretch that out way farther than I thought I was going to be able to. I am the man. But yeah anyway this beer is a beer that I picked up because it was an herbal saison, a summer seasonal, and they only had three left. Of which I only bought two because beer is expensive. Also it was a beer from Dogfish Head so I had to try it. It was out of my hands honestly. I have surrendered to my fate. It's the Biere de Provence. Which means beer of whatever the English word for provence is. Though I assume it is a reference to herbs de provence which is a thing that appears in cooking shows a lot. And much like I don't know what herbs de provence means I also will never make anything I ever see in a cooking show. Let's drink French pretentiousness.
It smells like food. I like food. Food is good. Not sure how well food will translate into beer but that is a story for another time. Next paragraph probably. But for now I am just reveling in the fact that it smells delicious and is making me hungry. Now I can definitely smell the bay leaf in there. And a smell that I am going to call marjoram, because I don't know what marjoram is. I do, however, know that lavendar is a flower and I am intricately familiar with it because, for a time, everything my mom ever bought that smelled good was lavendar. Not that I am complaining because I like the smell of lavender. This beer just don't smell like it. Does it taste like it?
Now I won't lie to you. I don't really know what lavender tastes like. I have not eaten it before. I will say though that I now detect the scent of lavendar in this beer and thus the beer tasted like the smell of lavender for reasons science has never been able to explain to me. I am kind of complaining about it at this point because smells are not supposed to be tastes. That is why they are two different senses. Now besides that, this beer tastes overwhelmingly of bay leaf and citrus. But since this beer does not have citrus, I am going to call this taste marjoram. Marjoram now tastes of citrus. If I am wrong I will just loudly talk over a woman. It works for Trump it can work for me too. That sentence hurt to write.
You know. As much as it hurts me to say, I don't think I like this one so much and here's why: it reminds me of the taste of perfume. It also sits heavy. But lets start with the tastes like perfume. Seriously, this has this weird sweet thing to it that I choose to blame on the marjoram. Especially since I just remembered that the flower my mom likes is lilac and I don't know if I know what lavender smells like. Look they're both purple and start with “L”. Also I am a man and if I am ever going to be gender conforming I have to attribute my lack of knowledge of flowers to my dangly bits rather than the fact that I am genuinely disinterested in any plant that is not food. Mmm food. This beer would be good with food. But I don't have any. Also I am pretty sure that this beer is a meal in a bottle and that I am going to die from over eating because I am a goldfish. And if I am ever going to be goldfish conforming I have to eat myself to death because there is food in front of me because of my tiny brain rather than the fact that I am a fatty. No seriously. I am really full. And only a half glass in. And this tastes boozy. And like perfume. I am uncomfortable.
I have the lingering taste of pickled peaches in my mouth. I am conflicted. Because pickled peaches are tasty. But I just opened the second bottle of this beer. I also kind of don't want to drink the second bottle of this beer because of those reasons I didn't like it from the glass. But the bottle is open. And I paid for it. So down the hatch with grandma perfume number two. (Not MY grandma's perfume, because my grandma keeps it classy. Probably your grandma's perfume.)
Holy crap it's so boozy. It has that weird beer booze thing in the back of the taste that only beer has because I have no understanding of what tings taste like. All I know is that in the back of my throat this tastes like alcohol. Not a fan of that. Strangely enough though, I feel like I have grown accustomed to he taste of the herbs and the weird sweetness from the marjoram. And the citrusy-ness of the marjoram. And the bay leaf like taste that at first you would expect was from the bay leaf in this beer but it is obviously from the marjoram. Or maybe it's just that I can't smell that over powering aroma of marjoram and thus this is a little less overwhelming to the senses. Either way, this beer is still a little too marjoram-y to me. It's still really overwhelming.
You know I was feeling really crappy and uncomfortable, but now I am happy and slightly inebriated. I credit the magical earth powers of marjoram. Is there anything that this herb can't do? Yeah, probably, but I want a book deal, my own supplement line, a day time television show and 8 million Facebook followers, so fuck it marjoram cures cancer, aids, and premature ejaculation. Am I rich yet? Either way, this beer is probably pretty good for the digestion because I know longer feel like a fat ass for eating too much McDonald's. Also, it isn't too terribly gassy. It is pretty heavy and filling and alcoholic (8.3%) though so drink carefully. As long as your name isn't Man of Beer Man.
I give it a 5. Sorry, but it was way too much like drinking perfume.
