#she's 91

[andrewlloydwebber]

do you know that there’s one surviving original cast member of oklahoma, bambi linn (aggie)?

[bohobooks]

Discussing Teen Pregnancies with Grandma

Grandma: just kpip.

Me: …

Mom: *laughing hysterically*

Grandma: you know, keep it in your pants. *under her breath* kids these days.

[starfleetofficial]

so i called my grandma to wish her a happy mothers day, and for the first time ever she didn't understand who I was. so that was weird and upsetting. *lays down*

[oracleofseasonsing]

Im lauhgign because lots of my reaally REEEAALLY old great great aunts keep adding me on Facebook and I???? who r u?? My dad barely even remembers these people I've never met them they live in Manitoba oh my god I curse a lot on Facebook im s o soorryy??

[elephantastic0]

it's going to be a terrible, terrible day when Betty White dies...

[internxt]

my great gran broke the tv and blamed it on me

[poopypony]

Topics Discussed at my Grandmother's 91st Birthday Party

Dogs

Oma and Opa's pig farm

How my aunt used to ride the pigs

How Opa bought my aunt a horse so she wouldn't kill herself on the pigs

How my father spent his childhood as a sassy delinquent

Oma wanted more vodka

Reasons why Oma shouldn't have more vodka

Joe's sex life

Objects we've accidentally hit our boobs on

Possible reasons Joe was singing Sinatra

Susie's adventures as a flower child

What chickens would sound like in a blender

Reasons not to keep me laughing for hours to make my hiccups never end

Reasons why Joe was going to tickle me to keep my hiccups going

Embarrassing baby stories

Bath salts

Blondes have more fun because they're easier to see in the dark

My killer turtle

The Good Old days

Oma's disappointment with my excess French heritage

Reasons why Oma can understand me perfectly when I speak French

She couldn't have been happier