Shut Up, Sit Down, and Write
In my head, I write on this blog every day. My thoughts flow easily when they’re unencumbered by written words. Why doesn’t it happen? Well, for one, I just haven’t made the time for it. Working two of my three jobs and getting sick and traveling to Oregon to see the eclipse and starting classes and trying to spend more time with friends and in all honestly spending more time dicking around being unproductive, even though that’s exactly what I don’t want to be doing, has made it easy for me to ignore the blog I was so excited about. I also started to feel like I was running out of interesting things to say -- not so much because I had run out of interesting topics that I was passionate about, but my focus quickly moved to the everyday things as I started school, and I felt less and less like I could articulately communicate my thoughts on these awesome topics.
Here’s the problem with that, though. I want to write. I want to push myself to self-reflect, I want to join dialogues about topics that matter to me, to maybe even benefit others with what I write. I know that if I feel I’m not a very good writer, its even more important that I write, so that I can improve over time. I even know that not only will this improve how I write years from now, this daily self-reflection could make college essays a lot easier for me. So here I am, trying again.
Some updates, since I haven’t written in so long:
I did, in fact, manage to go 3 months without buying clothes or accessories (or even makeup), as of September 1st. It’s worth noting that I’m still wasting way too much of my time online window-shopping, as I like to call it (mindlessly browsing things you can’t afford or won’t buy), but I like to at least pretend that since I’m only looking at fair trade stores, and trying to look for things I might want to buy for my capsule closet, it’s better than when I was obsessively stalking trends on fast fashion sites. I did also spend quite a bit of money on jewelry September 2nd, which really doesn’t sound good, but seeing as they were all high quality pieces I plan to wear on a regular basis that I’ve wanted since spring, bought direct trade from a woman who hand-makes each piece herself, I’m not really upset with myself for the purchase.
Speaking of my capsule closet, I have been trying to cut down on my possessions in my free time. Right now I’m doing what I call “preliminary eliminations”, I’m letting be a lot of sentimental things and things I don’t necessarily truly need, and at the moment just focusing on removing a large percentage of the crap in my possession. So far I’ve made my desk a far more welcoming space for myself by throwing out or giving away most of its contents, and i’ve done the same for my bathroom drawers. I started my closet weeks ago, and quickly discovered it’s too big a project to tackle all at once. I’ve made a lot of progress, and even without touching the sentimental stuff that’s been tucked away, I’ve freed up a ton of space for myself. The benefit of this? I feel really good when I look in my closet, and I’m proud of myself for the progress I’ve made. The biggest con? There’s a giant pile of clothes and crap in the center of my room taking up most of the floorspace, which is neither minimalist nor particularly helpful for my stress levels. It’s pretty good proof that I have too much stuff, though. My closet is definitely another place where I’m getting rid of a ton of stuff, but leaving plenty of things behind that I know deep down wouldn’t and shouldn’t make into, say, a capsule closet of less than 40 items. For me, it almost feels like I have to get all of this crap out of the way before I can even start to focus on that capsule dream. (There happens to be another big closet issue I’m struggling with at the moment, and I’m not sure what the best solution is. The True Cost taught me that not only are Americans buying too much clothing, we’re donating too much. This huge amount of clothing constantly being purchased and then discarded, coupled with the low prices in fast fashion making it easier for low-income individuals to still regularly go shopping, has lead to more donated clothing than we have any use for. So where does it all go? Some of it goes into landfills, to further pollute our earth, but the vast majority goes to developing nations, more often than not where that clothing was originally made, and floods the market, making it impossible to make a living in professions such as tailoring in these countries. So obviously, there are huge flaws in donating all the clothing I am currently expelling from my closet, and I might do more harm that good. So far I’ve given away a small amount of this clothing, but people are disinterested in the majority of it, especially since they can go buy new clothes for so cheap a price. I could try to sell it, but much of it is not likely to ever be purchased, and it can be very time-consuming to post items on apps like Poshmark. All I know is, I need to be able to get rid of this stuff quickly, as its presence in my life is a stressor I don’t need-- even if I could probably put the extra money to very good use[stay tuned on that])
In other news, despite a lot of slip-ups, I’m proud of myself for staying pretty organized these first four weeks. I can already see a huge difference between my trajectory this year versus last, and it makes me very happy.
Like anyone approaching a big transition, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my future of late. Specifically, I’ve been considering whether the conventional smooth course to a 4 year university of the path I want to take. In all honesty, I’m not even sure it’s a path I’ll be able to take. I recently learned that the GPA being sent to my dream school(incidentally, one of the only schools on my list I think my family will actually reasonably be able to afford) won’t be the one I was expecting to send, but instead a lower one that doesn’t take into account my (straight A) freshman grades. Just one more way I’m paying for the mistakes of the last two years.
For 4 years now, I’ve had the idea of doing my first two years at a community college in the back of my head. Initially, I saw it as a way to ease myself into college. Later, it appealed to me because it was a way to save money, important because I want to get my masters as well as my BA. In the last year the idea of not sharing a small room meant for two with not one, but two other girls, plus a bathroom with 30-40 people, and having no access to a kitchen, made me consider the option further. Still, I was hesitant. Living at home long ago lost its charm, and my mother has always been insistent that I get the “dorm experience”. But a conversation with a friend has recently made this dream a real possibility for me. We could get an apartment together, go to a CC in Santa Cruz, where I want to complete my BA, and eventually get into the UC with the TAG program. There will obviously be challenges, like the test to our friendship, and the logistical and likely financial issues we may encounter (there’s a strong possibility my parents will chose not to financially support me if I go this route, as they’ll want me either at a university or at home while I’m in CC). I still don’t know how seriously she’s considering the idea, and we both need to get through apps first and see how we fare. Regardless of all of it, this prospect excites me greatly. It’s not the most popular path, but it is the one that makes me feel most in control of my future.
